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Foreboding
Rudra Pratap Ranawat was a control freak! It was in his blood to ruthlessly control himself and those in his life. He craved and thrived on the sense of security that discipline, order and control gave him. To him, emotions were akin to God. He refused to acknowledge the existence of either, not wanting to fill the void in his soul his mother had created.
"Until she came along.." his conscience poked. "Until she came along.." he accepted to himself. A little slip of a woman with a will forged from the strongest steel. Never raising her voice but never wavering in her beliefs. "Ziddi" he spat out with an odd gleam in his eyes. When he fought, she fought harder. When he gave in, she gave in more.. always more than he deserved he thought. He was getting comfortable with her and her ways, the hundred ways she made him feel better, feel wanted, feel loved..Hell! He was getting comfortable just feeling. Life was good!
Why then, did he have this sense of foreboding? He had felt it before he thought uneasily.. most recently when he had planned the ambush of the Baraat at the border. Just to be sure, he had spent longer hours poring over strategy he thought at that time was perfect, his brain convincing his mind to give it a rest. But the unease just wouldn't go away and look what he had lost then!
Recently each time he saw Paro, his gut twisted the same way. A feeling very different from the quickening of the senses, the tightening of his groin, the irresistible need to be close to her and fill his head with her smell. She looked happy, in fact her smile these days was brighter than ever but was there brittleness in that smile? The hazel eyes that had been cruelly punished by fate time and again but still sparkled with compassion and kindness; did they have a tinge of sadness now?
Rudra knew she liked to be around him, needlessly walking into their room to ask if he wanted anything. Of late, had she stopped that? Did she avoid meeting his eyes? Why then did her gaze caress his form almost frantically when she thought he wasn't looking? Like she was storing it away in the recesses of her mind? He remembered how he had anxiously searched the Haveli to find her on the terrace looking at the stars, tears streaming down her face. Why had she sobbed in his embrace yet refused his offer to take her to see her Maamisa? She had shocked him when she returned his Rudraksh, gently clasping it around his right wrist saying he needed it more than her.
Watching her sleep peacefully, Rudra rubbed fingers over tired aching eyes. Before, if anyone had told him Major Ranawat would spend sleepless nights because of a sense of foreboding, he would have laughed in their face. Now, he couldn't shake this premonition that was a sinister, amorphous fog that swirled inside him before settling around his heart, squeezing it harder each day.
"Paro, why won't you tell me what is wrong Paro?"
Part 2 PENANCE is on Page 4
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