Jokes - Number 2 - Page 9

This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places of Pakistan.

1. A student's leave letter:

"As I am suffering from my uncle's marriage I cannot attend the class...."

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2. A candidate's application:

"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a 'typist And an accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both for the past Several years and I can handle both; I am applying for the post."

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3. I.T.I., Lahore: An employee applied for leave as follows:

Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife. Please sanction me one-week leave.

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4. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:

"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clocks and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

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5. A leave letter to the headmaster:

"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

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6. An incident of a leave letter:

"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."

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7. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:

As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day.

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8. A covering note:

"I am enclosed herewith..."

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9. From H.A.L. Administration dept:

As my mother-in-law has expired and I am responsible for it, Please grant me 10 days leave.

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10. Actual letter written for application of leave:

"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband At home I may be granted leave".

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11. Letter writing:

"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."

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12. Another gem from I.T.I. Leave-letter from an employee who was

Performing his daughter's wedding:

"As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave..."

Really Good one!!!!

There was a couple married for quite some time and they had a boy some 5-6 years old. The relationship b/w the couple was turning sour.

So finally it reached such a stage that they thought it was better for them to be divorced than carry on such a relationship.

So they consulted a lawyer. But the big question was who would have the kid. In the hearing in the court. It was decided that this choice should be left on the kid. So the judge asked "Son, would you like to stay with your mummy?"

Kid said,"No, mummy beats me" :(( So the judge asked "Then, would you like to stay with your papa then ?" Kid said, "No, papa beats me" :(( Now the judge was in a dilemma and was not able to decide what to do... after pondering for some time he smiled with the ideas he had in his mind about the child......

And he gave the judgment that the kid would stay with......

any guesses????????

come on I know you can make it......

ok here goes the answer

The kid would stay with the Indian Cricket Team because they

NEVER BEAT ANYBODY!!

THE FIVE SECRETS OF A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who
cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who
doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman who cares you always and
whom u like to be with when u r alone

.
.
.
.
the last 'n' most imp. one.................
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
5. It's very, very important that these four women don't
know each other.

Lets start with some Dose of Laughing



This is

............ ......Ultimate. ... ............ ..


I bet u can't stop laughing after reading this.


These are Girls profiles taken from SOME MATRIMONIAL SITE. Grammar and spelling errors have no place in a profile description as everything is straight from the heart!

SO LET's HAVE A GR8 FUN


~ : Disclaimer : ~

I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this mail...


- Hello To Viewers My Name is Sowmya , I am single i dont have male,If any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalore .. if u like me u welcome to my heart...

when ever u whant to meet pls visit my resident or

send u letter..

Thanks

yours Regards Sowmya ~*~



i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from Orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework

(Wut Homework?)



I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a

first step of love. I am looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i.

Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ........hold my hand forever !!!

(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)



i am simple girl. I have lot of problemin my life because of my lucknow i am looking one boy he care me

and love me lot lot lot

(I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)



i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast

(by not wearing his jeans? Wat the hell...)


HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY

,THEY ARE

1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.

2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION

3. THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY

TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.

(all of us are loughing {laughing})



whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone groom and he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he would be called the man of the lamp

(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl wants)



i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and I love the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate

ok

(I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is suffering from "Ok-syndrome" )



iam pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and father & mother sister completely married

(somebody please explain in comments section how to get married 'completely' ?)



my name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes

(height of desperation! J )



iam kanandevi. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.

(No comments)



hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily. i divorced my first husband. his charactor is not good'.
i expect the good minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted ...

(but credit cards not accepted..?? ?)



Iam Sharmila my colour is black, but my heart is white. i like social service.

(Zebra.. )


? SOUND GOOD NA ?

Hi
Please Read u will enjoy this....


Comments will not be entertained at any cost...

Statutory warning: I am not responsible for the damage done to your mental health, your social relationships, your image among peers or your job by reading this mail. Those with blood pressure, please avoid. But never mind read only once...

Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging?
A: Take away his credit card.

Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
A: Because it fell asleep.

Q: Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It was glued to the first one.

Q: Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It was a copy cat.

Q: Why did the fourth elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It thought this was all a game.

Q: And why did the tree fall down?
A: It thought it was an elephant.

Q: What does an elephant and a blueberry have in common?
A: They're both blue, except for the elephant.

Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw 1,000 elephants coming over the hill?
A: Look, there's 1,000 elephants coming over the hill.

Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun, of course.

Q: How do you shoot a red elephant?
A: No, not with a red elephant gun. You strangle him until he turns blue, then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.

Q: How do you shoot a green elephant?
A: Tell him a dirty joke so he turns red, strangle him until he turns blue, then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.

Q: How do you shoot a pink elephant?
! A: First you bake a cake, and put 3 raisins on top, then you take it out in the jungle where the pink elephant will find it, and you wait. Eventually the elephant comes along, finds the cake, eats the raisins and throws the cake away. Then you go home and bake another cake and put 2 raisins on top, take it out in the jungle where the elephant will find it. The elephant comes along, finds the cake, eats the 2 raisins and throws the cake away. You go home and bake another cake and put only one raisin on it. Then you trek back into the jungle and put the cake where the pink elephant will find it. The elephant comes along eats the raisin, and throws that cake away. Now you go home and bake another cake, but (here's the sneaky part) you don't put any raisins on it. You take it out into the jungle where the elephant will find it and lie in wait. The pink elephant comes along and finds the cake, he gets SO mad that there aren't any raisins on it, he turns red, then you jump on him, strangle him until he turns blue......and you shoot him with a BLUE ELEPHANT GUN!!!

Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: Aw, come on, have you ever seen a yellow elephant !?!

Q: Why do elephants have red eyes?
A: So they can hide themselves better in cherry trees.

Q: Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
A: No? See how well the trick with the red eyes works?

Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
A: Time to get a new fence.

Q: Where does an 8 ton elephant sit?
A: Any place where he pleases!

Q: Why is an elephant covered in wrinkles?
A: Ever try to iron one?

Subject: Letter from HR to his girlfriend


Have you ever wondered how a HR Manager can write a love letter to
his girl friend.


Look at this ....


To,


Juliet Grade 7.0 S.M


Sub: Offer of love!


Dearest Ms Juliet,


I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Saturday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as prospective lover.


Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months
and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.


The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially
be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger! share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.


I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this
letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further
notice and I shall be considering someone else.


I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister,
if you do not wish to take up this offer.


Wish you all the best!!!!


Thanking you in anticipation,


Regards,
XYZ

Ever observed this ..while in Mumbai ..Delhi ..and so on ..read on

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Scenario 1

Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth and
they start arguing about who's right. You are in Kolkata

Scenario 2

Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them and walks
on. That's Mumbai

Scenario 3

Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along & tries to make
peace. The first two get together & beat him up. That's Delhi

Scenario 4

Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and
quietly opens a chai-stall. That's Ahmedabad.

Scenario 5

Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes he writes a software
program to stop the fight. But the fight doesn't stop b'cos of a bug
in the program. That's Bangalore

Scenario 6

Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and
quietly says that "AMMA" doesn't like all this nonsense. Peace comes
in. That's Chennai.

Scenario 7

Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their
friends on mobile. Now 50 guys are fighting. You are DEFINITELY IN
HARYANA.

After digging to a depth of 100 metres last year,
Russian scientists found
traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years, and
came to the conclusion
that their ancestors already had a telephone
network one thousand years
ago.

So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed,
American scientists dug
200 metres and headlines in the US papers read:
"US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old
optical fibres, and have
concluded that their ancestors already had
advanced high-tech digital
telephone 1000 years earlier than the Russians."

One week later, the Indian newspapers reported the
following:
"After digging as deep as 500 metres, Indian
scientists have found
absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000
years ago, their
ancestors were already using wireless technology .