A small disclaimer: I love Avni and I want her to get all the happiness in the world, if I present things from Neil's point of view, it doesn't mean I'm blaming or I'm against Avni. She has been through a lot in her life, sometimes due to close people, sometimes due to circumstances and sometimes due to some of her own decisions, but she is a good soul and no one can deny that she deserves love and happiness. I know she went to extents no one would have gone to for Neil and for her loved ones, so I fully know about all the things she had done, from helping him with his ex and her daughter, to breaking out of jail to save him to cite few. I'm also fully aware of her trauma, of the things that pushed her to take some of her decisions, so in no case I'm blind to who is Avni or all what she did or faced in life.
Now back to Neil Khanna, yes I also felt the same as others felt, even for me, the proposal and the engagement were two things I couldn't digest and I still can't when the romantic dreamer in me comes to surface, I mean I always wanted Neil to never think about having any other woman in his life no matter what happens, I mean regardless of what Avni does or feels, I wanted this idea to be so unbearable to him to even consider it. It's just to say that the AvNeil/Neil/Avni lover in me feels the same as any other fan might feel. BUT that doesn't mean I find him cheap, or the worst male lead or the outrageous things that I keep reading about him, some called him womanizer and the last I read is a person who called him the "Tourniquet Killer!!! seriously!! Now Neil is being compared to a pervert serial killer!!! Wah wah! Have people ever understood Neil, yaar even by the new writers' standards Neil is still a good human being, yes I would always love the idealistic version of him by the old writers but that doesn't mean I don't find the current one quite realistic, this is not only me saying this, a neutral person who doesn't even watch the show, so no emotional attachment to any character or actor, knowing about the facts told me that his reactions based on what he went through are totally understandable and he is in the full right to think the worst.
Imagine, just imagine and put yourself in his shoes, and tell me what would you have really felt and for that I asked few questions to one of my friends:
I mean imagine Su if someone u love dearly fakes their death, if you give up everything for their love and live in guilt because u couldn't save them, you leave ur hardly earned job and everything u believed in and u just live with the guilt and their memories, u even turn suicidal to a certain point just to get a glimpse of them and then u find out they were never dead, will u forget everything with few sorries?!!, will that wipe the pain u went through all those years?!, the agony?!, the sleepless nights?! the guilt that kept eating u and killing u every day?!, the longing?! and as if all this wasn't enough u find out u have a kid!!!, u could never see them grow, u might have never known about their existence had it not been for a coincidence! I mean do people even imagine the pain?! Is it something u can forget in 10days ya a month or with few apologies?!, people only see the engagement and the hurtful words, they don't see what lead to all this, yaar all he has been through is insane it's too much pain! I feel at least the blame game should be stopped,
I mean now they think Neil doesn't deserve Avni, but what has he done exactly, do tell me, all he did is loving her unconditionally like he had never loved anyone before and this is how he gets rewarded. I know we all want him to understand her reasons, to dig out the truth, but his pain is so big it blinded him especially when he saw no efforts from her side to mend things, all she keeps talking about is walking away, and asking him to move on breaking his mangalsutra, he felt so frustrated, so rejected, so abandoned that he proposed another woman, such was his pain! Now I obviously don't agree with what he did, a rebound is never the solution, and I know old writers would have never gone this way just the way they would have never gone for Mowgli being AvNeil's son, but realistically if you feel rejected by the person u love the most all the time, and there is a person who loves u and who was in some danger, it's bound to make u think whether u are not doing wrong by rejecting her and sticking to a person who doesn't want u in their life no matter how much u love that person. Neil feels like he is a loser, he feels like everything he has gone through or has done was in vain, all he feels is unbearable pain, and betrayal. Before, at least he used to live with the happy memories of a woman who loved him so much, who respected him, who did everything for him but now these same memories are the memories of the woman who betrayed him by faking her death, by leaving him to face pain during 10years and who still asks him to move on as she has a new life, she never really expressed it that she wants to be with him and that she will wait for him to cool down, even in the confrontation scene, she just said u don't want to stay with me and u don't want to forgive me then move on, but what did she exactly do to show she wants to stay with him?!, she just keeps saying she did it for the family and for him but in no case she said she wants to stay with him, fight for him, earn his forgiveness, whenever he softens, she comes with things like Avni is dead, like I can manage alone, I'm looking for a new house, I can do things myself, my decision is the right one for Saisha, he feels excluded totally, he doesn't feel like he is part of any of her plans, even after she broke the mangalsutra, he was looking at her leaving from the window and he clearly expressed it saying "Avni phirse tum mujhe chod ke chale gaye! He is tired of waiting, of hurting, of seeing her every time leave him! He lost hope and his trust was shaken, next instances just strengthened his belief, as even after he decided to get engaged, he saw how Avni sold his gift and was giving them duas for their engagement. This is what Neil sees, just the way Avni wants him to express his love and can't see it through his fear for her and every time he runs to her rescue, even Neil, after all the pain of 10years and the trust that was shaken, he also wants to see few signs of her loving him which she never showed and which he showed through helping her and running to wipe her blood and being there for her at every small pain of hers!
It's easy to judge Neil, to crucify him but sorry to say Avni did nothing to ease his pain after she came back, she had always other priorities while he still had her and has her as the center of his life. So is it wrong if he wants to pull the pieces of his life together, this is what his mind tells him to do, it tells him u should move on somehow, start somewhere, Mithali is definitely not the right point, but he thought that he should try to come out of that phase where he confined himself with only Avni's memories 24h/24h 7days/7days. Hiding his kid from him and raising him as an orphan doing him unjustice and to the kid as well was the breaking point where he totally lost trust on her! No amount of justification for him would undo that.
Now back to the point of revenge and justice, what people take as revenge is actually Neil's practical way of seeking justice, Neil was never the revengeful type of people, he has always believed in justice and even to some point redemption of criminals who can be redeemed. Here he feels wronged and all he wants is spending time with his kid, he lost trust in Avni, for him she is a woman who keeps lying and lying, he doesn't deny what she did to the kids in the orphanage, he is the same man who explained to Saisha how much Avni loved her but he wants a family for his kid, for him a woman who hid such a big truth from her son might not be qualified to do his upbringing, as I said here it's not whether he is right or wrong, he sees things based on his experience with her recently where all he sees is a huge web of lies, I disagree with what others say about him wanting revenge or wanting to destroy her or see her in pain, all he wants is getting back his kid, the legal way, he didn't play dirty or did anything to defame her, for him what he stated in the court is what he feels about her now based on the recent happenings. He feels wronged and he wants justice, I know the comparison with Mithali is wrong especially since we know about Mithali's kartoots but he doesn't even see that, he sees his pain, his kid who was away, a woman who keeps lying and running away and he might have thought that at least Mithali won't run away. Now people might think what he said about Avni getting punished for her deeds as revenge but it's actually justice, logically when u take a wrong decision that results in harming someone even if unintentionally does that absolve u, does that person asking u for compensation means they want revenge from you!!
If Neil wanted revenge, he won't be running to help her every time, to ease her pain, to tell her that Khanna house belongs to her as much as it belongs to him and even bring her ice cream to help her calm down, he won't run to help her looking for Mowgli and be concerned for her in the first place, he could have looked for Mowgli separately if he was doing it only for Mowgli...
Yes his anger reached a high point where he is trying to focus on his pain, on mending his life and getting back his son, him not focusing on Avni's pain right now doesn't make him selfish or not loving, it just means that he himself is in deep pain and is trying to do the right thing from where he sees things.
It has nothing to do with understanding Avni, even she couldn't read behind Neil's actions in the jail track, she took what he did at face value and she only started pondering over things when she heard Monica and Vidyut's phone conversation, then only she started connecting the dots but Neil never got any such a clue.
Neil has always understood her, he used to read behind her faade and compel her to tell the truth but what people fail to understand is that after 10years of pain and depression and the sense of betrayal he got with no visible willingness from her side to work things made him focus on his pain, when u are agonizing the last u would do is try to understand the person behind ur agony, as I said it doesn't make u selfish or insensitive, it makes u human
There are many things and points that were raised against Neil's understanding of Avni, Neil's hurtful words etc but even Avni told him off in front of everyone in the jail track because this is what she was thinking, does it mean she wanted to insult him publicly?! No!, it was her pain speaking, she was reacting to his actions! Then why the double standards, there people were cheering for Avni, but here they take it as Neil insulting her!! Had Neil been the type who only wants to insult a woman publicly he would have done it when he had full rights when Avni married him dokhe se! But the thing with Neil is that he has always been clear and straightforward, what he thinks he says it on your face, he doesn't shy away from calling a spade a spade or expressing things or even owning up to his own mistakes! At the moment he is speaking what he thinks, from where he stands, he might be wrong but there is a solid reasoning behind what he thinks and he didn't get any reasons to change his reasoning but rather more reasons to think what he thinks is right!
Why he didn't work some solution for shared custody with Avni?!, well because he no longer trusts her, even when he handed her the divorce and custody papers, he asked her to not try to run away, and from where he stands this is all he has seen her doing since very long!
Anyways there are many other points but I feel exhausted to point out everything now, if anyone wants to discuss, welcome, as I said I love Avni and it's not like I'm defending Neil unreasonably but since he is the one who is facing the wrath now and CVs succeeded finally in shifting sympathy towards Avni and prepared for that way before when they made her tell Prakash that her reason behind not telling Neil is her fear of him snatching the kid from her, I find that as a viewer too I can present another perspective to things. If you look deeply u will see that Neil is looking for justice and not revenge despite the words that people take as hurtful and this is how Neil has always been. If people can say why Neil can't trust Avni and why he can't understand her and how can he think this way about her then even Avni despite knowing Neil and knowing he is a person who believes in justice and redemption she doesn't think that high of him since she believes all he wants is to take revenge for his narazgui while all he is doing now is letting the court decide.
P.S: I love old Neil the most and I want him to come back as soon as possible, I'm also a woman and I also saw him as the man who would always try to be righteous, who would bridge the gap with his Avni, I mean who wouldn't love a forever forgiving and understanding and loving man in their life, but I understand the current one from a realistic point of view. if we put ourselves in his shoes we will understand him better
I don't know what the new writers will do in the upcoming days, since we know old writers had no proposal, custody drama or a son in their plans, but I analyze things based on what I saw so far.
I also want to talk about something important, which is trust, yes trust, I posted few things about it on twitter, might share them here as well.
Anupamaa
