Jokes - Page 140

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Vani

@Vani19

Dazzler

Posted: 17 years ago

#1391

Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.

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My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell he is.

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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

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The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

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Vani

@Vani19

Dazzler

Posted: 17 years ago

#1392

I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

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I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.

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Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise,' I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

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I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

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The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they'll say, 'Well, he looks good, doesn't he?'

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If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

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Vani

@Vani19

Dazzler

Posted: 17 years ago

#1393

I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years - just getting over the hill.

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You could run this over to your friends but why not just e-mail it to them!

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We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

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Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a Happy Hour and by the time I leave, I look just fine.

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@Meena.IF

Dazzler

Posted: 17 years ago

#1394

It was at a party and the host was getting worried because there were too many people and not enough refreshments. She was sure that not all of these people had been invited but didn't know how to tell which ones were the crashers.
Then her husband got an idea....
He turned to the crowd of guests and said "Will those who are from the brides side of the family stand up please?"
About twenty people stood.
Then he asked "Will those who are from the groom side of the family stand up as well?"
About twenty five people stood up.
Then He smiled and said
…

…

…
"Will all those who stood please leave?
This is a birthday party!!!

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@Meena.IF

Dazzler

Posted: 17 years ago

#1395

Confusion of ownership !

Santa and Banta bought two horses.

Now the problem was that they could not differentiate between the two horses.
So,one day Santa cuts the left ear of his horse, so that it is easy to know that it is his horse.When he does so,an enemy of Santa sees him doing so.
This enemy cuts the left ear of Banta s horse. Santa and banta are confused.
So, next thing Santa cuts some body part of his horse and his enemy repeats the same on Bantas horse.
At last Santa s horse had no legs left and Banta s horse was with one leg only.
The enemy also went and cut Banta s horse one leg. So, in the morning it was the same sitaution , How to differentiate between their horses.So, after thinking and putting lots of effort to their mind - Santa said - O.K You keep the black one and I shall keep the white

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@Meena.IF

Dazzler

Posted: 17 years ago

#1396

5 most stupid questions people always ask in obvious situations and their punchy answers:

1. In the bus, a heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...
Q: Sorry, did that hurt?
Ans:- No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia...why don't you try again..

2. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Q: Sorry. were you sleeping?
Ans:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping...you dumbo!

3. At a restaurant, when you ask the waiter...
Q: Is the "Butter Paneer Masala" good?
Ans:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally also spit in it...!

4. At the movies, when you meet acquaintances or friends...
Q: Hey, what are you doing here?
Ans:- Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..

5. When you see a friend with shorter hair...
Q: Hey have you had a haircut?
Ans:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding...!

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@Meena.IF

Dazzler

Posted: 17 years ago

#1397

Banta loses his donkey. He starts thanking God for what happened. A passer by asks him why he was thankin God. Banta says that he is thankful coz he wasnt on the donkey when it was lost.

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@Meena.IF

Dazzler

Posted: 17 years ago

#1398

Banta on an interview for the post of detective was asked a question

Interviewer - Who killed Gandhiji ?

Banta - Thanks for giving me the job, I will investigate.

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Banta was fond of detective novels, he always read from the middle, why ?

Its double interesting. It builds curiosity not only about its end but also its beginning !

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Banta returns book to library, bangs it on table & says - What a shit ?

"I read the whole book, too many character, no story at all" ?.

Librarian : So, you are the one who took the Telephone Directory....

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2 Days of Powercut in India made life miserable. Worst affected was Amritsar where all the SARDARS were stuck for 48 hrs. on Escalaters.....

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Banta driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks Santa to check whether it is working.

He puts his head out and says - YES..NO..YES..NO..YES..NO

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Banta : Oye to har SMS ko do baar kyom bhej raha hai ?

Santa : Kyunki tujhe agar ek forward karna ho to dusra tere paas rahe !!!