Once Upon A Bards Verse! - Page 16

ooooh! u versed, again and so soon! :)))

guess my fav line here nij, you REALLY can't not in my opinion... and guess the second too... i'm going to log back in, in a few hours and comment for real..

ps: i don't know of another time i thought this, and i may have, i don't promise on my life to not have, but i swear i can't recall another, when i read a verse you wrote and saw you as the one writing :)

hugz,
hba, tuje miss karti, call uthaya kar kabi to...


*edit*

Sinking deep through her eyes, emotions tied

- this was my second favorite... it had only a basic meaning, but one i could see with many images :) me liked.... and yes, no metaphors... surprisingly, now that you mention it i guess thats the reason i could actually see you write it... lol! after everything you write is full of metaphors, i still could see the one i know write this not all others :))
but this line is beautiful. i thought i could see many 'armaans' from far too many fics here... i also thought i could see a handful of real life friends in it... sinking deep emotions tied :)


Certainly, "The word was invented for a reason"

and this was my favorite. although for all depth and reason the second fav should be higher, this one just took the cake! its like reading a story with a climax built, and waiting to see what the author does about it, when you have a few ideas of your as well... and this statement is like the climax revealed... like u asking, as a 4 year old if miracles happen, then u answering as the miss WHY and how :) but the details faded before the punch line! i loved!!!... :)

n i see you got ONE more done?!!! (ps: the fever went high, its low fever now, dunno from what... im crashing back and will come comment on that soon... i read line 1 ... then didnt ahead :)) )

love,
jauz :)

@nidha n sunaina....thx for the comments :)
@kiz....i wrote the verse with me as her....yeah! 😊
@nj....i am clueless...cause none of the line are metaphorical...so! :D temme! (i thought your fav would be this - "Heaving a sigh, finally i thought, thrilled" but :S)
* * * * * * * * *

Death; isn't it a natural process - one time thing?
Fighting a disease, dying every minute
A day more to my small life, then why is it wrong?
Creating a new life, to save another, either way a sacrifice
Blood relations in the family, natural instincts of a bond
Should i be worried if i didn't develop the attachment?
Thinking about myself, selfish i am, pressing that's my own
Too young to decide, convince me otherwise, your way
Hand me some responsibilities, devoid me of others, just a child
Heartless, am not, just confused, is that too bad? all wonder..
Let go, give up, don't be in denial, set me free; my life-my word
Every second, its a new one, some you truly want to come true
A wish such mine, left to destiny, to be diseased in a way..
love isn't everything, say it one, or never word it, what matters?
..Just an odd option, to be loved & cherished, value life for its all
Death; it's a natural process - once time thing, only dead know it best.


Yeah...saw a new one right now.... 'My Sister's Keeper' and out came another verse :)
(Kiz....i didn't cry...heartless? :P)


~nijaL 🥱

*ressssssssssseeeervvveddd...

Ok, getting back to this ASAP....cuz this needs analysis :D and yeah, you have always been a cruel heartless venomous woman, why duznt it surprise me? :D or maybe um an emo fool!

edited: Okay now, i take it back! Um not an emo fool, you guys ARE very heartless :D dude, it wasnt the death or cancer or any part that made me cry, just something very inexplicable...anyways, the thing i really liked abt it was, like nj said it was to the point and very ermm...gripping, in the sense that i wanted to read it out till the end, how you'd taken it :D you are growing niji :D *looks proudly* okay, making NO SENSE no, abhi topple over epi hua na :D so yeah!! mastam tha bohaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat....mujhe phir rona agaya hahahah..

This line, 'A wish such mine, left to destiny, to be diseased in a way'..it was so apt with smg i was thinking of today, this one verse of yours i have read abt more times than many others...you know, i am not big into reading verses n everything, but your verses...your writing style, i like it SO much, just cuz you use words together which I wouldnt think of as a pair, and they match perfectly...ok, nonsense likh ree...!! But..:) muaaaaah!!


Kizo!


Kizo!

heyyy nijaL..!!..

beutiful lines .... one thingz for sure u nvr cease to amaze me ...... i loved ur verses ... i mean how the hell do u get these freakin powerful emotions in words ...... a walk to remember.. aahh shayne west!!! ;) .... um coincidently hearin CRY... love the song n u just saw my sisters keeper um bout to see it ...... woohooo death... u can make me read something bout this particular topicn i cud feel so much sumhw i knw wat life costs sumthng recently happnd n after takin that wid so much difficulty sumwhere reading these lines made me wonder dat so frigging wrong onezz thots can get...... dead wrong ... huh!!! u made me cry..... itz raining cats n dogs out here in chennai...... huh n i stand alone in my hostels verandah sniffing n laughing huh!!! muahzzz n a tight hug man am crazyyy... well nuthng tht u dunt knw :D

yeh, you were right. it is good :) slowly but surely, you're developing this certainty in your versing, with not just a theme, not just an urge... but a distinct something that develops, which im sure, you're beginning to see with greater clarity yourself nij!

i think the lines i could see you most in should be obv, i wont say here... the lines i liked most,

Too young to decide, convince me otherwise, your way
'n'
A wish such mine, left to destiny, to be diseased in a way..



yeh... without being metaphorical, which for a second time in a row i'm glad the two verses have not been, they're both completely figurative... oh well!!! yeh, the multitude of truths and meanings each can hold sort!! :) specially the one with wish, as easy fav... yeh... i reckon one left to destiny must be a way to disease it, sooner and quicker than any other attempting ways eh? and yet... is there always an option...

the opening line was firm and apt too, rhetorical in the most a question that cant be answered back easily in denial... :)

yup, good job, if its not my fav there is only one reason :)

ps: me didn't cry either.. kid has a bunch of heartless parents! :P

hugz,
jauz

@Nidha ...true! people smile through their pain...but i fail to understand why :S..thx for the lines! :)

@Sunaina ...yeh those couple lines were my fav as well! :D ...and the last one, i tried to repeat wat i started with...giving it a poetry touch.....learning more each time! :)

@Curvz...its U! always a surprise to read you here :P .....dunno wer u pop in frm girlie! but yeh...i tottaly get u...ter was a time i used to say that for my own verse....'umm i dunno wat m riting n wer from' lol! :D and your lil line in yur status i read as well...nicee! 😛...thx for stopping by curvz...hugs*..miss yah! :)

@Kiz....oooh! u edited..😲 hah kido..parents heartless hone lage to teri beats apne aap hi bandh ho jaayegi! and YEAH i know u ren't into reading verses n blah....hear me you've got it from ME (clearly)...not to sound modest at all...but i can't read work from ne1 else...sometimes even my stuff seems bogus to me ...that was my fav line btw...and care to share what it was you were thinking about? (out wit it NOW)

@nj...get back to u in a min :) *edit* yeh! i can see why its your fav...it was meant to be the highlight of the verse 😉 ...thats one word besides God (and you know which one for our darlings 😃) that's been abused uselessly; wish!

Every second, its a new one, some you truly want to come true
A wish such mine, left to destiny, to be diseased in a way..
..Just an odd option, to be loved & cherished, value life for its all

See the red dots? they were sort of like a way to link together :P but i just want to keep the two lines seperate..! its just a wish..to be like katie..suffer from some disease...but i don't want it to come true..and hence am leavin it to destiny :) ....and d dotted continuation...specifically to my case...its one way i know...(like we saw in the movie in d end) ...that'll bring blood to blood and the sufferer will die happy...sometimes...ones just gotta do this...(or that :P) ....so yeh!

My interpretation...
death is going to come to you today or in the future..theres no escape....yet the yearning to fight and win a bonus...is it worth it? maybe! or maybe...ter coudn't be much useless desire...! why do we create new lives to cure existing..and forget that they are equally important...why do the new ones become secondary...and simply existent...and why do the new ones themselve not feel the need for some love? (unreasonable i feel..) that's one Q i'll never hit the target...how thick is blood? not even death solved that one for me :S they say m too young to decide my own...then why do i have to deal with things that i otherwise shouldn't be doing...why the partition in responstibilities? i am not asking for another...but only begging to leave my own to me...! if you're right..and am wrong...i am but a child...convince me the way you know best...coming from you...i'll understand...but again who would know that all i need is that....a talk..of understanding!

I like the fact that you start this verse with a question and after a lot of contemplating (is this what it is?) you arrive at an answer. Most poetry doesn't really do that and for this, I love this poem. Death is a fascination and a one time experience but the change that an individual goes through over the period of time - emotionally, physically is also attributed to death of something - a sacrifice of sort.

My favorite line -