Posted:
Veri veri veri good story evri emotion is beautifuly written plz update soon n pm me
Originally posted by: You-Know-Who
So uhm, when's the next update? :P
"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference."
~ Elie Wiesel
Part 8 : When the light shines
Gathering and wrapping a comforter around herself, Sakshi tiptoes across the dark hall towards the balcony. It is still very early in the morning, the sky is a violent shade of blue and the Sun is yet to make an appearance. However, unlike the last week, it is warmer today and she sits comfortably on the recliner. Normally, she'd wake up two hours later. But last night had been especially difficult; anxiety had settled deep in her bones over the impending visit and her stomach had been in knots and as a result, instead of feigning sleep she had finally decided to wake up.
At present, she eyes nothing in particular for a while before her mind can't take the vacuum anymore and her thoughts inevitably converge towards Arjun. Sniffing, she pulls her limbs towards her body and shrinks like a cat, the last week fresh in her mind.
Living... no, co-existing with Arjun had been interesting and at times, awkward in the least. It had been a week since he had admitted that he cared for her and after that day, they did not have any serious' conversation. They were still adjusting to their messed up situation, coming to terms with their distorted reality and needless to say, it had turned their worlds upside down. Their work was probably the only thing which kept both of them sane. Because it was the only constant when everything around them was changing.
Yet, not everything was bleak. Yes, the silence was ubiquitous and yes, breakfasts and dinners were devoid of any actual conversation and punctuated with clumsy glances. But that was not all. There was another dimension to this. Another facet. There was a metamorphosis-subtle-but very much there. And she'd realize it during those moments. Those moments when he'd look out for her. The moment she'd step in the office she'd feel his eyes heavy on her back. Anything which was considered to be remotely dangerous would find her safe in his shadows. Even the coffee would magically disappear when she was around and her teammates would abstain from having it in the office room. She did not know how he did it but suddenly, from her food to her discomfiture- everything would be taken care of. And she'd be lying if she said that every time he did something for her, she did not feel the pleasant tingling in her stomach. He might not be blatant about his actions yet these trifle things showed his concern for her. Bearing his child or not, she could not help being a little hopeful about everything, about them. His apathy, his disregard for her, his coldness was slowly but surely dissipating. So, she entertained dangerous notions, she hoped.
Though it was over a week, it still mystified her to acknowledge that this was the same man, the same indifferent man that she had given up on. Maybe, in hindsight this child was a blessing in disguise. If only to witness those crevices in his wall. If only-
"What are you doing so early in the morning?"
She gives a start when the man dominating her thoughts materializes in front of her.
"Damn Arjun, you gave me a heart attack."
"I'm sorry," he mumbles and drags the other recliner to sit beside her.
"It's o-okay," she replies and stares at the sun peeking from the clouds. As unpredictable as he was, his apologies flummoxed her more than his sneaking up on her. She sighs and pulls the comforter tightly around herself.
"You didn't tell me what you are doing so early."
"What time is it?" She ignores his question, still not meeting his gaze.
This time his sigh meets her query and he murmurs, "Five thirty."
"Did I wake you up?"
"No. I was... already awake."
The gravity of his words sinks in and she turns slowly, almost imperceptibly, until she faces him. And as expected, his emaciated features and dark circles greet her.
"When did you last have a good nights' sleep Arjun?" she asks somberly.
His jaws clench and he clasps his fingers in front of him. By now, she knows him like her favorite book and she knows that he is apprehensive- which probably means that he is deliberating whether to tell her the truth or lie about it. She waits and waits but he doesn't speak a word. He opens his mouth and she waits some more for him to confess about his lack of sleep. Instead, he shrugs and speaks in a subdued tone, "You are worried about your visit to the Doctor. That's why you couldn't sleep and that's why you are here, isn't it?"
Maybe, he too knows her like his favorite book.
...Or maybe, he is just a very good cop.
"Yeah."
"Listen, I-
"It's okay Arjun. I know you won't be able to make it and it's really fine."
"Are you sure?" he asks, his tenor dripping with worry.
"Yes, Arjun. I'll take care of myself. Perhaps, it is not that far either," she assures him. Her lips curl involuntarily and her eyes shine with unspoken gratitude.
"Okay."
And as they stare into the horizon at the reddish spatter in the sky and listen to the cacophony of the birds and of their muted breaths, she finds the solace that she had been looking for. She decides that maybe the silence is not so uneasy anymore.
~.~
At 8 AM sharp, Arjun enters the ETF Office. Customarily, all eyes shoot up to him as he wheezes his way inside and settles in his chair. A quick murmur of Good morning' entail and with it, another day in ETF begins.
Only, Arjun does not feel the slightest bit of comfort in the familiar surroundings that morning.
As much as he hates it, his mind was away, far away.
~.~
Chewing on her bottom lip incessantly, Sakshi's eyes flit through the almost barren foyer of her obstetrician's clinic in an attempt to calm her frayed nerves. For the last 45 minutes, she had been sitting on the lounge chair lining the hallway flipping vainly through a magazine she had bought outside the clinic. A five month pregnant lady had vacated her position half an hour ago as the rest of the women- four to be precise, excluding the receptionist- were occupying positions alongside her. Despite the clinic being as pristine as it can get, Sakshi wrinkles her nose at the overflowing estrogen in the room. Damn, she needed some air.
"Hi"
Sakshi jerks in her seat as a kind looking woman probably in her early 30s approaches her, showing her pearly white teeth.
"Hi," she replies tentatively.
"I see you are alone here. Where's your husband?"
I don't know. Will inform you when I find one.
"Uhm, actual-
"Ah, he must be busy, like mine is... Frets a lot, this one," she sighs distractedly.
Hiding her left ring finger, Sakshi quickly changes the topic. "How far along are you?"
At that, the woman smiles again. In an ebullient timbre, she answers with a twinkle in her eye, "Three months. This is my third... It feels strange this time though. My husband had been constantly around for the previous two. Unfortunately, he is out of town for an urgent meeting at present."
In a rare display of melancholy, Sakshi's beaming smile falters as she glances at the other pregnant women waiting with their husbands before landing back on the friendly woman sitting beside her. Her heart pulls at the sudden void she feels. This woman was a proud mother of two children already and a husband who loved her. Unlike her who didn't even know the status of her relationship with the father of her child.
"Sakshi Anand!" The receptionist calls, dragging her out of her dour thoughts. Taking a deep breath, Sakshi rises from her seat as the woman offers her an encouraging smile.
Stop being so worried! It's not an examination.
Except that it was. With no one in her family to guide her and no prior experience regarding it, Sakshi had to place her trust on Ayesha and the indispensable internet.
No wonder she was worried.
"Miss Sakshi!" A genial voice greets her when she enters into the spacious room; the walls of which were decorated with an assortment of baby posters and different stages of pregnancy chart. Like the foyer, the room was sterilized but without the overwhelming levels of estrogen (thank heavens!) and boasted of all types of machines which she was seeing for the first time in her life.
"I assume this is your first time?" she asks when Sakshi takes her seat across her, the nerves bursting at the seams.
She nods her head in response.
"And this is your prenatal visit?"
She nods her head again.
"In that case, let's start with the questions first and then we can move onto the physical exam."
Sakshi realizes that she must have been quiet for a long time because her next question is, "Are you okay?"
She meets her affable gaze and wonders if being around hormone induced women had made her intuitive. The slender woman with curly black hair didn't look much older than her.
"I'm scared," she blurts, suddenly too hackneyed to feign composure. When the doctor offers her a benevolent smile, she cannot help being honest with her. True, she was surrounded with people who cared about her; yet there was no one to confide to because no one could empathize with her. There were fears, insecurities associated with being pregnant and she is tired of pretention. Of pretending that everything is going to be okay.
"It's normal to feel scared Miss Sakshi. Motherhood is a privilege and it is only normal that you feel intimidated by the imminent change in your life. That's why I'm here, isn't it? You don't need to worry at all. I'm here and I'll do everything in my ability to make this a smoother transformation for you." She explains it with the utmost gentleness and it lulls her into believing every word she says.
"So, are you ready?"
This time it doesn't take her long to answer.
~.~
As the two hour session with the Doctor concludes, Sakshi finds her unease lightening a bit, her disquiet calming. Her blood pressure, weight etc. were normal and the Doctor had assured her that all the symptoms that she had been experiencing were normal as well. Making a mental note of all the suggestions made by her Doctor, she had decided to call Arjun, but changing her decision in the last minute, she had entered the dressing room.
As she dons her normal clothing after divesting herself of the gown, her ears pick up faint voices outside the room.
Just as she pulls the curtain, her eyes fall on the ruggedly handsome cop she had least expected to see.
"Arjun?!" She gasps, uncertain whether shock or happiness registers on her face first.
"Miss Sakshi! Finally! Your fianc has been waiting for you for the last ten minutes."
Fianc?!
"I don't think that-
"Ah, Sakshi. It's okay. It hasn't been that long. Perhaps, Miss Sheetal here was filling me up with the reports. C'mon, let's go home."
"But, Arjun-
Flicking his eyes towards the Doctor and then towards her, he responds in a deadpan tone, "Let's leave, now."
Thanking the Doctor once again, Sakshi bids her farewell and walks towards the entryway with Arjun in tow. However, as soon as they are out of earshot, Sakshi pivots on her feet and faces him; a shadow crosses her face.
"Why did you lie to her?"
Giving her an impassive look, he answers, "How does it matter?"
"It matters! She is my gynecologist. She deserves to know that we are not together."
Arjun clenches his teeth. For a few moments their staring contest goes on before he snaps, "I lied so that you don't feel uncomfortable."
"Really? Is that why you did it?" She puts her hands on her hips, matching his stance.
"Yes."
"I don't think so. I think you did what you did because you are worried about your reputation. You think that if the world comes to know that you impregnated a woman out of wedlock it would tarnish your repu-
"SAKSHI!" With a feral growl he stalks towards her, his face mere inches away from her, his deep, penetrating eyes boring into her. Anger, frustration, and resentment- she sees it all lurking it its depths. Her brain tells her to back off, to step back but her ego is too colossal to allow that, so she holds her ground.
"Why Arjun, does the truth hurt?" She feels his breath grow heavy on her face. And as his eyes flick towards her lips, her heart quickens.
Neither of them move an inch, she waits for something to happen... but like always, the moment passes and Arjun steps back, a bashful look on his face.
"Sakshi, you're being absolutely ridiculous. Why don't I drop to your place and you get some rest?"
The anger grips her tighter. "I'm being ridiculous?! I AM BEING RIDICULOUS?"
He glances around at the people noticing their exchange. "Stop creating a scene Sakshi, people are watching."
"So, now I'm making A SCENE?"
"Yes. And I swear if you don't sit into the car I'll drag you myself."
When it is evident that she is in no mood to get into the car, Arjun pulls her by the elbow with a vice-like grip.
"Stop it. I SAY STOP IT."
"Look Sakshi, it is fruitless fighting me... just get insi-
SLAM!
It takes a moment to register that Sakshi had slapped Arjun. As they stare at each other in stunned silence, her scarlet handprint emerges on his face.
"I hate you," she whispers with malice, tears streaming from her eyes.
What she fails to notice is the broken expression on his face that is left in its wake.
~.~
It doesn't take her long to realize her fallacy, doesn't take her long to assess the hurt that she must have caused. However, any attempt to rectify her situation is met with silence on his part.
They had fought before. They always fought. That was the permanent fixture of their life. But this time it almost tears her apart.
The vestiges of something akin to normalcy slips away from her hands as the hours merge seamlessly into days and the very silence which had started to seem comfortable suffocates her, their last interaction haunting her nights. The air is charged with unspoken words and unknown emotions. If earlier the house was thick with tension, it now had an almost haunting quality to it as the other occupant of the house is mostly gone leaving her bereft of any company.
On the fourth night and after being treated like she doesn't exist for three days, when she had had enough, she musters enough courage to sort it out.
Luckily, she doesn't have to venture farther into his room because she finds him in the vestibule of her house, arms crossed and staring into nothingness, the darkness engulfing and encompassing him. Her steps are timid, her walk is measured, her heart is thundering and her breath is coming in loud gasps. Her eyes can make out his silhouette in the dark which enlarges as she approaches him.
"Sakshi?" Like a floating symphony, it pleases her ears when he acknowledges her.
He doesn't turn around nor does he say anything further.
"I'm sorry, okay?" she blurts out. It isn't the most tactical way to handle their precarious balance but she didn't want to be taciturn anymore.
When he doesn't dignify that with a response, she continues, "I'm sorry for yelling at you. I'm sorry for over-reacting that way. I'm really, really sorry."
He turns finally, the faint light from the outside blending with the darkness inside and making a beautiful kaleidoscope of the light and dark.
She is so fascinated with the playing of the shadows that she doesn't realize that he had inched closer to her.
"I don't hate you Arjun. I don't," she reiterates again and again, tears pooling at the corners of her eyes and blurring her vision.
She stops when she feels his hand snake into her own and wipes at her eyes in order to gauge his expression.
He looked calm. Peaceful. The mysterious aura around him is intact, like he is meditating. The wrinkles straining his forehead are almost non-existent and his lips quiver.
"I'm sorry for not handling the situation in a better way. I'm sorry for ignoring you. It's just... I didn't know how to react, how to deal-
And before he can finish his sentence, she hugs him, resting her head on his chest, inhaling his natural scent. She closes her eyes and feels unusually safe as his other arm drapes around her shoulder.
They are stiff and rigid and it seems unnatural to embrace while holding hands. But Sakshi realizes that she doesn't care much.
Shrouded in darkness, she whispers, "I never thanked you for that day. I cannot tell you how much your presence meant to me."
He hums in response, before whispering back, "I think you need to sleep, you haven't slept properly for over two weeks now."
Pulling back, she searches for his eyes, "How do you...
"An insomniac always recognizes another."
"Will you... will you come to bed?"
"Sakshi, I-
"It's not for you, it's for me."
Laying her head in the crook of his neck that night, Sakshi finds the blissful slumber that she was looking for and after a few minutes, the even rise and fall of his chest indicates that he finds it too. He may not be ready to admit the dangerous co-dependence, but one day, he'd see it too. One day.
| topics | author | replies | views | reply |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| VindhyaMounika | 3 | 757 | ||
| Navyasree08 | 162 | 15557 | ||
| ArShiDelena | 9 | 641 |
comment:
p_commentcount