Divorce and character, society & individual - Page 5

Originally posted by: bewafa

Coming down to the topic...I feel divorce should be used as a last resort. It is always better to fix something that is broken, rather than chuck it away...of course I'm not thinking of relationships that involve DV...but if you just simply cannot live together, then it is fine.

Too true. Only when one thinks that things have gone past the point where you lose respect for each other as persons and where you would only see negative in your spouse, should one go for a divorce - har pehle jhagde pe agar divorce hone lage toh mera 30 yrs ka benchmark toh koi achieve hi nahi karega :)

Society...we make it...so if all of us stopped judging the divorced person...things would get better by themselves.Then again, we only judge them negatively because we want to feel good about ourselves...

As I mentioned on another forum, in a separate discussion, men tend to see a happily divorced woman as a threat and therefore talk badly about her. They feel threatened because they see a woman with the guts and gumption to break out of the bounds of patriarchal society. They feel compelled to denigrate her because they think that otherwise the women in their own homes might one day kick them goodbye (tired of the ill-treatment they are getting).

As for women it is a simple case of jealousy. They put up with DV, emotional and physical abuse, constant humiliation at the hands of the in-laws and a slow eroding of their personalities and potential. They live with all this in the myth of a "marriage is sacrosanct" and when they see a woman who is successfully able to get out of a similar hell-hole they feel jealous - jealous that they didn't have the guts or the support system that the other woman had. So they start passing judgement on the divorcee, before someone asks them why they didn't do something to make their own life better.

Anyway, as long as (ex) miya (ex) biwi raazi, to kya kare ga qazi? 😆

Originally posted by: Chitrashi

Ohh and since we seem to be plagued by an acute sense of paranoia and persecution complex - my views are my own and not aimed at anybody. I've said as much and more before I knew of your existence and as for what you think and feel - "frankly my dear, I don't give a damn"

Originally posted by: earth1978

@ chitrashi

one very good quote especially for you ...

" one can never really judge a woman unless u have stepped into her shoes and walk a mile in them"

the way u have thrown in the information of my personal life i myself provided to prove ur points makes for a very poor human quality.

ur judgements of me matter no more to me than anyone on the street.

no matter ur rants that ur refernces were not for me and ur accusations of persecution complex dont mean a thing to me as u know what u were aiming at. becuase the points u raised were clearly mentioned in my personal message to you. then u have the diplomacy to mask it by putting the accusation of persecution complex on the other person. at least have guts to aim it directly to me! lol i have a word for it too thats cowardice!

i am NOT JEALOUS OF WOMEN SEEKING DIVORSE. i just recommend one assessing marriage post divorse and taking teh est route out.

not even slightest bit ashamed of myself, mylife, my replies or my qualities.

u bash a fellow a woman who chose to work out her life the best way she thought possible? laudable! u call urself a feminist? modernist? far from it.

and as i had said to one very active member here but had later edited since i cared for their feelings :

"are u even human to be this apathetic!?"

anyway i am NOT GOING TO MAKE ANOTEHR PROFILE. it would be good if u kindly dotn interact with me at all on any platform ever.

good bye.

Chitrashi... well said.

All of it.

@earth1978 - Welcome to the forum and STAY. This is a free forum and you are as much entitled to post here as anyone else. Do not take things personal that is when you will come across as complaining or else I find all your posts polite in comparision. I read in a post of yours that you were bullied by ur inlaws into either complying or thrown out. I can understand how it must have felt inspite of being professionally educated to be subjected to humiliation where you are forced to agree to things you diagree. I am glad could still make it work and you have a daughter who is your lifeline. Any woman who strives to work at her marriage or who quits on it after trying, IS
strong. It takes two for a relation to make it work or not work, so men have their contribution to either scenarios.

Like I said this is a forum for everyone, whether it is a newbie or a vetran of IF, anyone can post anytime in any thread, be it once in bluemoon or on daily basis, it does not matter. Be it similar opinion or a different one from everyone else also does not matter. You can voice yours as freely as others, no need to apologise that your replies might be offensive or so. I myself disagree with some of your points. I wanted to reply in 'Amir khan is fake' thread, but I dont see it now so am posting it here. Just because Amir khan is divorced does not mean he cannot talk on the issue (not that I want another episode on couples/relationships/abuse) infact he has every right or even more than others because he has gone through that phase. We do not know what transpired between him and Reena and how long they have been trying to make it work. divorce doesnot happen suddenly, surely they have gone through thier own contemplation before deciding. and he did not stray or get into illict relations afterwards, he legally married a person whom he fell in love with. Love can happen more than once to some. It does not make him any less of an individual.

About doctors working in rural areas I agree with you. As much as I know the need for service in villages, no one can be compelled to do so if they do not want. Every individual has a choice and you can make yours. well that is for another thread, I dont want to mix it up here. anyways see you around:D.