Hey Deeps...
I am sorry i could not read this one before. Actually i didn't have any idea about any work for last 6-7 months as i was not active on forum.
This particular piece of work refers to the part where Rey doubted Swayam and hit him which ultimately led to collision between SwaRon. I have not really watched that track entirely so i cannot comment on whether what CV's done wrong but if you say you were not satisfied and you were forced to write this itself means that the treatment would not have beet at par with our expectations. But what our brilliant writers are there for, you chose the perfect way to remove the frustration of track.
Well what do I say about this particular work, I mean this is already huge hit man. Just look at the response dude 108 persons officially read and how many silent readers would have followed is out of count. People are so much satisfied with your angle that they have supported you this much. I can say that if you merge the likes i have got on all my works will fall less against the likes you received for your this work. You asked me read this and i came here, i had a wonderful time reading you showed the SwaRon i always wanted to see in the show. But now I don't know what new i can say about this write up which all 108 persons have not said. You are really testing me Deeps but trust me i am all charged this time around because i haven't commented on anything for past 7 months so i will take out everything in this one for sure.
Now lets discuss the Whole OS because i read the whole piece in one go so i will discuss it as one part all together. First of all let me start with start. The story takes off from the point where realizations are dwelling on Swayam. He regrets the harsh words he used for Sharon. By the way i really liked the thing that you separated the conversation parts or important parts by using different colors. You were immaculate with expression of Swayam because here he was boy who was overpowered by anger for time being and he had insulted the most prized possession of his life with out even realizing that what it will lead to. On the other hand it had almost same impact on Sharon who started thinking that in spite of being committed she could not be at Swayam's side when he needed her the most. In between the whole Rey hitting Swayam part was using so nicely and smartly that it took out pain from my eyes. I literally started feeling if i had done that.
Now being a man Swayam took the initiative and went to talk with his love his life Sharon. But things again turned out in other way and a confusion led Swayam to hurt his hand. The pain Swayam felt was less then what Sharon went through when she saw Swayam in that hurt state. And then Swayam being stubborn he is went into his own zone and did not even realize Sharon was talking to him. But what he thought at that particular time also made good sense to the story as whole. And really that was the part that set the story different from others. Here every emotion and every word you used to describe that was just perfect i just loved the portrayal of Swayam there.
But Sharon at the same time was no less. Mind you she was going through this feeling where she was thinking that she was not the perfect girlfriend for Swayam and may be she is not the type of person who should be in Swayam's life, plus she was having this guilt of not standing beside Swayam when he needed her the most. Sharon as soon as saw Swayam the hurt Swayam lost all her thoughts in the moment and only thing she could see is that part which was hurt. Swayam was hurt but the pain could be felt in Sharon and her body language the way she attended Swayam. It looked like Sharon went through the fear of loosing Swayam accidentally which made her do all the things which can make sure Swayam stays with her and he is safe and secured in her presence. I could just cherish the fact that you emoted Sharon so well through out. Being a girl i can trust that you can understand that part better because you know how a girl would react or feel in such situation so that why i gave you more credit for portrayal of Swayam because he is a boy and to match up exactly how a boy behaves is very difficult task which you did it very nicely.
Then finally Swayam expressed he lost hope of getting back with Sharon and then Sharon forced him to listen to her changed the story again and for me you won all the points when Sharon completed what she wanted to say. You almost covered every event in the speech of Sharon. It was just brilliant mind blowing exquisite. you stole my heart there because it went to Sharon straight away after finishing the read of that portion. You nailed it and what ever i say it can never match up the perfection you had to describe that and the way it has been described.
Then Swayam was no less he came with his justifications and which were perfect and finally he spoke something which was totally worth to the satisfaction of Sharon. He replied every thing to the satisfaction of Sharon and finally he convinced Sharon with what he had to say.
Then came the trade mark romance between SwaRon which has been personified by you in your write ups. We can always expect you to be perfect in describing the moments of love between SwaRon so i wont talk about that because they were just perfect and any of my comments would spoil its charm,
Finally on the whole a brilliant way to express your dissatisfaction with the current. I am glad CV's could not satisfy you otherwise we couldn't had the OS which we have now in our hands. So as i say everything happens for a good reason this also had a good reason that you wrote a brilliant story.
Thank you deeps for asking me to read this story. By the way you know the funny thing that happen when you asked me to read it. Though you said it was not funny i still say it was funny. Anyways thanks deep for writing such beautiful story. I hope you continue writing such beautiful stories.
Pratik
Ye Hai Mohabbatein
Arjun
Cricket
35