CHAPTER 21
Whenever you're in conflict, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude. William James
The world is different,at least it feels different when you are an adult and when the time for marriage and such topics loom larger on the horizon of your life.Even if you are in love,the word marriage,a life long commitment brings about fear and anxiety for one wonders how they would fare and are fearful of what mistakes they might commit.
Woman and man,yes and why is it thus and why is it so.Venus and mars,two planets hot and cold,fire and ice.Are man and woman thus different and do we come together just to make babies and prolong our genes in the next generation.Serious questions,complicated questions for each and every one of us in the 21st century.
I have seen many marriages end in divorce and people living separately in my family and in other families that i know very well.I remember one cousin of mine telling me that she knew she didn't like her husband,the first day of marriage and yet they have stayed married for nearly 35 years and are on the verge of becoming grandparents.I asked her how it was possible and she smiled and said ' i married for the sake of my parents and now i have stayed married for the sake of my children'. My jaw dropped and i asked ' what about you,your feelings and your thoughts'. She shrugged and said ' sometimes sacrifices have to be made'.
Solitary reaper
Behold her, single in the field,
Yon solitary Highland Lass!
Reaping and singing by herself;
Stop here, or gently pass!
Alone she cuts and binds the grain,
And sings a melancholy strain;
O listen! for the Vale profound
Is overflowing with the sound.
Will no one tell me what she sings?"
Perhaps the plaintive numbers flow
For old, unhappy, far-off things,
And battles long ago:
Or is it some more humble lay,
Familiar matter of to-day?
Some natural sorrow, loss, or pain,
That has been, and may be again?
Avini sat in the shade of the tree and yet the pain in her body and the pain in her soul was too much too bear.She placed her head in her lap and cried silent tears and the words of her mother flashed again and again in her memory ' child,there are certain things i need to tell you,but the truth is that it will make no difference and there are certain things we women need to go through.Somedays will be good but many days will be bad and not as bad as the first few times.so just be patient and things will get better'. Avini remembered her mother ponni hugging her and she felt her mother's tears bathe her face and it struck her,well this is what she was warning me off.
She felt the gentle nudge of gayatri,their cow and turning she told it to leave her alone for she was in pain.but the cow refused and avini threw her arms around her cow and stared into those big brown eyes.gayatri kissed her face as if telling her that she understood the girls pain and kissed her again telling her it would be okay.
Pattamma came out and asked avini if she wanted to bathe and led her to the small pond a little distance away.Gayatri the cow followed her and pattamma smilingly asked avini if the cow was really a dog in disguise.avini smiled and said that she was neither and that she was more of a mother,sister and her best friend.
Gayatri the cow acting as if she had heard avini's words lifted her tail and went around chasing a few dogs that were sleeping peacefully as if warning them to keep their distance from her ward and responsibility.Pattamma bathed avini like ponni used to do and both old and young spoke and discussed matters of the heart and matters of the body.
Readers,you ladies have to note that i cannot dwell too much here for these are slightly sensitive matters and will jump and make good my escape.
The wheel of time went about its business of spinning and time passed and a few years later it slowly dawned on pattamma and gunalan that avini was not only blind but could be barren and he slowly stayed away from her and sometimes would wander away looking for work and not come back for many days.
Slowly years started flying by and first nannan passed away and soon ponni passed on too.Losing her parents was too much to bear but the knowledge that she was barren had somehow hardened avini's soul and she plodded on with her miserable life and then one day,pattamma was bitten by a snake and she died in a matter of minutes.
Loneliness now slowly enveloped avini and the aging gayatri hinted with her kisses that soon she would pass on to and this hit avini the worst.
One night avini had a strange dream and in the dream she thought she saw her old friend appanar iyya telling her to go to the forest the next day and all her problems would be solved.Avini woke up sweating and wondered what to make of the dream.
Early next morning she heard gayatri calling for her and went up to her and was nudged by the cow towards the forest.Avini caught hold of gayatri's horns and asked her to behave and then whispered in her ears of the dream she had and gayatri nudged her again and both women,one on two legs and the other on four and with two horns walked into the forest.
They must have walked for nearly an hour when avini thought she heard a noise and felt the presence of somebody and she called out ' who is there,who are you'.
The voice answered ' you called and i have come.so what is it you want'.
Avini was shocked,surprised and a bit scared but the voice sounded gentle and kind and she knew that the person meant no harm.
Avini whispered ' i have not met you before and so i don't know who you are and so why would i call you'.
The voice whispered ' you called,you have been calling me for many years and i have come.what do you want'.
Avini was getting irritated and she yelled ' what is wrong with you or are you stupid.i don't want anything and least of all i don't want anything from you.so please leave me alone'.
The voice whispered ' are you sure ?. i will leave you alone but tell me what you want and i will leave you alone '.
Avini's eyes filled with tears ' there is so much that i want.i want my parents back,i want my mother-in-law back,i don't want gayatri to die '.
the voice fell silent ' avini,what do you want,what does your heart really want '.
Avini screamed ' i want a child.i want my own baby,i want to be a mother '.
the voice said ' now that i can do and help you with '.
Avini whispered ' what,how,no,that is not possible '.
the voice ' it is possible.so take my hand '.
Avini did not what to make of the whole thing and she reached out to gayatri and felt reassured when the cow touched her with her wet nose and nudged her gently towards the voice.
Avini stumbled and reached out with both her hands and went forward and that is when she saw the light or did she feel it. A hand gently took her hands and avini felt the man's embrace.she knew the voice was a man and before she could react,the man kissed her and avini's world was never the same again.The magic took her and she felt the kiss in her lips.she felt the kiss in her body and she felt the kiss in her womb and the light moved into her.
I am azhagan and i have come from the light.I am azahgan and i am the son of avini.
I am fire and i am water. I am hell and i am heaven and i will bring peace to you.
The boy who went into the dark and came back with light.
Edited by s.satishkumar - 10 years ago
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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