Deception And Debt - OS

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Oishi Dasgupta

@shana1234

Beginner

Posted: 11 years ago

#11

I just loved how you wrote the whole thing. So brilliant. Like really. At first I thought it was Ishita and Ashok and then I finally realized it's Shagun. Just amazing. 👏

Edited by shana1234 - 11 years ago

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Lucky

@alwaysaTVFan

Stunner

+ 4

Posted: 11 years ago

#12

Res

***EDITED

Hi Aani

sorry for the late edit... starting work back after holidays is so depressing, and it seems like I am doing double the work 😭

Such a witty way to write a story Aani!!! The content of the story is not remotely as awe-inspiring as your writing style. I say that because Shagun in jail is something I am assuming will happen (some call it wishful thinking😉 ).

I did read a couple of lines and had a feeling something was off. Because I have read your Ishita self-thoughts before, and this one seemed angrier. Not like the calm Ishita we know. But you have so cleverly written it Aani... Kudos my friend!!!👏

This accident track is bringing out all kinds of talents out into the open!!!

I am really sorry I cannot type more this time 😭

Here goes a quote for Shagun this time

"you know what her punishment is for tormenting you way back when?" he said.
I looked at him.
He said, "her punishment is being her," - Curtis Sittenfeld, Sisterland

Edited by always_a_TV_fan - 11 years ago

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rutu83

@rutu83

Dazzler

Posted: 11 years ago

#13

you amaze me!!
this was sooo good- i couldn't stop reading from the beginning to the end. and then had to reread it because in the beginning i thought it was ishita! wow- just wow. honestly, your readers will take a new os over replies any day 😛
brilliant (i'm going to have to find new words to describe your writing- never thought i'd have homework from YHM forum 😆😉)

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Shani

@Shanig123

Navigator

Posted: 11 years ago

#14

Aani you would not believe me when I tell you this, From this morn all I have been doing is brainstorming trying to understand what the hell is going on how ? Why ? then ? And a thought came to my mind "I wish Aani writes a OS " so here you are very well written Aani you have analyzed it well . I have a different version though not sure if you will agree but let me share I won't be surprised at all if I m proven wrong because genuinely I like yours better than my own .

See I think Shagun already confessed to him that it was Adi who was driving - why I think this way is because when he found the car in there garage she 1st said you don't know the whole truth said I did it and Ashok & Param are covering up for me then in a matter of few mins she said I have not even told this to Ashok or she said they don't know ( I m not sure ) maybe it s mistake from the editors .

Anyway he destroyed the footage knowing its Adi but he does not want to use this for his advantAge Why ? Bcos he does not want to separate Adi from his mother bcos she is repeatedly saying he won't live without her and Raman time and again said I promise you I won't let anything happen to you or your mother . Upto a certain point I use to think Oh Raman is upto something and he will overcome . But the last 2 episodes changed my perception. I m not going to write about Ishita here as this will be too long . See Raman is supporting the fact that he does not want his son to loose the only one person he loves the most that is Shagun . Do I think it is right no way she should be punished for been irresponsible . The way Raman is falling is bcos he is doing things out of beliefs his ethics and most importantly in the interim lying to his wife & family . He is going upto the extent of bribing police officers which is another offence Why it is just to protect his son . I m against what he is doing but see the weakness in him the frustration he has that he has this little moments ( he has non idea though that the brat is doing all this for Shagun) me personally as a mother I would be damn to hide any faults of my children I would be the first to call for police well that is just me none of my kids will misbehave nor will they disrespect the Law of the land . But this is a wicked world and parents like Raman and Shagun does exist . Will the brat learn a lesson NO trust me Adi will do another one because he has got the taste that his parents will release him .

Aani again I will be glad to know that I am wrong so please feel free to correct me . Another readily why I think shagun will not go to jail is for the story to proceed she may be missing for few episodes but not for long . I honestly like your version Aani . So I m hoping for yours my friend

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gems4sana

@gems4sana

Explorer

Posted: 11 years ago

#15

Oh my freaking god.

Lord.

After reading your OS, I literally sat on my seat, staring at my computer screen with my mouth open.

That. Was. Phenomenal.

To be honest, I'm still staring into space, wondering how the hell to reply coherently to such a mindblowing story like this.

You're so incredibly clever! The first few paragraphs had me thinking it was Ishita through and through! But then, I read these lines:

Originally posted by: EkPaheli
Suddenly he stops laughing and is in her face. The move startling and frightening her to no ends, she backs off two paces and cold sweat collects on her forehead...The evident fear on her face gives him a perverse satisfaction, as his trademark smirk appears next on his face. His lips curling the next moment as he utters the next words,"Foolish woman, you had this coming at you and believe me, this is just the beginning, you have no idea of what's up next for you." She cannot hold herself back now she lunges for him to attack him, unfortunately for her the bars between them prevent her from even getting anywhere close to harming him since he moved back at the precise moment she came forth to attack him.

And I scrunched up my head in confusion and horror - Ashok is horrid, but to threaten Ishita like this? And what the hell is Ishita doing in his home and why is she caged? What the hell is Ashok doing? Is he teaming up with Pervy to avenge his love on Shagun by harassing Ishita?

Then the next sentence was:

Originally posted by: EkPaheli
"Shagun, Shagun... you shouldn't have done that. You wanted a five-carat diamond now did you? Well spend the next five years behind these bars for trusting that ex of yours over me."

As soon as I read "Shagun," I did a double take.

"Woah," I thought, "What just happened?" I did not see that coming AT ALL - in a very good way; and that, my friend, is the mark of an excellent writer. Just that beginning part and how you easily and wittily could manipulate language and the current scenario on tv to make me believe that it was Ishita and not Shagun was enough to make my jaw drop in awe - I didn't even have to read the rest of the fantabulous story because in terms of writing, this was it.

And in the words of Shilpa Shetty, I have to say to you - Shashtang Dandvat Pranam, because holy moly was that simply mindblowing and paisa vasool without even reading the details of the rest of the story.

I stopped at that line and I literally went back up to the beginning and reread it three more times. I slapped myself mentally for assuming it was Ishita but then again, thats a testament to your flawless ability. Not once had you mentioned any name; it could have been either woman. Again, I'm just in AWE and this is coming from someone who seriously considered an English/lit major in college (and I don't think I'm that bad of a writer, too ;) ).

After reassuring myself that no, my mind had not played tricks on me and yes, this lady behind bars is definitely not Ishita rather Shagun, I continued.

Ashok baby and his dialogues were so in character that I could imagine him on the tv saying "Hasta la vista" to Shagun while walking off, leaving her in the darkness. When he taunts Shagun in the beginning (when it could be construed that it was Ishita) saying:

Originally posted by: EkPaheli
"Oh come on, don't be such a sore loser you had to see this coming. I warned you not once, but repeatedly and yet, yet you chose to believe him over me. You chose to disregard everything I said. You chose to trust Raman, you deserve this." He says the last words with a sneer.

- for me it felt like deja vu because I was like, hmmm did he not say these lines? And that feeling of deja vu in terms of fanfic/character dialogues is great because again, it shows how perfectly you have captured the nuances and essences of the characters.

The courtroom scene was brilliantly portrayed. I hope to God that it turns out like this (but am I ready to see Adi in Bhalla house yet...still unsure about that).

Its a genius ending because Ashok gets to leave Shagun, Adi gets to stay with his dad so that Shagun can no longer manipulate him, and Shagun is - though not on the streets - atleast locked away from creating any more tamasha.

I appreciated how you incorporated Mrs Shrivastiva's appearance; again, I hope she joins us next week in the courtroom scene. Excellent way to maintain continuity and further link it to the show. To be honest, this entire story feels like canon, not fanfic/OS!

Raman's dialogue, ufff, spot on. I was rooting for him while reading it because finally Shagun was able to see exactly what Raman (and Ashok) saw in her. She realized that she was reaping the seeds of her malice and greed.

And those last sentences:

Originally posted by: EkPaheli
She angrily hits the floor with her fist as she finds herself in the dark cellar and cries bitterly for a while... she vows revenge upon the two men because of whom she finds herself here Raman for playing her and Ashok Khanna, for being the man; who could leave her to rot in prison. She vows to ruin the two for being the men who betrayed her, vows that they would pay for their crimes against her. They owe her a debt.

I got chills while reading that section.

The last sentence in particular gave me the heebie jeebies.

Lord help Ashok, Raman +Bhallas/Iyers when Shagun gets out of jail. They should all just enter the witness protection program because hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and when the woman in question is Shagun, well...they might as well move to America as soon as she gets released.

Throughout every single sentence, you made me feel like I was watching this unfold on tv. I could feel the emotions of every character you wrote about in this story. Simply brilliant.

Edited by gems4sana - 11 years ago

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javeria

@Javeria3991

Rocker

+ 5

Posted: 11 years ago

#16

wow wow wow that is wnderful

Table turns aginst shagun favor. Everyone left er, well she deserve it. She has got to taste her medicine. The betrayal, deceit and manipulation which she did with everyone, in the end became the cause of her decline.

Raman was awesome, he brilliantly trapped Shagun.

very well written.

Your every one shot is best and i am sure next one will also rock.

👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏👏👏 👏

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Sunshine

@SWAN123

Navigator

+ 4

Posted: 11 years ago

#17

WOW Aani really good one!

Tell you what I was writing up something on similar lines but there is no way in the world I would have weaved the suspense that you did with your ,how dare - Ashok to Ishita scenario into Raman - Shagun reality.

Oh how I wish YHM turns out to be just that!

AWESOME lady! Really really appreciate your cheek and charm!

Now let me head back and change my stock no way will I put that up on IF yewww! 😊

Love you!

Ashu

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Juggaadd

@Juggaadd

Navigator

Posted: 11 years ago

#18

Hey Aani!

I haven't read the spoilers. I never do. But I do have a general idea of what's going to happen next week thanks to some of the post titles.

Speaking of titles, what a deception. Until half way through I never realised the story was from Shagun's POV. Brilliant!😆👏

With Ashok Khanna, it is all about power play. Shagun foolishly tries to play games against him. He is a successful businessman after all. I only wish the writers would show why Ashok is not ready to commit. I mean, they are practically married. Only legal documentation is necessary.

While I like the idea of Shagun going to jail and Raman getting the custody of Ashok because it appeals to the sadist in me who wants to see Shagun cry for what she has done to Ishita, I somehow can't imagine Raman playing such a trick. The CEO in him might do that, but the father in him wouldn't and when it comes to Adi, it is the father who surfaces.

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Me_Harini

@Me_Harini

Sparkler

Posted: 11 years ago

#19

Such a gud os dear 👏 👏 👏
Very well written n presented 😳 😳
Raman kya baat hai 👏 👏
Wat a badla u tuk from shagun 😳 😳 😳
N ashok khanna finally unhe akkal aagya 😆 😆Shagun ko chodke 😆 😆 😆

I wish r RKB does something like dis in real in serial 😳 😳

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lourel24

@lourel24

Voyager

Posted: 11 years ago

#20

it was so intense.liked it.But raman in order to take revenge with shagun has broken ishita miserably.I felt for ishita.Her condition was so broken n raman can't be forgiven for it.He did what shagun has done him long ago.

Edited by lourel24 - 11 years ago

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