Paro's vow to leave Rudra has bothered me for quite some time now. How does a true believer bargain with God for a loved one's life and not keep their end of the bargain? How does one take that chance? I wonder how the CVs are going to explain it. As always, comments are really appreciated.
Penance
How could she not leave?
Her bargain was with Him, not a mere mortal. He was all seeing and all knowing. How could she not honor her wadha when Bholenath had saved her husband, made him all that he was before? How could she take a chance that would harm Rudra's life or that of a child they would create together? She didn't believe Bholenath was a spiteful God but if she stayed, every time Rudra got injured or her child got sick her conscience would flog her. If she greedily stayed to deceive Bholenath, she would burn her beliefs and destroy herself. How could she not leave?
When Rudra had excitedly showed that he could flex his fingers and move his wrist, she had smiled with the light of a thousand suns-ecstatic for him, for her, for Bapusa before splintering into pieces aghast at the implication.
The kinder he became, the harder it got to hold his cup of tea steady ,to school her expressions, when all she wanted to do was throw herself into his arms and cry her heart out, to tell him of her vow... To beg for his understanding, to plead for him not to hate her and to hope he wouldn't spiral into the dark hole where he had been before.
She quietly made plans considering each person before negating them Maamisa, Aman, Geetanjali Ma'am, Maithili even Laila. The day he had told her about his past with Laila, a piece of her died. But what haq did she, Paro have over him? Like raindrops that fell like Manna on her parched life, he was precious to her. If Bholenath saw it fit to stream him away before she could absorb even bits of him, it was His will and her fate. What haq did she have?
She knew when she took the oath that Bholenath would gift Rudra his life, a life free from Paro while her atonement would be a life without Rudra. She had known even then that she was condemning herself to a life worse than death itself. Though she thought about it, she would never kill herself since that too would be deceit. She would live her life without him, without hope praying for a quick natural end to her empty life.
She didn't know yet what exactly intimacy between man and wife entitled yet she was tempted to hoard him away inside her womb as their child. A piece of him with her always. But that too wouldn't be fair - to Rudra or her baby.
As Paro sat by her sleeping husband gently weaving her fingers through his hair, she decided she would take nothing from him except memories and the pink chudis, unknowing that she would leave him bereft of his heart, his soul and the very reason to breathe.
"Rudra, please understand why I have to leave"
Edited by DDC1 - 11 years ago
Fan Fictions
Anupamaa
