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To be or not to be...
I have a hard time gathering my thoughts about today - they're just jumping all over the place like a young teen heart in love 😆... I'm a little too high on the happy quotients, and a little too anticipatory bordering on suspicious of even ions of trouble that could disrupt the setting of our fairy tale - but before you gather cue to be relieved... it's too soon for riddance from yours sincerely just yet!
So here goes... to the first day for the rest of their lives!
* The Triumvirate G-K-T *
Everyone's freaking over the last Kesar Talli scene - I find myself freaking over its uncanny similarity with the GK scene earlier in the episode. Gulaal tells Kesar - the smile touching up to the tips of her shinning eyes - that he has given her a happiness he cannot imagine. Kesar is happy? Yes. Kesar is sad? Yes. Kesar reminds himself of the lesson learned last night, and smiles back at her - he reminds himself that giving up his own shot at happiness and love is secondary to the sight of her face that second, and being responsible for its sheer glow. He accepts the trade off, and then takes it just a little far by offering to be friends. Yes. Hasn't he been seeking that friend of a decade ago for weeks now, ever since he first got back? When he says, yeh sab teen mahine mein khatam ho jayega , it breaks my heart 🥺 (Okay, maybe a little less than the very start when he's broken and sobbing - and then messily cleans up like a little too much boy to cry - but one, two, three seconds and he's imploring to be forgiven! I had two minds about his crying... of whether it was relief at finally realizing his mistake, or resignation to the only means of redemption.) Anyway, I remind myself, there are 3 damn months. Three.Freaking.Change-It-All.Months. Anyway, Gulaal getting mellow with him after what feels longer than eternity is such a rushing relief - not just for him, lol! I almost thought he could turn back Gulaal's question from once upon a night and ask her tu ab tak kahaan thi Gulaal? ☺️ *shakes off the dreamy mode* Rewind to the moment she is thanking Kesar - there is that moment of pure bonding and emotion between them - like 10 years ago - and when you're half inside of your screen cursing the customs and era and whatnot for not letting them seal the moment with a god damn hug - Gulaal extends a hand, and pats his shoulder lightly. *melts... sighs... nearly faints* ... *snaps back to the rude reminder* Without losing focus of the point I'm making - jump to Kesar Talli scene (Did I just have to be a killjoy? Unfortunately yes.) The positions change, roles reverse. Kesar is thanking Talli. Kesar is happy with what she's saying, and almost as if on a reflexive cue provoked by the smile he gives her, Talli assures him of Gulaal's love in three months. *goes hits head in the wall* So what exactly has Talli messed up by saying the words we all dream of? Well, she sure makes me wonder if those words of assurance are for him, or if she's serving herself a reminder to not fall back into the mire? Bad, either way. If it's plain assurance, she's doing what Kesar did for Gulaal back in the parallel scene. To be responsible for his moment's happiness, she is willing to accept her own shot at happy chance should be dismissed. If she's reminding herself, or warning herself - well... that's a glaring sign of what can and will happen when GK do get together. Scene does't end there. A touching moment between these friends - yes, even if you want to gag yourself or throw something really hard at Talli inside the screen - can't end in a hug, but what does Kesar do? Follow Gulaal's cue. Extends his hand, and pats her head. I'm lack better words to describe my reaction to the similarity between these two sequences - so I'll go with uneasy premonition for now. It was more than evident, what the removal of a mere wall between GK has accomplished. For the first time since Kesar's return, Talli is actually a third person/subject between GK - even in their perception. Gulaal isn't fawning over Talli like she's her first love; when she tells her to look over the dal it's not to set up a chance of solitude for Kesar Talli. Kesar is more positive than he's been in a long time, and consequently rubs off part of his mood onto Talli joking with her over the tea - because it's just impossible not to. And Talli? She's happy? Yes. She's sad? Heck yeh!
Like I said - the semblance of those two scenes is uncanny - and more than freaks me out. Can't be just me...!
* The Team G-K *
Things are back on track. The Great Wall of Make Believe excuses has finally been cast down - and GK are warming up to the decade old bond, that refuses to die. When Kesar tells her he's so used to her finding solutions for him - it reminds me of the million over times we've ranted about the same on this forum. Of how he's lost in the mire because his sole anchor has banished herself out of his life and because she has transiently transformed into being the center of his problem. Anyway - that's more or less past. Back to Kesar telling Gulaal, he's gotten used to her, her support, her saath. You can see the change of expression about Gulaal - the thickening of suspicious air, the clouding of eyes - but don't blame her. Even when Kesar offered her to be friends (or even implored, if I was brutally honest) Gulaal had a moment of hesitance - which probably translated hence inside her mind - is this too great a risk? what am I starting afresh here - this friendship, or the other bond? but I can say no to love - what can I say to being friends? is there a righteousness speech to give him for wanting to be friends? Oh heck, no! None! ... And then of course, sits on judgment, The Vasant Portrait. He's so the judge! He's there, looking over every GK moment - it creeps me out a little, but then I remind myself he's dead - phew! Gulaal's hesitance is no longer on account of doubting Kesar. I think it's been evident to her all along, that she can trust him - and we have time and again established the fact - but now, she's coming closer to acknowledging it, and in consequence of the same she is, or will soon, begin to understand the one to not trust is she herself. That like Kesar told her - there is a woman inside her somewhere, which has been stifled too long, but is still not dead and with Kesar's support can still threaten to break all suffocating covers and surface to freedom. Yet, when Kesar tells her he'll take time getting out of old habits - perhaps 3 months; perhaps longer' perhaps... (never) - she knows deep (maybe a little less deep than usual, lol) inside, that he's echoing her own un-confessed thoughts. But they are a team. She goes with him to bear the brunt of MB's wrath - which btw is so much more her blame than Kesar's anyway - and she tells him next day that she is now in a position to exert her right to make him drink milk. Kesar exerts his right back - and doesn't drink milk just to abide by her word, or make her happy. They are like friends, and they are more. They have their little moments, and they are beyond petty issues to appease the other. They've made peace - because really, they'd both been killing themselves long enough by being at loggerheads. And this is the team that Talli comes to witness, as she stands at the threshold of the kitchen. (Again, happy and sad - but no more comments on her for now. The CVs are partial enough to her screen space). Then of course, there was the moment of Gulaal catching Kesar's precious words - Gulaal ki khushi humesha meri zimedaari rahegi. Gulaal ki khushi mere liye sabse zada zaruri hai. It doesn't just melt her - it reassures her, even more than her frantic mother, that force is no longer going to be a play factor between Kesar and her - of course they can be team again, in that case! She asks him of her own accord in the morning, if he trusts her and Kesar looks every bit should you even ask? I love that little exchange. It takes me back to echoes of them being there for each other, as each other's kavachh.
There were other things about the episode. MB's repetition and reminder of thoughtless decisions and regrets. I'm going to make myself believe these words will echo in the moment it matters most and stop these two from taking the drastic step after 3 months. I still demand to see PB back - where the heck is she?! I'm mighty happy with the absence of Sudha. I hail JK's marry Dushy plans and if she may so allow me, would like to propose a rishta *cough* Talli *cough*.
And I'm still in awe of GK today. They are powerful and overwhelming when they are hurling themselves (not physically, always) at each other - but aren't they such a heart warming treat when they are just them? Two kids inside two grown ups, who's love from a decade ago has only grown - whether or not they understand or not.
Can there be a way to fast forward the next 20 whatever hours and get to tomorrow's episode already?!
Impatiently in attendance,
JZee 😳
Fan Fictions
Anupamaa
