My sky is littered with stars, like little pebbles on dark shores with foamy white waves of clouds. I recall the long ago read words of Henry David Thoreau in his study of "Where I lived and what I lived for" He mentioned that line about safe harbor "below freshet and frost and fire, a place where you might found a wall or a state, or set a lamp-post safely". What happens when build up of emotions and feelings and need finally reaches its point of overflowing, flood gates are opened like a dam over beaming in rains. A freshet is flood caused by thawing of frozen body or overflowing of fresh water into open spaces and finally meeting the sea. Frost which collects over years on walls of dam when melts suddenly leads to a freshet. A sudden touch of fire of sun melts even centuries of frost to reveal the hard yet fertile earth below.
Feelings when hidden under frost of ennui for years when exposed to sudden fire of affection and simplicity of quiet acceptance leads to the freshet of emotions that floods the soil of heart and reveals the quiescent seeds of need and love that makes one put roots and find harbor and calm in one person.
Ch15: Freshet, Frost & Fire
"Kya soch rahein hai aap? Kya hua aise kya dekh rahein hai?" Her quiet eyes were asking him thousand questions. He smiled at her,"tere aankhon mein is holika dehen ki aag ko jaltey dekh raha hoon." She smiled and looked at the flames whose light was falling on her dusky face. His heart clenched with the same feeling which now was too familiar to him. "Aag se pavitra kuch nahi…is mein sari buraiyan jal jaati hai, saari millawat khatam kar deti hai…sab kuch shudh, sab saaf." He shook his head at her naivety,"Kuch buraiyan..kuch galtiyan insaan ke zehan ke itne andar bas jaati hai ki koi aag wahan nahi pahuch sakti…unhe wahan se kuch nahi nikal sakta." She looked at him smiling and held out her hand to the fire, slowly she turned and placed her small hand on his heart,"Kya is aag ko mehsoos nahi kar saktey? Kya abhi yahan barf jami hai?" He placed his hand on hers," ye haath hattey hi phir thand ho jayegi..phir barf jam jayegi…phir wahi rasta hoga..phir wahi raftaar hogi…thak gaya to millon durr un taaron mein sukoon dhundne lagunga." He looked up at the sky full of stars like new pennies blinking down at him. She caressed his chest lightly,"taaron mein kyun?" He looked down and cupped her face,"tu nahi hogi na…mere dil ko chain aur sukoon dene ke liye? kya karunga main? Kaise rahunga…kaise jeeunga?"
His hands slowly slipped down her face, living a scarlet trail on her cheeks. He looked at the red color he had spread on her face in wonderment. She closed her eyes as if absorbing his touch in her soul. His hands moved of their own accord to smear her face in crimson hue- her forehead, her chin, her cheeks. A little of abeer fell on her small nose. He looked with astonishment at his hands. They seemed to have life of their own as they slipped down to her slender throat and shoulder. She slowly opened her beautiful eyes and gazed at him as if in a trance just like him. "Aap ab mujhe nahi raang saktey. Ab ye haq aapka nahi raha…ab ye haq kissi aur ka hai." She slowly removed his hands and stepped away. He grabbed her hand and twisted it behind her dragging her closer to his body,"kya? Kya kaha tuney?" She tiled her head back and laughed at him loudly, even as rivulets of tears fell down her eyes washing away the red on her cheeks. He tried to wipe those tears off but felt a sudden sear of fire on his fingers and pulled back.
Startled, he sat up from the chair and looked at the place where the forgotten cigarette had burned his fingers. He squashed the bud under his feet and rubbed his face with the other hand. He pressed his tired fingers over his weary eyes trying to free himself from the lingering tentacles of the dream. Suddenly his body stilled as he felt her closeness and looked at the door leading to the terrace. He got up and opened the door slowly.
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She stood near the railing facing the road separating the two houses. A crescent moon looked down from a cloudless clear sky. She stood with her shoulders hunched down in defeat. He felt his heart sore up and then crash down in thousand pieces looking at her dejected stance.
"Agar yeh jaroori nahi ki jo maangey wahi milley to..to jo na mango wo millna bhi to jaroori nahi hona chahiye na?" She had sensed his approach but it didn't surprise him. It felt the most natural thing on earth that she knew he was near her as he could feel her close without looking. Dutta sighed- Kya maanga tha aur kya nahi? She wiped a lone tear and sniffed,"Maanga tha ki ek baar mere bhai-behan maa kho chukey hai..dobara aisa na ho..Maanga tha ki unhe thoda thoda karke bada hotey dekhoon…kabhi ye to nahi manga tha ki kissi ke ghar ki bahu kum aur sahuliyat jayada ban jaun." She turned with vehemence at him,"Dutta, maine aapne liye to kuch nahi maanga tha…to Kanhaji kyun mujhe bin maange ye rishta de rahein hai? "
Dutta- to is unchahey rishtey ko apnane se maana kar de. Kah de sabse tujhe ye shaadi nahi chahiye. She shook her head- babuji? Didi? Nahi. Unhe dukh hoga..main unhe chot nahi pahucha sakti. Dutta took a few steps and stood in front of her his back against the railings," to apni zindagi barbaad kar legi unki khushi ke liye? Chupchap kissi aur ko apne life ko take over karne degi? Sab kuch chod degi? Kya hoga debu ka…Sonu ka…tere babuji ka…Didi ka…Aur…mera? Mera kya naku?
Nakkusha looked up with stark surprise in her eyes- aapka? Main..matlab..main kuch samjhi…She trailed away as she looked away from his burning gaze and tried to escape the fire in them.
Dutta held her arms and leaned down so that she was forced to meet his gaze- haan, mera! Mera kya hoga nakku? Kya karunga main? Tu bata mujhe. Samjha. Kaise main ye accept kar loon ki jab main Mumbai ki raaton mein jaagta hua taaron mein sukoon dhundne ki koshish karunga..tab koi kahin kissi band kamerey mein meri Nakku ke saath…..He hissed as he brought her closer to his lean body as his hands slowly moved up her arms and went around her neck. His voice took a sneering scathing quality of hatred, she had never heard before," Meri nakku ke gale mein apne naam ka mangalsutra daalega wo? Maang mein sindoor daalega? Saale ko…." She saw with disbelieve as his entire demeanor changed from soft caring man she knew to dark, demonic stranger. She could sense the bleak, hard, primitiveness in him which she always knew was there hidden under the cloak of urban suaveness. She had just glimpsed it when he had caught her stealing his cigarettes that day and then when he had told her about the decanter.
Nakkusha looked at the wildness in the dark depths of his eyes. She shivered in spite of the scorching heat in them. She mumbled softly unbelieving at what she was hearing,"Dutta…aap ye sab kya kah rahein hai?"
Dutta met her eyes and for second she saw tenderness in them. As soon as it came it vanished again, leaving anger in its trail. He crushed her body to his length and said vehemently,"theek kah raha hoon. Saala, us din tere paas baitne ki koshish kar raha tha…aaj car mein tujhe chune ki koshish kar raha tha…Mere samne! Uski itni himmat.. tujhe chunna chahta hai. meri nakku ko." He shook her roughly and looked in her eyes with an intensity that burned her inside. unknowingly tears blurred her vision.
Looking at those droplets on her cheeks he felt a kick in his gut. He didn't know what had come over him. How could he scare her like that! He had not meant to be so harsh on her, never on her. It was just that as he had said those words he could picture that man holding her, touching her intimately and he had seen red. It had made his vision blur with jealous rage. But sight of her trembling in his arms like a wing torn butterfly made him see her fear. It cleared his vision and for the first time in days he could see things clearly. He closed his eyes tightly and tried to tell her calmly why she would have to refuse her father and his sister. She could never be anyone's because she belonged to him, belonged with him.
Dutta- nakku, tune kaha than a, pyaar mein jalan hoti hai..farak pardhta hai..mere andar aag lagi huyi hai…har us pal jab main ussey tere aas paas dekhta hoon ye aag aur bhadakne lagti hai..Faark pardhata hai mujhe ki koi tere kareeb aane ki koshish kar raha hai. Tujhe dekhna aur chuna to chod wo agar tere bare mein sochta bhi hai to mera dil karta hai ki uska wahi open heart kar doon…mujhe ussey jalan hoti hai, naku, farak padhta hai..kyunki..kyunki..i love you..I love you like I have never loved anything ever before in my life. i thought once that I was living, but now once that I have tasted what life is ..i don't want to go back to just existing….just surviving. Sirf saas lene ke liye nahi jee sakta ab main, naaku. Ek khokli zindagi nahi jee sakta main. Tai kahti hai,teri maa ke maut ke baad sabko tune sambhala hai. barso se main bhi bikhara hua sa jeer aha hoon nakku. Please, mujhe samait le. Please, mujhse pyar kar please!
Nakkusha couldn't stop the tears spilling from her eyes. She felt choked inside like sun was rising somewhere inside her. She couldn't speak for her happiness so she simply nodded at the silly man. How could he doubt that she wouldn't love him? Couldn't he see that she was so torn inside just because she knew she already belonged to him!
He saw the trembling of her lips as tears rolled down her nose and lips. Girls he knew back in the city looked like delicate porcelain dolls when they cried. But not his nakku! She looked worked out by the tears as her nose became red and started running with her eyes. As she swiped at her nose, Dutta swore that he had never seen a more beautiful woman on earth. Because she was beautiful- her beauty was the kind that made things around her more beautiful like a Midas touch. Look how beautiful she had made his barren life. Dutta whispered again- I love you, meetha. She gave a teary laugh and put her head on his chest as her arms went around him to hold on to his solid strength- I love you too, sardu. He grinned as he hugged her to him.
She smiled as he murmured some silly soothing promises to her. They stayed like that for innumerable minutes in time. Slowly she opened her eyes a smile of contentment tugging at her lips as she raised her head off his chest her eyes meet the pair of accusing disappointed gaze which brought her down to earth with a crash. She moved away from dutta without breaking the eye-lock. Dutta looked at her worried and confused. He followed her stony gaze and turned around to see what caused the painful look on her face. Before he could think of anything nakkusha removed his hands from her back and walked away vanishing down the stairs. He watched her leave with remorse and turned back to look into the eyes of the man who had equal rights on the woman he loved. Dutta calmly met the accusing gaze of the man who stood on the unguarded terrace of the house on the other side of the street with his hands behind his back.
Nishikant was the first to break away the battle of gazes. As he turned back to go inside the house, he felt a sense of acceptance settling over him. But doubts still clamored his logical mind.
Dutta watched the man go down the stairs and enter the house. The lights went off. Just then he saw her run across the street from his house wiping at her eyes. But before she entered her door she looked up at him. He could make out the sadness and worry on her face even from this height, even in this darkness. He knew she would make out the reassurance and love in his face, too. He put his hands on the railings gripping the balustrade and leaned down a little and watched her till she disappeared in the darkness of her house.
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Kalawati told kishore who had just got back from his trip to Bhopal about her last night's conversation with Dutta.
Kalawati- kishore, mujhe lag raha hai…miane bahut badi galti kar di hai. kahin anjane mein nakku ke liye koi galat faisla to nahi kar rahe na hum log. Nishikant babu bhi itni jaldi maan gaye. Nakku ne bhi haan kah di par dutta ki baton ne mujhe darra diya hai…Aur..aur uski harkat se paheli baar mujhe dutta ki aankhon mein nakku ke liye dosti ke alawa bhi kuch nazar aaya..aisa laga jaise…jaise..
Kishore completed for her- jaise Dutta nakku se pyar karta hai? Kalawati looked at her husband who was laying on the bed with his hands behind his head and was moving his feets to and fro in a relaxed stance. "Aapko kaisse….aapko ye baat pata thi?" Kishore shook his head,"Nai! Pura yakeen nahi tha. Par ek andaaza tha ki agar Dutta ko kahin se koi push mill jaye to shayad usse pata chal jayega ki uske liye kya sahi hai."
Kalawati- Usse abhi tak andaaza nahi hai wo usse pyar karne laga hai. Wo samajh hi nahi paya hai. aur kahi samajhtey samajhtey deer ho gayi to? Kishore chuckled- Mrs.Deshmukh apko to aapne aapko congratulation kehna chahiye. Aapne aur nishikant je ne agar nakku ke shaadi ki than nahi li hoti to dutta ko kabhi apni territory invade hoti nazar nahi aati..ab aya na kitab pardne mein. Akshar bhi saaf nazar ayenge ab aur matlab bhi samajh aayega. Chinta mat karo…khush raho ki tumhara impossible sapna pura hone waala hai. aur ye sapna pura hoga, Kala. Jab tak dono milley nahi the mujhe bhi aisa lagta tha ki dono do alag prithvi hai…kabhi ek nahi ho saktey. Par do itne alag insaan ek saath itne..itne sampurn lag saktey hai..mujhe bhi yakeen nahi hota agar maine Dutta ko badaltey na dekhta. Kissi ko pata hi nahi chala kab nakku ne dutta ko apne saadgi mein baandh liya aur kab dutta ne nakku ko aapne rang mein rang diya.
There was loud knock on their door. Kala looked at her husband in surprise but before she could get up to open it, the door flew open by a solid force and Dutta barged in. He looked ready enough to fight the world. Dutta looked at her and said clenching his fist,"Tai, Nakku us admi se shaadi nahi kar sakti. Aap nakku ke babuji se keh do unhe inkaar karde."
As he turned to go kishore stopped him with a question,"Par, saale sahib koi wajah to hogi kin a kehne ki. Aur aap kaise keh saktey hai ki naaku shaadi nahi karegi."Dutta turned back and looked him in the eyes and said without flinching,"nakku usse shaadi nahi karegi kyunki nakku se main shaadi karne wala hoon. Will that be reason enough?"
As he left slamming the door behind him Kishore broke into a chuckle as kalawati looked on bemused at her brother's retreating back.
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Dutta looked at the man who slammed the mobile down with a bit too much force. Well, the conversation had not been that condusive to ears either. Nishikant looked at kishore with eyes burning with rage,""Accha hai…samjhe aap kishoreji…accha hai ki us ghar mein apni beti nahi bhej raha hoon. Us aurat ki jabaan pe talwar latki hai. aisi wahiyaat baatein karti hai ki….meri beti ka to jeena haram kar deti, kalawati ji. Sahi waqt par nazar aagaya sach warna…
Kalawati patted his hand consolingly- sirf aap nahi main bhi to nahi dekh payi…par unhone aisa kaha kya? Nishkant started off again like steamed engine-Meri beti ke naam pe badnaami de rahe the..kehte hai meri beti uske layak nahi…zalil aurat. Unki himmat kaise hui..
As Dutta heard Nishikant wore off his rage at the high-handedness of Bittu's mother his eyes searched the house for her glimpse. Debu and sonu both peered out from the edge of the bedrooms curtains grinning at him. He tried to ask them in signal about her whereabouts but the pulled back in. He sat there fuming at them and her. Here he had made the most impressive speech to her father today, presenting his case and his proposal to him and she had totally missed it.
It had not really been that easy, but then it had not been that hard either. Everyone had been surprisingly amenable which Dutta had not envisioned. He had thought that he would have his work cut out for him to convince Nakku's father. But the old man had heard him out peacefully and agreed to the marriage with only one vow from Dutta. a vow that Dutta would do his best to do what's best for his daughter. What dutta was unaware of was that early in the morning Kishore had had a chat with Nishikant about them. He had carried out the conversation with great subtlety and diplomacy to make nishsikant amenable to listen to dutta's request for nakku's hand in marriage.
Kishore- aap hi sochiye agar nakku dutta se pyar karti hai to kya wo uday ke sath kabhi khush ho payegi? Nishikant ji,ganimat hai ki paani pool le nichey tak nahi pahucha. Abhi tak na baat pakki huyi hai na biradri mein faili hai.
Nishkant had said doubtfully- lekin kya itni jaldi dono ki baat mananna theek hoga. Dutta kal shaher lautega aapni zindagi mein wapas tab uske khyal badal jayenge. Chuttiyo ke saath nakku ke liye unka pyaar bhi khatam ho gaya to? Meri beti ka kya hoga?
Kishore- agr aap ko lagta hai ki koi nakku ko itni asaani se bhula dega to aap aapne hi dono baccho par shaq kar rahe hai..nakku par kyunki aapko lagta hai ki ussey bhulana itna asaan hai….aur Dutta ko bhi kyunki aapko lagta hai Dutta ka pyar aur character dono itna kamjhoor hai. Aap aur main chahey to bhi inhe ek dusre se pyar karne se to nahi rok saktey to maan hi lete hai…humein khush hona chahiye ki humare bacchey khush rahenge. Hai na?
Nishikant had asked dutta to vow that he would always love nakku unconditionally so much so that she should cry when she next left Dutta's home to come to visit her father. Dutta had smiled and nodded holding nishikant's hands.
Kalawati broke the silence that had fallen after Nishikant had finished his tirade about the mean and uncouth woman on the phone and her spineless puppet son. Kalawati- Dutta, pichli baar tune kaha tha ki maine nakku se nahi pucha. Aaj main jaanna chahti hoon tune nakku se shaadi ke bare mein pucha hai na? Dutta looked at her irritated- Nazar ayegi to puchunga na? tab se dhund raha hoon dikh hi nahi rahi. Kishore and nishikant both broke into loud guffaws of laughter as kalawati smothered her smile behind her hand. Dutta blushed for the first time in his entire life and got up to get away from them trying to escape further embarrassment.
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He walked into his room with huge strides and stopped abruptly at the threshold. She stood near the chest with her back turned to him just like the first day he had caught her staling. He walked behind her and turned her to face him in a swift motion,"kab se tujhe dhund raha hoon aur tu…kya kar rahi hai yahan? Tere ghar par tha itni der aur tu gayab."
Nakkusha raised her chin defiantly- kya karne gaye the doctor saab mere ghar par? Wahan to koi bimaar nahi hai!
Dutta lips twisted into a wry smile- hmm, koi bimaar to nahi hai par main wahan apni bimaari ka ilaaz dhundne gaya tha.
Nakkusha feigned innocence- accha to ilaaz milla? Dutta pursed his lips- umhuh, nahi milli. Par phir mere hi kamre mein meri dava mill gayi. He wound his hands around her to bring her closer. Nakkusha pushed him away- ye aapka nahi, mera karma hai. aura b mere Kanha ji unki jagah par rahenge. She pointed at the statue placed on the dresser with lamp and incense lit near it."inhe yaha stapit karne aayi thi..aapki bin mausam bimari ka ilaaz karne nahi."
Dutta- par mera ilaaz to tu hi hai. bol shaadi karegi na mujhse? He leaned down to take her lips in a kiss. She stopped him with her palms on his chest- nahi. Dutta frowned trying to be sure- nai? Matlab?
Nakkusha looked him in his eyes and said in matter of fact voice- main insaan hoon insaan se hi shaadi karungi na? ab dhuan chodtey chimney se thodi na shadi kar sakti hoon.
Before dutta could react to her taunt she laughed at his face and evaded his grasp. Dutta stopped her at the threshold of the room with his serious tone of voice- aur agar main chimney se insaan ban gaya to?
Nakkusha turned back to face him and raised her hand towards him- to phir jitney zor se us din yahan mera haath marora tha…utne hi haq se mera yahi haath pakad ke lejana aapni duniya mein.
Dutta looked at her as she skipped happily down the steps of the stair and went away twirling the parrot's cage. How could he have not realized that day that the slip of the girl who had stolen his cigarettes that day had also stolen away his heart so completely?
…………………………To be continued.
Edited by shilpita87 - 14 years ago
Kumkum Bhagya
Tu Dhadkan Main Dil
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
