Jaayen to jaayen kahan - Page 3

Originally posted by: qwertyesque

Dewey here is a simple rule of dowry. If the girl is good enough she gets the dowry otherwise she pays it..but just to reduce the meanness in that statement this is purely business exchange...a demand supply rule but beyond marriage its level ground for either of them...So its always better to pay off the dowry if she can...its like buying some insurance. Is dowry good or bad? Its subjective.. People are known to have killed each other for dowry on one hand, on the other hand people have lived veri well exchanging lots of dowry...i am sure, not every case of dowry ends with chaos and killing....

.....

Ok lets take it as an insurance. It means it is kind of security in marriage.

What security does it provide? Does it secure marriage? I don't think so ..

back then I can understand that women usually stayed at home so they were given dowery either from parents or by husbands ( according to culture) and in cases of emergency they could use it .

but now parents mostly invest their money which they could give their daughters for marriage in their education.. so mainly these days if you are marrying an educated woman you infact bring an investment. she can work and increase your house hold income, in cases of emergency can takecare of you and your children even in some cases your family . Even if she is not working and stay home mom , an educated women most likely provide a good house schooling to your children again helping you in reducing your expenses.

as for security of marriage , divorce rate is pretty high and is not going down , dowery do ya na do , it is not a security that a girl would live happily ever after.

You are right there is not always a killing or chaos but these days mostly it create problems not every one can afford paying huge amount of dowery. dont talk about people like us , we have food available three times , we have shelter and we have clothes , we fall under previlliged category even with these three things forget about other stuff . majority couldn't even get those three basic necessities. for them dowery is definitly a big issue. where they have to decide if they need to save money for dowery or for education .

I would suggest education in any case cause to me now it is better security than dowery.

Originally posted by: qwertyesque

Some people like me dont really care for dowry.... thats different from refusing one... because sometimes when you have to be a part of the society its better you blend and stand out.... 😊 that is also different from accepting one... its more being with the flow of culture and time.....

like this part of your post. Well to blend in social flow is needed , however it is again improtant step that atleast you dont' care about dowery 😊

may be later it become the trend of not caring about money in marriage from both side with more stress on people involved

Originally posted by: Morning_Dew

Ok lets take it as an insurance. It means it is kind of security in marriage.

What security does it provide? Does it secure marriage? I don't think so ..

back then I can understand that women usually stayed at home so they were given dowery either from parents or by husbands ( according to culture) and in cases of emergency they could use it .

but now parents mostly invest their money which they could give their daughters for marriage in their education.. so mainly these days if you are marrying an educated woman you infact bring an investment. she can work and increase your house hold income, in cases of emergency can takecare of you and your children even in some cases your family . Even if she is not working and stay home mom , an educated women most likely provide a good house schooling to your children again helping you in reducing your expenses.

as for security of marriage , divorce rate is pretty high and is not going down , dowery do ya na do , it is not a security that a girl would live happily ever after.

You are right there is not always a killing or chaos but these days mostly it create problems not every one can afford paying huge amount of dowery. dont talk about people like us , we have food available three times , we have shelter and we have clothes , we fall under previlliged category even with these three things forget about other stuff . majority couldn't even get those three basic necessities. for them dowery is definitly a big issue. where they have to decide if they need to save money for dowery or for education .

I would suggest education in any case cause to me now it is better security than dowery.

Hum aap ki baat se poorn roop se sehmat hai - there is never any guarantee for a secure marriage and especially not with dowry. The soundest investment is in education and in making the woman financially independent.

PS

Hamari maa yeh hai 😆

Originally posted by: SholaJoBhadkey

[

PS

Hamari maa yeh hai 😆

Qwerts mujhe tumse hamdardi he🤣🤣🤣......

is din ko kaha thaa dowery ke peeche na bhaago 😆

Originally posted by: Morning_Dew

Ok lets take it as an insurance. It means it is kind of security in marriage.

What security does it provide? Does it secure marriage? I don't think so ..

back then I can understand that women usually stayed at home so they were given dowery either from parents or by husbands ( according to culture) and in cases of emergency they could use it .

but now parents mostly invest their money which they could give their daughters for marriage in their education.. so mainly these days if you are marrying an educated woman you infact bring an investment. she can work and increase your house hold income, in cases of emergency can takecare of you and your children even in some cases your family . Even if she is not working and stay home mom , an educated women most likely provide a good house schooling to your children again helping you in reducing your expenses.

as for security of marriage , divorce rate is pretty high and is not going down , dowery do ya na do , it is not a security that a girl would live happily ever after.

You are right there is not always a killing or chaos but these days mostly it create problems not every one can afford paying huge amount of dowery. dont talk about people like us , we have food available three times , we have shelter and we have clothes , we fall under previlliged category even with these three things forget about other stuff . majority couldn't even get those three basic necessities. for them dowery is definitly a big issue. where they have to decide if they need to save money for dowery or for education .

I would suggest education in any case cause to me now it is better security than dowery.

insurance doesnt mean it will pay back... it simply buys you apeace of mind.. Education on other hand creates defiance... and is a more a cause of insecurity.....😆... Ok here is the thumb rule... technology, feminism, girl-boy equality are things of recent times.... husband wife always knew how to live peacefully evn if dowry was factored in...people understood things outside the domian of "love", "relationship", "feminism", "equality" and other such fancy terms and its called simple practicality...😊

Originally posted by: Morning_Dew

like this part of your post. Well to blend in social flow is needed , however it is again improtant step that atleast you dont' care about dowery 😊

may be later it become the trend of not caring about money in marriage from both side with more stress on people involved

Not caring about dowry is great, but I think the need of the hour is to be proactive and refuse dowry. It's happening and it's a good start, but we need more people to actually say "no".

Originally posted by: qwertyesque

insurance doesnt mean it will pay back... it simply buys you apeace of mind.. Education on other hand creates defiance... and is a more a cause of insecurity.....😆... Ok here is the thumb rule... technology, feminism, girl-boy equality are things of recent times.... husband wife always knew how to live peacefully evn if dowry was factored in...people understood things outside the domian of "love", "relationship", "feminism", "equality" and other such fancy terms and its called simple practicality...😊

peace of mind for what??.. ok same as car insurance ... in cases of accidents you are covered? right arey baba main bhi wohi to kah rahi hoon

by the way , it is more of ego issues than education 😉.. and we knows who have ego problems more😆

The thing is Qwerts time has changed, and we can't always go back and try to impliment things which were good back then .. there were certain situations to support those values or social norms , now it gives only problems , so we need to find some new things fit in these days practicality , it seems dowery is creating problem rather than providing stability these days .

Back there in India , they found problems related to dowery , they created anti-dowery law now it is giving problem too. so why not totally abolish dowery which is the base of all problem .. it simply doesn't fit in these days practicality😊 agar hoti ho to plz batao where I am missing something ..

Originally posted by: qwertyesque

insurance doesnt mean it will pay back... it simply buys you apeace of mind.. Education on other hand creates defiance...

Don't agree here Qwerty! I have seen many educated women suffering silently even after dowry has been paid.

and is a more a cause of insecurity.....😆... Ok here is the thumb rule... technology, feminism, girl-boy equality are things of recent times.... husband wife always knew how to live peacefully evn if dowry was factored in...people understood things outside the domian of "love", "relationship", "feminism", "equality" and other such fancy terms and its called simple practicality...😊

The same should be applicable to dowry not being factored in. People are not getting married / divorced because of dowry only. Marriage is about love, understanding, compromise, changing - in sab mein paisa kahan se aaya?? As for practicality of dowry - well how long will it last? It's a limited sum, not Kuber ka khazana jo kabhi khatam hi nahin hoga. Compare this to a woman who has a job - that will be a longer-lasting source of income, and as for any other source of returns, there will have to be some investment here also. In this scenario - sharing responsibilities so that neither one of the partners is unduly burdened. 😊

Originally posted by: SholaJoBhadkey

The same should be applicable to dowry not being factored in. People are not getting married / divorced because of dowry only. Marriage is about love, understanding, compromise, changing - in sab mein paisa kahan se aaya?? paisa nahi toh kya scooter aur lcd tv toh aa sakte hai na?.😆As for practicality of dowry - well how long will it last? It's a limited sum, not Kuber ka khazana jo kabhi khatam hi nahin hoga.remember today marriages dont last how will the dowry last.... Compare this to a woman who has a job - that will be a longer-lasting source of income, remember dowry is not about money literally because of the veri points you are making... its inner urge to keep up with the joneses... yes some poor families will really get that extra techonolgy benefit due to dowry... whats wrong is not dowry... but the crimes associated with it... its almost like saying since people can kill with knives... women should be prohibited from using it!!!!😊and as for any other source of returns, there will have to be some investment here also. In this scenario - sharing responsibilities so that neither one of the partners is unduly burdened. 😊 Dowry is really not by and large about money.... its more about compliance - thats where the defiance is counter-productive....😊

Originally posted by: qwertyesque

Sorry for sounding thick, but couldn't get this part - do you mean compliance with social norms? To me dowry and all the related ills are to do with money. Why have so many women been burnt to death - because they didn't bring enough moolah or scooter-tv-sofa set type of dowry. In most cases, the problem was not the lack of dowry, but the quantity that was given by the bride's family. There wasn't defiance, yet these young women died! It's better to defy right from the start, rather than comply and suffer.