Dil Chahta Hai # 2 updated part 14 on pg: 40 ON HOLD note pg 46 - Page 10

Originally posted by: singh24

my dear dona

Originally posted by: Kalpana_Writer

Ok! Have read the first part fully!

And already I have pointed out the main flaws. You have a great start - the comic timing is good, the scene is so delightful that you want to read more but there are some simple flaws! It is like one of your reviewers said - it was like a fast forward movie!

For example, no one throws water on sleeping person after that person says let me sleep only once. Let the mother nag for few more minutes! Let the mother ask atleast for three times and let Geet refuse for all three times! Like she could just pull her bedsheet about her head. When mother pulls the bedsheet away, she could put a pillow on her head trying to cover her ears. Something like that before her Daarji enters and pours water. Think about it! Did our parents sprinkle water on us right away when we refused to get up? Or did they walk away after we said five minutes more and came back after five minutes, try to wake us up and then sprinkle water?

And please remove that undergarments comment!😳 There is a reason Indian shows dont show the girls searching for inner wear to match with their clothes! Please!

Phew! Thats all i have to say! You have great story at hands and start was fantastic. You set the stage beautifully! Just the writing needed tweaking, thats all! Oh! Also change the color thingy! Gets distracting while reading! Keep one color (dont use light colors though) and make the font either arial or times new roman, no italics and size no. 3. It will make the story easier to read and more novel like too!

Errr... Did I say too much? Sorry if I did! Did not mean to hurt anyone of you!

Take care,

Kalpana

Originally posted by: arunima.

thank u for telling our mistakss bcz it is really helping and we wl try to overcome our errors as soon as psbl ... n more over u didnt say too much n plzzz gv a detailed cmmnt lyk this on each part n its really helping n motivating to crct as the mistakes we r repeating ... so ur cmmnts means a lt to us ... so plz jitni humari burai kar sakti ho karo humme acha lagega 😛

Originally posted by: goldenmoon

yaar aru u r the 1st writer who wants her burai 😆😆