DARK KNIGHT- A SwaSan FF- DELETED- AN- PAGE 1- PLS READ - Page 25

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tootiefrootie11 thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago

Originally posted by: Javeria3991

awesome update

it has begin, revenge for sanskar, sacrife for swara, indifference for ragini and stubborness for laksh.
I am eager to know how the unfold now.


Thanks Javeria:). Yes the real meaty stuff will start soon. I am mulling over how to play the next chapter although I have an overall pretty fixed idea. I want to try and ensure its fresh and slightly different even though basically keeping the spirit of the show:). Please keep reading X
Meself thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
Chapter 2


Beautiful pictures, no matter how enchanting they look, are lifeless and momentarily fascinating. They can be adored and adored but after a pregnant while they will be forgotten and the beholder would set his unwavering gaze on someone full of zeal and life. This particular saying is true where the Gadodia sisters are concerned. Ragini is a beautiful face, she can invoke varied degrees of feelings in a person thereby unleash storms of superlative orders but after all that she subsides and falls flat because people tend to forget her. Swara on the other hand is a lively embodiment of all that Ragini pretends to be. Much like a vast, endless ocean that absorbs the river in itself engulfing its true identity and making the beholder forget that a stream was in existence once. Its maddening on one level and enticing on the other that depth and shallow should exchange themselves so intricately that at a superficial glance one often mistakes one for other.




So Ragini, like a diligent would-be-daughter-in-law is following on the footsteps of Rani Bai saa...maybe because she is trying to adapt herself to a role that she thinks she will fulfill in the suture. Poor her for she knows not how swiftly the fate is changing its design. During my tenth grade I had read a book called Sringaar or maybe something like that in my school library. The author there spoke how a true queen, among crowds of princesses were chosen. A true queen was one who could take decisions out of her own understanding; the one that needed training was not a queen material. So far Swara and Ragini, two fairly well bred and innate good princesses have made their entry in to the Mahesh Mahal. One needs to be trained to bear the burden that accompanies a crown while the other is ready.




I see Sanskaar has read between the lines intricately and this pretty much is the reason why he is tactfully avoiding Swara. She can mess up with his plans big time.
And of course the cluttered equations between Swara, Lakshya and Ragini begins. Lakshya is a very two-dimensional character. He switches between black or white as per the situation demands, boring to the hilt...Ragini is no different...she too, moves to black or white quadrant according to her wishes. Swara is different she is bordering on grays much like Sanskaar and I can see how frantic he is for his plans...whatever they are, are at a risk of exposure. Part of me thinks that Ragini's happy acceptance of Sanskaar friendship was not because she was naturally inclined at helping this mentally sick boy-man but because she wanted to show how much she was like Annapurna...full of warmth and compassion to people. And partly also because of the fact that Lakshya loves his brother.



Lakshya too has chosen to work on his stand so well. In front of these Raaj Ranis he engages Ragini as a fianc should and without the scrutiny of steady gazes he has his eyes set for a far more precious gem. I loved how you have described both the sisters. One is deep stream and other is a bottomless, unfathomable ocean with depths beyond the simple understanding of Lakshya who lacks the dash to understand either. I can see the subtle hints that you have begun dropping. Ragini is definitely not the docile girl she pretends to be. There is core of cold hidden somewhere while the other is not all sunny and bright. She too, hides a raging fire somewhere deep within.
I loved the fact that Sanskaar her is acting like those spotters that accompany a sniper. He is both but at the moment he has taken a role of the former and is so brilliantly catching the fine nuances of these women is talk. He has somewhere seen what both are beneath their respective cloaks. I can see a very shrewd mind at work. He has found an accomplice and an enemy at once.




The musical performance has to be the cherry on top of this delicious, delicious cake. Ragini was soothing in her performance. People appreciated those notes she strung on her "Rudra Veena" and added how goddess-like she looked. But Swara instigated fiery passion in the hearts of those present there with a pluck on her "Sitar", forcing them to surrender their inhibitions to her, similar to how you surrender your all to a goddess. This is where the masks on the faces of both these women are beginning to come off. One is not as perfect as she seems and other is not as flawed as people claim her to be. Sanskaar's reaction is an imperial stamp to the same.




P.S. I loved the reference to both the Veena and Sitar. The Rajputs had strong ties to the Mughals, especially the Aamer Kachwada( as Harkha Bai married to Akbar was a princess to this estate) still the royal musicians were forbidden to perform on Sitar most of the times. Sitar was considered an unholy offspring of Indian Veena and Persian Setar. In fact in some highly orthodox Brahmin families girls are discouraged to learn playing Sitar for the very reason. Maybe Annapurna's prejudice stems stronger from the seed that Ragini chose the traditional amenities and Swara embraced the influence of Mughals who in Rajput chronicles are addressed as "Maleccha."



P.P.S. I'll be back with more but before that I gotta sleep, so good night sweety!

a_uma thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
Shruti .. its Fabulous...โญ๏ธ ... don't know how I could have missed this..
But its good that I did.. read the chapters 1 to 4 all together today.. its dazzling writing... words fail me..

You have combined all my favourite genre in this FF ... history, romance and mystery... ๐Ÿ˜ณ..

Sanskar as the dark prince and Laksh as the pampered, shallow one .. Ragini as the demure yet dark princess and Swara as the golden hearted one.. beautiful depictions.. love the intriguing mystery about the map and treasure.. and also the soul connection between the dark prince and the golden princess.. ... loved the small introduction at the beginning of each part.. ๐Ÿ‘

Can't wait for your installment.. please do continue and want this tale to take a looongg time with many, many chapters.. ๐Ÿ˜ณ
Cogito_Ergo_Sum thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
Un Res on Page 32, Shru darling! ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—
Sujayricky thumbnail
10th Anniversary Thumbnail Rocker Thumbnail + 3
Posted: 9 years ago
Awesome update ๐Ÿ‘
Pm me next time pls
Hi i am sujay
indrani7495 thumbnail
10th Anniversary Thumbnail Explorer Thumbnail
Posted: 9 years ago
Shru...๐Ÿค—
Thank you for ol the pms dear!! read all the chapters in a go!!!! N i loved it so much...this is such a different setting of swasan story...but awesome...!!๐Ÿ˜ƒ loved every bit of it...starting from the rajputana elegance...to d undercurrents...from how sanskar had been falsely acussed to d innocence of swara where she gets drenched !!:) even loved the bond between shomi and janki with reference to draupadi and subhadra!!! luking forward to the upcoming story n m so excited about swasan will fall for each other here...n even curious about what actually happened to the key!!๐Ÿ˜ฒ continue soon!! ๐Ÿ˜ณ

Surya.Ravi thumbnail
Posted: 9 years ago
interesting and intriguing updates..๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ
tootiefrootie11 thumbnail
15th Anniversary Thumbnail Rocker Thumbnail + 3
Posted: 9 years ago

Originally posted by: bones123

Absolutely loved Chapter 4.

I like the whole Sujata Annapurna and the equation they have with the other's child angle. Reading through your story, its as if the other mother has yielded a greater influence on personality of the princes. Be it bratty and whimsical, or strong yet unyielding and focussed. Very well etched.

"I shared my house, my baba" ha...Ragini (even though the show doesn't do enough justice to explore the many layers she could have) is generally self victimised and believes she's owed many priveleges. Would love to see how you take that further.

As for Sanskaar...what a royal presence indeed. The effect Swara has on him transcends the equations he has in his other relationships. It's beautiful that Swara is able to discern that something is amiss and looks to find more in those eyes, somethign which his mother has been fooled by. I really liked how well you've spun the magnetic pull they feel even if at this stage it is not realised or apparent to either. How he'll feel in the future to his decision of sacrificing her as collateral damage will be great to read *if you intend to take the story in that direction*

Kudos for this...i repeat...super stuff !!


Dear Priya
Thank you hugely for this and for your appreciation! I loved reading your very accurate comments and am truly happy that you are enjoying this! I am already on Chapter 5 now but was unable to finish it today due to work and now today's epi but soon it will emerge how things play out with Sanskaar's intentions and what actually happens. I think it might surprise many ๐Ÿ˜‰. I hope you will give me company on this one throughout! Please keep your comments coming!
Lots of wishes,

Shru x
tootiefrootie11 thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago

Originally posted by: Niyatiswaragini

Res.

Unres
Shruti wat can I write about ur updates, they always come up with package of awesomeness, every time making me to praise u more n more over your brilliant command of language. Wow!! I have a notebook full of quotes , this quote is there. One among my favorite quotes.

I would say that this reaction was all wat I expected from the immature prince , he has nothing to do with the feelings of the poor princess ragini, whatever it might be here too he will be the reason for ragini turning against swara. Rana do had head so y not to strictly deny this offer, let him commit suicide, but ya being a father, his emotional corner starts tearing wen comes to son. Fine but Samar has all the rights to protest wen his daughter is not willing to marry that weird prince. Ragini's words were wrong instead of blaming laksh , she was criticizing swara grow up girl she is the same girl who for ur sake is dening such mind bobling offer, any way swara seems to be sensitive enough to connect with ragini's sadist side. Omg now real threat is coming in from the actual hero, the sanskar, gosh this is going to be really waiting wat he will do.

Historical element of this chapter I would like to mention is the one that women are often sacrificed for the sake of the family and kingdom. I mean how easy is that for any father to just let her daughter be in hell or heaven no matter to him as in the just is all worried about his kingdom, here it is being shekar who sacrificed swara's dignity and ragini's emotions for baadigunj. How unfair is that. This reminds me situation of heer kunwar (popularly known as jodha bai) who just for sake for kingdom was given I would like to use the term mortgage for this , to the mughals , phew sorry for taking this comment to another levels but I was taken away.

Please update asap shruti neva forget one reader is always at her peak for ur updates.
Lots and lots of love
Niyati

๐Ÿค—


Niyati ๐Ÿค—

Thank you my dear for yet more involved and considered comments as well as being so nice about my efforts here! You like that quote too? It just seemed to fit so well here.

Ah yes, you did imply before that you knew Lakshya would go this way and he did. It's exactly as you say- he wants something and he gets it. No Ragini or Swara's feelings he isn't taking seriously as he cannot imagine Swara wouldn't want him I guess and for Ragini, as he doesn't want her, he thinks it's fair to say no. Ragini likes to see and believe what she wants- it's her biggest tragedy. As for Sanskaar- ah well, we shall see what unfolds there.

Very true about history being witness to many such women- I deliberately did that there as I think it was common and even today many are not averse to blackmailing their children for such things. Yes very true re Heer Kunwar from what we know of her through records rather than the romanticised film versions! Also they took the story in the Hema Malini film Meera of Krishna her cousin who was given poison by her own father to save dishonour although like my story they took that for effect and not fact as I believe there was a Krishna but she was a DIL of that household and not daughter and she didn't commit suicide as far as I know!

Awww thanks Niyati, have started writing Chapter 5 so will post soon:)

Lots of love xoxo

tootiefrootie11 thumbnail
15th Anniversary Thumbnail Rocker Thumbnail + 3
Posted: 9 years ago

Originally posted by: CogitoErgoSum

Res ๐Ÿ˜Š

Un-res

So here we had the spoilt brat princeling taking a stand, asking for a toy that had suddenly caught his fancy. ๐Ÿคข And, shallow and impetuous as he was, much he had been displaying signs of being drawn to the external friendliness and liveliness of Swara's nature (being way too indolent to plumb further into either her psyche and insecurities, or for that matter, of his actual intended, Ragini). However, the fact that he chose to take this stand immediately after literally ogling Swara when she was drenched in the jets of the water fountain seems---I don't know---somewhat perverse. ๐Ÿคข Probably it has to do with your portrayal of him as being literally at the shallow end of the pool--intellect wise, emotion wise, capability wise!! ๐Ÿ˜‰ All water related puns intended!! ๐Ÿ˜†

This part of Lakshya taking a stand of breaking his engagement with Ragini, and then insisting that he would not marry anyone else if he couldn't marry Swara, the scene he created, was similar to the serial yet deftly modified to suit your setting. ๐Ÿ‘ But the entire way he went about it, Shru--the entitlement complex ridden, juvenile, brattish route of asking for a toy: Give me this or else I shall yell at the top of my lungs and roll on the floor in public!!---It is too much at odds with the person who connived against Sanskaar. I just cannot believe it was Lakshya...and I am sure you will not put him as that person, ultimately. ๐Ÿ˜ƒ I noticed you studiously avoided ๐Ÿ˜‰ answering my query in my last comment: what did Kavita mean in that dialogue to Sanskaar in Chap 3, where she refers to some past misunderstanding with Lakshya? Had he set his cap on her as well? Did Lakshya think that Kavita was leading him on for a time? Do tell na, Shru. ๐Ÿ˜› And why, Oh why, do I have this feeling that Madame Kavita is very much alive and kicking, probably happily the mistress of someone else? ๐Ÿคข

I really liked the family dynamics you portrayed of both the Maheshwaris and the Gadodias. Ram Prasad---always kingmaker, never King! ๐Ÿ˜‰ Ram must be seriously grateful to you, Saku and me for giving him such space in our works, much more than the serial ever affords him! ๐Ÿ˜† And he did manage to persuade his revered elder brother, with his quiet logic...

I really wondered at the barb Annapurna aimed at Durga Prasad---about how the Maheshwari men always fell for the wrong women--a fatal, inherited flaw! So did Durga Prasad have a dalliance with Kaveri in the past? ๐Ÿ˜• Good Lord, was Kavita his illegitimate daughter? ๐Ÿคข

As for the Gadodias-- Janaki and Sharmishta as Draupadi and Subhadra. ๐Ÿ˜ƒ The Mahabharata reference made me absolutely rejoice, as you, I am sure, knew it would! ๐Ÿ˜‰ That entire touch was very deftly handled: Ragini's sorrow and intense rage at having to give up her intended to her half sister, when she has already had to share so much with her throughout her life---her father's love, even her mother's attention, her status as the only/ preferred child...The accumulated resentments, well masked as they were, would have served even to tear apart full siblings, and here, they are, after all, only half sisters...
I also liked how Ragini sobs in Sharmishta's arms and seeks reassurance from her step mother; while Janki, in turn, persuades her step daughter to accede to the Maheshwari's changed choice of her as Lakshya's intended bride. Nice touch, continuing the description from the earlier chapter.

And to end it all, Sanskaar, watching and listening to the hurried, panicked murmurs all through the castle, his pretend madness allowing people to gossip freely in his presence. Somehow I thought, after Chap 3, that he would have some more qualms about Swara being collateral damage--"burning in the pyre" as he puts it--for the kindling he is about to light! He has judged that Ragini is well primed for that judicious spark from his side, and she will burn down all he wanted to destroy, especially Lakshya. He definitely wishes he did not have to harm Swara, but I guess moving from that thought to actually wanting to shield her, is still a way off---though somehow, as I said, after Chap 3, I felt the moment might well be nigh.

Well, I guess he has held that bitter memory of what he imagines as his dear love being snatched from him, of his honor and good name being dragged through the mud, for too long for him to give way to his tender impulses just yet.

Waiting for Chap 5 Shru darling! ๐Ÿค—


Viji my love ๐Ÿค—

Absolutely spot on about our brat Prince! Shallow and impetuous indeed and you may add fickle to that list in chapters to come too:). See that fountain scene actually made me uncomfortable in terms of Lakshya's reactions and I wondered if I was being too unfair to him but I feel that most of his attraction is just that- a superficial attraction so I went with my instinct and stuck to that depiction. Love the water related puns btw! ๐Ÿ˜†

Glad you liked the slight modification to the breaking of the engagement. Aha what can I say now about your doubts about the main culprit being our younger Prince?! It would give too much away if I say a lot so suffice it to say, there are some twists planned that will surprise but some people in this story are not who they seem to be ๐Ÿ˜‰. Damn keeping this suspense is hard for a "talker" like me ๐Ÿ˜†.I knew you would have spotted that line between Kavita and Sanskaar and I am avoiding answering for the same reason as above! But maybe it was that more than one person hmm took a fancy to Kavita BUT it isn't necessary that there was something reciprocal between each of those that did and Kavita! And here too is something I hope that won't be too predicable. ๐Ÿ˜‰

We love Ram don't we?! I hoped you would like that- I just want to think that Sanskaar's dad is a smart cookie like his son! Ah you are intrigued by Annapurna's barb? I am wondering when I clear that. Argh I so want to tell you ๐Ÿ˜†.

Yayyy! Was thinking about you re the MB reference and wondered if it was up to the mark! Mmmwah! Yes I wanted to get Ragini's POV across. It's not that she always hated Swara, but she is racked by those feelings which she voiced and she has also had her dear nasty Maasi feeding her victim complex - a Duryodhana complex here?

Ah Sanskaar - see he does have qualms but I thought it too soon if he is broken by them so soon. He is very determined and has burned in the fires of injustice and hate for too long and as you perfectly caught on to- what he imagined was his true love was snatched with his honour and pride so he can't abandon his quest so soon. I made some comments about Kavita and Sanskaar's feelings for her to Shruti, wonder if you had had a chance to see them? I think you will relate to my way of seeing their relationship.
I so wanted to finish Chapter 5 today and did make a start but despite my usual habit, haven't got the energy to bash it all out as there are some fine nuances to it I need a clear head to express properly.

Love you lots sis mmmwah xoxo

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