Jokes - Page 52

One young boy is asking his grand father to hide inside the house by seeing his School Tamil teacher

Grand pa: why

Boy: I got leave by saying that you are died


Knowing this tamil teacher asked Grand pa sarcastically when they met

Teacher: your grand son got leave saying that you are died

Grand pa: When he came home early yesterday, I asked the reason. My grand son replied since Tamil teacher died, the school has declared holdiay.

The maid was scheduled to stay a year, but had asked her agency to be transferred to another family after two months.

The woman of the house was irate: "How can you do this to us ?" she stormed. "I've treated you like one of the family."

The maid replied, "Ohhh... So you admit it!!!"

Leaving Minnesota for Colorado, a guy decides to make a stop at one of those rest areas on the side of the road. he goes to the washroom. The first stall is taken so he goes into the second stall. he just sits down when he hears a voice from the next stall...

- "Hi there, how is it going?"

Okay, he is not the type to strike conversations with strangers in washrooms on the side of the road. he doesn't know what to say so finally he says:

- "Not bad..."

Then the voice says:

- "So, what are you doing?"

he finds that a bit weird, but says:

- "Well, I'm taking a leak and then going back to Colorado..."

Then he hears the other person say all flustered:

- "Look I'll call you back, every time I ask you a question this idiot in the next stall keeps answering me."

Child's Perspective on Retirement

A teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their vacation. One child wrote the following:

"We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live here in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida and now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people.

"They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on big tricycles and wear nametags because they don't know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed, because it is all right now.

They play games and do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool, too, but they all jump up and down in it with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim.

At their gate, there is a dollhouse with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. Then they go cruising in their golf carts.

My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And they eat the same thing every night: Early Birds. Some of the people can't get past the man in the dollhouse to go out. So the ones who do get out bring food back to the wrecked center and call it potluck.

My Grandma says Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded some day, too. When I earn my retardment I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren."

One Sunday, sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.

He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back - wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! I always go exactly the speed limit. What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly! Twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask . . . Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks with concern.

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 180."

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"

"Only one kiss per yard," replied the smirking male clerk.

"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then teasingly held it out.

The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her. "Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled.

Vani, Fluidd, Jas...Super!!!! 😆

Jas Nice, esp. the last one is too good.

Superb Jas, especially the last one... 😆😆

Here is one Guys!!

The following are ads that appeared in a newspaper over a period of four
days - the last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day's
mistake.

MONDAY:
For sale: R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 555-0707 after
7 P.M.. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap.

TUESDAY:
Notice: We regret having erred In R.D. Jones' ad yesterday. It should have
read "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 555-0707 and ask for Mrs.
Kelly, who lives with him after 7 P.M."


WEDNESDAY:
Notice: R.D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying
telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified ad
yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale -- R.D. Jones has
one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 555-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask
for Mrs. Kelly who loves with him."

THURSDAY:
Notice: I, R.D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it.
Don't call 555-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been
carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yester day she was my housekeeper. But she Quit!!!! Because of this hopeless AD!!!