Dear patient friends and readers! Here is one more SwaSan OS! I know, I know- I've been on a writing binge recently. I wanted to try a slightly different one. This one isn't quite "fluffy" but is somewhat lighter in tone than the recent ones I have worked on. It is set after the Ragini revelation and Swara has announced her intention to get a divorce (as per the recent spoilers!). The rest should be self explanatory!
I hope you enjoy it and if so, or even if you don't, please let me know! Thanks as ever!
TRIBUTE
Sanskaar was looking at his mum, frustration etched in the taut lines of his body.
"Mom, please- issme itna bada issue banane ki baat nahi hai! Main kuch derr akela rehna chahta hoon. Isme itna drama kyun kar rahi hai aap?!"
Sujata was not going to back down:
"Naa Sanskaar naa. Mhare koh kuch na sunna hai. Mhare koh pata hai ke tu kyun akela rehna chahta hai aur mhare koh manjoor nahe- iss halat main thara akele akele rehna theek nahe, aaj ke din toh bilkul nahi. Waise bhi kam tamase huvehe kya, thare ne phir se kuch kardiya toh, jaise paanch saal pehle..."
"MOM!" Sanskaar had no choice but to raise his voice to cut off his mother's typically melodramatic tirade as he already had a headache and needed her to stop so he could leave, as he had been trying to for the past half hour. He wished he had kept his mouth shut, and told her he was going to the office. Life had been much easier when he had made his plans in solation and kept them to himself, he thought angrily. He really needed to be alone today of all days but now that he had imprudently told his nosy mother that he wanted to spend some time away from the house by himself, she had gone into overdrive. She was clearly worrying about all sorts of dire fates that could befall him or that he could willfully court, and judging by his past record, who could really blame her, he felt forced to reluctantly concede.
"Mom", he continued in a gentler tone, "Aap ko tension lene ki koi wajay nahi hai. Main aisa kuch nahi karoonga jisse apko fikar ho. Aap toh jaanti hai n aka aaj kaunsa din hai? Main isiliye..."
"Jaanu hoon isiliye toh manaa kar rahi hoon! Tu kabh samjega chore- main thari maa hoon. Aur abh mhare koh kuch na sunna hai." Sujata resolutely ignored the thunderous expression that was spreading over her stubborn son's face. He had not yet stalked out, but she was worried that it was only a matter of moments before that happened.
Just then, she glanced at the door of her bedroom that she was standing in and saw Swara hovering, with a nervous and fairly embarrassed expression. "Swara..." called out Sujata at once, very glad of this reprieve. "Kathe kyun khadi hai, aaja."
Sanskaar froze and turned around too to see her. Her eyes met his and he tried to shutter his gaze at once, he couldn't afford to be sidetracked. Swara walked in hesitatingly, she was giving him an intent look, as if trying to monitor his reaction to her intruding on his conversation with his mum. He kept his face carefully blank.
"Mom, woh... I'm sorry, maine aap dono ki baat sunli. Main bhi Sanskaar ke saath jaoon? Phir toh apko tension nahi hogi na?"
That totally wiped the practiced impassive expression from Sanskaar's face. His mother was now smiling widely, her usual calculative expression replacing her earlier mindless worry, her eyes flitting between Swara's now flushed face to his incredulous one.
"What the hell was wrong with her?", thought Sanskaar. "As if it was not bad enough having his mum to contend with, he now had to deal with Swara too? Today of all days?!"
Sujata was entirely unsuccessful in hiding her glee, "Thare koh bhi jaana hai? Arrey, haan chorri, je tu jaana chahe toh mhare koi koi takleef na hovehe. Aisa kar, Sanskaar, Swara bilkul theek bole hai. Tu na, isse bhi saath leja, phir thaare ko na jahan bhi akele rehna hoon kuch derr tak, tuje koi na roke hai."
"Swara koh lejavunga toh akela kaise rahunga Mom?!" Sanskaar felt obliged to point out the obvious.
However, before Sujata had a chance to say anything further, Swara broke in, spots of red still prominent on her cheekbones, "Sanskaar, please- kya main bhi tumhare saath chal sakti hoon? Mujhe bhi kuch derr bahar jaana tha. Main disturb nahin karoongi."
"Lekin Swara..." How to explain to her that her very presence there would be a huge disturbance in itself. Part of the reason he wanted to get away was also her, but it seemed that as much as it was impossible to escape thoughts of her, even seeking physical distance was not going to be an option.
"You know what, forget it, mujhe kahin nahin jaana," finally Sanskaar had had enough. You knew a losing battle when not one but two determined women ganged up on you.
"Lekin mujhe jaana hai Sanskaar, please..." Swara's big eyes, her weapons of choice against him, as she had subconsciously come to realise the past few months were now put in good use to disarm him.
Sujata sensed victory either way and decided at this point that discretion was the better part of valor. "Haan, toh mhare koh kaam hai, tum dono na, bahar jao toh bahut derr na lagana aur ghar mein hi raho toh... arrey, toh phir toh derr lagane ni koi baat hi naa he!"
Only Sujata could apply such logic with such aplomb and with that, she scurried off, thinking to herself how fortunate Swara had come in at that moment. What was even more fortunate but very surprising was her request to go with Sanskaar. "Perhaps this had something to do with the chat she had had with her two days ago?" mused Sujata idly. Sujata's mind, which thrived on petty intrigues, was titillated with the possibilities this opened up. She, who had been so opposed to Swara marrying her precious only son, had in her usual pragmatic fashion, totally altered her stance on this issue. Since the marriage had taken place some weeks ago, with all attendant rituals making it entirely binding in her eyes and following the further unbelievable drama that had culminated with Ragini being exposed and then ousted from the house, Swara had become everyone's darling. The disadvantages of her Bengali heritage were, to Sujata, reversed almost entirely by the status she now enjoyed in everyone's eyes, especially Bade Bhaisa's, which was of ultimate importance. There was the slight problem of Swara now insisting on seeking a divorce. She had only held off from acting on this scandalous and entirely unacceptable threat, due to Bhaisa's personal intervention and also that of her own Dadi and father, who it seemed finally seemed to want to do one good deed for their daughter, thought Sujata sourly. Her usually supremely intelligent son seemed to have also gone soft in the head. He was fully supporting Swara's decision, rather than pulling out all the stops to make her stay, which Sujata was convinced with a mother's biasedness, he could easily do if he set his mind to it. Thankfully, Swara had reluctantly given in to the family pressure and had agreed to give some more thought to her decision to seek to separate from her son. Although Sujata suspected that this acquiesce too had come about due to some arrangement she had reached with her lovelorn son. Whatever the case, Sujata was determined that every chance should be given to those two to spend time with each other. Happy now, Sujata trotted away to ensure no little event had escaped her notice in the kitchen whist she had been away.
Back in the room, Sanskaar was awkwardly wondering how he would explain to Swara why he didn't want her to go anywhere with him today.
"Swara, actually tumhe mere saath aane ki koi zaroorat nahi hai. Mum bevajay pareshan ho rahi."
"Main jaanti hoon ke Mom kyun pareshan hai Sanskaar, aur aaj ka din kyun khaas hai, woh bhi jaanti hoon."
Sanskaar gave her a stunned look, not ready to believe she could know.
"Sorry Sanskaar, lekin mujhe pata hai ke aaj hi woh din hai jabh tum Kavita se alag hogaye the. Main kuch dinn pehle room main kuch rakh rahi thi, aur mujhe tumhare cupboard ke paas Kavita ki photo giri hui mili. Tabh hi Mom aayi thi aur maine unse poncha toh unhone bataya ke woh Kavita thi aur yeh bhi ke aaj kya din hai. Woh tabh se tumhare liye pareshan thi."
Swara omitted to tell him that Sujata had openly admitted to being more worried about Swara leaving her son, when he finally had hopes of loving and living again, having already dealt with such tragedy once. Swara recalled how her heart had clenched with a multitude of emotions hearing this. There was innate sympathy she felt each time she thought of how cruelly Sanskaar had lost Kavita, but there was also an indefinable confusion now about how she felt about the thought of Sanskaar pining for his lost first love, looking at her photo and reliving their memories. This had frightened her. She knew she was not jealous, how could you resent someone torn from their love in such a senseless manner after all but there was something there which she had never felt before. She didn't know what to make of it, just knew that it made her feel very uncomfortable. However, overriding it all, was the desire to ensure that he did not suffer alone.
Taking a further deep breath she continued. "Sanskaar, please gussa matt hona. Main jaanti hoon ke hamare beech bahut kuch hua hai, aur hum aaj yahaan isliye saath hai, ke humne decide kiya hai, hum kuch waqt ke baad hi sabh koh divorce ka faisla final hai phir se batayenge. Phir Bade Papa aur Dadi aur Baba bhi kuch nahi kehsakenge. Lekin hum dost toh hain naa? Tumne shaadi ke dinn jaise mujhe promise kiya tha ke tum hamesha mere dost rahoge? Toh wohi waada mujhe bhi nibhana hai. Maine kahin mahino takk tumhari dosti ka bahut sahara liya hain, aaj dosti ka farz adaa karne ka chance mujhe bhi chahiye. Please?"
Sanskaar felt as if he had somehow ventured into some form of surreal universe, where nothing made sense anymore. He told himself he was being stupid again, a common occurrence where Swara was concerned but still. However, he couldn't prevent the flare of pleasure her words gave him. "Careful!", he warned himself sternly. "She is only talking about friendship and that too from a sense of obligation, typical Swara". But he was helpless against feeling enveloped in the warmth of companionship she exuded with her words. He had felt entirely desolate two days ago, thinking of today. Since meeting Swara and falling in love with her, he had dealt with Kavita's loss. He had stopped feeling the rage and helpless frustration her memories had previously inspired in him. He had remembered the good about his time with her, the happy and carefree moments they had spent, un-tinged by the intensities he had always experienced with Swara. His love for Kavita had been a calm and gentle feeling, a joyful time for the boy he had been, in stark contrast to the tempestuous turbulence that characterised his relationship with Swara and the man circumstances had moulded.
However, two days ago when he suddenly realised it was going to be Kavita's death anniversary, which in combination with the emotional wringer he had gone through with Swara, had threatened to swamp him with the same despair Swara had managed to dispel. He had craved for Swara's brand of comfort then, she had after all been the balm that had soothed the festering sores on his soul in the first place. But he had thought that solace lost to him after the heartache surrounding their wedding, followed almost immediately by Ragini's revelation and Swara's resultant decision to seek a divorce. A decision he hated with his core but would not oppose as it was what she wanted and he was ever a slave to her happiness and wellbeing. He had assumed that her friendship too was lost to him as she had said after he had confessed his feelings but he had noticed a difference in her since he had railed at her on their eventful wedding day, telling her harsh truths that he couldn't keep in himself anymore. She had fallen into his arms after that, only for comfort as a friend, but that seemed to restore some semblance of friendship between them although there was now an undeniable undercurrent of awareness on both side's, which has previously been missing from her. Yet, her speech to him just now indicated she had taken the renewed vow of friendship as seriously as he had and he couldn't deny her.
"Theek hain Swara, main soch raha tha ke kuch derr tak joh University ke paas waala Park hai, jahan main aur...Kavita jaate the, wahan jaa kar kuch time spend karoonga. Tum saath chalna chahti ho to chalo."
Swara had noticed the slight hesitation before he voiced Kavita's name, as if he suddenly felt the awkwardness of this situation between them but she ignored it and replied softly, looking nervous again,
"Agar tum bura na maano, toh main ek baat punchu?"
He looked at her quizzically and she continued,
"Maine kal Shishur Sevay Asharam main phone kiya tha..." she faltered at Sanskaar's shocked reaction to this. His eyes went wide and he gave a sudden start, paling slightly.
"Hmm, woh woh Mom ne bataya tha ke Kavita wahan...hmmm. Anyway, maine unke saath baat ki hai aur unko promise kiya hai ke hum wahan sabh bachiyon ke liye kuch cheezein lejayenge. Maine saari tayaariyan karli hain, hume store se sabh saaman bass pick karna hai. Maine socha ke kyun ke woh bachiyan Kavita koh bahut pyaari thi toh hum kyun na uski yaad main, unke liye kuch karein? I'm sorry agar tumhe atcha nahi laga Sanskaar..." she trailed off as she was genuinely worried about his reaction, made worse by him not saying anything.
Sanskaar was speechless. Shishur Sevay was a flagship home where non- institutionalised support was provided to orphaned and abandoned girls, of varying ages and abilities, allowing them a genuine chance of making something of their lives and careers. Kavita had taught there, having been an orphan herself who hadn't been lucky enough to receive the same care this organisation secured. Sanskaar had never dared go there since he lost Kavita, it was not a place for someone being chased by ugly demons and haunted by nightmares. Now though, he thought with a sudden spurt of emotion, he could go. He would have an angel with him after all, and he could walk in the wake of the light she would cast there to dispel any of his lingering shadows.
His angel had meanwhile walked up to him and he realised, had gently placed her hand on his arm, in a gesture both inquiring and comforting. She still had that anxious look in her eyes, as if expecting him to shoot her plan down in flames. So he did what felt right. With eyes suddenly bright and slightly moist, he placed his own hand over her slim fingers and squeezed, giving her the briefest of nods at the same time. It was enough for her. He was rewarded by her smile- it felt as if the sun suddenly shone through the clouds and he had the fanciful thought that he could almost hear Kavita's tinkling laugh, rejoicing for him and herself.
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Note: My research about orphanages in Kolkata led me to information about this incredible organisation called Shishur Sevay I have referred to. I was very inspired by the story of its inception and its remarkable founder, Dr Michelle Harrison. If you want to read more on it to learn about the fantastic work they do for vulnerable girls please check it out on:
http://shishursevay.org - official website and
http://shishursevay.com/shishur-sevay-website/ - Dr Harrison's useful and interesting blog site.
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