Jokes - Page 90

Why do woman have two hands?

One for the credit card and another for a cell phone.

Yes, Kavi... tell us. This doesn't stop half way. 😆

Thank you Jaz 😛

Girl: Will you love me after marriage also?

Boy: This depends on your husband, if he allows me.
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Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills.

Wife: When must I give them to him?

Doctor: They are for you.
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God saw me hungry, he created pizza .
He saw me thirsty, he created pepsi
He saw me in dark, he created light .
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.
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The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray "Take only one. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, " Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
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One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up
MOM: "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."
SON: "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."
MOM: "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."
SON: "One, all the chilldren hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."
MOM: "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school."
SON: "Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?"
MOM: "One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old and should understand your responsibilities. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school.
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What are the three fastest ways of communication?
Three fastest means of communication in the world.
Tele-phone
Tele-vision
Tell-a-woman.
You still want faster?
Tell her not to tell anyone :-)
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A man is dying of Cancer.
His son asked him, "Dad, why do u keep telling people u're dying of AIDS?"
Answer:"So when I'm dead no one will dare touch ur mom!"
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Copy and paste
Some Management Tips..........
At a training program for top management.
A well-known motivational speaker gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!"
The crowd was shocked!
He followed up by saying, "That woman was my mother!"
The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which was well received.
About a week later, one of the top managers who had the training decided to use that joke at his house. He tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It was a bit foggy to him.
He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"
Naturally, his wife was shell shocked, murmuring.
After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "... and I can't remember who she was!"
As expected, he got thrashing of his lifetime?
Moral of the story: Do not copy if you cannot paste

The loyal wife



There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, 'When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.'

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.

When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, 'Wait just a minute!' She had a box her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.

So her friend said, 'Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband.'

The loyal wife replied, 'Listen, I'm an honest loyal wife, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.'

'You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?'

'I sure did,' said the wife. 'I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check.. If he can cash it, he can spend it.'

good ones vani and caryn...keep it going girls!!!

and kavi where is the answer???

Jessica, ten-year-old , dreamed of having her own puppy and took every opportunity to try to convince her reluctant parents to buy her one. Finally, they agreed she could have a puppy if she improved her marks at school.

Several weeks later, Jessica arrived home from school with her report card. Over supper that night her father asked, "How did you do on your report, Jess?"

After a short pause she replied sadly,
"Bye-bye, doggie."

😆 😆 😆 Good ones, Vani & ARjun 😃

If anyone do not know who is Nigella, she is the cooking Goddess from UK. She is sexy, beautiful and have lovely eyes. Simply gorgeous. Men drool over her, including my brothers.



Now read this............

Nigella V Real Women

1. Nigella's Way
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice-cream drips .

The Real Woman's Way
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Goodness sake. You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.

2. Nigella's Way
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

The Real Woman's Way
Buy Smash and keep it in the cupboard for up to a year.

3. Nigella's Way
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking tin, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

The Real Woman's Way
Tescos' sell cakes. They even do decorated versions.

4. Nigella's Way
If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a potato slice.

The Real Woman's Way
If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's tough!. Please recite with me the Real Woman's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes."

5. Nigella's Way
Wrap celery in aluminium foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks

The Real Woman's Way
It could keep forever. Who eats it?

6. Nigella's Way
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

The Real Woman's Way
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and drop it in 8 ounces of vodka Drink the vodka. You might still have the headache, but you won't care!

7. Nigella's Way
If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

The Real Woman's Way
Why do I have a man?

8. Nigella's Way
Freeze leftover wine into ice cubes for future use in casseroles

The Real Woman's Way
left over wine? Helllloooo

brilliant caryn...especially the salt and head ache...so damn true too!!!