Chapter Twenty-Four
I open my eyes as I hear the whisper in my ears. My heart comes to a stop before taking off even faster than before as we both stop moving, Maan's arms still around my waist, his face touching mine and his breath caressing my cheek. Every other sound fades away as the three words echo in my ears and my form goes still as I feel him pulling his arms away from my waist and turning me around. He cups my cheeks and makes me look into his luminous eyes.
------------------------------------------'Geet, I...' I pause for a moment before I let my heart take over what I'm saying.
'I have loved you from the day I saw you for the first time. The concern you showed for me the day I fell at your feet -' I smile in remembrance.
'It had my heart on that very day. I was... I was...' I look for the correct word.
'Enchanted with you. Your eyes, which always shine, no matter what the situation is...' I let go of her right cheek to trace her eyes as she closes them.
'Your face, which is the most beautiful face I have ever seen...' I slide my hand down her cheek.
'The dimple which appears whenever you smile...' I lightly trace my thumb on her lower lip, stopping at the place on her cheek where her dimple shows before cupping her face again and looking into her wide eyes.
'I fell for the intriguing girl who I used to watch every single day for almost three years as she sat all alone in the common room, oblivious to everything around her, lost in her own world...'
------------------------------------------His honest confession brings an unnameable feeling to me. A mix of tenderness and awe, but not any fear, I realise. The emotions reflecting on his face are so overwhelming that I am unable to utter a word. I just keep gazing at him and let him do the talking as his hands lovingly hold my face.
------------------------------------------'I fell for the girl who felt unreachable to me... Who I could only dream of talking to... Yet when the time came, when I got a chance, I was even more amazed by her beauty, her simplicity... Who shared laughter with me... Who is usually wrapped in a shell yet she could come out of it and step up with confidence when need came... Yet she knows how to enjoy the pleasures of life... I fell for the girl who loves her family to no end and who can do anything for the friends she makes... I fell for the girl who shows childlike excitement for the things she likes... But most of all, Geet...' I slide my hand down her face, all the way from her bare arm to hold her hand in mine.
'I fell for the girl who has the purest of hearts...' I bring her hand to place it on my chest near my heart, holding it in place with mine.
'The golden heart which made this heart -' I press her hand against my heart.
'- beat only for her.' I close my eyes and rest my forehead against hers, one hand against her cheek and one hand holding hers against my heart.
'I love you, Geet. I love you very much.'Contentment washes over me after letting it all out to the one person who it is all meant for. A slight smile touches my lips and I sigh inwardly in anticipation of Geet's reaction. She doesn't say anything for a while, the only sounds surrounding us being our loud heartbeats and the splashing rain around us. I wait for her to speak something but when the silence prolongs, I pull back a little.
'Say something, Geet.' She blinks her eyes and looks down, which makes me frown slightly.
------------------------------------------He tips my chin back up to look into my eyes as I consider how to put it right. How do I say anything without hurting him?
'Maan, I... I'm going away tomorrow...' He sighs heavily.
'I know.' I look at him with a question in my eyes.
'Why now
?' He looks down and takes both my hands in his, holding them very gently.
'As selfish as it sounds, I don't want you to go away from me.' I slip my hands out of his.
'You know I can't do this. I have to go. I have to go back.' He nods sadly and then hold my face in his palms, looking at me with a light in his eyes.
'But it doesn't have to be forever. We don't have to stay apart forever.'------------------------------------------Her eyes lower as I hear her whispered answer.
'I can't do this... to you...' I don't understand her words.
'What do you mean?' She takes a moment to look up at me, her eyes anguished.
'I can't make you wait for me indefinitely.' I frown.
'But I can wait for you, Geet.' She shakes her head in disagreement so I try to reassure her.
'I will, Geet. I will wait for you.' She shakes her head more vigorously.
'I don't want you to wait for me.' I stare at her without comprehension.
'What?' She lets out a painful sigh.
'Maan, I don't... I...' Seeing her struggle like this, I stroke her face tenderly.
'What is it, Geet?' Her eyebrows furrow in what I think is effort.
'We are not... meant to be, Maan.'I deduce she is saying that because she is going away in the morning and we will be apart.
'Don't say that, Geet. We can work it out.' My voice is calming, an attempt at making her feel satisfied about it, though my heart thuds loud and fast, not in excitement but in a sudden fear which I refuse to acknowledge. She shakes her head again, a tear slipping out of her eye.
'You don't understand, Maan.' I silently gaze at her, wanting her to continue yet fearing what she might say.
'I... I don't... love you...' Her words echo in my ears, a chill running through my body as I take a step back in a daze.
'You... don't... love... me...?'------------------------------------------I reach for him as he takes an unsteady step away from me, but I stop myself from touching him, feeling bad about being the cause for the lost look in his eyes.
'Maan...' He doesn't seem to register my call as he continues in his befuddled state.
'You don't... love me?' My heart wrenches painfully as I see comprehension dawn in his eyes along with hurt. His painfully questioning gaze focuses back on me as he whispers.
'You don't feel for me the way I feel for you?' I have to make him understand.
'Maan, listen to me.' He doesn't pay heed to me as he throws another question my way, his eyes speaking volumes of the pain he feels.
'Have you never
felt anything special between us?'------------------------------------------As it begins to sink in, the unbelievably intense pain in my heart makes me question her back, all the special memories I have made with her playing in my mind. She doesn't answer my question so I ask it again in an asserting voice. Her voice is firmer as she speaks.
'You
are special, Maan! Every moment
spent with you is special!' My eyebrows knit together in askance.
'Then why...?' She takes a deep breath.
'But what I feel for you, what I have always felt for you is... is attraction. I can't call it love.' I can see she is trying to make me see her point of view.
'Geet -' She doesn't let me speak.
'No Maan. My feelings are not as... as strong as yours...' I try to reason with her again, stepping closer and holding her face between my palms, almost on the verge of begging.
'If it's the strength of your feelings you are worried about, it can always be worked on with time. Just give me a chance. Give us
a chance please.' She brings her hands to hold mine over her face for a moment before pulling them away and shaking her head.
'Try to understand, please. I don't want to... I don't want to keep you hanging, waiting for something that might never happen.' I shake my head, trying to make her see the positive side but she doesn't let me speak.
'No Maan. I can't do that to you. I can't. You are my closest friend. A wonderful person at heart. You deserve a lot better.' I open my mouth to object but she continues speaking with a quivering voice which she tries to sound firm.
'I don't want to rob you of your chance to find yourself someone who you deserve, someone who is worthy of you...' With each word coming out of her mouth, I feel myself being pulled into a deep, dark pool of pain and anger. I step a little away from her, the pain I feel needing a way out. And it does in the form of an anger I rarely have felt before. I close my eyes, my eyebrows mashed together and my teeth clenched.
'Maan please-' Her voice does it and something snaps within me. I cut her off, angrily staring at her as I shout.
'What please?!'
------------------------------------------I get a sinking feeling with every word I utter. A shadow crosses his face with a dangerous scowl as he steps away and closes his eyes. Gathering the last bits of courage, I call out to him only to be shocked to the core as he shouts at me. For the first time since I have known him, I hear him raise his voice, his eyes flashing angrily as he looks at me and this scares me, making me take an involuntary step back. He takes two angry steps towards me and grips the top of my arms, hauling me closer to him as I see fury evident on his face.
'What please?! How easy it is for you to say I should go find myself a new girl! Do you have any idea, any idea
of how long I have been in love with you?! Three years. Three years, dammit! I have been in love with you for three years! Do you think it's as simple as that for me to move on
?!'Tears spring to my eyes as he shouts at me, his evident pain taking the shape of anger. I don't answer him because I know what he says is true. It isn't easy for someone to forget a love of years and move on. With a moist gaze, I notice the moment when his angry glare clears out into a stumped realisation.
'You always knew how I felt for you, didn't you?' Yes, I always had an inkling of his feelings. I look down at his words, unable to look into his eyes anymore. He suddenly lets me go and steps back.
'You always knew, yet you led me on, making me think you felt the same way for me.' My eyes shoot up at his accusatory whisper.
'No... no Maan...' His eyes snap at me as he jerks his hand up, signalling me to stop.
'Don't try to justify yourself!'------------------------------------------A silence surrounds us as I try to get my thoughts in order, reigning in the anger I feel, the anger of being betrayed. Betrayed by fate. Draining every emotion out of my voice, I look at her bowed head and ask her a question.
'What am I to you, Geet?' She looks up at me and I can see her tears even as the rain continues to drench us both.
'What have I ever meant to you? What does every special moment spent with me mean to you? Because obviously, I name every special moment as my love for you but that doesn't seem to be the word for you. What is it, then? Enlighten me please.' I cannot help but let my anger leak in a bit as a taunt. I look at her with a flat face, conveying the message that I need her to answer me. When she doesn't answer, I make my tone a little commanding.
'Speak Geet!' Her eyes lower again as she whispers her answer.
'It was all friendship, Maan. The friendship of a very special friend... The friendship which has become so dear to me that I cannot imagine going a day without it...' I snort loudly and she looks up again.
'A friend. Just another friend. Right.' She shakes her head.
'No. Not just any other friend. You have been the most special friend, Maan.' Her words make me laugh humourlessly at the irony of it all.
'All these years, she has been the one and only girl I have thought about, I have felt for. And all she has ever considered me to be is her friend
!' I look back at her, all kinds of emotions wiped clean off my face as I look straight into her eyes and speak in a cold voice.
'It's over.'------------------------------------------I frown at him, not deciphering the meaning of his words.
'What?' He takes a calculated step backwards and speaks in the same cold voice, his eyes hard as flint.
'You and I are done, Geet! It's over between us!' I blink as it sinks in before I find my voice again, my heart beating faster than before as I take in his words.
'No Maan. It doesn't have to be this way.' I try to sound persuasive but he is unshakable.
'It has to be, Geet. It has to be this way. I need a clean break.' I try to beg now, desperate to hold on to him.
'No please Maan! Don't do this. I don't want to lose my friend.' I take a step towards him.
'Chup!!' He shouts again with a hand held up, effectively halting me in my steps.
'Bilkul chup!' His voice turns to a cold whisper which doesn't let me say another word.
'Goodbye, Geet! Goodbye. Forever.'He takes a few steps backwards with his eyes fixed on my face. My faces scrunches in pain as he steps away and I stretch my hand out to stop him but he abruptly turns away, walking another few steps and getting into his car, driving away without a second glance.
'Don't go, Maan! Don't...' The sob I have been trying to stifle escapes me as I whisper to myself, left all alone with a heart heavier than lead and a conscience burdened more than a sack full of stones. I stand there in the rain, feeling its cold shower seeping through my veins, sobbing and crying for a while, cursing myself for hurting him so much, for rejecting him so painfully and for bruising his ego mindlessly. Hours pass and yet it may only have been minutes when I turn back and go to my room, wanting to reduce his hurt somehow.
------------------------------------------My foot hits the gas pedal and I speed across the dark roads, uncaring of their slickness. Without thinking about where I'm headed, I just keep driving, trying to shut the loud voices in my mind. Just one voice. The voice which belongs to the one who has been my centre of attention for way too long, the voice which I used to wish to hear addressing me, and when it did, I fell more and more for it and its owner, and the voice which has just rejected my love mercilessly a few minutes ago. Her words ring in my ear, louder than before and I stomp on the break, bringing the car to a screeching halt. It is then that I notice I have been driving towards my secret place and I am now parked in front of it. I just sit listlessly in the car for a moment, staring out the windshield, the two times I have brought Geet here playing in front of my eyes. The memory is immediately followed by her rejection just a few minutes ago and I feel my anger rising.
How could she do this to me? Why did she lead me on if this is how she was going to push me away from her? Why?! The anger mixed with hurt makes me question no one in particular and I hit my head against the headrest with every thought. A memory tugs at the edges of my mind and I shut my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose and resting against the headrest, letting the memory play it out in my eyes.
***'Why did you bring me here, Dad? I told you I didn't want to go anywhere.'
My mood is sullen even when Dad closes his eyes and takes a deep breath with a peaceful smile on his face. Coming to this secret place always lightens us both every time but it's doesn't affect me this time. He looks at me with his intelligent eyes and patiently tells me to sit down beside him. I thump on the log, my face still etched in sourness. He talks about random things for a while but soon notices I'm not up to the conversation so he broaches the topic which is the reason for my uncharacteristic mood. 'Ranbir told me they didn't select you for the basketball team...?'
It sounds more like a question in his soft voice. I reply in a slightly angry voice. 'Yeah! They rejected me, Dad! How could they?'
He observes me silently for a moment before he looks at the pond. The silence stretches on as I seethe in my anger over being rejected for the basketball team of my high school even when I was confident I would be selected.'Maan...'
His voice breaks into my mind and I look at his serene face which somehow appears more aged as he keeps his eyes fixed at the view ahead. 'Rejection is an inseparable part of life. At times, we are so sure of things that the thought never crosses our mind that we could fail, we could be rejected. We just assume everything is going to be the way we desire, life will bend the way we wish, but that is far from the truth.'
I mutely look at his face, feeling each of his words seeping into my brain. 'We need to accept the fact and we need to keep moving on...'
I voice out the question in my mind. 'But Dad, what about the hurt? The anger we feel at being rejected? It is justified, isn't it?'
He turns to look at me and smiles slightly. 'Son, there's always hurt and anger, or disappointment when we're rejected, no matter which thing we are rejected for. And it's natural. We are humans, after all.'
I wait for him to continue, silently glad that he thinks my anger is justified. Dad's approval of whatever I do has always held a lot of importance for me. 'But Maan, we should always have the spirit to let it pass. We should keep in mind that not all things we desire are meant for us.'
My lips curve downwards at the corners as I ask in a small voice. 'And what if we really want them?'
He smiles at my expression. 'If you want something really bad, it will come to you for sure. '
I open my mouth to object and tell him I wanted to be selected in the team very badly but he doesn't let me speak. 'It may not come immediately, but if it is meant for you, it will come at the right time. You just need to be patient and keep trying.'
I look at his assuring smile and feel myself relaxing, asking if he has ever has to face rejection.'Yeah, the girl I loved rejected me and left me, leaving me to marry your Mom.'
His face is straight and his voice serious enough for me to widen my eyes and stare at him open-mouthed. He laughs at my expression. 'Don't worry! I'm joking. There was no girl in my life before your mother, but yes, rejection is a one of the inevitable truths of life and I'm no superhuman to not have faced it in some way.'
I become thoughtful. 'It must be painful to be rejected in love, right Dad?'
He looks at me jocularly. 'What's the matter, guy? Is there something fishy?'
He wiggles his eyebrows and I laugh. 'No! Nothing yet!'
He is still in a jolly mood as he elbows my rib and speaks in a suggestive tone. 'And what about that pretty girl who your mother was talking about?'
I scrunch my eyebrows and then roll my eyes. 'Anaya? Come on, Dad! She isn't even my friend yet. Ayush brought her along.'
As we both get up to leave, he puts a friendly arm around my shoulders and speaks in a proud, sure voice. 'You won't need to worry about the pain of being rejected in love. No girl can reject my son!'
***I open my eyes, brought back to the present with the splashing sounds of the increasing rain.
'You were wrong, Dad. You were wrong. She rejected me... She rejected my love...' I whisper in a painful voice, wishing Dad was alive and I could unburden my heavy heart to him. With him, it had always been a bond on a completely different plane and I miss that bond.
'I miss you, Dad!' As I scrunch my eyes, I feel a tear drop to my cheek, which I wipe off just as quickly as it comes out. Swallowing the rest of the tears, I tell myself these are because I miss Dad and not for any other reason. As my mind wanders to the girl who is never far from my thoughts, anger begins to simmer just beneath the surface.
'She doesn't love me. She doesn't want me to wait for her. Fine!' I whisper to myself in a mocking tone.
'How did I ever assume she had any feelings for me? I
am the fool here!' A little part of my brain realises that her refusal to accept my love has bruised my ego and that is the reason for my anger.
'I should never have gone after her like the love-struck dog that I was!' My teeth clench together.
'I won't make any more mistakes, Geet! It's over! You have a life to live, right? A career to make? Fine, go ahead! There is nothing between you and me anymore! No love, no friendship, no nothing!' Even as I steel myself for this decision which I have already dictated to Geet, my heart aches and there is a strong urge to go back and beg her to change her decision, to give us a chance. My phone vibrates in my pocket and I take it out to see an incoming call from Geet. Without a moment's pause, I reject it. Another call follows which gets the same treatment from me. After four calls from her, I receive a text message which I ponder whether to delete without reading. Giving in to the weaker side in me, the side which is getting weaker by every attempt from her to reach to me, I open the message to read it.
"Maan, I am sorry to have hurt you so much. I never meant to do so. Please please forgive me. I am sorry."
For a moment, I stare at the message, doubts creeping up in me at the decision I have made. My heart tells me to turn around and go back to her but my mind protests, bringing the anger and my bruised ego back to the forefront. Without deleting the message, I put the phone away, intent on sticking to what I have decided.
A clean break, I tell myself again and again as I drive back home. However, I cannot help but feel my heart sinking with every passing second.
------------------------------------------With Maan refusing to answer either my calls or my text message, I don't know what to do. The weight on my heart doesn't reduce an ounce as the night ticks by with me pacing the room, then sitting on the bed and then pacing again. I can not figure out how to reach to him. He has clearly meant what he said about cutting off his ties with me. I slump on the bed with my head in my hands as salty water threatens to fall out of my eyes once again.
'I am so sorry Maan! I am so so sorry!' A tear trickles out as I wish to eliminate all the hurt he is going through at the moment.
------------------------------------------By the time I park the car outside my house, I feel totally helpless and broken. Despair threatens to overtake my sanity any moment so I get out of the car and trudge up to the door. As soon as I open the door, the darkened room illuminates and Zara's expectantly smiling face welcomes me. Not wanting to talk, I murmur a greeting and begin walking to the stairs without meeting her eyes. From my peripheral vision, I notice her expressions changing from the smile to confusion to concern. She grips my wrist just as I pass her. I stop but don't turn.
'Maan, what happened?' Her voice is hopeful, a futile hope, I realise. My throat is constricted, not letting me utter a word.
'I am asking something, Maan. You went to meet Geet, right? Did you tell her? What did she say? I'm sure she feels the same.' I close my eyes at her optimism.
'So did she promise to come back to you? I'm sure she didn't even want to leave you-' Her words become unbearable so I cut her off in a whisper.
'The worst thing is holding on to someone who doesn't want to be held on to.'
As my words sink in, her grip on my wrist loosens.
'She... didn't...?' Her broken sentence reaffirms the painful truth and I quickly walk towards the stairs, crossing Ranbir on my way as he steps off the last step. He sees me and smiles, obviously not having felt the tension in the room.
'Oh hey! You're home!' I don't stop to smile back or even answer him. Just as I reach the door to my room, I hear him asking Zara what is wrong with me. All I can figure out is Zara whispering something to him but I don't strain myself to hear what she has to say. I step into my room and bolt the door. The thin string which I have been holding on to, to keep my emotions in check, breaks and I slouch on the bed.
'Why? Why did this happen to me?' Silence is all I can hear in response to my desperate question. Too fidgety to sit, I get up from the bed and aimlessly walk around the room, the pain within me bubbling and threatening to escape. Another message of apology from Geet breaks my patience and I push the contents of the dressing table on the floor in one jerky movement, supporting myself with my arms on the now empty table, my head bowed low and my breathing erratic. Heartache mixes with anger and my resolve strengthens as I look into my red eyes in the mirror.
'You won't affect me any more, Geet! I am not going to come back to you! I am not a toy for you to play until you feel content and then throw away when you feel I'm useless.'------------------------------------------Sleep is lost somewhere as the dark night turns to a grey cloudy sky and then slowly into a bright sunny day with the clouds dispersing after unburdening themselves with the storm last night. My heart beats painfully when my mind reminds me of the thoughts which haven't left me for the whole night. I have tried countless times to call Maan, to talk to him once. I don't know what I could have said to him but he hasn't answered even one of my calls. I sent numerous text messages, all of which held an apology and my plea to him to talk to me once, but he hasn't replied to any of them. The numbing haze of my thoughts is broken by the incessant ringing of my phone. I quickly reach for it in hope that Maan is calling but my hopes are dashed as soon as I hear Mamma on the other end, asking me if I am ready to leave for the airport. That is when I notice I only have an hour before I have to report so I hang up with her and hurry to get dressed, my heart only praying fervently for one thing.
'I hope Maan comes to the airport and talks to me just once.'------------------------------------------I stand in the balcony as I watch the sun rise behind the clouds before they disperse, leaving the sky clear and blue. Even after trying, I haven't been able to dispel the images which dance behind my closed eyelids as soon as I try to sleep. I feel angry at myself. I don't want to fall weak now when I have made a decision. Watching the sunrise, her words from a few days ago come back to me and my resolve strengthens.
This is a new day, Geet. A new beginning... without you! I swiftly walk into the room to get dressed for the day. As I brush my hair after getting ready, my eyes fall on the wall clock. I freeze for a moment before my heart leaps and my stomach knots.
I have to see her once before she leaves! Forgetting my resolve, I quickly make my way downstairs and zoom past Mom and Zara who are setting the breakfast table. The only thought in my mind as I drive to the airport is to just get a glimpse of her.
The last time, I tell myself. My phone rings and I check to see it's her calling. I don't answer it as I park the car and hurry into the crowd of the departure terminal, stopping just as soon as my eyes take in the group standing near the doors with Geet in the centre.
------------------------------------------My heart beats hard and fast as the time for my departure approaches quickly and there is still no sign of Maan. He isn't answering my calls and I have sent too many messages to him to apologise to him and to tell him I will wait for him at the airport. He hasn't replied to a single one and it weakens the last thread of hope I have been holding on to since last night.
'What's wrong, Geet?' G's voice distracts me from yet another attempt of scouring the area with my eyes to catch any sign of Maan.
'You look tired. Didn't you sleep well?' I smile slightly.
'Yes, I couldn't sleep.' My eyes take in the group which has come to see me off. G, Ryan, Anaya, her sisters, Ayush, but the one person who my eyes are waiting to see isn't here.
Will he come? The doubtful voice in me speaks up for the nth time and like all the previous times, I cannot immediately deny the question.
'It's eight-thirty. You should get going.' I look at Anaya and speak in a small voice, my eyes full of uncertainty.
'Maan...' She understands but Ayush is the one to offer assistance.
'I'll just call him.' He walks a little away from the group as he takes out his phone and dials the number.
------------------------------------------I observe the group from a distance, hidden behind a pillar. Even though I have come here to catch a glimpse of her before she leaves, I am still angry to walk up to her and say a formal goodbye. I notice her tired eyes and her gaze skittering around the area every few seconds as if she is looking for someone. It does give me a strange sense of satisfaction to realise it is me she is trying to find, but I step a little further into the shadow of the pillar.
I won't let her know I'm here, I repeat to myself again and again. I see Anaya saying something and Geet's gaze impatiently roving through the crowd once again before she says something. Ayush then steps away from all of them and just a moment later, like I expected, my phone rings.
'What?' I answer the phone in a careless voice to hear his suppressed anger.
'Maan, where the hell are you? Don't you remember Geet is leaving? We are all waiting for you at the airport. When are you coming?'I let him quieten himself before lying through my teeth in a controlled voice.
'I am at home.' I can see his expressions turning to shock.
'What?! When are you leaving? Geet is waiting only for you!' My eyes move to see Geet standing with her eyes fixed on Ayush's back with a hopeful expression. I look away before carefully speaking.
'I am not coming. Tell her to go.' Silence consumes him for a few seconds before he bursts out on me.
'Are you crazy?! What happened? What happened between you two? She's so worried and you are refusing to come see her off! Why?!' He gets angrier with each word so I harden my voice before speaking.
'I'm done, Ayush! I am not coming to the airport.' I stress on each word and he falls quiet. The announcement of the arrival of a flight blares through the speakers and I close my eyes, hoping he hasn't heard it. Not surprisingly, he has, because he speaks in a much relaxed voice now.
'I know you're at the airport. I heard that.' I look at him from behind the pillar to see him suspiciously looking around.
'You better come out.' His voice has a warning but I clearly tell him I am not joking and that I won't come. I hang up and look at him again to see him smile sadly. I realise he has taken my word seriously as he stands there for a few more seconds before letting out a visibly heavy sigh and turning around to face Geet.
------------------------------------------I anxiously try to read Ayush expressions as he turns after hanging up with Maan. He smiles faintly at me as he walks to us.
'When is he coming?' Anaya asks before me and I notice Ayush's eyes skittering away before hesitantly coming to my face.
'He... uhh... he can't come.' Anaya is shocked even though I was expecting this.
'What?! Why?' Ayush shifts his weight uncomfortably.
'He had some work to do.' Anaya looks at him with narrowed eyes.
'What
work was so important that he couldn't come to say goodbye to Geet?' I lower my eyes, trying not to show the pain which crosses my face as I hear Ayush defend Maan in front of the rest of us.
'Oh no, he really wanted to come but he's stuck. He was sorry about that.' I know Ayush is lying but I don't defy him as I take a silent breath. Baba calls on my phone, asking if I have checked in and instructs me to quickly do so when I tell him I'm still standing outside. As I hang up, a hand on my shoulder makes me turn to see Anaya.
'Is everything alright between you and Maan?' Her question is direct and her eyes scrutinising my face. I fumble for a moment, not meeting her eyes as I lie.
'Yes, of course. He must really be stuck. I'll call him once I check in.' I try to smile as convincingly as possible and then walk to the rest of the group to meet them the last time. Hugs are exchanged, tears are shed and promises of staying in touch are made. All through this time, the knot in my stomach gets tighter and it becomes difficult to keep a check on my tears. Looking at all of them one last time, I begin to wheel my trolley to the entrance as I dial Maan's number again. My heart sinks as his phone keeps ringing but he doesn't answer.
'I'm sorry, Maan...' I whisper to myself before walking away, feeling like I am leaving a large part of myself here.
------------------------------------------Even though I have refused Ayush outright to come meet Geet, I cannot help my anxious heart which goes out to her crest-fallen face as Ayush makes God-knows-what excuse for my absence. My eyes, on their own accord, run over her face, taking in the hurt mixed with guilt which she tries to hide. I can see the drooped set of her shoulders as she answers the call and then comes back to meet all of them. My feet itch to come out of my hiding, to walk up to her, to hug her once... to stop her from leaving me. I hold my breath as I see a few tears trickle down her eyes as she says her goodbyes and then turns around. I notice her hesitant steps as she looks around once and then my phone rings. It's her. I just let it ring, not even cutting her call like I have been doing since last night. Without my knowledge, my feet carry me out of my hiding place and my eyes cloud with tears I don't want to shed as I see her take another step away from me, her stance that of someone defeated. As she walks in further, my throat clogs and my hand reaches out to her, wanting to stop her, to hold her back. A tear makes its way down my cheek as she walks out of my sight... out of my reach. The emptiness I feel in my outstretched hand makes me take a shaky breath and fist my hand, pulling it back. I wipe the tear and turn around, feeling all the more broken.
She left me!***From behind that door, I peeked at you,
Days passed and then years flew,
While I silently and stealthily,
Enjoyed the beautiful view.In all your glory, you sat unaware
Of what went through here and there,
Lost in your own bubble,
Unmindful of my stare.One fine day,
Did my destiny sway,
Forced us together
And made you stay.Little by little, bit by bit,
The path between us coyly lit,
A bond we formed,
In friendship we were knit.In an instant so benign,
When your smile was ashine,
Did I perceive to myself
All my love was thine.A million moments I tried to steal,
To have you by my side and listen to your laughter's peal,
To lay my heart bare to you,
To tell you how I feel.A time did arrive,
When my courage did thrive,
I pulled you close
And I felt alive.Whispered in your ear,
Clear, without fear,
Those magical words,
"Oh, I love you dear!"My heart did break,
My form did shake,
When you refused my love,
But some decisions I did make.To let you go,
Even if I love you so,
To turn away from you,
It did hurt though.I realised with a start,
You were going to depart,
For an indefinite time,
We would be apart.Forgetful of my word,
My thudding heart conferred,
To race after you,
To have your farewell deferred.With you in sight, my running feet stopped,
Recalling your rejection, bitterness cropped.
But seeing you leave,
My heartbeats dropped.My hand outstretched, which called out to thee,
The tear in my eye, you did not see.
How could you?
You would have seen it,
If only you turned around,
If only you saw me!***With the end of this chapter, we come to the conclusion of If Only You Saw Me. I know many of you will think it is a hasty decision to end the story at this point but trust me, it wasn't hasty. The decision to give this ending to the story came to me way before I had written half of the total chapters. Most of you won't like it but the story of this phase of Maan and Geet's life had to meet this end. It was pre-planned.
Here is a link of the VM of this story. If you have already watched it, you will now fully understand the feel of it.http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x12f258_if-only-you-saw-me-maan-geet_people?search_algo=2 Thank you for being here through the journey of If Only You Saw Me and I'm sorry if I have disappointed you with it! Edited by mayyo - 11 years ago
Pati Patni Aur Panga
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