archives of CK by Roja - Page 13

Part 2 - final.

Eljay manages to walk in. The josiyar is sitting inside a cabin
and Roja is outside. Roja gives a reassuring smile to Eljay and
directs her in. The cabin door closes - absolute privacy to get
predictions. After 5 mins Eljay walks out and Roja sends her to
another room which does not allow access to the waiting IF ians -
until the no 2 comes Eljay will be alone - right now she is not keen
to have any company either!!! The consultancy goes on - one by
one is sent in by the rat and no one takes more than 5 mins with
the astrologer. The exit room is now filled with IF ians after the astrological consultation and all are unusually quiet. Netra walks
like a zombie and Tamil curses herself for giving in to the curiosity.....

Finally, Jas breaks the silence " jeezzz, I am still trying to figure
out the predictions - did any of u understand what ever he said???" Eljay finds her tongue " and he spoke in plain English, not our
Lunu, Jas!!! I could not make out any thing!!"

Giri and Nallu lean on each other - though comforted by the
revelation that all are sailing in the same boat, they still
expect to be attacked by the IF ians - " we are part of the
devil trio and even if we tell them that we had no clue until
now, no one will believe us!!"

Ho has no words - her Rosary beads are absorbing all
her tension. Vani looks for a corner to mull over... Sue is
checking her bangles " did I miss any of them while I was consulting???"

Fluidd looks happy and takes over - "Ok, we will again start alphabetically, we will collectively decipher the predictions,
what say?" All agree and Eljay goes first " I was told that the
sari I had in mind is yet to see day light - he predicted that the
silk worms needed for that kind of sari are yet to be created by Brahma and might happen in another 20 years!!!" Giri quickly
covers her face and her body shakes - crying or laughing??? -
well she takes her hands off and says with a tear stained face
'aww, I know what he meant - CR will come to the 60th B'day
episode in another 20 years and thats when Priya can buy that
sari - so that answers your Q" Giri shows her prowess as an
Aanandam analyst. Eljay freezes again along with all her freezing
to be done before the trip to India.

Now Vinu shows a shocked expression - with the new formula
she realizes that she has another 240 weeks of updating left!!!
Kavi is quick to reach Vinu some water and makes Vinu rest
on her lap" pavam ponnu, bayanthu pochu....."

Nallu faints once again - with the new formula, she realizes
that she has to play the devil trio part with Roja for another
20 years at least - justified fainting!!! Now we know that Giri
cried too - she had 2 shocks - extension of aanandam for a
minimum of 20 more years and association with Roja also
extended to that length!!!

Tamil has a sheet of paper and she is quick to shred it in the
shredder - to avoid the questioning eyes, she closes her eyes
and winces once - all know that it is some thing to do with
Kolangal and dread even to ask!!!

Jas has lost count - MOTWs may come, MOTWs may go but
with this new formula, she gets a chance to grill for another 20
years - none of these IF ians are going to leave the Forum for
the next 20 years, at least!! Jas is not sure - this is good or
bad??!!

Suram is cursing herself for the ROFL session - " 20
more years??? ayyo ayyayyo, I might get grilled a few
more times!!! innathukku sirichecnnu enakku piriyaliye,
kasmalam kasmalam, thoda, Jassuu ponnu looku vuduthu,
uppeeeaaatt aayikko"

Niti is speechless - her Q was: My 2 year old wants to become
a doctor, when he becomes one, where will I be?? the answer:
"Your fingers have a contract with the key board for the next
20 years - can u leave your fingers behind and go some where???" - she fully understands the statement now!!!

Vani, Usha, Pokkiri decide to spare the rest - they do not want
their Qs analyzed. There are only 2 people who are happy with
their predictions - Kavi and Fluidd - Kavi is sure of attending
Fluidd's wedding and Fluidd has got a raving report about
viscoelastic - " made for each other"

Suddenly Fluidd remembers about the token system -
" but why??? just Nos and no names???" That has to be
answered by mad Roja but she will not disclose the truth -
here is what she did - she attached copies of CR's horos-
cope with the following nos - 1,3 and 17; attached copies of
Thols' horoscopes with nos - 10, 11 and 14; Copy of RP's
horoscope with No - 4; copies of IF horoscope with Nos - 5,
7 and 13; Well, IF ians are smart and are capable of ana-
lyzing things - now that they have another (minimum) 20
years to go, they will decipher this trick as well , long way
to go, what say????? 😳😳😳

Subham (????!!!!!)

The Palace Of Peace



Ho.Ameri Hoonah





Hon. Engli Johnson

Monkeys Take over the world

Year 3007 - Monkeys rule the world. The Hague – Palace of Peace

One representative from each country with Nuclear weapons capability form the world Government.

Hon. Engli Johnson, Lady. Chin Ching Mung, Lady. Fran Abelard,
Hon. Ind Mahan, Hon. Pakis Bela, Hon. Russi Balakovo, and
Hon.Ameri Hoonah.

Monumental issue to be resolved – preservation of forest trees .
Felling of trees by the humans for their needs resulted in paucity
of decent dwelling for the monkeys of the world. The Monkeys
made a "Save our Trees" petition to their rulers and here they are
to curb the atrocity.

Ameri starts the conference: " All my States are becoming barren.
The humans have become a force to reckon. Any number of strictures
and Government orders seem to have failed. I have a plan. I know
that all of you will fight me as usual but our treasury will be closed
to those who do not see eye to eye with me.

Engli Johnson nods his head – he is so used to doing that every time
Ameri opens his mouth!!!

Fran is doubtful – she has children who refuse to climb down from
her trees and she has had a tough time training them to follow a
schedule of sorts – " less trees might be a good idea??!!"

Russi Baalakovo is emphatic about refuting Ameri's notion –
again for him it does not matter whether the idea is good or
bad, he has to negate Ameri, at any cost!!!

Ind Mahan and Pakis Bela are quiet – each is more concerned
about what the other has to say!!

Chin Mung looks straight at Ameri and has a steely look –" Ameri,
you can close your treasury doors but I can close one whole lot of
factories which supply all your nations needs – be it clothes, shoes,
curios etc., etc,

Engli is angry to hear Chin's undercurrent threat but gives a placating
smile – "well, let us not indulge in mutual back stabbing, we are here
for an amicable solution".

Ind Mahan slowly interjects " until we stop Mr.Pakis Bela's clan
entering our forests and throwing out our monkeys, other issues are
of no consequence to us."

Bela is all red in face and gets up toppling his chair –" those are always our trees. We do not plan to donate them to some street
urchin monkeys".

This remark heats up the room considerably. Ind Mahan gets
up and shakes his coat – 6 baby monkeys jump out and occupy
the laps of Ameri, Engli, Chin, Fran, Russi and Pakis.

They bite, scratch and laugh out loud – generally engage in all
monkey tricks. The conference table becomes a circus arena.
Ind Mahan sits and watches with pride.

Ameri manages to shout at Ind " how did u manage to bring these
babies?? It is only for the members!!!" Ind has a ready reply
" well, we have so many parties and every one wanted to represent.
I could hide only 6 in my long coat, the rest are just out side the
Palace demonstrating…." Sports a benevolent smile The rest are in
a state of shock – there is a big riot outside and the palace guards
are at a loss – the important issue of felling trees, what is the
solution??? Well, when monkeys rule, you do not look for solutions,
only commotions!!!

My dear fellow Tamil IF ians, this is the entry I sent for the journalist
contest and today I received a PM from Mini - we won the contest.
I am happy to accept this victory on behalf of all of us - all your
encouragements and comments have helped a lot in enhancing my
writing skills - thanks to all of u and Roja bows...

IF Tamil Serials' Fans' Lounge.

Jas is resting - she is extremely tired after punching
ACD and carrying the sand bags for CR. Nallu is giving
her a massage - vested interest - she needs Jas for her
next trip!! Nallu's brain is working over time -"thriller,
fun and romance mudichachu, aduthu enna??? Nava
rasam le innum 6 bakki irukke........"

Pat and Atina seem to have found their way back to where
they belong!!! Both have promised to look up often - Pat is
planning a celebration for vaathu here - "sooonnn". Atina is
chasing some more small screen actors/actresses to sign
up - "apdiyaavathu serials ellam konjam thirunthumaa?'
Building up castles in the air!!!

Giri is begging some one earnestly - ' dey, dey, rendu
perum veettukku vaanga da. I promise not to buy carrots
any more, thaniya irukka bayamaa irukku da." Suddenly
we hear two cute little voices in the speakers - Giri must
have pressed the speaker button accidentally - " pomma,
paatti is making nice potato fry, nee naalu naalaa carrot
mattume cook panre. Naanga enna kazhuthaiya eppovum
carrot sapida?? Paatti kooda than varuvom, she will check
the fridge and make sure that there are no carrots left,
apram than we will stay there" - Giri has a resigned
expression and closes her eyes to compose herself.

Ho is all set to enjoy and advise Fluidd. " Intha kirukku
Roja enna seyya poralO?? bringing guests nnu mottaiya
oru warning, hmmm". Ho is seriously considering about
following Aanandam -" apdi ennathan nadakkuthu, all are
so agitated??" Sue is limping back to her analyst self. She
is on a whipping mood - Priya, Kannu, Lachu - none of them
escape her!!!

There is a new admission to the lounge - Azhagiya Barath
- looks like he loves humor. Made the mistake of admiring
Roja's escapades - Roja had a vicious grin when she read
his comments - " more the merrier, u asked for it."

Meli is going around wishing every one Happy Valentine's
day. She has a halo behind her head - filled with cute little
red hearts - Kavi is running behind her " hey Meli, u stole
my playing cards??!! keep all the red hearts but I want my
pack back" - Meli is dodging.

Vinu is extremely busy. Seriously writing answers for all the
Qs posed - mainly by the griller. " want to freak out some
good people with strange tricks, any ideas?? - Vinu is grinding
her teeth : "idea vera venumaa?? unga kitte irukkira idea vai
vaichhu oru city yai kaali pannidalaame!! Ungalai pathi oru nalla
poem compose panninen, athukkaga konjam rebate kudukka
koodatha??"

Suram was sick and now she is back -" enna ore paattum
koothum nadakkuthu inge?? enna vishesham?? Pettai
thamizhu kekkame thullaringalaa ellarum?" Caryn winces
- " awww, by the time I read the Taminglish here, I grow
older by an year!! And this Madras Tamil........ awwwwwwww"
moans.

Eljay is away - she has taken it up on herself to find a
nice, understanding and mature girl for ACD - " Madras
trip le first work ithu than, Kalyanam panni vaicha apram
than , I will come back " - almost a Mangamma sabatham -
Giri gave her a smiling send off but kept her fingers crossed
" samy, intha Eljay plan balikka koodathu, Priya than ACD
ai kalyanam pannikkanum..." She even offered both her
jasmine garlands to Muppathamman!!!

Netra is restless - hubby has promised to take her out for
dinner - Valentine's day treat - She does not want to miss
the bridal shower also - divided loyalties - she is seen
kneading her hands and looking at her watch - once every
30 seconds!!!

Roja is missing as usual but where is Fluidd, the heroine
of the show??? Vinu and Giri try to call her in her mobile
but get a "not reachable" reply. They tried to call Roja but
Roja has this annoying habit of going under cover before
every prank of hers. She believes in doling out surprise hits
- by the time the members realize that they have been hit
by her missile, she is well in to her hysterical laughter - spine
chilling noise!!!

Nallu tells Jas and Giri some thing - muted - influence of Tanil
serials - then she screams - her ears are caught between the
fingers of Jas and Giri, Giri rolls her goli kundu eyes in all
directions, Jas bundles the fingers of her free hand and aims
at Nallu's nose - Of late Jas targets noses - " tholaichiduvom
ipdi yethanum sonna" - Nallu looks for some one to save her
but alas, no one is game, ACD's nose is still fresh in their
memory...

Ho shouts " Rojaaaaaaa....... yes u heard it right, the lounge
door bangs - typical Roja style.. but wait, who are these people
and where is Roja???? u will find out soon - vendam Roja
vittudu nnu kenjinaa vittuda poraala enna??? sariyaana
Vedalam.......

TBC ( all the time, ithu oru unnecessary warning, Rojaa ,nee thirunthave maatiyaaa????

Final part

A group of old women enter... wait wait.. what is that
song??? Rukkumani Rukkumani akkam pakkam
enna satham?- The oldies are dancing for this song
and barging in - Oho Ho ho Oho ho Ho ho Oho ho ho -
deafening BG music - Roja managed to bring Mani-
ratnam's group to the Lounge??? Yessss, the same
group dancing and singing - shaky voices anddd wait...
who is that in the middle.. who is getting jostled in by
a 100 shoulders??? God, that is a dazed Fluidd

Nallu stops her screaming but her mouth is agape -
" I just said that Viscoelastic may have kidnapped
Fluidd and my ears got twisted!!! Can these two do
the same to Roja for such an atrocious act?" Jas
can feel her fingers easing out and Giri's goli kundus
have a fixed stare......

Roja vichuk vichuks and approaches Fluidd - suddenly
gives her usual chilling laugh and the Maniratnam paattis
disperse hurriedly. Roja looks at them angrily and says
" ithu enna unga cinema heroine aa?? Ipdi push panringa,
konnuduven, na sonnathai mattum seytha porum,ok???"
Poor Fluidd is doing a "Kannu act" - draws in deep breaths
and Kavi rushes with a chilled orange juice. Roja looks
around for Barath and he is finally emerging from the back
with a sheepish grin " hey Barath, I asked you to take
Fluidd in to the lounge and u have been dancing with these
women???" Barath hastily apologizes and says that he got
carried away by the song and 3 paattis pulled him to jive
along!!!

The stunned IF ians find their tongues and the oldies queue
up for the next number. Sue nudges Ho -"your idea eh??
asking for advice from oldies???" Ho nondhufies her vithi
" awww, nalla advice pannuvangannu nianichen, Roja ipdi
oru gumbalai kondu varuvaannu epdi theriyum?"

Giri rolls her eyes " enakku theriyaatha advice aa?? I have
been training Priya for the last 3 years!!!" Roja looks at Giri
and smiles as if she reads her thoughts. Giri shudders as she
is able to read Roja's hidden message " 3 years aa u have
not been able to make Priya do a decent romantic act ... hmmm"

Every one comfortably seats themselves with a drink in
hand and the paattis do their next number " Pazhaga
theriya venum penne paarthu nadakka venummm"
followed by " putham puthu Olai varum, intha poovukkoru
maalai varum" Barath is all set for a solo "kalyana maalai
kondadum penne, yen paattai kelu unmaigal solven" -

Now all the IF ians are tempted to sing - Giri sings
"kalyaanam than kattikitti odi poriyaa? - which translates
as " have u got your own apartment??" Fluidd has a sad
look " house owner notice kuduthuttan, vera apartment
kidaikkalai, ithule own vera ya??? Giri akka, vendam.."
Jas sings , " yaaro yaarodi unnoda purusan?" Fluidd
grins " he will never sit in the hot seat and so don't have
hopes of grilling him!! paattu le kooda only QS??"Ho
sings, " Chithira poo vizhi vasalile avar yaar ninravarO?"
Fluidd sings back " Dasaratha Raja Kumaraaa" - Ho
does not know Hindu mythology and so scratches her
head to solve the puzzle.

Vinu throws her exam paper and happily joins the crowd -
" Paavai un mugathai paarthaar oruvar, nee athai parthaaya?"
Fluidd sings back "kandu konden kandukonden, kathal
mugam kandukonden" - Nallu finally comes back to her
senses - " Paartha mudhal naale avarai paartha mudhal naale,
paithiyam pidichitha unakku paithiyam pidichitha??' Fluidd
has a smug smile " loosu Nallu, loosu Nallu, loosu Nallu,
avarthan ange konjam loosa sutharaar" Sue is at her
tether's end " Yenge ungal advice?? seekiram kudukka
vendiya advice??? Paper il ezhutha villaiyO,ammamma
Pen um kidaikka villaiyaiO??"

Now suddenly Roja springs to action - a projector is
brought in and the lights get dimmed. Every one sits
back to enjoy a nice romantic movie. Ho nods her
appreciations " che whatever said and done, Roja knows
what she is doing. See she has created the mood for
romance and that too on Valentine's day - Netra
hurriedly calls hubby and asks him to hold for another
hour. Atina puts on her glasses - she has the monumental
responsibility of making sure that no X rated movie is
shown - She does not want to put any thing past Roja
" kirukku Roja,yethanum seythaa nambathan apram global
Mods kku bathil sollanum.."

The room gets darker.... the movie starts ... the first scene
is full of beautiful flowers - looks like the garden of Eden
( IF ians than Heaven trip adichaangale,so they do know
that garden!!) Roja must have sprayed some nice perfume.
. every one is able to smell the flowers... hmmmmm .... Then
the screen shows some varieties of bees... Jas and Caryn
look at each other - " are we thinking of the same thing??"
- Suddenly a gray haired science teacher comes on the
screen and takes lessons of "birds, bees and flowers" -
The Maniratnam paattis lost their voices and the IF ians
are not able to utter a single word - so enraged with mad Roja!!!
Ho is fuming... " birds and bees?? birds and bees?? uh huh
Roja u sure are a maddie....." Every one looks around for
some thing to hit Roja, Atina has a satisfied sigh... Fluidd has
a knowing smile ( thank God, Roja akka told me about this..
otherwise all these people would have made me "undu illai")
... Roja laughs - hysterical, spine chilling, mad laugh...
Lounge is empty!!!!

IF Tamil Serials Fans' Lounge.

A 52 inches LCD TV is the heroine today. It is mounted on
the wall and all the IF ians are lazing around. Yes, today is a
day of celebration for the IF ians. They have decided to watch
a serial together - of course the main entertainment will be the comments among themselves. Quite a few are adept at updating
serials these days - so side comments can be really funny - No
one cares about the serial as such - Ho is magnanimous to ignore
even vaathu - "bomb or no bomb, I am game Roja" - There are cushions all over the floor and the IF ians are seen in all postures - some reclining, some on the floor with stretched legs, some leaning
on the shoulders of friends....... Since it is not yet time for the evening serials, there is some general chatter going on - 'what are we going
to watch?? do we get to pick??? are we allowed to throw rotten eggs
on the TV?? any rotten tomatoes in the kitchen Kavi?? - well, the atmosphere is electric and for a change we see a docile Roja - she walked around like a puppy for a day and decided to change her
avtar as the puppy was hurt to be associated with Roja. Roja loves puppies and so spared the pup from more agony.

Fluidd is busy with her India trip and dreams of viscoelastic -
so she is missing. Eljay is already in Madras - seriously looking
for a bride for ACD - and Giri is sending daily requests/orders
to all the Gods who care to listen " ACD kku Priya than jodi, vera yethanum maathininga...." Last heard from the heaven was that
all the Gods are watching Aanandam regularly - to make a decision
on their own about this most talked about romance!!!

Niti is tied up with a lot of personal work - she is not seen even in Kolangal thread!!! Not that she would miss much anyways!! Vinu
is off her hot seat and she managed to give some job to Anju -
"muthalle u read my list , apramaa parthukkalaam" - has a wicked
smile!! Jas has been so busy that she did not grill Vinu as much
as she wanted to !!! That is some sacrifice!! Sue is back , Riya
is back.. well what more do u need???

Suddenly Nallu screams.. "where is the remote???" All hell
breaks loose, every one goes on search mode and look at all the impossible places - Giri empties the waste paper basket, Vinu
looks under the cushions, Caryn looks at Roja .. Jas eyes Roja's
jeans pockets... Finally they find that the remote is stuck to Ho's "teacher kOndai" - all heave sighs of relief and Caryn chides herself for doubting Roja. The funniest part is that both Roja's mad gleam and
the asattu sirippu are missing - Giri and Nallu have decided to stay close to the maddie.

The remote is given to Roja - "enna serial veanaa pOdu, nanga pakkarom" - All fail to notice two things - the cable decoder is
switched off and Roja has another remote in hand which is hidden
from public view. Roja casually switches on the TV and subtly
switches on the VCR - Nallu looks at the clock and the time
shown is 6.30pm - "So, Anjali it is??? Roja has stopped following
that of late?? apram epdi?? " before she could analyze any further
the title song comes on with Anjali dressed up as the National poet Bharathiyar.....

Nallu is all eyes now, she knows how much Roja hates this
demeaning but Roja is still quiet!!! Anjali is in the process of
deputing men to give birth to baby boys " aaan kuzhandaiyai aan eenattum" Suram bursts out laughing - she does her usual ROFL
act - she must have forgotten the astrologer episode!! - "hey imagine my boss coming to work with his bulging tummy, every one will know that it is a boy..." Vinu says " my boss has a pregnant tummy always.. baby or no baby.." Giri starts ROFL along with Suram " awww, if ACD/Priya's first born is a boy, ACD will go to work and run behind criminals with a swollen tummy??" Caryn reassures "Giri, he is not in the habit of catching criminals and so that Q does not arise" Amidst this chatter, no one notices the change of scene on the screen...... we see creep with his usual kadu kadu face and Ho is all eyes - "Pat can kadu kadu face be inherited?? he must have got it from his mom - she does look at Bharath often like this" - Pat is least bothered.
" Roja unakku vera serial kidaikkaliyaa?? ingeyumm ithaiye pOttu arukkare?" Netra joins Ho in criticizing creep " DSTR kku enna kozhuppu pathingalaa Ho?? Bomb vera plant panniyachu pole" - Ho turns towards Netra and agrees with her ' ennoda vaathukku mattum yethanum aagattum, apram paaru Netra"

Now Giri has stopped her ROFL and watches the screen with
her goli kundus " Jo la lee la lee jo la lee la lee" - Giri winces
and closes her ears " Caryn, Charu marupadi yen paadaranga
ithai?? NIRUTHUNGAAA" Caryn jolts from her reverie and
thinks that it is Priya who is screaming to stop ACD marrying
Jammu "ayyo Giri , u and Roja spin stories after every update
and looks like CR has read them!! Now look at the outcome" Giri blinks." I asked Caryn to stop the song and why is she pouncing on me??"

Vinu watches with her mouth agape - yes,now the screen
shows Kalai family at their best act - all drawing in their breaths
and sitting in a circle - Tilaga starts the oppari as head of the
family and the daughters tow the line. Megs does a fusion dance session just with her hands, Sezhi is admiring akka's wonderful performance, Kanakku managed to sell the tickets for the rare performance - the rest of the IF ians are dumb struck - Vinu has
a smile of pride and sings" intha oppari pothumaa ? innum konjam venumaa?? - as if she has copy rights for it and Supree dashes out
to Vinu ' hey, that is my prize winning slogan, How can u steal that??' Kavi is still weak but manages to lure Supree with some chicken soup.

The screen suddenly looks dirty - yes, it is Thols with his 10
year old's shirt trying to look important and now it is Nallu's
turn to ROFL - " pei mathiritye irukku intha face, no make up is needed" Vinu pats Nallu for her imagination... Menu comes on
with her false accent ..Caryn starts the first egg throwing " I hear
you talking like this once again, mavale sethe nee" Usha confirms
that it is not British accent " some rag pickers in London would
throw stones at such accent..yuck" Menu goes on with her oily
face and Vinu vows " antha iron man unnai kolraanO illiyO naan
unnai konnuduven,,," Ho has a smug smile " thank God, I am not
part of this kolai kara gumbal" Pokkiri lifts his T shirt to expose 50 aruvaals of different sizes and shapes -" come take your pick people,lets go .." Tamil picks up a sharp stiletto"sorugina irukkara edam kooda theriyaathu... hukkumm"

Now Selvi is on the screen - for the first time Roja winces
" Kizhavi kku Selvi nnu peraa?? for how many days she is
going to claim herself to be an youngster?? she might pair with
Selva of Bhandahm in her next serial, awwww" Meli brings a
chilled orange juice and feeds Roja.... The screen shows
Gayu, Poo and Priya " Meli closes her eyes " ingeyumaa?? intha kanraavi yai na update panrene pothatha??" Sue lists her punish-
ments " place all the 3 on a big block of ice and tie with a rope
dipped in acid, let them freeze on one side and burn with that
acid on the other side.." Usha has a scared look now 'awww Sue
is all set to fill in to my shoes..."

All are lost in their own comments and do not realize that they
saw a medley of serials.. yes Roja recorded bits and pieces from
every serial and knew that no one will notice it until the final
scene.. and what is that??? they see Roja laughing hysterically
on the TV screen... before fleeing the lounge, they all notice that
Roja is still lying down peacefully ... eyes closed.... well she might replay this scene when ever the lounge needs that laughter....
some proxy eh????

IF Tamil Serials' Fans' Lounge.

The lounge is in a frenzy. All are moving around
and looks like all are getting ready to go somewhere.
Atina's room is closed and there is some conversation
going on inside - the voices are low and the IF ians
are not able to eavesdrop. Nallu and Giri have a
smug smile - looks like this time around Roja has
briefed them!!!! There is a long luxury coach waiting
outside the lounge!!! Any trip?? where to??? and who
are all going??? The If ians are all ready - a serious
Roja comes and asks them all to board the coach.
Vinu is dragging 2 big suit cases, Vani has a hand
baggage which resembles another suitcase, Jas is
checking some list " gift eduthu vaichingalaa??? suit
case lock panniyaacha??" ( athu sari - Qs kekkatta,
jas than nnu epdi theriyum??😳)Kavi is bringing a
polythene cover which is bulging with some thing inside
" Vani, pls squeeze this in the hand carry ppa, konjam
murukku and athirsam pack panninen" - Vani has no clue
as to how to squeeze in any thing in to that bag - it is all
set to burst at the seams!!!! Fluidd comes out finally,
sporting Mehendhi in her hands and a matching blush
on her face!! - yes, the IF ians are going to the airport
to see off Fluidd. Does it look all normal??? Oh no, how
can it be??? With Roja around nothing can be normal....
she has definitely some thing .. some body??? few people???
extra guests???? awwwww as if Roja discloses all her
attacks before hand???!!! Earth quakes and Tsunamis
learn from Roja about attacking tactics.......
TBC

The IF ians board the bus and Roja is directing them -
"Sue, this side please, Ho, antha corner for u..." - No one
has any idea about the allocation of seats " naan enge
ukkaranum nnu Roja decide pannuvaala?? arajagama
irukkuppa" - nevertheless, they occupy their assigned
seats and notice that one whole side is empty. All are
curious and as usual a hushed chatter.." what is the deal??
why are we not allowed to occupy those seats??? Any thing
special???" Giri recalls the PAR 172 experience and
shudders - " new guests nnu Roja akka sonnanga, aana
yaar athu???" - Well, once all the IF ians are seated, the
back door opens andddd...... oh my God.. all the hubbies
get in with a bewildered/anxious/uncertain smile!!! There
is a collective gasp from the married IFians and the
unmarried ones have never been more happy in their lives!!! -"hubbbaaaa, talk about freedom" - Who looks more
scared?? hubbies or their respective wives??? The bus
moves and finally the chatter dies down.

The TV screen comes alive and we see viscoelastic on the
screen - all decked up in silk jubba and dhothi - resembles
the proverbial sacrificial goat - awww not because of marrying
Fluidd but the august IF ians and their hubbies give him a
shiver " hmmmm looks like I am in for a major advice session....
Uma venum nna ithellam poruthu than aaganum.... hmmm"
Fluidd is thrilled and blushes some more!!!! Giri throws
electric glances at Mr.Giri " paavi manusha, inge than vara
porathaa solave illiye??" Sue opens and closes her mouth a
few times like a fish " ende Guruvayoorappa, ee aalu itharai kallanO?" Mr.Roja has a resigned look - he is so used to his
wife-"will she ever grow up??? for ever playing pranks ,
hmmmm" Jas is all keyed up - her eyes dart from one hubby
to the other -"paavam ithunga ellam, paavapatta jenmangal
hmm" - Looking at the faces of all the hubbies the unmarried
ones vow to stay single. Finally the bus moves, Fluidd is glued
to the Tv screen ' hmm innum 20 hours aagum ivarai parkkave
hmm" - Roja has made sure to seat the hubbies away from their spouses - adicha kooda konjam aa hurt panra distance!!! -

Roja starts the ball rolling with a song -
" pazhaga theirya venum, thambi parthu nadakka
vendummmm, pazhaga..."
Mr.Roja is quick to tow the line
" Thambi payale, thambi payale, sethi kelada, na solla
pogum unmaiyai konjam enni paru da, aaalthan valarum,
arivu valaarathu romba kashtam da,..."
Roja blows a kiss across and Mr.Roja changes track
"Roja poo aadi vanthathu, kooja vai thooka sonnathu,
kannil eppothum mad gleam, asattu sirippu trade mark
than.. Roja poo"

Encouraged by Mr.Roja, Mr.Vinu makes his point -
"Pani mel nadakka vittal, ennai kuliril uraya vaithaal,
Dish ai thudaikka vaithaal, thookkam keduthu vittal...
Vinu shows a ring with a smile and he sings
" Kalyaana payya kalyaan payya gavanam vaiyada..
engeyum eppothum mirattal than uruttalthan..."

Viscoelastic has a pale face ..so soon???? aww no no,
hold on. Mr.Ho
" teacher ai than kattitten, gettiyaaga ottittal,
vatta vatta kondaikaari, kuttu vaicha vangikko, helmet
konjam pottukko, solli tharen tricks ellam"
Ho smilingly massages her head and Mr Ho is out with
" Vanthaal Ho kuttiye en thalaiyil endrum
kuttu kuttave"
Viscoelastc is near fainting...some one gives
him some water at the other end...

Mr.Netra is ready with his lines
" 1 2 3 da yen nilaimai
paaru da, twins ai petra appan naan ada..."
Netra moves her hand on her tummy and Mr goes on
" Artha rathriyil ice cream ketpathu ethanai naal amma ?
innum ethanai naal amma?'"
Netra answers
" porukka vendum 6 maatham chella hubby ye,
artha rathri nappy maathum neram vanthudum"
Mr.Netra can not decide as to which is worse!!!

Nair bhaiyya gets up to sing
" Kadalin akkarai ponaalum, kan kaanamale ponaalum
Sue vanthu pidichu kollum kai niraiya
valayal pottu pidichu kollum"
Sue does a siling siling with her bangles and he goes
on to sing
" Nan thangam vaanga ponen, Sue kadaiyai vaangi
vittal"
Sue smiles " gold is the best investment, ariyO?"

Mr.Giri has a nice smile
" Goli kundu kaanu, thenga sillu udhadu"
Giri gives him a lovey dovey look and he goes on with
" Kalyaana maalai kondadum payya, yen kathaiyai
kelu, ellame puriyum, life endral risk thaane"

Mr.Suram is all keyed up and starts
" Nanae naana? yaaro thane?
puppy mattum chellam thane? "
Suram has a knowing smile and he goes on with
" madi meethuuuu thalai vaithuuuu
nai kutty paduthukkalaam,
naanthan thalli poganum"

By now viscoelastic is totally lost " ayyo da ipdi ellarum
paadaranga, namba nalla maattiyacha??? bhagavane,
ivanga ellaraiyum partha bayamavum irukkku, paava
mavum irukku hmmm..." Roja faces the menfolk and
makes some signs - the men folk smile at viscoelastic
and decide to stop teasing him - engage in a chorus
session
" Ponnu veettil vazha pogum payya thambipaya
kanna, sila buthimathikal solrem kelu kanna...
kavalaipadathey sagodhara kavalai padathey sagodhara
nanga ellam thunai iruppom , appo appo solli kuduppom
kavalai padathey...
un wife thaaannnn unnai mattum than
appoppo uthaippa bayappadathey...
chinna chinna sirippu sinthi vidu sirippu,
muthu maalai vangu, gift aa kuduthudu....
aval illamal neeyillai neeyillamal aval illai
la la lalla la lla la la laa la la laa la"
IF ians move towards their respective spouses and
Stevie Wonder's voice fills the bus.." I just called to
say I love u..." The couples jive slowly..... lost in
each other's embrace... their minds drift far away .. recalling
their own wedding days...... The unmarried ones melt as
well " maybe it is not so bad... we can give it a try, may be...." Viscoelastic drools over Fluidd ..... " Bus is speeding towards
the airport....... Fluidd kalyaana vaiboghame... bavamaana
sudhadu pettu......." and for once no hysterical laughter from Roja
aww, she does believe in Romance EVEN after marriage😳😳

IF Tamil Serials' Fans' Lounge

The lounge is quiet and there is a general lull - After the
send off to Fluidd, some of the singles have changed sides -
" what if we marry?? looks like fun!!" - The younger ones
are still undecided -" we have a lot of time, we will cross
the bridge when we come to it."

Giri is busy shifting home - Mr.Giri came for the send off
but flew back to Dubai -" shifting?? not my cup of tea ,
chellammm neeye pannidu da, ok?' Giri gnarled a bit but had
no option. She was grumbling to Roja who was sympathetic
for a change!! "Giri chellam, men are a class by themselves.
As for me, hubby darling always had an official trip planned
when I shifted house or got the painting done. In a way, it is
better not to have them around, u know" - Giri threw a hurt
puppy look and went about her work.

Kavi is still not fully out of her flu attack- chooses to
recline in the easy chair and dreams" che Uma wedding
kku poga mudiyalai, hmmm" Sue is still dreaming"gold
shop hmmmm Guruayoor appa kekkariya?" Ho is very
happy " appa da, creep is on the streets. Vaathu kku
evvalavu kodumai panninaan?? nalla venum" Vinu is busy
with her son's exams -" yarukku exam nnu appo appo
maranthu porathu,hmmmm" - so she is on the phone with
him most of the time!! Suram is busy grilling Silukku -
" eppo parthaalum oru dance... iru un iduppai odikkaren,
chance kidaichithu ippo than.."

Jas is holding court in one corner. She has some serious
conversation going - actually a monologue - Nallu is busy
mandai aattufying. Vani, Caryn, Meli, Pokkiri - the rest
of the lucky singles are having fun with Jas. The lounge
door bangs - oh yes here comes the devil with her usual
asattu sirippu. Jas gives her one of those "if looks could
kill" looks!!! Roja is not perturbed by such mild jabs.
Nallu tries to go to Roja but Jas pulls her down -"ange
poniyO kOlai vizhum, send off trip le hubbies ai kondu
vanthu lootti adichathu poraatha?? namkku mattum
no songs?? Poi paattukku paattu thread le paaru, enakku
theriyaatha paatta?? hukkum.." Nallu has a scared look
"ada Raama, na adutha CK le marupadi hubbies ai kondu
varanume, Jas enna seyvaangalO?"

Roja is sitting in one corner and writing some thing seriously
- ignoring the rest. Now, Jas is curious -"Roj, what are u up
to now?? I won't let u ignore us ever again, ok?" Suddenly
Roja starts singing like.... oh hold on....JAS - we hear the voice
of Jas filling the lounge with " Nan thanna thani kaattu Rani,
yen thottathil ethanai pony /Nan theeratha vilayattu ponuu,
yen pocket il yethanai phoneuu ..phone uu.. phoneuu "(echo effect veraya??!!) Jas is stunned and eyes Roja with suspicion " how
does she know that I carry a few cell phones?" checks her
handbag,can not find even one of her phones and panics.

Now Roja is imitating pokkiri " Thaniye thanna thaniye naan
kaathu kaathu kidanthen, Nilave Asin nilave yen kanavil
vanthu nindral. PuriyaathO Asin kutty ,puriyathOOOO"
Pokkiri melts " che Roja akka is the only one who understands
me" - goes to Roja and stands behind her as usual ' I am always
your henchman Roja akka" - Roja winks at Jas. " nara nara nara"
that is Jas grinding her teeth at Pokkiri!!! Nallu slowly makes
a move - " namba devil twin kittiye poidalaam, known devil
is better than unknown angel..." Jas is still busy looking for
her cell phones and so does not see Nallu changing camps.

Now we hear Vani's voice " Vani kku oru paattu, anbu
thangaikku oru paattu, nee antha pakkam irunthale
endrum thani endru sollum paattu" Vani panics 'Endrum
thaniyaa?? ayyo, no company nna I will die. Roja akka
maddie thaan, aanalum eppovum koottam irukku avangalai
suthi. Paithiyathu kku pinnadi 10 per nnu solrathu sarithan,
ozhung antha pakam poidalaam" Jas is yet to see her aides
missing one by one.

Meli is tired - she had a whole load of exams last week and is
back to updating paadavathi Kolngal " Menu thappichutta grrr" -
her eyes are closed but hearing her voice in the lounge she jumps, Pinches herself once and makes sure that her lips are sealed tight
-Oh yes, it is Roja again!! " POttu vaitha kolam ellam thappu
kanmani, Menu vanthu kozhappi vittal Thols ai othaikkanum"
- Meli is happy to hear this, immediately goes to Pokkiri and
asks for some weapon. Pokkiri is always armed, lifts his T shirt
and bingo.... grab what u want!!! well well Meli is on the other
side!!!😳😳

Roja is on to her next song - this time in Caryn's voice -
" Book padikka vaariyalaa?? cinema pakka vaariyalaa?
fish ai samippOma yela yela, Caryn kku kudupOma?? intha
pakkam vaariyalaaaaa? - Caryn is tempted to taste the fish
specially cooked for her... moves to the other side , giving sly
looks at Jas.. Jas is busy.. no phones found as yet!!!

Jas is still looking for her cell phones.... a hand bag is skidding
along the floor in her direction.. and yes, it is her new hand bag
with all her cell phones -" Rojjjjj, when did u lay your hands on
this?" - Runs to Roja and suddenly realizes that she too has
changed camps!!! Before she could look around the married
lot give a standing ovation " Ennikkavathu oru naal enga pakkam vanthu than aaganum, epdi vasathi?" wait wait wait... what is this? Roja and Jas are winking at each other ???!!! The most docile Ho throws a cushion at them " ipdi oru plan panni than singles session aa??? vara vara Jas kkum Roja madness rub aayiduchu.. Lounge thaangumaa??? " Sue agrees whole heartedly ..... Kavi comes out of her reverie....The lounge echoes with the hysterical laughter ..
This time it is not just Roja... Jas joins!!!!!😳😳

IF Tamil Serials' Fans' Lounge.

The lounge looks different. There is smoke all
over - must have got fogged for mosquitoes!!!
As the mosquitoes were being driven out, they
were talking among themselves: " we have been
driven out.. fine .. but how do they plan to
drive Roja whose bites are worse than ours??"

The members are trickling in. Vinu has just
finished her..sorry her son's exams!! She had
never done so much work when she took her
own exams and is totally washed out -" Kavi's
coffee and snacks..... Roja akka's Megs update....
the Qs by Jas to the new hot seat victim.... ahh,
that is relaxation.." Ho is totally dejected with the
way vaathu beats around the bush -" chekku maadu
mathiri ore edathile suthuthu hmmm"

Giri is missing - still busy with house shifting.
manages to breeze in for some archiving!!! Vani
is very relaxed -" singles party over, send off over,
habba Roja akka and Nallu do not have much
ammunition to spin CKs..." - what an under
estimation???!!! Fluidd must be in the seventh heaven!!
Caryn is livid with anger "grrrrr either ACD marries
Priya or Jammu.. this ambiguous hanging is killing.."

Netra is happy that Alai Payudhe has been shelved -
" enna crap athu?? ithai poi update panna aarambichene"
Suram is happy after seeing Silukku "one hand"!! -
"iduppai odaichu anuppiyaachu, appada" - Jenim is also
relaxing " habba, Silukku nnu fix pannittanga, jive
panni panni kaal kai ellam nikkame aaduthu innum.."

Kavi is tired - her flu gave her hell and the rains
every day make recovery more difficult. The recipe
thread is flourishing - both the genders are equally
eager!!

Well Roja is not around - nothing unusual but
where are Jas, Nallu and Sue??? The IF ians can
not imagine Sue joining hands with the likes of
Roja, Jas and Nallu!!! The door bangs..... before
anybody is seen we hear "tholkappia,tholkappia"
and a clear jalra noise!!! Nallu enters .. God .. what
is this?? She has a naradar kondai and tamboor in
her hands... jeans and T shirt..... wooden slippers.....
what a sight???!! The fog in the lounge increases
some more..

Next enters Lord Yama ... well Jas is in her usual
pant and shirt but has the gathai perched on her
shoulder!!! She walks with long strides ..rolls her
eyes in all directions looking for her victims of
the day.... Sue follows....wears a golden color
silk robe... a few pieces of jewellery... a black,
thick moustache.... some sight, this is!!! They all
walk to the front, Sue and Jas occupy high chairs
- Nallu prefers to stand and utters her"tholkappia,
tholkappia" at regular intervals.

The members spring back to life and Vani curses
herself for her hasty , short lived happiness!!!
Roja enters with a threesome behind her.. tied
together by a thick steel chain.. Usha, Priya (Lachu)
and Kannu !!! Kannu is trying to release herself
but Roja tugs at the chain and stops any efforts in
that direction!!!

Roja has her usual asattu sirippu but the mad gleam
is more intense - she was so angry with Usha for
calling Eashu to "come back home" - " u were driven
out unceremoniously and u call that place home???!!!"
One look at Priya and Jas has red shot eyes - she
rakes her brain for the most unusual punishment.
The lounge does not have the luxury of Usha_Pooja
these days - she is busy with her studies. Vinu
looks at Kannu and knows why she is included in this
list -for begging Angu : "neenga Namma veettukku
poidunga athai" - well the three women are jittery.

TBC

Part 2 - Final

Nallu presents the 3 women to Jas and Sue - they
need no intro!!! Sue starts " neethan Kannu engira
loose aa???" Kannu does a few vik viks with out the
help of the script writer and does her breathing
exercise - Sue is angry, forgets that she is
VPK Bomman " parayu di neeyalle aa Kannu loosu??'
Jas tugs at Sue " Tamizh Tamizh//" Sue is beyond
caring "awww Jasuuu enikki kovam vanthengil mathru
bashai yil than samsarikka verum, kettO?" Kannu
darts alternate looks at Jas and Sue - Nallu
pacifies "tholkappia, tholkappia.... VPKB, adutha
Q vai kelunga" The mere mention of the word Q
lights up Jas - she emits a red glow around herself!!

Kannu finally agrees that she is Kannu loosu and
Sue goes on " Unakku naanam vetkam onrum illiya??
Antha moron adichi nadu vazhile thalli vittuttu
poittan, innum enna Namma veedu??? u want to go
back and live with him???" Kannu nods her head
as she can not find her tongue - she uses her
saucers all the time, the tongue is a redundant
feature!! Sue turns to Roja who serves as Chithra
Guptha for the day - nears Sue and writes some
thing vigorously as VPKB dictates. Lord Yama
has a sated grin " vamma vaa, Q s kette unnai
undu illai nnu aakiduven but I have some other
plan for u"

Usha comes forward - VPKB has a steely look " aa
hissy oda barya ningal thanne??" Usha has no clue -
she knows no hissy and does not know what to say!!
Nallu helps " minister uncle ssss ippo enna seyya
ssss porom?" - Usha understands now and accepts
her guilt. Roja hurries and takes the kid away
from Usha. Vinu carries the baby and Kavi quickly
gives him some biscuits. Pokkiri suddenly jumps from
his chair and goes to Jas. Lifts his T shirt to
show the weapons - Jas gives a satisfied grunt.

VPKB goes on " Yentha Usha, hissy chetan oru paadu
akramam seythallO?? why did u just keep quiet and
watched it all??" Usha finds her tongue and says
that it was all because of Thols - " chechi, director
solrath seytha than sambalam , nanga enna seyya??"
Nallu does a "Tholkappai, tholkappia "now which kindles
the fire in Jas some more - Usha throws a dirty look
at Nallu " samaya santharpam theriyaame... romba
mukkkkkiiiaaammmm" - Nallu is happy with her
Naradar act - "it did irritate Jas some more!!" -

Priya is brought forward - she tries to roll her eyes
and scare Jas and Sue - she probably thought that
every one is like Poo!!! Jas has kolai veri in her eyes
and the docile Ginny dashes across to Pokkiri -
"enakkum oru weapon kuduppa, intha ponnai nane
yethanum seyyaren, I have to see her as I have to
update grrrr" Priya is scared and refuses to answer
VPKB.

Both VPKB's and Yama's instructions have been written
by C.Guptan - knowing Roja, u can be rest assured that
she made her own inclusions as well!!! The fog has lifted
out of the lounge but the anger level has increased the
room temp. All seat themselves comfortably to watch
the proceedings.

Jas claps her hands and 2 yama kingaras enter. Big made,
dark, ferocious looking - almost like Zulu warriors -
Jas talks in Zulu to them . Both go near Kannu first-
she is already flooding the lounge without the able
assistance of darling sis Megs - One of them holds
Kannu by her ear and lifts her up in the air. Kannu does
some air swimming.... but the kingaran is holding tight.
She is hung from the roof... upside down.. her limbs
spread eagled .... the other end of the rope is given
to VPKB who makes her swing from one end to the other
"International Women's day time le ippdi oru cowardly
act seyyalaama?? moron kitte poviyaa, poviyaa marupadi??"
Kannu screams "Vikramathithyan, inge konjam vaanga
please..." - he is busy writing the script for the next
episode " Angu, Amutha and Tilaga - oru round katti
oppari scene podalaamaa???" discussing with his
deputies!!! Kannu goes in circles... triangles... squares......
screams - Sue orders 10 days of this treatment.." if she
still thinks of moron,we can go to the next step" - Kannu is "kannoonjal aadufying"

Usha and Priya are half dead by now!!! Pokkiri
stares at Usha - for him she represents Thols and
he can not wait for the green from Jas!!! Jas
claps once again and now Thozhar enters with a
sheaf of papers in his hands!!! Jas lifts her
little finger and thozhar starts " Usha ammaiyare..
Aadhii ennum thangal kanavanin thavarugalai
thatti ketka yen thayakkam?? Peeniyam thazhaithonga
vendumenil neengal ellam Aanandhi ammaiyarai pole
thunichal migunthu kanaa pada vendamma..." he goes
on and on and as he finishes the 10 th page of his
speech Usha jumps in to the hot oil container by
herself " Usha 65 is a better choice than this chaste
Tamil lecture.... " Pokiri is speech less - " aww Jas
what an innovative punishment??? u achieved such
a feat without a weapon??" He falls at Jas' feet "deivame.. deivame..."

Priya is shattered - " na Poo vai vittu Odi poidaren,
ennai onnum pannathinga please..." Ginny roars "too
late my dear too late..." Jas claps her hands for the
last time..... Another Zulu warrior enters with a gunny
bag. He dumps Priya in to it and ties the end. The
bag looks like a foot ball - Ginny is given the privilege
of kicking first followed by Caryn, Jas, Netra ,vani
and others - the lounge becomes a foot ball ground
and the Priya ball is kicked from corner to corner -
..... Lounge is exploding with laughter..Nallu removes
her wooden slippers and joins the game... all the IF ians
laugh like Roja ... the hysterical, spine chilling
laughter.... they are geared for the next week of
serial watching......😳😳