Jokes - Page 88

it is repeating itself!😡😡

vani...all i meant to do was smile...😆😆😆

An elderly man in Texas had owned a large farm for several years. He

had a beautiful large pond at the back of the property next to the road,

and he'd fixed it up real nice with picnic tables, horseshoe pits, and he'd

planted some nice flowers and fruit trees next to the pond.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond to look it

over, as he hadn't been down there for a while. He grabbed a five-gallon

bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard splashing and female voices shouting

and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw that 5 young women

had parked their car at the side of the road, climbed the fence and were

skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence

and they all went hurriedly splashing to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're naked and we're not coming

out until you leave!" The old man frowned and yelled back, "I didn't

come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of

the pond."

Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm just here to feed the alligator."

Jas, all the ladies tunda kaanom tuniya kaanomnu oodi iruppangga. Nice one Jas.

A college student needed a small two-hour course to fill his schedule and the only one available was wildlife Zoology. So he joined in and after one week of study, a test was held. The professor passed out a
sheet of small paper where in each square was a carefully drawn picture of a bird's legs. No bodies, no feet, just legs.

The test asked each student to identify the birds from their legs.

Our student sat and stared at the test getting anger every minute.
Finally ,he stomped up to the front of the classroom and threw the test on the teacher's desk. "This is the worst test I have ever written."

The teacher looked up and said: "Young man, you have not filled in anything and you definitely have failed the test. Tell me, what's your name?"

The student pulled up his pant to the knee showing his legs and said,
" You tell me...!?!?"

OH, THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

For some................English is not easy at all.


Cocktail lounge, Norway:
'LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.'

Doctor€™s office, Rome:
'SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.'

Dry cleaners, Bangkok:
'DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS'

In a Nairobi restaurant:
'CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER'

In a Bangkok temple:
'IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.'

On an Athi River highway: this is the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi.
'TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE'

On a poster at Kencom:
'ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP'

In a City restaurant:
> 'OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS'

In a cemetery:
'PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN
GRAVES.'

Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
'GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED'

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
'OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.'

In a Tokyo bar:
'SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS'

Hotel, Japan:
'YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.'

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
'YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET
COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.'

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
'IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF
DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT
UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE'

Hotel, Zurich:
'BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN
THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.'

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
'WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?'

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
'WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.'

A laundry in Rome:
'LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

Two men are standing at the top of a cliff. One has two budgies,
one on each shoulder. The other has a parrot and a shotgun.

The first guy jumps off the cliff and on the way down the birds
fly away. He crashes on the rocks below and rolls over on his
back. He looks up just in time to see his friend jump off too.

As the second guy falls the & parrot flies off, he pulls up his
shot gun and shoots the bird just before he too crashes onto the
rocks.

They lie there groaning in agony for a bit before the first guy
says, "I really don't see what is supposed to be so great about
budgie jumping!"

The second guy lets out a groan and says, "I'm really not too
impressed with free-fall parrot shooting either!"

A magician worked on a cruise ship.
The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.
Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show. "Look, it's not the same hat!" or "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?" The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot.

Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board. The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea with, and as fate would have it, the parrot. They stared at each other but did not utter a word.

This went on for a day... and then 2 days... and then 3 days. Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could hold back no longer and said...... "OK, I give up. Where's the ship?

Three men are in a car which is about to crash. They all decided to throw out one valuable item.

The first person throws out a rock. The second throws out a pen. The third throws out a grenade.

Their car crashes and they survive the crash. Then, they all start walking back to get their valuable items.

The first man sees a little girl crying and asks her, "Little girl, why are you crying?" The little girl replies, "Someone threw a rock at me!"

The second guy sees a little boy crying and asks him, "Little boy, why are you crying?" The little boy replies, "Someone threw a pen at me and poked me in the eye!"

The third guy sees a fat kid laughing really hard and so he asks him, "Hey kid, why are you laughing so hard?" The fat kid replies, "I farted and my house blew up."

The third guy sees a fat kid laughing really hard and so he asks him, "Hey kid, why are you laughing so hard?" The fat kid replies, "I farted and my house blew up."

Vani, Vani 😆 😆 😆