Divorce= Child’d feeling hurt

What is love? Is it lust, or surpressing your feelings for the other partner? When people fall in love and then all of a sudden crash from cloud nine to the floor, is it really love? Many love marriges that happen always lead to divorce, why because it was just a mere attraction? When I m talking about love I mean Love between a male and female, not the kind between a father-daughter, etc. the kind a husband and wife share. Why is that when in "love" couples get married and then soon divorce each other and already have a kid, do they even think about their own flesh? Then wouldnt you want to sacrifice just for your own kin the one who lived inside you, the one you waited for all these nine months, the one you went through all that pain for. Whats the use, then you have another fling with a guy/gal, how will your son/daugher react? wont they feel bad that my parents are going out and meeting other people. Wouldnt that hurt them that the two people he/she loves the most cant live him/her together, wont he think he is the cause for your seperation? When he/she grows up will he have respect for relationships? Will he/she respect them or treat relationships like dirt, and dont care about others feelings. How will divorce impact on a kids life??? Please I'd really like to know your views, becuse I know a friend of mine is taing her parents divorce really negativly and doesnt even give a damn about realtionships, doesnt care about others feelings, she cant trust anyone anymore, whay do you think will the outcome of other kids living in a broken family. Oh yes I forgot to mention what about when parent gets married to another person? Will they be able to acept the "step"parent???

Its really sad... unfortunately when two people decide to break off... they won't care much abt that person who is MOST affected, least involved in fights ... and probably given a sort of punishment for nothing

In this case the solution would be a psychaitrist session with the affected child and his/her parents.. Even if the parents can't save their marriage.. they SHOULD take every possible measure to save their child at LEAST!!

Originally posted by: abhijit shukla

• Absolutely worst is to be raised by two parents who do not love each other and yet live togather while quarreling and fighting with each other constantly in presence of their child.

I agree with this point 100%,its better to have no relation then having a compromised relation.Talk to the kid and surely the kids understand.A tensed family environment is worst to raise a kid ,it affects their growth and their performance in all aspects of life.

I have seen an example in real life where the girl does not want to get married or even talk to guys just because she has seen her dad torturing her mom and her mom compromising just for the sake of kids ,this has made such a bad impression about men on her mind and noone is able to talk her out of it.

Originally posted by: abhijit shukla

• Absolutely worst is to be raised by two parents who do not love each other and yet live togather while quarreling and fighting with each other constantly in presence of their child.

I am not being a silent reader so posting to say that I agree to this point 100%😛.

I have quite a lot to say on this as my family situation is a peculiar one.

Although my parents are wonderful people in all respects, they were never happy together. Although there were good moments, there were also plenty of arguements and fights. My mother was emotionally broken. I don't blame my father, I blame other things but she was the one most badly affected.

I was also affected very badly. Since the problems started when I was very young my mind was stamped with eveyrthing. I became very diplomatic, mature and ultra-sensitive very early on.

Yes, things were good for a large part of the time but the underlying tension was always there. It had a bad effect on my mind.

When my mother was broken and came to me when I was very young, say around 5, I was too young to understand and selfishly begged her to stay in the marriage. She did.

Was my mother happy? No. Was I happy? Well yes when i was young but once I understood about divorce I was not. I wished that they separate. But my mother, after hearing my pleas of many years ago, held on to it. Her belief in the saying 'til death do us part' kept us together.

However, finally when things got too much, my mother, along with me, left for India. To put it short, my life after that has changed dramatically. Whether for the good or bad, I don't know. So has everyone else's. Our family have been extrememly supportive and caring and they have been our rock.

I must say, it is much more peaceful with all this newfound calm. However, one thing that has been bothering me is the fact that we are perpetually in a transit lounge so to speak. There has been no divorce and no reconcilation. Sometimes they act married, sometimes they don't. Sometimes I wish they come to a decision; even if it is divorce. I am tired of waiting and I want an end.

I know I was the one keeping thier marriage together for so long. It is the case even today. This is a wonderful post but i don't agree with you on some points. Like I illustrated in my long and boring life story, it is sometims much better for there to be a separation. A marriage cannot work based on kids alone. Sometimes, even now, I wish there is a divorce instead of this constant confusion.

It is wrong to blame parents for not keeping their marriage for their kids. It is unhealthy for everyone.

About feeling guilty, yes I do feel guilty: not for tearing them apart but for forcefully (in a way) keeping them together.

I don't think this has an adverse effect on the child's view on relationships though. Well not much anyway. Sure, I don't want to get married and I hate the word 'in-law' but now I also understand the necessity for love, understanding, independence and for knowing when to quit. I feel a divorce is sometimes necessary.

Thank You

P.S. Please tell me if I have revealed too much - I will edit it. I am sorry if this port offended anyone. Do you guys think it was bad of me to reveal and say all this?

P.P.S. Please don't blame anyone for this as they did the best they could do given the circumstances.

Originally posted by: putturani

I have quite a lot to say on this as my family situation is a peculiar one.

Although my parents are wonderful people in all respects, they were never happy together. Although there were good moments, there were also plenty of arguements and fights. My mother was emotionally broken. I don't blame my father, I blame other things but she was the one most badly affected.

I was also affected very badly. Since the problems started when I was very young my mind was stamped with eveyrthing. I became very diplomatic, mature and ultra-sensitive very early on.

Yes, things were good for a large part of the time but the underlying tension was always there. It had a bad effect on my mind.

When my mother was broken and came to me when I was very young, say around 5, I was too young to understand and selfishly begged her to stay in the marriage. She did.

Was my mother happy? No. Was I happy? Well yes when i was young but once I understood about divorce I was not. I wished that they separate. But my mother, after hearing my pleas of many years ago, held on to it. Her belief in the saying 'til death do us part' kept us together.

However, finally when things got too much, my mother, along with me, left for India. To put it short, my life after that has changed dramatically. Whether for the good or bad, I don't know. So has everyone else's. Our family have been extrememly supportive and caring and they have been our rock.

I must say, it is much more peaceful with all this newfound calm. However, one thing that has been bothering me is the fact that we are perpetually in a transit lounge so to speak. There has been no divorce and no reconcilation. Sometimes they act married, sometimes they don't. Sometimes I wish they come to a decision; even if it is divorce. I am tired of waiting and I want an end.

I know I was the one keeping thier marriage together for so long. It is the case even today. This is a wonderful post but i don't agree with you on some points. Like I illustrated in my long and boring life story, it is sometims much better for there to be a separation. A marriage cannot work based on kids alone. Sometimes, even now, I wish there is a divorce instead of this constant confusion.

It is wrong to blame parents for not keeping their marriage for their kids. It is unhealthy for everyone.

About feeling guilty, yes I do feel guilty: not for tearing them apart but for forcefully (in a way) keeping them together.

I don't think this has an adverse effect on the child's view on relationships though. Well not much anyway. Sure, I don't want to get married and I hate the word 'in-law' but now I also understand the necessity for love, understanding, independence and for knowing when to quit. I feel a divorce is sometimes necessary.

Thank You

P.S. Please tell me if I have revealed too much - I will edit it. I am sorry if this port offended anyone. Do you guys think it was bad of me to reveal and say all this?

P.P.S. Please don't blame anyone for this as they did the best they could do given the circumstances.

First of all Im sorry all this happened to you, and I really dont want to debate this with a person whom it actually happened with becaus eeven if i say somthing accidently you might feel bad.

Putturani... U are very brave 👏 I can't say anything more than that!

Regarding your personal life, its a true picture of a child ... unfortunately its true... its true.

But you actually know the reason why your parents didn't go for a divorce! 😊 We Asians are really fed with this CRAPPY sentence "Don't leave a marriage EVER!!" I ask why? Because of financial dependence? Or this Asian leaving a marriage taboo and the society pressure... or what ... ??? Somebody told me once "Its awful to live in a bad marriage, but to take step for a divorce you need immense strenght"

Alright .. all the ladies of south asian countries think their identity belongs to their husbands... TRUE... BUT WHERE ARE YOU?? YOUR identity? WHO are YOU? What are you? Explore yourself ... you are so precious that you don't need a worthless marriage to hang on.

Back to you Putturani... i think its the best that you face your parents and tell them that please decide something... i know .. im giving a suggestion that requires a lot of bravely, tact, maturity, sensitivity and understanding of the situation. But still... how long would your mother or father go with this. I know .. uncertainity is probably far most disastrous than a tragic incident, Uncertainity is a constant pain. But i believe that children are the only one who can take a step ahead.. either for a patch-up .. or a divorce...

Sorry for going overboard ... but i just couldn't resist after reading your post, Putturani.. Many GOD bless you every happiness in your life. You are Very Brave 👏

Yes the child is most affected when there's a separation. But it think its better the get a divorce then livig with your paretns who cant stand eachother. Relationships always get more complicated wen a child is involved and needs to be taken care of very gently. I think children will get affected no matter what in this situation...parents need to explain it to their kids carefully, so they understand why it happened or is going happen such a divorce. psychaitrist sessions dont help. if two ppl are rly unhappy together...there is no way the child will be happy in that home.

oh n tep parents...well no one can rly ever accept them...most of the time they HATE the step parent...but their are cases when an understanding is reached

i don't know why some parents don't understand or think abt their child. i know sum children who hav this problem n when they come to school they tend to be very moody, sad, inactive, don't concentrate, back in everything n they r like totally not in this world. people like me notice that. if i can notice such things, how come the parents don't notice this about their children? i think its better to not hav parents than having parents who fight, quarrel n spoil ur life.
childhood is the time that everyone enjoys n hav fun. its the most precious time and these parents are just spoiling it!

Originally posted by: abhijit shukla

Best is to be raised by two parents who love each other and live togather in harmony. Second best is to be raised by two best parents who do not love each other but still manage to livetogather in peace. Third best is to be raised by a single parent who is nurturing and lets the child live in peace.
• Absolutely worst is to be raised by two parents who do not love each other and yet live togather while quarreling and fighting with each other constantly in presence of their child.

Well Said Abhijit ji!!