CHAPTER 39
"Then how come you are pregnant"
This was the biggest shock for Jodha. Him accusing her for loving someone else was something he was doing from past many days but this was something that rather confused her than infuriating her.
"I am not pregnant Jalal." Jodha said softly.
"But doctor said that you are pregnant" he said.
"What.. Which doctor" she asked confused.
"Aaa.. The old one" Jalal said trying hard to remember.
"Old one?" Jodha stressed the confused cells of her brain. Some weird ideas popped in her mind but she immediately dismissed them as they seemed impossible. "When" she asked the most meaningful question her mind could think of.
"Yesterday" Jalal answered after a while.
She took her time to analyse his answer & asked "What am I to you"
"My wife"
"Is he mixing his own life with the story in the diary? But how is that possible.." She was lost in her thoughts when the doctor came in. He checked on Jalal's condition and suggested that he needed some pain relief and for that his body and mind need to relax. He injected his IV tube with some medicines and Jalal drifted into unconsciousness.
All of them were in the doctor's cabin.
"Did you feel any change in his behaviour.. as if he must be missing some part of his memory." doctor asked camly.
"He was confused on how he exactly landed up in hospital" Hamida replied after a pause.
"But the bright side is that he does remember us.. Vaguely disoriented but he did retain his memory about everything." Abdul added.
"Am just happy that he is fine. I don't have any complaints" Nandini chirped in.
"How about your opinion Miss Singh. You looked too distressed and confused when I entered." Jodha knew that this doctor was nowhere to stop without nagging out the truth from her.
"He was referring to some details which aren't true.. as if he were mixing up reality with.. with a story that he must had read before his accident." Jodha whispered trying to analyse what exactly happened a few minutes ago.
"And what made you think so. I mean what exactly he said which made you believe this theory"
"He said that i am his wife"
"Don't worry about that. And it can't be some random story he is referring to. It might be some flashbacks of his past life. I have dealt with many of such cases. When the person wakes up after such injury, his brain cells mixes up these memories. But these illusions don't last long. They fade by each passing second. He will forget all of that within few days making his recent memories more dominant. For now you just have to behave as per his assumptions."
His words gave a lot to Jodha to think upon. "Past life" was the most prominent one.
Everyone went home as visiting hours were over. Jodha was sitting beside Jalal as he wasn't willing to let go of her.
They both were silently staring at each other when a nurse came in with Jalal's food & medicines.
She forwarded the syrup towards Jalal's mouth but Jalal sat lip-tied.
"Mr Khan these medicines are necessary for you to heal" the nurse quipped staring at his handsome face in awe.
"My wife is here to tend to my needs." He answered nonchalantly giving a get out look. This nurse was getting on his nerves giving him
She silently excused herself and made her way out.
Having no other choice Jodha sat beside him and helped him to sit straight. She made him drink the syrup making Jalal squirm due to the disgusting taste of the medicine and simultaneously making him moan in pain due to the movement.
She caressed his back southing his pain. He gazed at her with a soft smile. However hard she tried, she couldn't reciprocate his tenderness towards her.
She made him lie down & sleep overtook his tired form and she stood staring out of the window.
Sound of sobbing broke her trance. She turned around to witness a broken Jalal who was crying in his sleep. Words came out clear & devastated out of his mouth.. "No... I don't have any right to hurt you"
She shook him to bring him out of his nightmare. But to her dismay it didn't had even tiniest of affect on him. After a minute he was calm as if the dream seized to bother him anymore.
"Is this by any chance related to his past life or the diary." she wondered.
Whatever it may be. But she wanted to know what happened after that... Shehensha thought queen Jodha to be pregnant. Was she really pregnant or was it some dirty ploy against the couple.
She took out the diary from her bag. But then her hands seized to move. "Now that she knew that it was a real story and it is the diary of shehensha Jalal ud din Mohammad, will it be a sin to intrude into someone's private life. It wasn't supposed to be read by someone else."
Curiosity killed the cat.
She decided not to ponder on this and read the diary further...
I went to my room & decided that I would question her about this tonight. Maybe this isn't true. But.. What if she tells that she loves someone else. Ok.. even if it would be most difficult thing for me.. I would let go of her for her happiness. She deserves happiness. I love her.. truly. I can do anything for her. But how will I live without her.
No... It is possible that hakim sahiba had misinterpreted her nerves. Yes, this is only the truth. Am sure Jodha loves me.. She can never do this. I trust her.. I love her. Its unfair to doubt her about this. She is as pure as river ganga. My Jodha.
I was feeling tired. I decided to go to Jodha after an hour. I filled one glass with wine. I was feeling much better... relaxed. I know Jodha would solve my problem.
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Next morning I woke up with a headache. I opened my eyes only to be left flabbergasted at the sight before me.
I saw Jodha lying beneath me with tear soaked face. Reality struck me.. I remembered my sinful brutual act. Last night.. I came to her room fully drunk & just pounced on her like an animal.. Worse than an animal.
I .. I raped her. And destroyed her pure body. Yes, she was a virgin & I mercilessly snatched her virginity destroying her completely. How much she screamed & cried, pleading me to stop.. That I was hurting her.. But I...
It was her first time.. & drone in alcohol.. I.. I..mercilessly.. Not able to bear the pain, she finally dropped unconscious.
I had never been so rough with any begam. I never touched anyone without their will. And I did that with my love. Shame on me. I really don't deserve her love.
I tried to move when I realised that I was still inside her. Tears started streaming down my eyes. I slowly pulled myself out & got up & covered her with the blanket.
I dressed up & saw her dress lying on the floor which was now turned into rags. I cried on my deed. My hands were shaking in fear & guilt. I brought a new set of dress for her from the cupboard.
I trembled with the thought of making her wear it. I closed my eyes & made her wear them. My tears were nowhere to stop.
I did not had any courage to face her.. But she has to be brought back to consciousness.
I sprinkled some water on her face. She slowly opened her eyes & a moan came out of her lips. She saw me & fear captured her. For the first time.. I saw fear in her eyes. I looked down ashamed.
"Jo.. Jodha.." I was not able to say anything further.
She calmed down & said "promise me shehensha.. That you won't tell anyone anything about yesterday" Last night she cried but didn't scream. She muffled her cries under her lips but didn't let my dignity to shatter. She hid my sin from the world. Why.. I should be punished. Am a demon. I.. I hate myself.
I looked on traumatised. She tried to get up but tears came out of her eyes due to pain. I immediately sat beside her & helped her with my trembling hands. She cupped my face & I started sobbing bitterly. She hugged me tightly providing the much needed warmth. What an irony, I am at fault, I am crying & she is pacifying me. Shame on me.
She started "You are my husband shehensha, and you have full rights over me and my body."
"No... I don't have any right to hurt you. I am a monster." I cried.
She looked up shocked. So this was what he was dreaming about. This was what brought the most painful look on his face. She continued with the diary.
She tried consoling me "Shhh... you can never hurt me. You were just a bit rough" She took my hand & placed it on her belly.
"Leave all that. Our baby is resting here. Can you feel" she looked at me. I cried.
Suddenly she gripped her lower abdomen. "Ahhh.. Shehensha.. Its paining... Please do something.." she cried.
Then she opened her eyes in a jolt "shehensha.. Shehensha.. Our baby is safe. Right" she looked on at me with desperate pleading eyes.
"Jodha you.. You aren't pregnant" I said.
She looked at me shocked. I lowered my gaze not able to behold it.
"Its.. Its Ok shehensha.. If not today, god will bestow us with a baby sooner or later" she kissed my cheek.
"How can you be so kind with me even after I..." I stammered.
"Nothing has happened shehensha, erase the memory of those few hours. We have better moments to cherish upon" she smiled.
I decided to open up to Jodha. She needs to know that I love her & I never wanted to do such a sin with her. I myself don't understand how i ended up doing such a sin. I had planned to talk to Jodha at night.. Then how did this happen. For my own sanity I need to be punished.
I kneeled in front of her "Jodha.. I have committed a crime.. a sin. I ought to be punished. Since you made me promise that I won't tell about it to anyone else.. You have to give me the punishment..."
"Shehensha... you didn't do it intensionally.. you were drunk" she said.
Before I or she could say something, a loud sound of bell pierced the calm environment. It followed two more rings.
"You need to go shehensha" she said.
"But.." I protested.
I didn't wanted to but I had to go. That was the emergency bell.
I went to the diwan & discussed the matter. I have to leave for war. But my sword wanted to taste blood before war. I called the hakim. My sword was swinging in my killer grip. It straight away went to her neck.
"Why did you lie that Jodha begam was pregnant? Who bribed you for this" I asked with a murderous glare.
"Sorry shehensha, but I didn't lie. Her symptoms & heartbeats told that" she said.
"No... You you are lying. Am giving you last chance, if you won't spit out the truth, I would slay you right here" I hissed.
"I swear on my children shehensha, I felt those symptoms. Why will I do such thing shehensha, I am still indebted to you for saving my husband. I owe you my life shehensha. I will never cheat you. I had taken this oath when you saved us." She said. Yes I had saved her husband when I was wandering in a jungle for hunting. Since then they worked for me. After many years he met his natural death due to ageing. They had been faithful to me.
"Its not possible. She has been touched for the first time yesterday night. She was a virgin when you announced her pregnant." I glared at her.
"Shehensha her heartbeats & nerves indicated that she was pregnant. But it is possible that someone had mixed some medicines in her food which gave those signs." She said.
"I appoint you as the personal hakim of Jodha begam. You will check each & every food item before its served to her. Even water should be inspected.. Be it anyone who brings it.. Doesn't matter. I would be leaving for a war And you will take care of her in my absence. I don't know why i am feeling like someone would try to hurt her. You have to take care of her safety. We have many hakims in the palace, they can look after others. You would be dedicated only to Jodha." I ordered.
"As you wish your highness" she bowed down & I left to meet Jodha before leaving.
"I have to leave for a war" I said lowering my eyes.
She hugged me "I will pray for your victory. Come soon shehensha. I will wait for you"
How was she even able to hug me... touch me. I was feeling disgusted at myself. I wanted to rip apart my own skin for being such a monster. Yet Jodha is treating me nicely. Why.. Please Jodha punish me. I won't be able to live like this.
I was not even able to complete that conversation. I wanted to tell her everything. But alas.
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Its been 2 months after I left for war. I miss Jodha terribly. A messenger came from Agra & informed that Jodha was 2 months pregnant. I was damn happy. I wanted to go to her now. But.. I cried within remembering that night.
Not a single second her thoughts left my mind. I longed to see her... to beg pardon from her. I know she forgave me long back but how do I console myself. This war is my punishment which segregates me from her love. I just hope I would be able to lessen my guilt till the end of the war so that I could give her the love she craved for.
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Finally I am back to Agra after 8 months of war. I was so excited to meet Jodha. I scanned the entrance but she was not there. Then I looked at the jharokas & still couldn't find her. "Maybe she is resting.. She is in her 9th month." came the thought in my mind.
Suddenly HER scream came from harem. My heartbeat stopped for a moment. I rushed towards her not caring about anything else.
I saw many maids were standing there while Jodha was screaming inside. As I stepped to go in, one of them interrupted.
"Pardon me shehensha.. Jodha begam is in labour.. please don't go inside"
I stood there praying for my Jodha. She was screaming so badly. I felt my heart will leap out.
Finally after the heart wrenching yelp I heard a baby's cry. My heart swelled in pride. I am a father. I so much yearned to be a father.. And she fulfilled my dream. I just hope Jodha is fine.
I rushed inside to find my Jodha kissing our tiny baby.
"Congratulations shehensha, its a baby boy... Walihad" the hakim sahiba congratulated me.
I looked at my son. He was looking pinkish. So cute. Hehe. I looked at Jodha with all the love in my eyes.
After congratulating us they went outside. Jodha was feeding our baby. I looked at our tiny baby. He was asleep after drinking milk. I touched his cheeks. I was scared that I will hurt him. Jodha forwarded him towards me.
"I don't know how to hold a baby. What if I hurt him" I said nervously.
"Here.. Like this" she said & made me hold him in my arms.
Wow.. It felt so good. So divine..
"What have you done to yourself shehensha" Jodha shouted.
"What" I glimpsed up confused.
"You.. You look so changed... Pale and... tortured. What had happened shehensha" she demanded an answer. I looked down. I can't explain her.
"Did you punish yourself for..." She left the sentence hanging in between. I fidgeted with our baby's cloth.
"Why?" She placed our cutie on the bed & raised my face holding my chin up.
"That was the only punishment I knew" I whispered. I looked into her eyes & continued "Those eight months were worse than hell without you"
Jodha immediately broke the eye contact. A teardrop slid down her cheek. I looked on astonished.
"I love you shehensha." Saying this she kissed me with all her might. She held my jama tightly.
Edited by swetiii - 8 years ago
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