Chapter 4: Maula
(trigger warning)
Virat scanned the hall for Sai. He had half expected Sai to show up before him, take him away from the crowd in Sai like manner and parade around the campus showing him the places she liked since the first time they had come to visit the college. His independent wife had refused to take him in for counselling. "She didn't want to see on campus with a cop or adult," she had said to him as he quirked an eyebrow at the adult bit. She had stormed in the office with a smile, her paperwork in hand, and came out with an ID card. She had smiled a cheeky smile he had never seen after that day if he took a moment to reflect. Virat looked at his Aai who was fiddling with her phone. His Aai wouldn't admit it. But Virat knew she was counting down days to meeting Sai. Virat wondered if Aai spoken to Sai or Sai had scarcely contacted her as she did him.
He still remembered his last call with Sai. It had been curt. The second week she'd been in the dormitory he had called her. She'd picked on the second call. It had been a quick call. He'd asked her "Exams kab khatam ho rahe hai?" followed by "Ghar kab aa rahi ho." She had told him she was in the library before disconnecting the call. He'd gazed at the disconnected call for a moment.
Moments after they got down, Aai excused herself. She turned to the entrance. She calmed and paced herself, remembering what Sai taught when Aai pursued her Bachelors in Arts. She smiled, calmed herself and approached one of the students who wore a head mic and an organiser t-shirt and turned to him. "Aap Sai ko jante ho? Sai Joshi. 4th-year medical student hai yahaan. Meri beti hai."
The organiser kid turned to her and then to his friends unsure if he was to divulge Sai's information to a stranger. He shook his head in negative. Then as if remembering something and looking at the disappointment in Aai's face, he smiled at her, "Aap Priyal se pucho. Woh sai ki sabse acchi dost. Maine aaj Sai ko nahi dekha." Aai smiled in gratitude. And then turned towards Priyal. Priyal rushed to Aai before Aai could approach her. She leapt infront of Aai scaring her a little and then engulfed her in a side hug. "Aap Sai ki Aai hai na? Maine aapki tasveer dekhi thi. Sai bohot baat karti hai aapke barein mein. Aur aapka tiffin bohot mazedar hota hai. Main Priyal. Aap mere liye extra tiffin bhejte ho na?"
Aai smiled in relief. "Haan," Aai said as she wiped a lone tear careful not to ruin her makeup. "Priyal. Aapne Sai ko dekha? Dekho na, Sai mera do din se phone nai utha rahi. Uske exams the na aaj. Par mujhe bohot chinta ho rahi hai."
Priyal smiled back at Aai. "Aai, aap tension mat lo. Sai hai toh aisi. Hum kisika phone nai uthati. Hum milke daantenge usse. Waise bhi, Sai ne aaj phone nahi laaya tha. Main aapko hostel extension deti hoon. Aap matron ko bol dena ki aap uski Aai hai. Aur agar Sai ne kuch bola, toh aap mujhe batayega, main daantungi usse."
"Par," Aai started, "Sai college nai aayi?"
"Nai, Aai. Aaj uske exam the na. Subah 8 baje suru hue the. And shaam ko 4-5 baje khatam hue the. Sai thodi der ke liye aayi thi function pe. But uski tabyat thodi theek nai thi aur uska aaj plaster bhi nikal raha hai. Toh woh hospital gayi hogi shayad. Mujhe bhi bina bataye gayi. But main toh Priyal hoon. Mujhe gali gali khabar hota hai Sai ka," Priyal laughed. "Hospital wale bhaiya ne call kiya tha ki woh hospital dorms mein hai. Woh kabhi kabhi Sai batana bhool jati hai and mujhe bohot tension hoti hai Sai ka hostel rehne se. Toh mujhe uski flatmate ya bhaiya batate hai. Sai ki bachpan ki dost hoon na. Aur woh hai hi aisi,"
Priyal's words were assuring to Aai. But they didn't get rid of the unreeling feeling in her heart. Something was wrong. Her gut was scaring her. But Aai knew it wasn't right to prod Sai's friends about Sai. Maybe she would visit Sai at the hostel tomorrow. It was her birthday after all. She would prepare Sai's favorite treats and take them to hostel. Then maybe they could discuss her internship plans for the break. Aai just wanted to hold Sai in her arms and tell her that everything would be okay, no matter what. That her Aai believed her, no matter who did or didn't.
Aai turned to the chief guest seats. "Kuch nai, mujhe kuch peena tha, bohot garma hai na," she said to Ninad. She closed her eyes and braced herself for the taunts she would receive for the next few days feeling Ninad's disapproving gaze on her already. She watched the felicitations roll, the school talk of the achievements the students did that year. And beamed when the students mentioned Sai in their gratitude speeches. The formalities were done and the guests and faculty were given the choice to stay back or leave before things took an informal turn.
"Aaj humara council thoda pheeka hai," started the host of events, "Na yahaan hai humari head Sai Joshi aur na hai humara favorite mentor Dr. Agastya uff Reyansh Raizada jisse woh maane ya na maane hum Rey hi bulate hai,"
The crowd cheered and wooted at the mention the boy while girls feigned a swoon. Aai smiled at the mention of Rey faintly remembering Sai feign a swoon whilst mimicking her classmates.
"But humare councillor na ho toh kya hua? Hum mazzak toh kar sakte hai na? So, here's presenting the best of this academic year,"
The narrator went through the various events the universitt had organised and attended. The behind the scenes of organising it accompanied by a sideshow of images of the process. And Aai saw a side she never saw at home. That of a carefree college going kid. She saw images and videos of Sai crack lame jokes, have fun, make fun of her peers, lead groups, paint, dance, study, attention fashion shows, participate in them but mostly, thrive.
Her baby was a hardworking kid who never let her hardships show on her face.
Aai still remembered when Sai came home with her first paycheck. She had handed Aai a joint bank book with Aai and Sai's names. "Mere Aai ke paise," she had said. "Mujhe bilkul accha nahi lagti ki sab tumhe paiso ke liye daante." She had said to Aai as she hugged her.
"But yeh toh," Aai had said.
"Yeh toh kuch nai, Aai. Agar Aaba hote, toh main yeh paise Aaba ko deti. But Aaba toh nai hai. Meri Aai hai na," Sai had sulked.
Aai had gone to the market the next day and purchased the iPhone Sai wanted for her. She had handed it to Sai and said. "Aai ko bas yeh chahiye ki Sai khush rahe. Independent ho. And Aai ke hamesha paas ho. Yeh tumhara phone hai. Jo tumhare paise se hai. Apne pe kharch karo, Sai. Tum ab badi ho rahi ho. Self dependent banna seekho. Koi tumhe aake kuch nahi dene wala isse aage. Paagal ho tum, meri bacchi"
The drive home was a sad one for Aai. Talking to Sai's teachers revealed she had deferred most of her assessments, barely attended theoretical classes the last six months, and was hanging by a fine thread in labs. Though the teachers assured Aai that it was normal for medical students to struggle in their courses. What they said later hurt Aai the most: Sai doesn't have parental guidance. You can at most he her guardian. But without guidance and love, kids like Sai succumb to any parents worse nightmare. The burden of expectation is heavy. But that of abandonment is heavier.
Paakhi on the other hand mused back at the conversation she had heard earlier.
"Sai is scouted to go to John Hopkins in two years," the girls had said.
"Sai wants to be a neurosurgeon. She is so lucky. Some girls get it all. Reyansh. Top scores. And now a medical residency program without trying?"
"But two years is a long time for a firm decision. Maybe things will change."
"Ah, they won't. Shri Mohite Acharya saab, the head honcho of Acharya group spoke to Sai during one of his trips to India. He was impressed Sai and her strong desire to be a neurosurgeon. The next thing you know, you have the director of John Hopkins call our provost inviting Sai for an internship followed by residency training if she successfully completes and shows progress,"
"Nandini ma'am said that Sai is a spitting image of Acharya saab's late daughter Apurva. Apurva was a doctor too and a trained neurosurgeon. But she left home to marry someone her family didn't approve of and then died in childbirth. Everyone says Acharya saab blames himself for his daughter's demise,"
"Could Sai be Acharya's Saab's long lost granddaughter?"
"No, Sai's mother was Purvi Joshi not Apurva Acharya,"
Fear gulped Pakhi as she felt suffocated on the ride home. Sai was leaving. How would she face Virat? Virat who Pakhi knew was waiting for Sai to finish exams and come home. Pakhi closed her eyes as she leaned back on the car seat as Virat held her hand when the car bumped on a speed bump. Samrat had left. He had followed Shivani masi and Devi tai and left the house. She couldn't make him stop. All Pakhi had was the pregnancy and the impending divorce or lack of from Samrat. The constant worry, fear and anxiety accompanied by a momentary slip caused Pakhi to take a misstep at on the final step of the stairwell. She stepped on her saree, instead of the step, slipped on Shivam's split milk, slipped and rolled down the stairwell in the middle of the night. No one saved her except for the house maid who saw her trip and screamed bloody murder waking the whole house up.
~
Sai waited for a call from home for three days. The day before her birthday, her birthday, and the day after her birthday. Her dorm room was filled with left over chocolate, balloons and unfinished cake. She wore the same clothes she wore three days ago, her hair was a mess, kajal smeared over her face as the she lived yet another day in her head. Her room was pitch dark, save for some light from Mira's fairy lights, as if mocking her. Sai had no tears left to cry, her heart could be broken no longer, it remained shattered in pieces. She truly was unloved. She really had no one except her Abba. And what if the baby didn't want to live with her? She would get rid of the baby herself!
Sai eyes the medication on the table. One cannot say what led Sai to her decision. Was it the pain? The heartache? The loss? Or the newfound will to start afresh and live. Like all decisions taken in haste and anger, even the brightest of minds can't fathom waking through ill-planned. Maybe Sai didn't consciously know the time that passed since her last meal, or quenching her thirst with something other than water, or filling her hunger with something than cake. Maybe it was the heartbreak. Or the sudden desire to expel something from her body that shouldn't be there. Maybe it was the lack of medical regulations. Or the lack of care and love. Or her naivete that led Sai to start beginning the two step process of inducing a miscarriage. Sai didn't have painkillers on her. She didn't count on the process being so painful or the medication hitting her too hard. So she dealt with the pain the same way she had for the last five years, a small cut, followed by an another, and then another. Till the cuts got a little too much, her mind too hazy, and her moments from losing consciousness amongst the drowning rings of the table phone and her cell phone.
~
It had been two days since Pakhi's fall that had the Chavan household into chaos. Samrat had returned home. Amongst Bhavini's taunts, Mansi's cries and Sonali and Karishma's mirch masala, Aai had taken it upon her to feed the house hold and make sure everyone was fine. She hadn't known where the time had passed. None of the family members had slept for almost 48 hours. And then woke up to Pakhi blaming Samrat for all the wrongs in her life. The loss of a child was a difficult reality to cope with - even if there wasn't a child to begin with. The hope of expecting a baby and belief that a life grew in your womb for months is bone crushing to be broken over a simple scan. Ashwini knew it all to well.
But Ashwini had bigger worried than Patralekha. Her Sai. It had been hours since she'd been calling Sai. The phone eventually went off with the dail tone being that the phone had been switched off. So Aai called Sai's hostel, fear gripping her by the moment. The hostel assured that Sai was in her room and hadn't left the premised for almost three days. But when the hostel tried connecting no one picked from the extension. Not trusting an unknown stranger or invading Sai's privacy, they contacted Sai's guardian Shivani Chavan Shinde who was minutes away from boarding a flight to the United States of America with her husband Akshay Shinde. As someone aware of Sai's recent struggle with mental health, Shivani panicked, causing Akshay to call his godson Reyansh Raichand out of worry for his pregnant wife. Shivani and Akshay after months of trying and IVF had recently discovered that they were pregnant and expecting twins. Shivani had just broken the news to her niece Devi who was a new mom to an adorably chubby baby girl.
"Ah, our lives are changing," she had mused to Devi. "Papa bolte the na. Insaan galat nai hota. Galat toh waqt ki bhi ho sakta hai."
When Reyansh, who had landed in the a few hours earlier, rushed to Sai's dormitory he found her in the same clothes he had seen her in three days ago. Only this time her pristine white kurti was drenched in red, her form in a pool of blood, the hand phone fallen on the floor and her hand reaching for her phone. Reyansh stumbled on the door as he braced himself to the one thing that crossed his mind,
"Heartbeat,"
Sai had the faintest of heartbeats. That was all needed for Reyansh to rush her to his car, unable to wait for the ambulance, and the hospital as the matron helped stabilise her.
"Par gaadi," Sai asked as Reyansh pushed the seats behind and made place for a makeshift dinner table.
"Gaadi ka tension tum mat lo, Sai. Gaadi toh waise bhi wash ke liye jaane wali hai," he had said to her.
Sai had shrugged as she continued gobbling on her food probably more messily than Purvi did. Reyansh remembered smiling. His spick and span baby sister who needed a dozen feeding napkins when eating and threw tantrums whenever anything messy touched her for some reason now ate as messily as Sai after observing her Sai tai. Probably building endurance from patiently not throwing a tantrum from when Sai fed her.
The car still hadn't been sent for a wash. Reyansh hadn't found time to remove Sai's stuff from the car before instructing the staff the car for a car wash. Now, there was more to add. The little splitter splatter of blood that dripped momentarily.
Reyansh's phone kept buzzing. "Purvi Yaya" it said. Purvi probably wanted to talk to Sai. More like stare at Sai's face as Sai worked and mimic her behaviour. He let the phone ring a few times. Before declining the call.
"No emergency. Purvi wants to talk to you." the message buzzed.
What was he to tell Purvi?
What was he to tell himself?
Why couldn't she just ask him to stay?
A/N Okay, multiple chapters today. Mainly because I wanted to get the trigger chapters out of the way. Please do let me know if liked the chapters. I'm sorry if I didn't do them justice. I genuinely did not know how to approach them. I did my best, I did.
Please do leave your comments. I do love reading them and your take on the story. They are quite motivating on writing the next chapters. A comment per chapter would be nice (if you have time 😆) and I would love it!
Also, do let me know of your preferable length of the story. I will try to not make it wrong. I am trying to do it. But I feel it's ruining the plot (eg the Pakhi scene).
Also also, (too many things) but I removed the English translations (a bit distracting when writing and too much word to do later after finishing). But will add them if it is preferred.
Edited by AraBearxo - 3 years ago
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