Dreams
part 68
it was more for Geet he said that.. he wanted to say that to her..but didn't know how.
Geet quietly changed baby's dress & carried him. Maan wanted to help her..but her uncertain gestures scared him.
They both couldn't say anything. They felt so odd & uncomforatble while driving down. They reached the gurudwara. She extended her hand to give the baby to him her heart was crying within to let go. He didn't take him from her. Instead took her pallu & wrapped it around her head. She looked at him in disbelieve. As they walked in.. Maan remained beside her.
Geet nervously walked in feeling very scared. But as she walked few steps closer to the the Guru Granth Sahib..her fears just dissolved. She felt a sudden feel of pride as she knelt down infront of the granth holding the little life in her arms. The Granthi of Handa congregation stirred water & sugar crystals in a bowl with a 'Khanda' placed in front of the Guru Granth Sahib while reading the Mool Mantra'& the first five verses of the Japji Sahib. A few drops of the holy water was then put into the baby's mouth ..he licked it curiously, smiling & the remaining Granthi ji gave it to geet to drink. Hymns were recited to bless him. Naming him Garv Singh Khurana. Maan proudly watched them. How she filled his life with happiness he doesn't deserve.
How she made his sin a pride in their life.
He bowed his head down in front of the god & seek forgiveness. He couldn't control the out burst of tears. He kept his head down & went out side.
They had arranged for laungar. Maan sincerely served. All the while he just wished & prayed for her & her happiness..their son & his happiness. He didn't want anything more. Geet looked around. His absence.. her heart sunk..further. She put up a smiling face infront of mama. She went out only to see him wholeheartedly serving. She looked at him in admiration.. like he knew.. he instantly caught her gaze..she immediately dipped her head feeling scared. ..turning pink in embarrassment.
After the whole ceremony & lunch Maan, Geet & garv came to the flat. Rano.. wished to be in the gurudwara for little longer. Geet wondered if he wanted to tell her something.. ask her abt wat happened in the morning. Did he want to question her.. but he was silent & still avoiding to look at her.
Least did she know her effect on him. Especially in saree.. he could just lose all his senses.. looking at her. He wanted to hold her..hug..her kiss her.. tell her how madly he wanted to feel her. How much he was missing her. All he could do was clutch his fist & coldly turn his back to her. She took the baby to the room... she put him in the crib after the feed. Before she could come out Maan left from there.. he couldn't have stayed under one roof controlling himself.. holding his emotions.. his feelings.
She heard him close the door behind. She hid her face in the pillow & cried. All her fear turned to reality.. he hates her.. now he may be even thinking low about her. How will she ever be able to explain him ...& be able to look into those eyes. The whole evening she remained sad...& broken.. torn. She tried to hide her tears when baby woke up in the evening ..she couldn't .. it only kept pouring. She some how managed to play with the little one.. keep him happy... she couldn't.. her heart cried to talk to Maan..scream to him.. she was not wrong..
With all difficulty she managed to feed baby at night & put him to sleep. Maan came in & stood near the door. She dipped her head & walked pass.. him.. his hand ached to hold her.. not let her go.. he clinched his fist into a ball. She saw it.. & broke down...shattered ..was her presence bothering him so much. How could he hate her so much.. when she loved him so madly. She couldn't help wonder why every time he looked in her eyes ...she thought about it like a drream .. felt it deep ..& just wanted to live only for that very moment. If it meant wat she felt.. then..why ..why ..his eyes don't seek her..stay with her.. comfort
her. Tears fell down her face, they kept flowing, with a piercing pain in her heart...she couldn't take it any more. She instantly turned to look at him..
main ne kuch galat nahi kiya.. she cried
he looked at her in shock..trying hard to understand wat she was trying to say
she pleaded ...plz aap mujhe galat mat samjho..
nahi ..geet..he almost spoke in a broken tone..like his heart was torn apart.. how could he think wrong of her.
she cupped his face..phir aap mujhe se baat kyun nahi karthen
aap meri taraf dehken bhi nahi
she looked down.. stooping her shoulder
I know I can't mean anything to u..
but I .. I love.. u.. she cried.. I love u a lot.. I can't stay without u & baby
he looks at her in awe
into her almond pair of teary eyes..
his dream.. to see her eyes in love..
in love with him without any fear.. without the memory of his sin..
so it was.. all for him.. just him.. filled with love.
She looks at him.. lovingly.. her eyes.. speaking a love tail of its own
her soft fingers caresses his cheeks.. tiptoeing reaching his lips.. her lips trembled.. crying pleading resting on them.. shedding tears..
I love u.. she cries softly kissing his lips. Her hands holding him tight fearing his rejection.
his soul trembled in the embrace of her love..her innocence.. her nave acceptance.
His hands slowly rests on her back.. scared to let go of her & terrified to hold her close.
she pulls hers hands away.. sadly I know..
u can't love me..
she looks sadly into his eyes ..aap tho iski mama se pyar karten ho na
he couldn't have denied.. that..
he loved only his mama.. her.. only her.
She wipes her tears trying to be brave.. I don't expect u to love me back.. I know it is wrong.. on my part to think like that.. lekin main kya karoon.. mujhe aapse ..she chuckles.. I love u since the first time I saw u in college .. I thought it was just an attraction.. & but ..she sobbed. ..I can't stop loving u.. thinking about u.. I just can't.
he closed his eyes .. he couldn't have taken so much of love from her..he definitely doesn't deserve it.
lekin plz.. aap mujhe se nafrat tho mat karo
plz.. she covered her lips crying.. plz.. don't hate me.. she cried..stepping backward.. plz..don't hate me..
she cried backing out of the door.
he falls on his knees trembling.. how can I hate u.. Geet..
he couldn't stop the tears from coming if only she could listen his cry.
Cry to take his hand & tell him.. everything is fine.. tell him.. she would never leave him again & hug him tight in her embrace. He just cried sitting on the floor wonder rejoice the moment he dreamt for or cry for the pain that moment gave to her.
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love
muskan
Edited by muskanp - 13 years ago
Anupamaa
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