Deception And Debt - OS - Page 5

Originally posted by: vidya29

Reserved.

Originally posted by: Rozy77

hi dear
hats off👏 👏
this was absolute brilliance 👏⭐️
i loved every bit😃
ashok was too good n raman was brilliant😎
i must admit, i thought it was ishita you were describing at first, so when ashok took shagun's name it was a indeed a shocking surprise⭐️

ur such an amazing writer hun👏
love your work😃

take care

Originally posted by: always_a_TV_fan

Res

***EDITED

Hi Aani

Hey Lucky 😊

sorry for the late edit... starting work back after holidays is so depressing, and it seems like I am doing double the work 😭

no probs I am late with the replies too 😳


Such a witty way to write a story Aani!!! The content of the story is not remotely as awe-inspiring as your writing style. I say that because Shagun in jail is something I am assuming will happen (some call it wishful thinking😉 ).

I hope the wishful thinking turns out real too and glad you liked the writing style😳

I did read a couple of lines and had a feeling something was off. Because I have read your Ishita self-thoughts before, and this one seemed angrier. Not like the calm Ishita we know. But you have so cleverly written it Aani... Kudos my friend!!!👏

I knew you would catch something off, but I was channeling I cant believe I am saying this *my inner Shagun* 😳😆

This accident track is bringing out all kinds of talents out into the open!!!

that it is and finally I think its ending that is a good thing though I am at my wits end with it

I am really sorry I cannot type more this time 😭

Here goes a quote for Shagun this time

"you know what her punishment is for tormenting you way back when?" he said.
I looked at him.
He said, "her punishment is being her," - Curtis Sittenfeld, Sisterland

Ohh I like that quote wicked 😈

Originally posted by: shana1234

I just loved how you wrote the whole thing. So brilliant. Like really. At first I thought it was Ishita and Ashok and then I finally realized it's Shagun. Just amazing. 👏

Originally posted by: rutu83

you amaze me!!
this was sooo good- i couldn't stop reading from the beginning to the end. and then had to reread it because in the beginning i thought it was ishita! wow- just wow. honestly, your readers will take a new os over replies any day 😛
brilliant (i'm going to have to find new words to describe your writing- never thought i'd have homework from YHM forum 😆😉)

Originally posted by: Shanig123

Aani you would not believe me when I tell you this, From this morn all I have been doing is brainstorming trying to understand what the hell is going on how ? Why ? then ? And a thought came to my mind "I wish Aani writes a OS " so here you are very well written Aani you have analyzed it well . I have a different version though not sure if you will agree but let me share I won't be surprised at all if I m proven wrong because genuinely I like yours better than my own .

thanks Shani and glad to have fulfilled your wish 😊

See I think Shagun already confessed to him that it was Adi who was driving - why I think this way is because when he found the car in there garage she 1st said you don't know the whole truth said I did it and Ashok & Param are covering up for me then in a matter of few mins she said I have not even told this to Ashok or she said they don't know ( I m not sure ) maybe it s mistake from the editors .

I am still not sure of that Shani will await tonight for that to happen and even if he knows the truth he is still being a fool hiding it from Ishita we will know tonight though as per spoilers what he knows or doesnt

Anyway he destroyed the footage knowing its Adi but he does not want to use this for his advantAge Why ? Bcos he does not want to separate Adi from his mother bcos she is repeatedly saying he won't live without her and Raman time and again said I promise you I won't let anything happen to you or your mother . Upto a certain point I use to think Oh Raman is upto something and he will overcome . But the last 2 episodes changed my perception. I m not going to write about Ishita here as this will be too long . See Raman is supporting the fact that he does not want his son to loose the only one person he loves the most that is Shagun . Do I think it is right no way she should be punished for been irresponsible . The way Raman is falling is bcos he is doing things out of beliefs his ethics and most importantly in the interim lying to his wife & family . He is going upto the extent of bribing police officers which is another offence Why it is just to protect his son . I m against what he is doing but see the weakness in him the frustration he has that he has this little moments ( he has non idea though that the brat is doing all this for Shagun) me personally as a mother I would be damn to hide any faults of my children I would be the first to call for police well that is just me none of my kids will misbehave nor will they disrespect the Law of the land . But this is a wicked world and parents like Raman and Shagun does exist . Will the brat learn a lesson NO trust me Adi will do another one because he has got the taste that his parents will release him .

if he knows the truth than I believe he is being plain stupid here fine he loves his son who loves his mom though she is a witch but what he is doing is basically making his son feel he can do anything and that thinking for a boy of 11 is not at all good if he doesnt learn now whats wrong and right when will he? Shagun is an awful mother we know, but he is being a worse father if he is doing this because of his son' blind love honestly I wish the track ends soon I cant stand it anymore

Aani again I will be glad to know that I am wrong so please feel free to correct me . Another readily why I think shagun will not go to jail is for the story to proceed she may be missing for few episodes but not for long . I honestly like your version Aani . So I m hoping for yours my friend

lets see what happens Shani seems like by next week we may have the end of this horror

Originally posted by: CharmGal

Reserved 😛

Originally posted by: gems4sana

Oh my freaking god.

Lord.

After reading your OS, I literally sat on my seat, staring at my computer screen with my mouth open.

That. Was. Phenomenal.

To be honest, I'm still staring into space, wondering how the hell to reply coherently to such a mindblowing story like this.

You're so incredibly clever! The first few paragraphs had me thinking it was Ishita through and through! But then, I read these lines:

And I scrunched up my head in confusion and horror - Ashok is horrid, but to threaten Ishita like this? And what the hell is Ishita doing in his home and why is she caged? What the hell is Ashok doing? Is he teaming up with Pervy to avenge his love on Shagun by harassing Ishita?

Then the next sentence was:

As soon as I read "Shagun," I did a double take.

"Woah," I thought, "What just happened?" I did not see that coming AT ALL - in a very good way; and that, my friend, is the mark of an excellent writer. Just that beginning part and how you easily and wittily could manipulate language and the current scenario on tv to make me believe that it was Ishita and not Shagun was enough to make my jaw drop in awe - I didn't even have to read the rest of the fantabulous story because in terms of writing, this was it.

And in the words of Shilpa Shetty, I have to say to you - Shashtang Dandvat Pranam, because holy moly was that simply mindblowing and paisa vasool without even reading the details of the rest of the story.

I stopped at that line and I literally went back up to the beginning and reread it three more times. I slapped myself mentally for assuming it was Ishita but then again, thats a testament to your flawless ability. Not once had you mentioned any name; it could have been either woman. Again, I'm just in AWE and this is coming from someone who seriously considered an English/lit major in college (and I don't think I'm that bad of a writer, too ;) ).

After reassuring myself that no, my mind had not played tricks on me and yes, this lady behind bars is definitely not Ishita rather Shagun, I continued.

Ashok baby and his dialogues were so in character that I could imagine him on the tv saying "Hasta la vista" to Shagun while walking off, leaving her in the darkness. When he taunts Shagun in the beginning (when it could be construed that it was Ishita) saying:

- for me it felt like deja vu because I was like, hmmm did he not say these lines? And that feeling of deja vu in terms of fanfic/character dialogues is great because again, it shows how perfectly you have captured the nuances and essences of the characters.

The courtroom scene was brilliantly portrayed. I hope to God that it turns out like this (but am I ready to see Adi in Bhalla house yet...still unsure about that).

Its a genius ending because Ashok gets to leave Shagun, Adi gets to stay with his dad so that Shagun can no longer manipulate him, and Shagun is - though not on the streets - atleast locked away from creating any more tamasha.

I appreciated how you incorporated Mrs Shrivastiva's appearance; again, I hope she joins us next week in the courtroom scene. Excellent way to maintain continuity and further link it to the show. To be honest, this entire story feels like canon, not fanfic/OS!

Raman's dialogue, ufff, spot on. I was rooting for him while reading it because finally Shagun was able to see exactly what Raman (and Ashok) saw in her. She realized that she was reaping the seeds of her malice and greed.

And those last sentences:

I got chills while reading that section.

The last sentence in particular gave me the heebie jeebies.

Lord help Ashok, Raman +Bhallas/Iyers when Shagun gets out of jail. They should all just enter the witness protection program because hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and when the woman in question is Shagun, well...they might as well move to America as soon as she gets released.

Throughout every single sentence, you made me feel like I was watching this unfold on tv. I could feel the emotions of every character you wrote about in this story. Simply brilliant.

Originally posted by: Javeria3991

wow wow wow that is wnderful

Table turns aginst shagun favor. Everyone left er, well she deserve it. She has got to taste her medicine. The betrayal, deceit and manipulation which she did with everyone, in the end became the cause of her decline.

Raman was awesome, he brilliantly trapped Shagun.

very well written.

Your every one shot is best and i am sure next one will also rock.

👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏👏👏 👏

Originally posted by: SWAN123

WOW Aani really good one!

Tell you what I was writing up something on similar lines but there is no way in the world I would have weaved the suspense that you did with your ,how dare - Ashok to Ishita scenario into Raman - Shagun reality.

Oh how I wish YHM turns out to be just that!

AWESOME lady! Really really appreciate your cheek and charm!

Now let me head back and change my stock no way will I put that up on IF yewww! 😊

Love you!

Ashu