Posted:
Friends, I have an idea for a short story.But, I am not sure if everyone will like it. :) So, I will wait for you to tell me if I should continue or not.
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Prologue
Zoya nervously knocked Asad's room. She always feared that one day her irresponsible acts would take him away from her, and it felt as if today was the day. Her heart thumped so loudly, as she remembered how she had promised Asad never to go anywhere without letting him know first. She knew she had hurt him. The pain of hurting the man who had loved her so much was so much more than the the agony of the mess she had landed herself in. Will she ever be able to forgive herself, she thought, for breaking Asad's heart the way she did? But, she had to talk to him, after all. So, there. She knocked his door.
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Mrs. Khan, you? You shouldn't have come here this late, Asad quipped as he opened the door.
Zoya, took a deep breath: atleast he opened! And quizzed him in her usual style, "Ji?"
Yes, Mrs. Khan... It is not appropriate for women of respectable families to come to the bedroom of their brother in law this late at night.
By this time, Zoya had already noticed the redness in Asad's eyes. She knew, he was hurt. She knew she had caused this. She mustered courage and said, But Mr. Khan... it was an accident. You saw even my name on the nikaahnama is not correct... I was not even paying attention...
Stop!!! Yelled Asad. Stop, being so childish Mrs. Khan. For you a commitment may not mean anything. Or may be, for you this can all be rubished as a joke. But not for me. For me the relationship, a marriage, is a very pious relationship, and I can not refute it like it was child's play.
Mr. Khan, you can not force me to accept this nikaah. I don't believe it is even valid. Why don't you understand that I was just trying to save myself from those goons. Tanveer was after my life. Zoya, raised her voice, a bit, realizing Asad was ready for reasoning. Or so she felt.
I know you are angry because it involves your brother...
No Zoya!!! I am not angry because it involves Ayaan. I am angry because it involves me. I am angry because it involves you. I am angry because it involves us.
I appreciate your enthusiasm to save Najma. But what happened? Could you save her?
Zoya was stunned by now.
Could you? Have you ever realized that no matter how good your intentions are, sometimes, just sometimes, you need to think about what your actions are going to cause in the end?
Will you ever grow up to realize that you can not always have your way, and that as much as I appreciate your positive attitude and optimism, you always can not take things in your hands like this.
Will you ever realize, that what bothered me is that yet one more time, you chose not to trust me. Not to share. And put yourself in harms way.
How could you... how could you... he wept away. I had never ever imagined I would fall in love... I had built walls around my heart, and denied it the warmth of love for years together. But slowly, I let you in, that wall... brick by brick I let you break it. Why? I had always known you were irresponsible, brash, impulsive. I still saw the beauty in you, in your positive spirit of life, in your way to live, in your smile, in the beauty of your soul. I changed myself so much for you... And, when slowly I began trusting you, and seeing a future with you... You... I know you did not mean it this way, Mrs. Khan... but... you did break your promise to me. 'You never even once... thought about ... you didn't think about Ammi... You didn't think about anyone... not even me... How can I trust you, now that I know you can lie to me at the drop of a hat... and you have done this not once, not twice... but its almost your nature... Once you decide something is right, you never consider sharing your thoughts with someone or seeking their approval... It is good to be independent, Mrs. Khan... but that does not mean you can not walk hand in hand with your partner and check in with them once in a while. No one is second guessing your intelligence, your strength... but you also have a responsibility towards those who love you...
Asad's voice began cracking now. The anger was gone.
Will you ever realize that I am not bothered you ultimately ended up running away from our Nikaah, despite my several requests to you...but that you broke your promise, Mrs. Khan.
He held her by her shoulders and shook her... Do you, for once, realize the gravity of what you have done, Zo... Mrs. Khan???
And, Asad broke down...slowly as he fell on the ground... like to pick pieces of his broken heart... and suddenly Zoya realized, that she had lost the right to hug him back, to console him...
Was, Asad right? Was this a nikaah?
Zoya nervously knocked Asad's room. She always feared that one day her irresponsible acts would take him away from her, and it felt as if today was the day. Her heart thumped so loudly, as she remembered how she had promised Asad never to go anywhere without letting him know first. She knew she had hurt him. The pain of hurting the man who had loved her so much was so much more than the the agony of the mess she had landed herself in. Will she ever be able to forgive herself, she thought, for breaking Asad's heart the way she did? But, she had to talk to him, after all. So, there. She knocked his door.
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Mrs. Khan, you? You shouldn't have come here this late, Asad quipped as he opened the door.
Zoya, took a deep breath: atleast he opened! And quizzed him in her usual style, "Ji?"
Yes, Mrs. Khan... It is not appropriate for women of respectable families to come to the bedroom of their brother in law this late at night.
By this time, Zoya had already noticed the redness in Asad's eyes. She knew, he was hurt. She knew she had caused this. She mustered courage and said, But Mr. Khan... it was an accident. You saw even my name on the nikaahnama is not correct... I was not even paying attention...
Stop!!! Yelled Asad. Stop, being so childish Mrs. Khan. For you a commitment may not mean anything. Or may be, for you this can all be rubished as a joke. But not for me. For me the relationship, a marriage, is a very pious relationship, and I can not refute it like it was child's play.
Mr. Khan, you can not force me to accept this nikaah. I don't believe it is even valid. Why don't you understand that I was just trying to save myself from those goons. Tanveer was after my life. Zoya, raised her voice, a bit, realizing Asad was ready for reasoning. Or so she felt.
I know you are angry because it involves your brother...
No Zoya!!! I am not angry because it involves Ayaan. I am angry because it involves me. I am angry because it involves you. I am angry because it involves us.
I appreciate your enthusiasm to save Najma. But what happened? Could you save her?
Zoya was stunned by now.
Could you? Have you ever realized that no matter how good your intentions are, sometimes, just sometimes, you need to think about what your actions are going to cause in the end?
Will you ever grow up to realize that you can not always have your way, and that as much as I appreciate your positive attitude and optimism, you always can not take things in your hands like this.
Will you ever realize, that what bothered me is that yet one more time, you chose not to trust me. Not to share. And put yourself in harms way.
How could you... how could you... he wept away. I had never ever imagined I would fall in love... I had built walls around my heart, and denied it the warmth of love for years together. But slowly, I let you in, that wall... brick by brick I let you break it. Why? I had always known you were irresponsible, brash, impulsive. I still saw the beauty in you, in your positive spirit of life, in your way to live, in your smile, in the beauty of your soul. I changed myself so much for you... And, when slowly I began trusting you, and seeing a future with you... You... I know you did not mean it this way, Mrs. Khan... but... you did break your promise to me. 'You never even once... thought about ... you didn't think about Ammi... You didn't think about anyone... not even me... How can I trust you, now that I know you can lie to me at the drop of a hat... and you have done this not once, not twice... but its almost your nature... Once you decide something is right, you never consider sharing your thoughts with someone or seeking their approval... It is good to be independent, Mrs. Khan... but that does not mean you can not walk hand in hand with your partner and check in with them once in a while. No one is second guessing your intelligence, your strength... but you also have a responsibility towards those who love you...
Asad's voice began cracking now. The anger was gone.
Will you ever realize that I am not bothered you ultimately ended up running away from our Nikaah, despite my several requests to you...but that you broke your promise, Mrs. Khan.
He held her by her shoulders and shook her... Do you, for once, realize the gravity of what you have done, Zo... Mrs. Khan???
And, Asad broke down...slowly as he fell on the ground... like to pick pieces of his broken heart... and suddenly Zoya realized, that she had lost the right to hug him back, to console him...
Was, Asad right? Was this a nikaah?
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Dear Mr. Khan,
I did not have the courage to say good bye to you in person, but I did not want to leave without a good bye either. That is why I am writing you this letter. For the longest time I was thinking what should I write in this letter. I could not come up with the words to convey how I am feeling at the moment.
The heaviness in my heart, the guilt on my soul... the disastrous ways of what lies ahead of me... every thing is consuming me and killing me like slow poison. I can perhaps, finally feel how you felt, when whatever that happened at our first nikaah happened.
I know, how would it have felt when I did not trust the Mr. Khan, I knew, but believed what I saw with my own eyes. When I did not for once give the benefit of doubt, or rather the benefit of faith to my own love. And, when, I ended evernlly realize, how you must have felt when I witnessed you in that compromising situation with Tanveer, and you woke up from the daze , not even realizing a part of what seemed to have happened.
I finally realize Mr. Khan, what it is to know that even when you believe you should be given one chance, but you know for sure that your life, your love, won't give you the chance... because in their eyes, you do not deserve it anymore.
I know I have wronged you Mr. Khan. I broke the promise I made to you. But I don't know what to say in my defense. I don't know how to even start explaining what my heart wants to tell you.
But, you know what Mr. Khan. I think you are right. It is high time, I begin taking responsibility of my actions. I need to own up to my own deeds, no matter what my intentions were. And, the first step to that will be, to break my own heart, and leave this place. I need to start somewhere, and let me start here.
I hope you do know that till now, and from now on, if there ever was, is and ever will be... someone my heart has loved, it is you - Mr. Khan. Sadly, the three words that would have been my gift to you on our wedding night, your sixth wish, now become my farewell gift to you - I wish I could tell you in person, I love you, Mr. Khan.
- In spirit, I will forever be,
truly yours,
Mrs. Zoya Asad Ahmed Khan.
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Thank you, Ayaan for agreeing to meet me, Zoya said. And, Thank you Humeira for accompanying him. I will forever be indebted to you.
Humeira, was in no mood to entertain her, but was there on Ayaan's insistence as her stiff, cold demeanor indicated. She waved to the waiter and shouted, One hot chocolate and some french friends please.
Zoya cleared her throat, and perhaps her thoughts too. This was going to be the most difficult conversation of her life. Oh, their hot chocolate is amazing,she said to diffuse some of the tension. Make it two, and a slice of pizza, she yelled.
Humeira, you must be wondering why I insisted you accompany Ayaan. I did, because I wanted to clear it out to you that Ayaan always was, is and will be yours. For me, he has never been anything more than the younger brother I never had. In him, I see my own equal - irrational, impulsive, stubborn. And, I always feel that if I had a brother, it would be like him. So you can imagine, the shock and disgust I experienced when I suddenly saw photographers taking our pictures and addressing us as Mrs and Mr. Ayaan Khan...
I know I have wronged you Humeira, but you must know,that it was not my intention. I was running away from goons that Tanveer had sent after me, and all I know is that I was on phone trying to get in touch with Mr. Khan... And, when I got off the phone, as if I woke up from one nightmare to the other - I saw all these people congratulating Ayaan on his magnanimity.
Humeira had softened by now, because she knew she herself had been through a nightmare like was just explained, that evening.
And, that is what exactly happened with me, Ayaan quipped in. I was on phone with Abbu. Life is stranger than fiction. How can something so coincidental and bizzare happen to both of us?
Destiny Ayaan, Destiny. Zoya sighed.
Well, I don't accept this as Nikaah. It is a misunderstanding that has caused four lives to be hurt brutally and I am afraid that these wounds will take a long time to heal. I haven't yet forgiven myself for getting myself into this and not being able to stop Najma's wedding.
Both Ayaan and Humeira gave her a puzzled look, not knowing what she meant by that.
For me, marriage is a life long commitment, and I never wanted to be the wife of someone I don't love because to carry the burden of a compromise is more heavier than one can imagine. I still can't believe that I actually landed myself in a situation where I have to file for the annulment of a marriage. Wow! Zoya Farooqi, where has fate brought you? Wait, why are you cursing your fate. Fate gave you everything, the love of a wonderful man, the blessings of an angel Dilshaad, the friendship of a great friend, and a second chance at love. But you, you in your stupidity and brashness, brought this misery upon yourself. By now, Zoya was talking to herself, playing with the pizza slice but having not taken a bite yet... Had you once trusted Mr. Khan, and told him what you were upto, like he always asked... Had you once thought about not breaking your promise... Had you once... and she broke into tears. I screwed up my second chance... my only chance...
Humeira, could not see her like that. She knew Zoya was a good at heart person. She offered her a paper tissue to wipe her tears.
In between her sobs, Zoya said, Thank You.
I know, Humeira, ek baar rishte mein daraar pad jaye, to use bharne mein bahut waqt lagta hai... aur shayad ye safar bahut lamba hoga. Par is safar par mein apna pehla kadam uthana chahti hoon. Actually, utha chuki hoon.
She pulled out some papers from her bag, and handed them over to Ayaan. These are the papers for annulment of the nikaah, Ayaan. Our case is very strong. There are many technical details which are in our favor, and it will only be a matter of time before which the decision will be taken in our favor. Infact, even my name is not correct on the Nikaahnama, if you notice.
Ayaan and Humeira simultaneously heaved a sigh of relief.
I know Mr. Khan wants me to honor this marriage, and is unwilling to listen to anything I say at this time, but you know what? He has the right to not marry me, or kick me out of his life and house... but he can not make me do something my heart does not want to.
I have already created such a big mess but now I want to set things right. And, I need your help in this.
Our help? Both Ayaan and Humeira asked as they marveled at the clarity and conviction Zoya was displaying at the moment.
Yes, I want to talk to you something about my future plans and Haseena Bi. And, Najma and Nikhat.
Future Plans? Haseena Bi? Nikhat? Ayaan asked.
Yes, because Mr. Khan does not know about this annulment. Currently I am living in a hotel. He thinks I am coming over to you to make this marriage work. Actually I would have gone back to NY. Even Aapi and Jiju are insisting I go back with them. But, I can't leave the country till this legal matter is sorted. So I have to figure out a way of sustaining myself. Plus I have another pending work here anyway, that I need to take care of. I want a favor from you - please do not tell Mr. Khan about this. I don't want to face him this time, I really set it right.
But, more importantly I want to talk to you about Nikhat and Haseena Bi.
Carry on, I am listening Ayaan said, wondering what about his sister could Zoya possibly want to speak about? Does she know she slit her wrist, he thought? Just then he smiled, as he realized that Humeira, put her hand on his, reassuring him, that she was with him. How relieved he felt, knowing that!!!
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Ayaan, do you know why I was where I was on that fateful day? Running from Tanveer's men. They were after my life.
Ayaan, do you know why I was where I was on that fateful day? Running from Tanveer's men. They were after my life.
Tanveer's men? Quizzed Ayaan, with a puzzled look on his face, as he quickly glanced at Humeira.
Yes. She wants to marry Mr. Khan by hook or by crook, and she thought that killing me might get her closer to her goal.
But, how did she get at Khan Villa? Bhaijaan ne to itni tight security rakhwai hui thi...
Yehi to Ayaan. She did not get to me. I got to her.
Tum pagal to nahi ho gai thi, Zoya... Ayaan said, asserting, without realizing, the right he had on his Mona, his friend.
Shayad ho gai thi Ayaan. It was my mistake to not have been more careful than I was, and even bigger mistake, not to have confided in Mr. Khan... But, at that time, in the nervous anxiety that had taken me over, I could not decide any better. I think, I let Tanveer get under my skin, and did not trust Mr. Khan enough. I should have trusted our love... our faith in each other... I should have ... and Zoya burst crying...
Humeira, consoled her this time, without hesitation, realizing that Zoya never intended to snatch her life, her love from her.
Zoya, stop talking in circles, will you? Ayaan said, not able to understand a bit of what was going on now.
Eventually Zoya stopped sobbing, and revealed everything that happened that night to both Ayaan and Humeira.
Mujhe yaqeen nahi ho raha hai Zoya, ki Imran... Ayaan could barely believe what he had just heard. Khuda ka lakh lakh shukra hai ki Nikhat... and Ayaan stopped realizing that while Nikhat's life had been saved, Najma's had been doomed for life. He also realized, that perhaps it was in Nikhat's best interest that Haseena Bi did call of her alliance with Farhaan too.
So what do you want me to do, Zoya?
For the moment, just carefully talk everyone out of this alliance with Haseena Bi. Nikhat deserves better, Ayaan. I feel sad that she went to this extreme step... But, I am sorry to say that somewhere, all of you are to blame for this, perhaps more than Haseena Bi and Imran.
Ayaan, knew where this was going, but he let Zoya do the talking...
Ayaan... You guys have, without realizing brought Nikhat to this stage... Having led her to believe that her only goal in life is to be accepted by a man in marriage. Ayaan, tum to khud itne independent ho... Kya tum nahi dekh sakte how this pressure has affected her self confidence?
Ek ladki kya sirf is liye janam leti hai ki ek din use apne shohar ke ghar rukhsat kar diya jaye? Uska talent, uski apni pehchaan, uske khwaab kya koi mayne nahi rakhti?
I know that your Ammi worries about her, and wants the best for her... but the best isn't necessarily being forced to believe that her only claim to respect and confidence will be by being a Mrs. Someone... She is a beautiful girl, with immense talent and a very good heart... I saw how she reacted when we were at Haseena Bi's house for Najma's alliance... And, all her family has done to boost her confidence is to push her to accept the next man that shows interest in her? That's not right Ayaan.
Actually somewhere, I feel responsible for whatever happened with Nikhat. Mr. Khan always had an inkling that she is sad and upset, but I brushed it off, said Zoya tearfully; just as Ayaan regretted calling Asad Nikhat's sautela bhai... and flinched his fist in anger...
Humeira, tum to Nikhat se close bhi ho, Zoya turned to her. At this time, may be you can be her support and show her differently? Even you have gone through heart break - but you can be an example to her and teach her, how she needs to look beyond the love of a man? Remember the fashion show? What did I say?
Bas, Zoya. You don't need to say anything. Mujhe ehsaas hai ki hum kahan galat hain... Mujhe ehsaas hai ki mujhe ab kya karna hai... said Ayaan.
Humein kya karna hai... quipped Humeira...
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