Jokes - Number 2

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srima

@srima

Dazzler

Posted: 15 years ago

#91

read & enjoy. Am not asking you to forward it to anyone. Unless of course you want to make some one laugh.

A Hilarious Mail from a frustrated victim of chain mails

I wanted to thank all my friends and family who have forwarded chain letters to me in 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007 and 2008 and continuing it in 2009 also.......

Because of your kindness:

* I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it's good for removing toilet stains.

* I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.

* Forwarded hundreds of mails but still waiting for FREE DESKTOP, LAPTOP, CAMERA, CELLPHONE etc…..

* I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer...
* I don't leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me.

* I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill with calls to Uganda, Pakistan, Singapore and Tokyo...

* I also stopped drinking anything out of a Can for fear that I will get sick from the rat faeces and urine.

* I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times.... (Poor girl! she's been 7 since 1993...)

* Still open to help somebody from Nigeria who wants to use my account to transfer his uncle's property of $ 100 million. So much trustworthy.
* I have forwarded 35 emails to 400 people hoping that Ericsson or Nokia will send me latest mobile phones but those models are also obsolete now.
* Made some Hundred wishes before forwarding those Ganesh , Tirupathi Balaji pics etc. Now most of those 'Wishes' are already married (to someone else)

NOW IMPORTANT NOTE :

If you do not send this e-mail to at least 11,246 people in the next 10 seconds, a bird will Pee on your head today at 6:30pm.

Nothing has happened till now......... ......... ..... but who knows. So please forward.

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sweetmarigold

@honeydaisy

Voyager

Posted: 15 years ago

#92

A policeman was interviewing 3 person who were getting trained to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first person a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first person answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye"

The policeman says, "Well…uh…that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly frustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second person and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second person smiles and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third person and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him? He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

He looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check this file
and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an acute observation?"

"That's very easy," he replied

"He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

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sweetmarigold

@honeydaisy

Voyager

Posted: 15 years ago

#93

Value of Artist after death

An artist asked the gallery owner if anyone had shown interest in his paintings. "I've got good news and bad news," she said. "The good news is that some guy inquired if it would appreciate in value after you died. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."

"And the bad news?"

"The guy was your doctor."😲

Edited by honeydaisy - 15 years ago

Quote

sweetmarigold

@honeydaisy

Voyager

Posted: 15 years ago

#94

Telling a lie is a fault for little boy,
an art of lover,
an accomplishment for bachelor,
AND a matter of survival for a married man !!!

So, next time you see some married man lying then most probably is struggling for survival .Have some sympathy with him . 😆

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srima

@srima

Dazzler

Posted: 15 years ago

#95

*Nice to have a little break if you are tired!! Enjoy it!
*
Interviewer:
what is your birth date?
Sardar: 13th October
Which year?
Sardar: Oye bewakoof _ _ _ EVERY YEAR

Manager asked sardar at an interview.
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.

After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?

One tourist from U.S.A. asked Sardar:
Any great man born in this village???
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!

Interviewer: just imagine youare on the 3rd floor, it caught fire
and how will you escape?
Sardar: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!

Sardar: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status
Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.

Friend: I got a brand new Chevrolet Aveo for my wife!
Sardar: Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!!

Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world?
Sardar: ZEBRA
Teacher: How?
Sardar: Bcoz it is Black & White

Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager: Do U know MS Office?
Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir.

Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: "
Bombay
... Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Sardar: "Ok.. Ombay. Ombay"

Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and
BUDHA?"
Sardar: "All are born on government holidays...!!!

Sardar: Miss, Do u called 2 my mobile?
Teacher: Me? No, why?
Sardar: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- 1 Miss Call".

Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE

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eclat

@eclat

Inactive

Posted: 15 years ago

#96

Question and the Answer given by Candidates who are IAS Officers now.

Q.How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A.Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)

Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 Rank Opted for IFS)

Q.If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands. (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)

Q.. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find! an elephant with one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)

Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs , He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)

Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will get Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)

Q. What looks like half apple ?
A : The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper )

Q. What can you never eat for breakfast ?
A : Dinner.

Q. What happened when wheel was invented ?
A : It caused a revolution.

Q.. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A : Liquid (UPSC 33Rank )

Q. How many buckets of water does Pacific Ocean contains?
A : It depends on the size of the bucket. (CA Institute Campus Interview Placement)

Interviewer said 'I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question. Think well before you make up your mind!' The boy thought for a while and said, 'my choice is one really difficult question.'

'Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this. 'What comes first, Day or Night?'

The boy was jolted into reality as his admission depends on his answer, but he thought for a while and said, 'It's the DAY sir!'

'How' the interviewer asked,

'Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!'

He was selected for IIM!