Johnny Lever's Joke Time
This week's Picture Joke:
Joke 1:
Once Bill Clinton invited Lalu Prasad to see his country. Lalu was surprised and asked him how he managed to make so much money in such a small time. Bill Clinton told him: 'Can you see that bridge? 40% money in bridge and 60% in my pocket.'
After a few months, Lalu invited Bill tp India. Bill was surprised by his progress and was forced to ask how he managed to make so much money in such a small time. Laloo took him to an open space and asked: 'can you see that bridge?' Bill answered: 'No, I can't see any bridge, there is no bridge there.' Lalu answered: '100% money in my pocket and no bridge'!
Joke 2:
Having lost his donkey, Santa, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passer-by saw him and asked, 'Your donkey is missing: What are you thanking God for? Santa replied: I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too.'
Joke 3:
There is only one perfect child in world and every mother has it and there is only one perfect wife in world and every neighbour has it!
Tourist: Whose skeleton is this?
Guide: Tipu Sultan
Tourist: Whose is that smaler one ?
Guide: That was Tipus' when he was young
Santa: I'm proud. My son is in medical college of London.
Banta: Good. What is he studying?
Santa: He is not studying. They are studying him.
Joke 4:
BOY :JANEMAN IS DIL ME AAJA
GIRL : CHAPPAL NIKALU KYA ?
BOY : ARRE PAGLI, YE MERA DIL HAI KOI MANDIR NAHI, AISE HI AAJA
Joke 5:
Man: Where were you born?
Sardar: Punjab.
Man: Which part?
Sardar : Punjab
Man : Which part of Punjab?
Sardar: Oye part part kya laga raka hai. My full body was born in Punjab.
Joke 6:
A teacher asks a pupil which kind of skin makes the best shoes?
Pupil: I don't know teacher, but banana skin makes the best slippers.
Father: Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. What should I do?
Doctor: Don't worry. Use a pencil till I get there.
Teacher: What will be the future tense of 'I have committed a robbery?'
Shyam: You will go to jail.
Patient: When I get up in the morning, I feel giddy for half an hour. What should I do?
Doctor: You should get up half an hour late.
Customer: I would like a pepperoni pizza.
Waitress : How many pieces would you like to have your pizza cut into: six or eight?
Customer : You better cut it into six. I don t think I can eat eight
Ajay : How much did you get in your English exam?
Vijay : Only 10 less than what my sister got
Ajay : How much did your sister get.
Vijay : 10.
Why were the tomatoes red?
Because the gardener told them rude stories.
Do you always stammer?
No, only when I speak
What's the best cure for dandruff?
Going bald !
Waiter, waiter, this egg is bad!
Don't blame me, sir! I only laid the table.
Why are you jumping up and down?
I took a medicine and forgot to shake the bottle.
The miser was riding through the town on his horse but he was sitting back to front, that is, he was facing the tail end of
the animal. 'Why are you sitting like that,' asked a passerby. 'This stupid animal swallowed my Re-1 coin!" explained the man. 'And who knows where he will drop it.'
Teacher : Monu, correct this sentence, The bull and the cows are grazing in the field."
Monu : The cow and the bull is grazing in the field.
Teacher : How have you corrected it
Monu : Ladies first.
Joke 7:
A GIRL PROPOSED TO A SARDAR AND SARDAR SAID NO. wHY? 'IN OUR FAMILY, WE MARRY ONLY OUR RELATIVES. MY MOM MARRIED MY DAD, MY BROTHER MARRIED MY BHABHI, MY UNCLE MARRIED MY AUNT AND SO ON. SO PLEASE EXCUSE ME!'
Joke 8:
A Sardarji opens his lunch box in the middle of the road....why ?
Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the office
Two sardars talking during diwali.
1st: Jab phatake phut te hai to Pahle light dhekhai deti hai phir awaz, aisa kyon ?
2nd: Kyonki hamari aankh aage hai aur kaan piche
A woman had eight sons, all named Kevin. On asking how she managed to call one in particular
She replied: That's easy. I call them by their surname !
Man: How was your exam today ?
Sardar: Fine, except for one question which was difficult
Man: Which one ?
Sardar: What is the past tense of THINK ?
I thought...i thought ...i thought about it and wrote THUNK
How do you fit 20 marwadis in a Maruti 800 ?
Throw a 100 rupee note inside
Sardar enters kitchen and opens the sugar box. Sees inside and closes it.
Wife observes the whole episode
Again he comes and does the same stuff.
Wife asks : Why are you doing this?
Sardar replies: Doc told to check sugar level regularly
Once a sardar calls another sardar on the phone and says "Hi, Main Bol Raha Hoon".
The other sardar replies "Kamaal Hain, Ithe Vi Main Bol Raha Hoon!"
A Sardar had called an Englishman for lunch. There was curd on the table. The guest asked: What is this?
The Sardar didn t know English. He said: 'Milk sleeping in night, morning becomes tight'
A sardar was drawing money from ATM. The sardar behind him in the line said, 'Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen your password. It's 4
asterisks(****).
The first sardar replies, 'Ha! Ha! Haaa! You are wrong. Its 1258.'
Teacher: In India, every 10 seconds a woman gives birth to a kid.
Sardar: We must find and stop her!
One Sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
Why?
Because he wanted to check how the question paper is being leaked
Joke 9:
Two men -- one brilliant and one average guy -- were called for a job intreview. The brilliant guy is called in first.
Boss: Who Was The First Prime Minister Of India ?
Applicant 1 : Jawaharlal Nehru
Boss: When Did India Get Freedom From British ?
Applicant 1: Tried in 1857 But Got In 1947
Boss: Is there life on Mars?
Applicant 1: Everyone belives so, but it's not proved yet.
The applicant was asked to wait outside. When he came out, the second applicant asked him: 'What answers did you give? Can you tell him?'
He got the answers and rushed in, without asking the first applicant what the questions were.
Boss: What Is Your Name ?
Applicant 2: Jawaharlal Nehru
Boss: When were you born ?
Applicant 2: Tried in 1857, but got In 1947
Boss: Are You Mad ?
Applicant 2: Everyone belives so, but it's not proved yet.
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