Chapter 20
"It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally."
Maya Angelou, Phenomenal Woman: Four Poems Celebrating Women
In bloom,from bud to flower
Woman you are life itself for you carry and nurture life and in the end you will die defending that very life.
Until a certain age, say ten or eleven, boys and girls will run, play,fight and spend time together without ever knowing that they are different and are two halves of one circle. Then the girl say when she is about eleven or twelve will disappear for a few days and she will come back but different,very different. She will carry herself in a certain way and boys will avoid her, shun her as an alien and only when they come of age, when they feel the stirrings of mother nature will they look at a girl again and very differently.
The years rolled by and the seasons changed and the tiny blind girl grew up and blossomed.From a fawn she slowly transformed into a graceful deer.But sadly although her body changed revealing swells and curves, she remained blind and rather ordinary looking.Avini had come of age and after her first bleeding, her mother sat her down and spoke briefly to her about women stuff and how to go about things.
Avini sat quietly and felt her stomach and she felt something stir in her breast and soul and she knew that she could not wait to be a mother,to hold a child and to have something that came from her soul and would understand her completely. This overpowering feeling of motherhood she felt was frowned on but was ignored by all the villagers and they spoke in hushed tones and whispered ' blind and ugly. wonder who will marry that poor girl and it will be a miracle if she marries at all'.
"Before you were conceived, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here an hour, I would die for you. This is the miracle of love." -Maureen Hawkins
Appanar iyya was the only person she could talk to and avini frequently went in search of him and sat by his side and both discussed matters of the heart and matters of the world. But then the old man often disappeared into the forest and she heard many villagers gossip about how he had gone mad and that people had seen him wandering mumbling and whispering to himself.
She also heard rumors that their king Sadayavarman Kulasekaran was quietly preparing to go to war and was waiting for a sign and that the sign would soon come and word had been spread to all villages that all able bodied men should be prepared to train and go to fight for their king and country.
Whispers, rumors,gossip filled the air in most of the villages and in the evening, most villagers sat by the fire and discussed what was going to happen and they also spoke about strange lights in the forest and shadows that stayed hidden in the deep forest. But most brushed it off saying it must be those mad Siddhars going about their tantric rituals in the night and it was better to avoid them and leave them to their madness.
With rumors of war and shadows in the forest spreading through the land of the pandyas,into the small village of kurunji came Gunalan.He had a home near the village of perumalvaram,but travelled the land offering his many skills for hire.He was an excellent carpenter,builder and was a handy man in the fields.But the only problem was that he was drunk most of the time and would not stay in one place.He had come to the village of kurunji to meet appanar iyya and when told that the old man had not been seen for many days,decided to go back to his village perumalvaram which was about 20 kms from kurunji.But since it was late in the afternoon,he decided to sleep in the village and leave the next morning.Fate works in mysterious ways and it began working harder in avini's life.
Gunalan was about 25 years old and had spent most of his adult life drinking and when not drinking working.He let his feet travel on its own path and where he found work,he would work ,eat a bit and spend the rest of the time drinking.But for his drinking he was generally considered to be a quiet fellow and one who rarely got into trouble.
Late afternoon turned to evening and soon turned to night and avini sang with her sweet voice and the voice carried to the sleeping gunalan and he wondered what bird sang in such a sweet voice and made his way to the hut of nannan and ponni,where he found avini sitting next to her mother and singing to their cow.
Gunalan was fascinated and mesmerized by this girl and her sweet voice and his interest did not go unnoticed by avini's parents.
The next day as gunalan was bathing in the small stream near the village,Nannan approached him and slowly broached the topic of marriage and if he was interested in marrying avini.Gunalan at first did not know what to say or how to reply for he had not thought of marriage, although a few of the boys in his village had already become fathers.But he hesitated simply because he had no clue as how to run a household with his life style and did not want any extra burden and an extra mouth to feed. But slowly his protests faded away and when nannan agreed to give the only cow which they had as dowry did gunalan finally agree to the proposal.
Gunalan came back the next day with his mother and although many of the villagers thought it would be better to wait for appanar iyya to come back from where he had stumbled off to, Nannan and ponni decided not to wait and so avini was married off to gunalan and she left to Perumalvaram along with her cow, husband and mother-in-law.Gunalan's mother had been widowed when he had been about 3 years old and her husband had died in one of the many wars or unknown skirmishes with the chola soldiers. Many men those days gladly gave up their lives for their king and country for they thought that it was the best way to live and die. But gunalan was not like his father and vanished into the forest when the army came to recruit new soldiers to fight for the king and had survived to live and celebrate 25 years of life.
Avini fell silent from the time her parents mentioned marriage and her going away to live in perumalpuram. It broke her heart to leave the safety and comfort of her home and parents and she wondered how she was going to manage a house and a husband. The wet nose of their cow who was named gayatri brushed her hand and avini fell a few steps back and avini and cow walked side by side among the trees and the birds from their perches looked down and chirped ' One cow walking along with another soon to be cow. One barren cow walking side by side with another barren cow.'
With gayatri near her, avini's spirits lifted a bit and they lifted more when gunalan's mother pattamma joined them and softly whispered ' child, don't worry for i will be like a mother to you and will look after you like how i look after my son. i think together we can manage, you will see.'
The birds from their vantage point,high in the trees looked and gossiped to each other ' what you said one cow and two cows but i see three cows and two without mates and one with a mate but,well we will see. won't we.'
uravugal thodarkadhai unarvugal sirukadhai
oru kadhai endrum mudiyalum,
mudivilum onru thodaralaam ,iniellaaam sugamaeee
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