Jokes - Page 92

Vani Jas Nallu.... really good ones
😆

A waitress in a sushi bar notices a man looking intently at her.
As she passes his table, he says to her, "What's up babe?" in a heavy foreign accent.
She ignores his flirtation.
The next time she walks near his table, he does the same thing. He strives to make and hold eye contact with her and repeats his question: "What's up babe?"
Once again, she ignores him.
The proprietor has noticed this and approaches the waitress and asks her: "What is that man asking you for?"
The waitress tells him, "He keeps asking me 'What's up babe?'".
Her boss responds: "He's not asking how you're doing, he wants some Wasabi!"

A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of friends late one night, and led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.

"What's that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked.

"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.

"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.

"Yup," replied the drunk.

"How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it.

"Watch," the drunk replied.

He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed,

"You asshole...it's three-fifteen in the morning!"

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said,

"If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said,

"If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out,

"If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want. "

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked,

"What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

Three Old Men......

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man.

"You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out."

"Ah, that's nothing," said the 70-year-old.

"When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran,
sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out!"

"Actually," said the 80-year -old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."

"Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year old.

"No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock, no problem at all."

"So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?"

"No, I have one of those every morning at 6:30."

Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, "You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30.
So what's so bad about being 80?"

"I don't wake up until 7:00"

Riddle Solved.......

Throughout the ages, men have been trying to unlock the mystery as to
why their wives who accepted them as they were before they got married,
subtly and with determination began the quest to change their behaviour
and life-style once their vows were exchanged.

Finally, the riddle was solved. A social-scientist arrived at a simple
and logical conclusion.

When the bride, accompanied by her father, starts to walk slowly down
the long aisle, she sees the altar at the end and hears the choir
singing a hymn. Walking down the aisle, the conditioning process where
the brain absorbs these three stimuli: aisle, altar, hymn, begins. She
becomes mesmerized as she continually reinforces these perceptions:
aisle, altar, hymn. . . aisle, altar, hymn. . . AISLE, ALTAR, HYMN. .
and finally, as she stops beside the groom, the conditioning process is
completed.

She looks up at him lovingly, smiling sweetly and thinks,
"I'LL ALTER HIM."

good ones vani especially the aisle alter.... 😆

Scared sleeping

Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. "you gotta help me, I'm going crazy!"

"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."

"How much do you charge?"

"A hundred dollars per visit."

"I'll sleep on it," said Shakey.

Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street. "Why didn't you ever

come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.

"For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars."

"Is that so! How?"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"

vani super alter one 😆 😆

netra nice one yaar 😆

Close to Christmas, kelly's mom arrived at the baby-sitter's one day to pick up her five-year-old daughter, Kelly, only to learn that she had broken the coffee table. She seemed
remorseful on the way home and asked her, "Will Santa Claus know?" Mom said I didn't think so.
"Will God know?" she then asked.
"God knows everything," Mom replied.
She then asked, "Does God know Santa Claus?"