Jokes - Page 138

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Netra Ramanathan

@netra_rama

Rocker

Posted: 17 years ago

#1371

A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game.

The young couple found seats in the crowded stadium and were watching the action. A substitute was put into the game, and as he was running onto the field to take his position, the boy said to his girlfriend,

"Take a good look at that fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year."

His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said,

"That's the strangest way I ever heard of for a fellow to propose to a girl. Regardless of how you said it, I accept"

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jasunap

@jasunap

Rocker

Posted: 17 years ago

#1372

An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called -- and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly lady. He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned loudly and the telephone
began to ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found.....

1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire via a steel chain and collar.

2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.

3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called.

4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground.

5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.

Which goes to show that some problems CAN be fixed by peeing and moaning...

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jasunap

@jasunap

Rocker

Posted: 17 years ago

#1373

here were two brothers. One was very good and tried to always live right and be helpful. His brother on the other hand was bad and did all the things that men should not do in life and didn't care who he hurt.

The bad brother died. He was still missed by his brother since he loved him despite his ways.

Finally, years later, the good brother died and went to Heaven. Everything was beautiful and wonderful there, and he was very happy.

One day he asked God where his brother was, as he hadn't seen him there. God said that he was sorry but his brother lived a terrible life and went to Hell instead.

The good brother then asked God if there was any way for him to see his brother. So God gave him the power of vision to see into Hell and there was his brother. He was sitting on a bench with a keg of beer under one arm and a gorgeous blonde on the other.

Confused, the good brother said to God, "I am so happy that you let me into Heaven with you. It is so beautiful here and I love it. But I don't understand, if my brother was bad enough to go to Hell, why does he have the keg of beer and a gorgeous blonde? It hardly seems like a punishment."

God said unto him, "Things are not always as they seem, my son. The keg has a hole in it; the blonde doesn't.

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jasunap

@jasunap

Rocker

Posted: 17 years ago

#1374

A US Air Force C-141 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot's preflight check, he discovered that the aircraft's latrine holding tank was still full from the last flight. So a message was sent to the base, and an airman who was off duty is called out
to take care of it.

The young man finally got to the air base and made his way to the aircraft, only to find that the latrine pump truck had been left outdoors and was frozen solid, so he had to find another one in the hangar, which takes even more time. He returned to the aircraft and was less than enthusiastic about what he had to do. Nevertheless, he went about the pumping job deliberately and carefully (and slowly) so as to not risk criticism later.

As he's left the plane, the pilot stopped him and said, "Son, your attitude and performance has caused this flight to be late, and I'm going to personally see to it that you are not just reprimanded, but punished."

Shivering in the cold, his task finished, the airman took a deep breath, stood up tall and said, "Sir, with all due respect, I'm not your son; I'm an Airman in the United States Air Force. I've been in Thule, Greenland for 11 months without any leave, and the reindeer are beginning to look
pretty good to me. I have one stripe, it's two-thirty in the morning, the temperature is 40 degrees below zero and my job here is to pump sh*t from your aircraft. Now just exactly what form of punishment did you have in mind?"

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jasunap

@jasunap

Rocker

Posted: 17 years ago

#1375

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child.

Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a child, I was told
if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."

Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

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jasunap

@jasunap

Rocker

Posted: 17 years ago

#1376

A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.

Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?"

The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said--"Well yeah, if that's what they are--I never heard of circle flies." So the farmer says--"Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."

The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stops and says, "Hey...wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horses ass?"

The farmer says, "Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horses ass."

The trooper says, "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket.

After a long pause, the farmer says, "Hard to fool them flies though."

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Netra Ramanathan

@netra_rama

Rocker

Posted: 17 years ago

#1377

Way to go Jas ....... good ones yaar 🤣🤣

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Bhavani

@vani2007

Voyager

Posted: 17 years ago

#1378

Imagine what would happen if GOD installs Voice Mailin Heaven.

When you pray, you will get this response:
"Hi ,Thank you for calling Heaven. If you want to
speak to
Lord Ganesha - Press 1
Lord Shiva - Press 2
Lord Krishna - Press 3 ( Sorry, he is Busy with
"Gopiyan " )
For a Directory of other Gods / Goddess - Press 4
For Further Assistance from Menka / Pari /
Angels-Press * .

You press 1 and get connected to Ganeshji you will
hear the message:
If you want to make a request - Press 5
For complaints / Grievances - Press 6 ( Seldom works)
For thanks giving - Press 7
For any thing else, please press 8 and wait for the
Customer Support Angel to talk to you.

If you would like to hear Naradji (TOLLFREE) singing
Bhajan while you are holding - Press *

After a few minutes comes the following message:
"Our records show that you have already prayed once
today."

Please try again tomorrow. Meanwhile, if you require
any emergency assistance, please contact our offshore
Customer Support Executive priest of your nearest
temple

Thank you for calling Heaven.