Day Six
an Ishra songfic on Jeena Jeena by -mina-
Dehleez pe mere dil ki / on the threshhold of my heart
Jo rakhe hain tune kadam / where you have set foot
Tere naam pe meri zindagi / on your name my life
Likh di mere humdum / I have written, my soulmate
Ishita was at a dental conference in Singapore and Raman wasn't missing her at all.
What did he need to see her face for when he woke up? There were better things, like sunlight, or the mirror on his wardrobe, or...the picture on the nightstand.
He didn't need to hear her voice in his ear, murmuring that it was his turn to help Ruhi get ready.
He didn't need to feel her hand trailing down his arm, teasing him with an invitation they both knew there wasn't time to fulfill.
He didn't need any of that. Because he'd spent thirty-two years (and eight months) managing his mornings without one long-haired, sharp-tongued, crazy-brained Tamilian. Five months (and three days) of having her by his side did not make any difference to his habits. Six days (and nine hours) of her being away did not affect him in any way.
None at all.
Haan seekha maine jeena jeena kaise jeena / yes I've learned how to live life
Haan seekha maine jeena mere humdum / yes I've learned how to live, my soulmate
Na seekha kabhi jeena jeena kaise jeena / but I've never learned how to
Na seekha jeena tere bina humdum / live without you, my soulmate
Neelu had his breakfast ready, and Maa poured his coffee. Everything was just as it should be, and Raman wasn't missing the shower-fresh fragrance that accompanied one irritating madrasan as she did her usual morning whirlwind around the kitchen. He also wasn't missing the way her hair brushed against his arm when she leaned in to hand him the newspaper. And he definitely wasn't missing her habit of giving him nagging reminders to pick up his dry cleaning in the afternoon.
Oh damn - his dry cleaning.
How was it that when she wasn't even here she remembered his errands better than he did?
When he got to work, he had plenty to keep busy with. There were reports to review, and underlings to tell off, and deals to close. He didn't have time to wonder what the missing termagant was doing in Singapore in between her lecture sessions. He definitely didn't have time to imagine how she was getting along with Subbu, who'd decided to join her for "professional development" when she happened to mention the conference casually.
He was far too busy to remember the last time he'd been to Singapore, on a business trip a few years ago, right after his divorce from Shagun. He didn't recall how he'd been lonely and miserable and obsessed with work. His mind did not keep flashing him images of the ridiculously extravagant lovers' fountain at his hotel, where he'd witnessed couples taking silly pictures and throwing wishful coins. He didn't have any startling realization that maybe if he'd gone with her they could go and do that, and it'd replace the bitter memory of watching what he didn't have...back then.
Sachchi si hain ye tareefein / these praises are true
Dil se jo maine kari hain... / I'm saying them from my heart
His day passed in a blur of short meetings with his staff and long hours spent alone at his desk, obsessively focusing on his reports...and not making more than a page or two of progress. But then there was the advantage of being his own boss; no one was measuring his work. No one but his own damn conscience...which seemed to have turned itself off, without his warrior queen there to spur him into being a better person.
Raman was not thinking about her, though. And when he got home that evening and sat down to dinner with his family, he wasn't missing her either. He wasn't missing her theekhi sambar, which wasn't as good as her mother's. He wasn't missing her rambling tales about her day, as everyone else in his family had plenty to tell him about. He wasn't missing the way she saved him from his mother's impulses to overfeed him, saying in her not-at-all-sweet voice that Raman didn't need another roti because he'd had four and he needed to watch his carb intake.
No...he was enjoying his sixth roti, conscience-free.
Jo tu mila to saji hain / having got you, adorned
Duniya meri humdum / is the world, my soulmate
The highlight of his day was not when his errant wife finally deigned to call.
He did not live in expectation of that hour.
He did not make sure to unbutton the first three buttons of his shirt to give her a teasing glimpse of her favourite maidan (playing field)...no, he only undid the buttons because it was warm in his room and he needed some air.
When she called...he didn't ask her about her day.
He didn't have to, because she told him all about it anyway.
It wasn't hard for him to pretend that he was utterly bored by her explanation of having completed three seminars and learned more new techniques than she could count. He wasn't thrilled when she mentioned that she hadn't seen Subbu since breakfast because he'd selected a different list of workshops than her.
However, he did make sure to let her know that he didn't need quite so many details and next time she should just say that her day had gone fine.
And he did know that she would never follow that instruction.
O aasman mila zameen ko meri / Oh I've found the sky to my earth
Aadhe aadhe poore hain hum / we two halves together make a whole
Tere naam pe meri zindagi / on your name my life
Likh di mere humdum / I have written, my soulmate
He was utterly indifferent when she reminded him near the end of the call that she'd be flying back the next day. He told her there was no rush, she could spend another week in Singapore if she wanted.
He wasn't tempted to laugh when she snapped back that even if he didn't want her back, she was coming home where she belonged.
When Ruhi came to take over the last of the conversation, Raman had nothing to regret. He didn't lean back to watch his daughter chat with her mother on the phone because it gave him peace of mind at the end of a restless day. No, he only leaned back because his back was sore and his pillows just happened to be right there behind him.
When Ishita said bye to Ruhi without any last words to him, he didn't feel any strange pangs in his heart. When Ruhi went back to her room and he was alone in the dark on his side of the bed, he didn't feel that anything was missing. As he drifted off to sleep, he didn't consciously decide to remember how Ishita had insisted on giving him a "night of memories" to tide him over during their week apart.
As he tumbled into a dream full of sweet heat and tangled limbs, he didn't have to deny that he was glad the week was over.
THE END
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To date my only other IshRa fic is The Ultimatum
but feel free to browse my Misc Fic Index for my other writings.
Thanks again everyone! 🤗
Real Estate
Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon
