Raising kids - Actions have consequences - Page 3

Originally posted by: SmithaRam

Are most moms in India like Anupama? I am also curious to know. Are kids mollycoddled like it is being depicted? I hope not. I know we should not be generalizing, but what is the observation in your close family/friends circles?

Its just my observation.

I have got a chance to interact with so many mothers ( as a parent) waiting sometimes for hours during kids' activities or competitions" also worked as a teacher, takes coaching too so interact with parents as teacher also.

First of all, in my circles, most of the mothers are working. kids are independent and well-mannered irrespective of being a boy or a girl. According to their ages, they can do almost all the work from cleaning to cooking.

but I have also seen mothers wiping kids with towels, helping them in getting ready after coming out of pool, feeding kids of age group 11-12 while they are on mobile. kids older than this age group do not know where their water bottles or clothes are. Arranging their almirahs, handing clothes, books in their hands, packing their bags. Most of these women here are from joint family. I feel it's a way of escapism from the responsibilities sometimes, or to show they are busy with their kids or to prove to their husbands that they are better mothers than their mothers or jinhe hum MILs kehte hai😊.. or to prove what.....still not able to figure out.

Even in schools, they don't let them free, like when they are in the green room, they will reach there if they have any problem. Will not go back home even if the house is nearby. They themselves are well educated, even then their kids go to tuition from class 2, and when they come to class 7-8, at least 3-4 tuitions. or in some cases, itna pada degi ki baccho ka interest hi khatam ho jaayega.

lot to say.. about teenagers-- how do they feel.. but will stop here.

Originally posted by: Krinya

No they are not. Not "all" of them definitely. But that's the point..most of our parents were like this ..majorly bec our mothers took up the role of the housewife ..and I appreciate it ..anupama belongs to that generation not ours...

What they did in anupama is to degrade the house wives so much that it looks like a major burden , not to forget the infidelity and gulping insults day in day out..not every woman's story is hers.

My mom wasn't a helicopter parent but she does made sure her husband and family r well fed..she used to cook for us , still does ..after my brothers marriage i took a lot of pain to convince her to step back and let her dil handle it the way she wants..my bhabhi employed a cook and she doesn't take any interest in house work ..so my mil adjusted her routine instead of forcing bhabhi to follow hers.

As a mother of 2 daughters , I want my daughters to be independent in every way , even learn to do house jobs like cooking cleaning making up their beds etc and they do it ..my friends encourage their sons to do the same.. since children r too much into studying and activities , they don't find much time ..but after schooling as they go foe higher studies away for home , they learn everything automatically ..

Plus , nowdays the girls r totally against the idea of marrying a mammas boy, demand equal roles equal responsibilities before marriage ..

So age old traditions are still valuable to us , and we're adapting to the new changes , it's sad that shows like anupama r degrading our culture and our women .

Well said.

its like my mind but I cannot express myself as you can.

My mom is also like yours only.

I always love and respect your pov.

Originally posted by: prerna4rishav

It’d take another decade for ITV to show concepts on letting children be, letting them live their own life, letting them decide on their own stuffs.

Till then enjoy the family drama, sacrificing for family, glorifying it, women playing these roles of man-fixers while men continue to play manchild roles. 😆

Yess. I think its the most imp. concern nowadays.

bull cart se plane mei aa gayi duniya. but abhi bhi bull cart chalaye jaa rahe hai🤪

Maa change ho gayi, problems change ho gayi, time change ho gaya but ITV abhi bhi wahi stuck hai

Originally posted by: Loveforworld

Anupama has made being a mother her whole identity in worst way possible. Not because she loves her children too much. But because she is insecure. She knows once her children learn to do things independently, she won't have anything to do and she will become useless in her own eyes. Now all her children are a mess, look at accha beta samar, who gave up a good job opportunity in London when his family was in dire need of money, just because he couldn't live away from mommy.

You have a point. Insecurity is one of the main reasons.

Other than this, a mother does not like it if her children appreciate or praise someone else, even their dadi so sometimes, they even don't allow their MILs to do any work for their kids.

Originally posted by: surabhi01

Jub kisi ke Ghar ki financial condition poor hoti Hai to aisi slave mentality ho jaati hai

When anupama got marry she was not financial independent plus does not have any financial support ahd also she become mother of two children at young age that is 19 and 22 islye use tolerate karna pada

When she does not have any financial support .to kya anupama apne chote bachon ko ko khud raise kar paati .aur anupama ki Maa bhi kya kar paati anupama aur uske bachon ke liye if anupama has left vanraj long ago jub uski maa bhi financial strong nahi thi

Yeh to serial hai jahan Kanta keh rahi thi anupama ko apne saath rahegi after divorce

Real life mein daughter ke own parents to bhi beti ko kehte hai ki tum Jaano aur tumhara sasural jaae.tumhara jaisa sasural waisa nibhhaao

Agar tunmne samurai walon aur husband se lad jhagad ke aayi tumhe yahan mayke mein ghusne nahi denge hum tumhe apne Ghar mein zindagi bhar na bitha paayeenge

. BTW I was not talking about anupama ki slave mentality baa ki taraf after divorce gayi ki nahi .that is different matter

I was talking about why anupama could not train children iin childhood because of lack of support system

In school also also sabhi ke coordinate be it principal school manager aur teeacher ke coordination se hi student mein discipline install Kar paate hai

I disagree our grandmoms were not so educated just like anupama no way they behaved like anupama

They were more bold than devika and kinjal also forget anupama

Yes and they never went to work in office they lived in joint family with in laws and hubby and devar etc

In india out of 130 crore people 60 crore out of that only 8.3% have graduation degree as on 2018 means 4.9 crore woman have done BSC/BCOM/BA and above(read below data) so rest 55 crore are like anupama or what? Even with drunkard and wife beating husbands uneducated mothers manage to give sanskar to kids. Imagine if less educated would create kids like anupamas than india would have like 25 crore men like toshu 25 crore like samar and 30 crore girls like pakhi misbehaving and after others wealth. But thats not the case. Education or illiterate or economical freedom does not create good mother or good kids, it depends on character and values of mother and family. To be honest mother being illeterate or not working does not make good or bad kids. It depends on what upbringing and value you give in childhood and their school college. If as per you education and not working produces shah kind kids than all our parents and grandparents should have become a pakhi or toshu because their parents were not so educated especially mothers and neither they went to work.

Indeed i can say people like like our parents or grandparents with less educated and non working mothers were much better humans and cultured than our gen or nowadays kids. (those born after 1990 like me). Murders were less theft was less etc in our city(which is metro not small town) they say in central street markets they would not lock even gold shops or any shop like dress or metal books etc till 1960s because no one used to steal. You just latch and leave shops at night. Even house no lock for main doors if you go outstation just tell neighbours and lock main gates and leave no one will steal in 40s and 50s till 60s. Our grandparents never locked their houses going on tours with locks they just tell neighbours and leave.In 2022 forget a big city i want to know even in village can anyone go out without putting locks to door? And people are much more rich now in 2022 than 1940s or 1960s yet not steal why? Thats upbringing

As per NSS 75th Round (July, 2017- June, 18), only 8.3% of the females of age 15 years & above by highest level of education have successfully completed graduation and above level of courses

Originally posted by: ChirpyKiya10

You have a point. Insecurity is one of the main reasons.

Other than this, a mother does not like it if her children appreciate or praise someone else, even their dadi so sometimes, they even don't allow their MILs to do any work for their kids.

Great you have hit point on head

Nowa days mothers and fathers are jealous of their parents or in laws or uncle aunt being close to their kids

When we were kids in 90s and 2000s our parent do not bother dada dadi nana nani or uncle aunty give us more love time and attention and gifts etc

It was not competition to win over your child like nowadays parents excellent point by you

It is not about being only mother being educated or not it is also about family support system if u don't have family support in joint family .a single mother cannot do anything in joint family she cannot do even job in joint family nor she can teach her children value in joint family without family support

In joint family no all alone mother can do miracle by raising children all alone in joint family when she has no family support and financial system

So I totally disagree with that that all alone single mother able to fight againstv and give teaching all alone to children when she has no support system from anywhere .in joint family

Originally posted by: sweet_tania

@bold I was saying about the same that why anupama couldn’t train her children in childhood. For me kanta is very responsible for nourishing anupama with slave mentality. Agar kanta ne apni beti ko SHERNI banaya hota toh better hota.

Should the children be "trained" or should they be nurtured ?

The problem is not doing things for children , problem is overdoing it to the extent that they don't grow up to be responsible and independent adults capable of taking their own decisions . I think the children with overbearing parents turn out to be underconfident or they switch to mammas boys/girls roles or they may turn like toshu and pakhi, stubborn and rebellious....anything in extreme can have adverse reactions including love and nourishment . Anupama is seriously overdoing everything , she needs to start giving space and stop micro manage everybody's life.

Originally posted by: ChirpyKiya10

but I have also seen mothers wiping kids with towels, helping them in getting ready after coming out of pool, feeding kids of age group 11-12 while they are on mobile. kids older than this age group do not know where their water bottles or clothes are. Arranging their almirahs, handing clothes, books in their hands, packing their bags. Most of these women here are from joint family. I feel it's a way of escapism from the responsibilities sometimes, or to show they are busy with their kids or to prove to their husbands that they are better mothers than their mothers or jinhe hum MILs kehte hai😊.. or to prove what.....still not able to figure out.

firstly thx for the kind words in the other reply.. it really means a lot🤗

It's a very interesting perspective you've put..its exactly the same how I see people around me..adding to the list are the mothers who prefer the maid doing everything while they attend their yoga meditation and gym sessions , sometimes kitty parties sometimes work which is genuine ..

I wanted to pitch in my 2 cents for the bolded part bec I don't belong to any of the above categories 😆

Till a certain age I have done all of this for my kids ..from doing their a-z work to helping them with studies ..but now I feel they should move away from my influence and grow ..so now they r pretty much on their own. Clean if they want to, don't if they don't want to...study or not..their wish..study as much as they want.. However , there r certain things I still love doing for my kids..that's cooking for them and doing their stuff...I feel this is one thing , for which they will always remember me ..for which they would want to come to me when they grow old , when they will get busy with their life...

It's not to escape from responsibilities . I have none if I don't want to take up..I am really lucky that way..my mil on the contrary insists on getting everything done from house helps ...it's not to prove anything to anyone..dunno the definition of a good mum either...I think a good mum is the one who the child comes to ..when they r sad , when they need a love and care, and with whom they can share anything and be their best friend , that's a good mom..

We're emotional that way..way too emotional..but these emotions give us the strength right ? Something to live for

Originally posted by: Krinya

firstly thx for the kind words in the other reply.. it really means a lot🤗

It's a very interesting perspective you've put..its exactly the same how I see people around me..adding to the list are the mothers who prefer the maid doing everything while they attend their yoga meditation and gym sessions , sometimes kitty parties sometimes work which is genuine ..

I wanted to pitch in my 2 cents for the bolded part bec I don't belong to any of the above categories 😆

Till a certain age I have done all of this for my kids ..from doing their a-z work to helping them with studies ..but now I feel they should move away from my influence and grow ..so now they r pretty much on their own. Clean if they want to, don't if they don't want to...study or not..their wish..study as much as they want.. However , there r certain things I still love doing for my kids..that's cooking for them and doing their stuff...I feel this is one thing , for which they will always remember me ..for which they would want to come to me when they grow old , when they will get busy with their life...

It's not to escape from responsibilities . I have none if I don't want to take up..I am really lucky that way..my mil on the contrary insists on getting everything done from house helps ...it's not to prove anything to anyone..dunno the definition of a good mum either...I think a good mum is the one who the child comes to ..when they r sad , when they need a love and care, and with whom they can share anything and be their best friend , that's a good mom..

We're emotional that way..way too emotional..but these emotions give us the strength right ? Something to live for

Of course dear, till certain age, kids need care, attention and help in studies for strong foundation. I also did same for many years. I also love cooking for them, pamper them also bcoz I know, in future, they have to manage everything on their own. I think mothers are like that only.

Never forget to mention fathers. Nowadays they also pamper kids, take interest in their activities, cook for them. Never say, only mothers are mahan 😆

Anyways, escape from responsibilities, I meant the responsibility of other members in joint family or to avoid members for some time.I have given this statement on the basis of few instances, not one or 2.

You wont believe, a woman drives a scooty, feels that she should drive a car but does not learn .. as she will get one more responsibility of taking inlwas to Dr.

Our family friend who had joint family, was being sandwiched bw his wife and bother's family- once said, a woman can do 120% work if in nuclear family but two women in a joint family cannot do 50% of work. it sounds weird but true to some extent😆.