HeHeHe club...... come and join... - Page 16

i found this chilling,horrifying story........thought of sharing......

p.s : this story is not for d weak hearted!!!!

This happened about a month ago near Lonavala.

A guy was driving from Mumbai to Pune and decided not to take the new expressway as he wanted to see the scenery. The inevitable happens and when he reached the ghats his Car breaks down - he's stranded miles from nowhere. Having no choice he started walking on the side of the road, hoping to get a lift to the nearest town. It was dark. And pretty soon he got wet and Shivering. The night rolled on and no car passed by.

Suddenly he saw a car coming towards him. It slowed and then stops next to him - without thinking the guy opened the door and jumps in. Seated in the back, he leaned forward to thank the person who had saved him. He realizes there is nobody behind the wheel!!! Even though there's no one in the front seat and no sound of any engine, the car starts moving slowly.

The guy looks at the road ahead and sees a curve coming. Scared almost to death he starts to pray, begging the Lord for his life. He hasn't come out of shock, when just before he hits the curve, a hand appears through the window and moves the wheel! The car makes the curve safely and continues on the road to the next bend. The guy, now paralyzed in terror, watches how the hand appears every time they are before a curve and moves the steering wheel just enough to get the car around each bend. Finally, the guy sees lights ahead. Gathering his courage he wrenches open the door of the silent, slowly moving car, scrambles out and runs as hard as he can towards the lights. It's a small town. He stumbles into a dhaba, and asks for a drink, and breaks down. Then he starts talking about the horrible experience he's just been through. There is dead silence in the dhaba when he stops talking ..... . . . .
.
.
.
And that's when Santa and Banta Singh walk into the dhaba. Santa points and says "Look Banta - that's the weird guy who got into our car when we were pushing it."

Originally posted by: pinkdaisy

Sarda r's letter to Bill Gates.........

Why Bill Gates decides to Sell OFF Microsoft?........"A Letter from Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft"

Subject: Problems with my new computer

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.

2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to 'sit', so that we can click that by sitting.

3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

4. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

5. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?

6. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?

7. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

8. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.

9. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?

10. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.

Regards,

Banta

Last one to Mr Bill Gates :

Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS?

First-year students at Texas A & M's Vet school were attending their first Anatomy class, with a dead pig.
They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a White sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, 'In Veterinary Medicine it is necessary to have
two important qualities as a Doctor:
The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the Animal body'. For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, touched his finger in the mouth of the
dead pig, withdrew it and put his Finger in his mouth. 'Go ahead and do the same thing,' he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually took turns putting their finger in the mouth of the
dead pig and tasted in their mouth.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, 'The Second most important quality is observation. I touched with my middle Finger and tasted on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention...
Moral of the story:
Life is tough, but it's a lot tougher when you are Stupid.... 😆

hi friends............. love you all...... i m really impressed with you all... to make this thread active and participating in it.............🤗

Q: What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?
A: An envelope.
________________________________________
Q: If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?
A: Wet.
________________________________________

Q: What did the ocean say to the beach?
A: Nothing, it just waved!
________________________________________

A Spanish young man comes before a customs agent.
A: "State your citizenship."
B:"American" (pronounced with a Spanish accent).
A: "Hold on there, buddy. Say that again."
B: "I sed American."
A: "I'm going to give you a test."
B: "No, no senor, no need for test, I tell you I"m American."
A: "Yeah, sure buddy. OK, let's see, ... I've got it. Make a sentence with the following colors: green, pink and yellow."
B: "Oh senor, I tell you I'm American. But OK, let's see... I was at my bruder-in-laws house and the phone went 'green, green, I pinked it up and sed yellow!"
________________________________________

This psychiatrist walks into his waiting room and sees two men. One is hanging upside down from the ceiling. The other is sawing an imaginary piece of wood. The doctor approaches the man who is sawing and asks him what he is doing.
'I'm sawing wood,' the man replies.
'And what's your friend doing?' the doctor asks.
'Oh, he thinks he's a light bulb.'
'Well, don't you think you should tell him to get down? The blood is rushing to his head.'
'What, and work in the dark?'
________________________________________
A: I'm in a big trouble!
B: Why is that?
A: I saw a mouse in my house!
B: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.
A: I don't have one.
B: Well then, buy one.
A: Can't afford one.
B: I can give you mine if you want.
A: That sounds good.
B: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.
A: I don't have any cheese.
B: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.
A: I don't have oil.
B: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.
A: I don't have bread.
B: Then what is the mouse doing at your house?!
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Police arrested a drunkard at midnight on the streets and asked: Where are you going?
Man: I'm going to listen to a lecture on the ill effects of drinking.
Cop: Who'll lecture at midnight?
Man: My wife...
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Law Professor: Which is the most important LAW of Finance for Starting a New Business?
Student: Father-in-Law!
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Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue. You are beautiful. I love you.
After marriage: Roses are dead, I'm blue. You are my headache, one day I'll kill you.
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Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
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What's the difference between Complete and Finished?
If you find a good wife, you are complete, otherwise you are finished.
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So many options for sucide: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we choose Marriage, slow and sure!
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Have you heard about the man who threw his wife into a pond of crocodiles? He's now being harassed by the animal rights for being cruel to the crocodiles.
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Two men are talking. 1st: I got married because I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry and wearing shabby clothes.
2nd: Amazing, I just got divorced for the very same reasons
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HEY YEH KYA MAIN SABSE LATE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Santa got promotion from clerk to manager. He went home and told his wife in new style "You will sleep with a manager today." Wife fell unconscious.

Yoga teacher to a woman: Does yoga has any effect over your husband's drinking habit?

Woman: Yes, an Amazing Funny Effect! Now he drinks the whole bottle standing upside down over his head.

Santa: Why does God stay up in heaven?
Banta: Because they are afraid of what they have created!

The teacher asked students to write an essay on 'If I were a Millionaire'. All students started writing except Pappu. "What's the matter," the teacher asked. "Why don't you begin?" I'm waiting for my secretary, he replied.

Teacher: Draw a diagram of bacteria.
Pappu: Here it is sir.
Teacher: Where? You haven't drawn anything.
Pappu: Sir Can you see bacteria without Microscope?

On a crowded bus, Santa noticed that Banta had his eyes closed. "What's the matter? Are you sick?" Santa asked. "No, I'm okay. It's just that I hate to see old ladies standing."

Interviewer: Why did you change your last job?
Santa: Because the company shifted and didn't tell me where!

Santa: I am so miser that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money.
Banta: That is nothing, I saved full money. I sent my wife for honeymoon with a friend.

Santa: So, you are distantly related to the family next door, are you?
Banta: Yes, their dog is our dog's brother.


A young boy was looking through the family album and asked
his mother: "Who's this guy on the beach with you with all
the muscles and curly hair?"

"That's your father."

"Then who's that old bald-headed fat man who lives with us
now?"

First law:

A boy in love with a girl continues to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy continues to be in love with him, until and unless any external agent(brother or father of the girl) comes into play and breaks the legs of the boy.


Second law:

The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to his bank balance.


Third law:

The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while using her sandals.


Universal law:

Love can neither be created nor be destroyed, it can only be transfered from one girlfriend to another girlfriend.

Thought this one was pretty good from both viewpoints!!


A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike
English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine
.
'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'
A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two
groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves
whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each
group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the
feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers
is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for
possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be
Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time
they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a
little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.