Jokes - Page 142

Once there was a millionaire who kept alligators in apool in his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decided to throw a huge party, and during the party he announced, "My dear guests.... I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge alive!"

As soon as he had said this there was a large splash. There was one guy in the pool swimming with all his might and screaming for his life. The crowd cheered him on. Finally, he made it to the other side with only a torn shirt and some minor injuries.

The millionare was impressed. He said, "My boy that was incredible. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?"

The guy said, "Listen, I don't want your money nordo I want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in."

Reasons why I never visit my rich friend
Once while visiting a very rich friend, the maid approached me and.....
Question : "What would you like to have...? Fruit juice, Soda,
Tea, Chocolate, Capuccino, Frapuccino, or Coffee?"
Answer : " Tea please"
Question : " Ceylon tea, Indian tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey
bush tea, iced tea or green tea?"
Answer : " Ceylon tea"
Question : "How would you like it? Black or white?
Answer : "white"
Question : "Milk, or fresh cream?
Answer : "With milk"
Question : "Goat's milk, or cow's milk"
Answer : "With cow's milk please.
Question : "Freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow?"
Answer : "Um, I'll just take it black."
Question : "Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?"
Answer : "With sugar"
Question : "Beet sugar or cane sugar?"
Answer : "Cane sugar"
Question : "White, brown or yellow sugar?"
Answer : "Forget about the tea, just give me a glass of water instead."
Question : "Mineral water, tap water or distilled water?"
Answer : "Mineral water"
Question : "Flavored or non-flavored?"
Answer : "I think I'll just die of thirst"

Outside a pharmacy in a busy street, a poor man is clutching onto a pole for dear life, not breathing, not moving, not twitching a muscle, just standing there, frozen.

Assistant replies, "Yes he was. He had the most terrible cough and none of my prescriptions seemed to help." Pharmacist says, "He seems to be fine now."

There was an elderly man at home, upstairs, dying in bed.

He smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies baking wafting up from the kitchen.

He wanted one last cookie before he died. He fell out of bed, crawled to the landing,

rolled down the stairs and crawled into the kitchen where his wife was busily baking the cookies.

With his last remaining strength he crawled to the table and was just barely able to lift his

withered arm to the cookie sheet.

As he grasped a warm, moist chocolate chip cookie, his favorite kind, his wife suddenly whacked

his hand with a spatula.

Gasping for breath, he asked her, "Why did you do that?"

"Those are for the funeral!"

A little girl went to church with her mother for the first time.

Soon, the little girl began feeling ill.

"Mom," she whispered, "I think I'm going to throw up."

"Go out the front door, dear, then walk to the back of the church

and do it behind the bushes. I'll be out shortly."

A few minutes later, the little girl returned.

"Are you feeling better?" asked the mother.

"Yes, but I didn't have to go to the back of the church

like you said. They have a box next to the front door

that says FOR THE SICK."

Vani ore comedy..

Sometimes it pays to be old...


No one believes seniors... everyone thinks they are senile.



An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired.

Holding hands, they walked back to their old school.
It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved 'I love you, Sally.'

On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up but, not sure what to do with it, they took it home.

There, Sally counted the money.... fifty-thousand dollars!!

Andy said, 'We've got to give it back.'

Sally said, 'Finders keepers.' She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.

The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door.

'Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car
yesterday?'

Sally said, 'No.'

Andy said, 'She's lying. She hid it up in the attic.'

Sally said, 'don't believe him, he's getting senile.'

The agents turn to Andy and began to question him.

One says: 'Tell us the story from the beginning.'


Andy said, 'Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday....'

The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says... 'We're outta here'

For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.
One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.
The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"
Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"

Which is the thing that
Ravan can do single
But Ram cannot??????????

Think well....

Decide well before u scroll down......

And now u dont know that....

Its the....

"Group Discussion"

Begger: Sir, Please give me 12Rs for coffee. Sir:: But coffee is only 6Rs Begger: But I have a girl friend also.