Gayatri, Lovely post... This is exactly what I too felt is going on in Rudra's mind... He is so confused and is in constant inner conflict with himself that he doesn't know how to be in his safe bubble any more. My heart goes out for him. My Rudra. MY Paro's Rudra 💔
Copying and Pasting part of what I wrote in my post in 'Today's Take' thread...
I think I get Rudra a little.. No, I am not saying I support his actions.. What ever the reason, the way he behaved with Myrah is wrong.. Period.. But, yes I do think I can comprehend his actions... All those mean words he said to Myrah.. He doesn't actually say them with the intention of hurting her... He just says and does things to ease the unbearable pain that he feels whenever he sees her.. He does it to prove to his uncontrollable heart which gets attracted to Myrah because of her face, that she is not and cannot be his Paro.. She just cannot be.. How can she? When she is so different..Right🥺? But then, why does he still feel affected by her every action? No... Not because he is falling for Myrah.. But he is falling for the idea of his Paro coming back to him... Of what might be if she comes back.. Of hope that, "Kaash, Yeh meri Paro hoti"... I think that is what Maithili saw in Rudra today. A man who lost his love, his everything, trying hard to find it in a complete stranger.. The eyes that were searching for signs of her being his Paro. Even though he knows loud and clear that it can't be. His desperate hope of getting his Paro back.. Hope which will only bring him more pain and hurt.. His mind knows it is not possible but his heart, it never listens to the brain.. Now, does it 😳? If we can control out heart, what it feels, our emotions.. Wouldn't life be much easier and uncomplicated.. But alas! what to do... Heart always seems to have a mind of its own.. Isn't it?😉
His awkward sorry was touching... And the disbelief on Myrah's face was awesome😊... This was my favorite scene of the episode.. He knows he was wrong, he knows he had hurt her, he even knows a sorry will not turn wrong into right.. But like he said, he didn't do it because he hates her or because he feels she is his enemy.. It was all because of his inner conflict, his pain, his confusion, his hope, his hurt, his loss, his emptiness... All him.. Only Him💔. He is the reason he always ends up saying such hurtful things.. Not her.
One can only imagine the pain Rudra is going through.. To see the lookalike of the person you love so deeply, who is not with you, who will never be with you.. It is not an easy thing to do... Even though your brain tells you constantly that this is not the person you love.. Your heart just wishes one last time, hopes small tiny bit, your whole being wants, craves and desperately feels for this person to be the one you want and are looking for.. Why can't I have her back? Why is she not her? May be it is her? Can it be her? No, she can't because she is gone.. Why? Oh! I wish she is her.. So painful... Right??
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