Pairing: Arjun and Sakshi
Genre: Romance, Angst
Warning: Mature, slightly Dark
Summary: He is addicted, she is obsessed
" He lost her in vain. She drove him insane. They felt the loss, the pain. If asked would they do it again? All over again, and again and again"
" He wants to say I love you but keeps it to goodnight. Love will mean someone falling and he is afraid of heights"
" Love cannot endure indifference. It needs to wanted and it needs to be fed out,or its flame burns low"
(Credits to: ShanxMazhar for the beautiful quotes in Blue.)
Disclaimer: Characters are not mine. They belong to Star Plus.
You've read the books,
You've watched the shows,
What's the best way no one knows, yeah,
Meditate, get hypnotized.
Anything to take from your mind.
But it won't go
You're doing all these things out of desperation,
Ohhh woah,
You're going through six degrees of separation.
It was the same every day.
He was there, irrespective of the time, he was always there.
The first time it happened, it was a mistake. A bloody mistake.
But that mistake led to another and before they knew it, it became an unhealthy obsession.
Because it was no longer what they wanted. Now, it was just pure, unadulterated need.
He needed it for his survival and she needed it for her sanity.
They knew it was wrong. Wrong on so many levels. But in the rarest of rare moments when he looked at her like she was the only tangible reason why he was still alive, it didn't feel so wrong. It felt right. Like theirs was the most exquisite relationship, not a dysfunctional one.
You hit the drink, you take a toke.
Watch the past go up in smoke.
Fake a smile, yeah, lie and say that,
I'm better now than ever, and your life's okay
Well it's not. No
You're doing all these things out of desperation,
Ohhh woah,
You're going through six degrees of separation.
It was the same every day.
He acted like a calm and poised man all through the day. Focused on his work, focused on catching the criminals, focused to give the victim's loved ones the much needed closure. But it was not him. Not the real him, anyways.
The real him, appeared only at night. Broken, haunted, vulnerable. To witness the transformation in front of her eyes was unbelievable. To her, it was still a dream. A real f**ked-up one but a dream nonetheless. Honestly, if it wasn't for his lingering scent on her bed sheets or her sore parts from previous night, she would have questioned her sanity.
This was another facet of their awry relationship. They never said any word. They simply hurt. Their kisses were never gentle or tender. Their kisses were frenzied, desperate, demanding. They were meant to be bruising and painful.
Pain... Pain was the only emotion they felt. No pleasure, only mind numbing pain.
Even when they made love, they felt only pain. It wasn't lovemaking to them. It was more like grieving together. Yes, they grieved-he, for the love that he had lost and she, for the love that she could never have. He took what he aimed to take and she gave, without any protest and without any demand.
First, you think the worst is a broken heart
What's gonna kill you is the second part
And the third, is when your world splits down the middle
And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself
Fifth, you see them out with someone else
And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have messed up a little.
It was the same every day.
They did not have sex every day though. There were days when they did talk, when they simply laid in bed. No intimate touches, no snuggling, no holding hands. Just talk. They never touched because they did not work like that. Unfortunately, they were too f**ked up to behave that way.
It was during those days when he told her about himself. Where he was born? How did he grow up? What was his dream? All the little things that made her smile and cry at the same time. Smile for the glorious past and cry for the despairing present. Smile for the nave, young child and cry for the drowning man beside her. Smile and cry. Because that was the only thing that she could do.
He did not know and she never mentioned it, but he mumbled in his sleep. He mumbled his wife's name. He never mumbled her name. It was always Roshni. Always her.
Still, this was a topic he never talked about. During those days, when she questioned him about his wife, he snapped at her. Insulted her. But she knew that he never meant it, it was rather a defense mechanism. She knew that he hid his pain behind his anger. Just like she hid her pain behind her smile. So, she did not push him more than necessary. She let it go. In the meanwhile, she hoped that one day he would talk about her too. One day.
You tell your friends, yeah, strangers too,
Anyone'll throw an arm around you, yeah
Tarot cards,
Gems and stones,
Believing all that shit is gonna heal your soul.
We'll it's not, no
You're only doing things out of desperation,
Ohhh woah,
You're goin' through six degrees of separation.
It was the same every day.
The first time it had happened, he was drunk. He had killed Sikandar. But instead of feeling a sense of victory, he felt numb. So, he had drowned himself in alcohol. Because he wanted to feel, something, anything just... not numb. But no, except for the burning in his throat, numb was what he felt. Like a living corpse, just much worse.
He did not know how many seconds, minutes, hours or days passed. He did not know. He lost all earthly perceptions. He was almost on the brink of death. Almost. And then, she came.
He protested. He yelled. He told her that his purpose to live was over. It was over. But she relentlessly pulled him. Pulled him out of his catacomb like existence. She saved him and in a convoluted way, she saved herself too.
She took him to her home. Fed him, bathe him, bedded him. For once, he did not stop her. Like a lost child, he clung to her.
It would have stopped there. Right there. But then, he asked her to stay with him.
And before they could fully comprehend, caresses changed into kisses and kisses changed into something else... and for the first time in many years, he slept peacefully.
Their first night was also the only night when he stayed till the morning.
No there's no starting over,
Without finding closure,
You'd take them back,
No hesitation,
That's when you know you've reached the sixth degree of separation
No there's no starting over,
Without finding closure,
You'd take them back,
No hesitation,
That's when you know you've reached the sixth Degree of separation
It was the same every day.
The first few days were severely strained by their one off. For many days, both of them consciously avoided each other's company. However, the almost feral need triumphed every other thought. You see, that night meant much more to him than a temporary lapse of judgment because not only was he able to sleep well for the first time in years, he also felt something other than numb.
So, before he could stop himself, he was again standing at her doorstep.
And that was the start of this whirlwind and deranged relationship.
First, you think the worst is a broken heart
What's gonna kill you is the second part
And the third, Is when your world splits down the middle
And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself
Fifth, you see them out with someone else
And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have messed up a little.
It was the same every day.
But now, after 3 years of working with him and 6 months of knowing him, she was finally tired.
She was tired of waiting for him. She was tired of giving. She was tired of finding herself alone in the morning. She was tired of his indifference. She was tired of his cold behavior.
Tired. Tired. Tired.
It had to stop.
It would stop.
Tonight.
~.~
Links-
Part 3: Is is the time to say goodbye?
Part 4: Is this the beginning or the end?
Part 5: Why does everything seem lost?
comment:
p_commentcount