Invites Only - The What If Club

Originally posted by: Japonica

Hmm 'When love hurts and hate soothes'- that certainly is one intriguing title, Loops. Makes me want to know more about what could make hate soothe. Who hates whom or what or why? who is soothed by this hate? Well, I guess you will tell us all.

You've chosen to start at just the point where they are recognizing the mutual attraction they share, snake is up to his tricks, so I'm  thinking this the springboard from which the story will take off, so I'll wait for your story before I comment.

You might consider your use of present/past tense as you sometimes shift between the two which results in jagged writing, just stick with one tense or else have these transitions in order to make a point.  E.g. reporting their thoughts using the past tense would be better than quoting them in the present tense as direct speech.

Also how consciously are the two aware of the Arnav/ASR distinction? Might be best to tone that down and allow the reader to come to that conclusion by allowing your characters to act accordingly. Because in real life people react to situations without giving a thought to which aspect of their personality is driving their actions. So let the characters speak for themsleves and reveal themselves throught their actions and speech. Try not to speak for them.


Sorry, I hope my comments haven't put you off writing Alas, once a teacher, always a teacher, but then, you did ask us for our honest opinions!!

Try not to worry too much about these things, keep writing, I'm sure you'll be fine once you settle in to your story.

Waiting for the next update where I guess your own tale will begin.