Divorce and character, society & individual - Page 2

I am aggressive to you? Or getting personal? I am shocked and confused. I am talking more about my personal life. I never commented at you. But it is odd that you take any response as attack.

Everything is not cyber bullying! Chill!

The unfairness exists in the society - the same society that claims to protect ideals and society. It is the same society which is hypocritical. It claims to protect family, later claims to have sympathy for woman, but basically makes it difficult for woman to remarry.

Finally, remarrying or not is a choice too. We cannot always assume that a woman did not remarry simply because she was shunned by society.

I prefer welfare of my loved ones to societal norms any day..

@earth1978

Expecting people to sort out their differences is nothing wrong. But what if that does not happen? We cannot even compel people to sort out things, if despite all trying and coaxing they are not able to, or willing to do so! That is what I am saying.

Each of us have out own idea of happily ever after. I am sure those who marry also have ideas of happily ever after. But what if they themselves find they don't want it or don't like the person to be with them ever after? What if, they think they have tried enough and reached a dead end - in their opinion?

We can't get into people's heads and force something into their minds. So if someone decided they wish to call it quits, then why judge them harshly for doing so?

I am referring to society's expectations and primarily their judgemental nature and dismissiveness towards a divorced person or his family. It is not even correct to assume that a divorced person is characterless or loathsome.

Originally posted by: Jayne

Excellent POV, TM.

I would like to write a lot more, but I do believe you have covered quite a few salient points in your initial post and then the subsequent 'reply' posts.
I agree with each and every one of your points.
Maturity brings a different perspective to our lives and we are able to view events through the lens of understanding, compassion, tolerance, and the knowledge that we are not privy to each and every detail affecting the event and those involved in it.
Note, that I mentioned maturity and not age; for age may bring experience but it does not necessarily bring wisdom.
A twelve-year old may display more maturity and wisdom than a sixty-year old on many matters; but is shunned aside because they are 'young'.
Our society places way too much importance on age and respecting it - I am not against it, certainly; however, I am against 'doing as elders say'.
Listening to elders is a must - their advice, based on experience, may be useful, but the decision, I have always believed, rests with the individual.

That people believe that society's rules must be followed else there will be men acting out and women being the brunt of such acts, perhaps do not account for the cage into which they are being forced. This type of 'society' is heavily tilted in favor of the males and, guess what? It has been so made by centuries of males laying down the laws and women following it.
It may have made some sense - though not a lot - in the eras bygone; but it certainly does not now.
Still, such mores are adhered to, and guess who is the main enforcer? Women.

Pity, that such thoughts are not only prevalent even now but being passed from mother to daughter - talk about poisoning your own well.

Each and every person has a right to live their life in the manner they choose without any restrictions; without causing undue harm to others. But we are human; harm will inevitably be caused. If not physical - certainly a no no - then at least emotional.
That we learn from them and move on to lead richer, more fulfilling lives is what is the hallmark of a successful person.

I am very glad for your relative and ex-relative that they are presumably happy in their lives now.
The bottom line is that when we try to live our lives as per others' rules, we are caging ourselves; and when we try to make others happy, no one is.
Happiness, fulfillment, and ultimately contentment and peace, comes from within.


Jayne

Originally posted by: earth1978

excuse me!?

You are SO excused!

societal constructs are not perfect and some of them are clearly wrong but u remove all rules and u have an animal world!
Please don't refer to the Animal World without reading up extensively. It is governed by a VERY clear and rigid set of rules--that are enforced ruthlessly and adhered to upon pain of death-MUCH better than the human world!
do u mean to say every man and woman has the right to live merely out of impuses and pure desires??????????
YES! If they so desire! THAT is what free will means!!

if u are against all social constructs ... then u shoudl be against the concept of marriage too becuase that too is a social construct . animals just mate without a formal ritual and change partners after a season!
That is an ABSURD extrapolation! In any case-it IS happening in the "human world" already! Do you think all adultrous relationships have ANY FORMAL rituals???

i dont think i have said anywhere i want women to keep languishing in useless marriages , go thru DV but i dont want marriages to be ending over flimsy reasons . my opinion is not even reachign amir khan forget affecting him in anyway.
## You THINK?? Please go through your posts CAREFULLY again-you have implied it repeatedly.Who are you to judge if people getting a divorce are doing it for flimsy or correct (according to YOU)reasons?The couple concerned are the ONLY ones who can .

merely becuase i am not an active advocate of divorse and am of the opinion of resolvign the issues being preferable does not mean i am living in a cage or i am throwing my daughter down the well.

Well,your post DO reveal your attitude. If the couple do not think their differences can be resolved and a judge agrees-what makes you more competent than three other adults in passing sweeping judgements about theirlevel of commitment?

of course issues like domestic violence and adultry cannot be resolved but some can.

divorse is fancy to talk about, hard to practise and come swith its own difficulties.

it is always better to assess the situation where benefits outweigh the adverse effects.
### That is one of the MOST patronizing remarks I've read about divorce-"fancy TALK"?
It is a life changing decision for a couple & it is specially hard on the woman-of course it is HARD but its NOT impossible! There are "NO benefits", once the decision is reached that could OUT WEIGH ANY "adverse effects" You seem to be under the deluded impression that a couple gets up one fine morning and decides that today might be a good day to file for divorce-you don't seem to realize or see the months of misery,tears,sorrow,anger that preceded this decision.

needless to say i am quite progressive and my daughter is my life as my only child ... i can give life for her ... the question of pushing her into well just does not exist. but under no circumstance i am under any obluigation to prove my morals and progressiveness. being on an internet forum u can do what ever u want to do with the information i have provided but do not drag my innocent kid into this do not dare to comment on my motherhood and question what my intentions are for her.

thank you.

Whether you are progressive or not is NOT for you to judge! That will be decided by those you interact with and how THEY perceive you!
What exactly is the problem that you see every post that disagrees with your point of view as an ATTACK on you?
OK-at another forum you were cyber bullied-are you going to use that as a stick to beat everybody with,forever? The post that you are responding to NOWHERE implies that you are a bad mother so WHERE is the question of ANYBODY to "question what my intentions are" for your daughter? The poster mentioned poisoning a well-YOU automatically its you that is being refereed to---Well.if the cap fits,by all means go right ahead!

PS=Ever heard the quote"Me thinks the lady doth protest over much"?!

Thank YOU!

Edited by znursingh - 13 years ago