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Schlock Baba's Invaluable Teachings for Boyfriends
(Schlock Baba Ke Anmol Pravachan, Mard Dost ke liye)
Disciple 1: Baba, my girlfriend is always unhappy. she says I do not spend enough time with her. But with a busy corporate job in a prestigious multi national I don't get much time after the late nigh work, booze parties
Schlock Baba: Alakh Niranjan, not my Daddy! Beta, you must call your girlfriend at least 10 times on phone. Buy Baba ki Vibhooti and Baba's automated Phone S** Talk machine. It has prerecorded corny and tacky dialogs to silence your girlfriend. For $49.99 more, you can get prerecorded kisses delivered at frequent intervals. That should silence the impertinent girl.
Disciple 1: Baba ki Jai Ho.
Schlock Baba: Next!
Disciple 2: Baba, my fiance is far too smart. She uses her brain very often and is close to figuring out that the real reason I am marrying her is because her dad has this nice plot in the heart of the city. She has seeds of doubt and I can't handle her.
Schlock Baba: Alakh Niranjan, not my Daddy! Beta, what did I just say? Get Baba's Automated S** Talk Machine and solve all your problems. Buy monthly subscriptions too for unlimited use of our Brain Diffusing Signal Module (BDSM). Everytime your girlfriend starts using her brain, turn on the BDSM and see her forget what she said. If she uses her brain again, raise the power on BDSM so high that her all her brain can think of is "Aahaa" song. If it fries her hair, gift her a nice wig with hairband.
Disciple 2: Baba ki Jai Ho.
Schlock Baba: Next!
Disciple 3: Baba, my girl friend does not let me touch her. what do I do?
Schlock Baba: Alakh Niranjan, not my Daddy! Array re re re! Why do I have all loser disciples? Haven't you learned anything from me? Buy her finger rings, toe rings, nose rings, navel rings, nipple rings, and rings for other unspeakable places. Take her out on streets and make her sit on car tops. If no cars available, make her sit on Bullock carts, or Push carts (Thela) or any moving object preferably not a living object like the Bull itself. Then insert the ring and kiss the part, simple!
Disciple 3: But baba, all that is dandy for finger and toe rings. how about rings for *cough* other parts
Schlock: Do you want your girlfriend's brain fried and her neurons decimated or not?
Disciple 3: yes, yes Baba
Schlock Baba: Then you insert the ring, it does not matter where, when, how, public, private, street, car, auto, motorcycle, bicycle, you insert the ring and kiss the part. On your way out, check our 15 Rings Package for different body parts for just $10.99. And Body piercings are free if you buy two packets.
Disciple 3: Baba Ki Jai Ho
Schlock Baba: Alakh Niranjan, not my Daddy! I need some rest now. Where is my BDSM equipment? Phone Kahan hai, Kahan hai Phone?
Viewers: Alakh Niranjan, not Schlock's Daddy! We love this show.
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