S e p u l t u s
I was definitely in a cemetery. The smell of damp earth, dead flowers and death penetrated my nose making it twitch in repugnance. My eyelids felt heavy and my body stiff. Craning my neck from side to side I felt my muscles relax. A groan escaped my dry bloody lips, before I managed to open an eye. Two pairs stared right back at me. My irises reflected in theirs, just as blank, just as void "Is he awake yet?" A wispy voice called out, merely a whisper. Somewhat of a snakes hiss, the voice was sultry yet cold. "Hmm...I think he is" The voice belonging to the other pair of eyes answers. The voice was deep, and rough. Before I could stop myself my hands reached out to touch the people in front of me. They were cold. Managing to finally open my eyes, I pulled myself up. Yes, definitely a cemetery.
***
I was hugely disappointed with death. I had expected choking flames, deafening screams and excruciating pain. I wanted angels surrounding us, glorious hymns and showering petals. Definitely not this. It was just plain lands, going on and on for miles on end. Squinting my eyes I could see a line of oak trees, dividing the cemetery in half.
"Is he okay? He seems confused" I heard a young voice pipe in; I looked to see a girl in her early twenties. Wrinkles had formed below her eyes which reflected wisdom. I couldn't be sure really, she looked ageless. "Hmm...he probably expected more from death. Typical, didn't we all? I guess this is God's way of punishing us for our misdeeds, an eternity of nothing. So man, what's your name?" I conveniently ignored their questioning; I still couldn't decipher what was happening. A large crowd gathered around me. Their noses high up in the air, arms crossed; looks of ridicule were thrown my way, scorning and mocking my confusion.
The trees dividing the cemetery held my gaze for an unknown reason, "What are the trees separating?" A few seconds later, a man answered me, his tone commanding and authoritative, compelling me to look at him. Age had caught up, white hairs invaded his scalp and marks tainted his pale skin. A silence fell over the crowd, and all eyes turned to him - they were just as mesmerised as I. His demeanour commanded attention "My boy, the trees separate The Others from us - The Sinners. You're here because something is holding you back to this land, you're soul isn't willing to leave."
"But where is here?"
"Nothing. It's nothing"
For my sins, I was charged an eternity of nothingness. Neither was I left to perish nor could I stay in peace with my beloved.
"Who are you?"
"They call me Mentor here"
"Oye, Man!" it was the woman, the one with the snakelike voice. "You haven't told us your name." She forcefully grabbed my arm turning me around to face her, digging her nails into me, yet all I couldn't feel was numbness. I wasn't sure if it was a feeling because it just wasn't there. "Your name?" Her eyes were still void, unlike hers- they were always swarming with emotion. "Does it matter anymore?" I replied genuinely inquisitive. "Well we need to call you something."; "My name no longer holds any substance for me. I do not want the identity, I had created for myself. My name was a lie. It holds no more meaning for me" it was true, what I had said to her. I did not deserve that name. I didn't deserve an identity, when I couldn't have that one person I wanted- needed. Without her, nothing mattered to me anymore.
They had betrayed me. They had told me we would be together in the afterlife. She would be all mine, and only mine. In that life she was deceived and in this life, it is I. What if she believes I left her once more? No she wouldn't, she knows my love for her. She would never believe I have left her, she knows my love is irrevocable. I made sure of it.
"We need to call you something"
"Orpheus"
***
Only a few days after being dead I lost track of time. Time was a measurement I couldn't hold on to. And as time slipped through my fingers, so did my sanity. I sometimes glanced over to the oak trees to see if I could spot her. I was sure she was here, she would have to be. We were meant to be, we had to be together and the Gods couldn't change that. She was mine, and if she couldn't belong to me during our lifetime she had to be mine in the after. I could feel it. The air felt different when I was around her; there was a sudden buzz to the atmosphere. They said we were destined to be with the other, and now, I can't think of it in any other way.
***
"Vikram, she loves you and only you. Don't you see the love in her eyes, the sparkle that only appears when you're around? It's for you dear boy only for you. They're filled with wanting and desire, it's only for you" They had returned after three years, "Yes child, it is true don't you see it? You claim to love her, but you can't read the blatant sentiments she feels for you. You should be ashamed child, to call her your beloved." Staring right back at him with their penetrating gaze, they paralyzed him in place. They were correct like always, Vikram stared back in awe at their wisdom "But she belongs to anot-", "No child, she doesn't. She's yours my boy, only yours. That man stole her from you, forced her apart from her true love ' you. If you love her, you'd bring her back to her true happiness. You'd give her what she wants, and that is being with you"
He felt warm droplets kiss his skin which soon turned to a heavy deluge, the undulating currents of the lake disturbed the image in front of him, and so he walked away from his distorted reflection.
***
I sat by the oak trees from dawn until the darkness took over, waiting for her. I sang songs of love, songs of happiness, and songs of grief. My voice was a charm, a crowd would gather to listen to me. The souls trickled in, gradually turning into a stream of bodies which culminated into a vast sea. They sat around me, listening intently to each word, in a trance. They would be in a hypnotic spell, not blinking, not thinking, and not doing. I knew my voice could enchant any soul, and she would to come to me. I saw the looks they threw my way, the ones of pity. However they didn't know, I'd soon leave- I would find her and we'd leave to be together. I sat in the shade of the oak tree for hours, my eyes only seeking hers. My Eurydice.
***
Those eyes. They were mesmerizing, absolutely mesmerizing. They were the biggest pair of eyes I had ever seen, far too large for her chubby face. They haven't changed a bit, still swarming with emotions. Glinting with mischievousness and mirth. I could still see her smiling her toothless grin, with her chewed, coral coloured lips. Her dimples, sinking into her chubby rose tinted cheeks. She was short for her age, the shortest of the lot with stubby legs and unruly hair. Her hair, they still brought a smile to my lips. Curly and unkempt, swishing wildly as she ran through the wheat fields. She would tie it back in a plait, but it didn't help keep her hair in place. Just like her, the hairs were rebellious.
Just like today, I was sitting under a tree when she first approached me. I was muddy, tattered and unworthy. She was standing outside a street vendor, with her mother. I licked my lips unconsciously, my stomach growling, demanding to be fed. She saw me watching her intently and gave me a smile, a genuine one not one of pity like I usually got, but a smile true from her heart. She snuck away from her mother with a plate of pakoras*. Leaving it by my side, she whispered "Here, quickly it eat it up. I'll bring some water" Smiling again she extended her hand "Hi! I'm Geet" I watched her wide eyed; no one had ever come to me before with such a friendly demeanour. She tilted her head, watching me "Are you dumb?" she asked me, leaning closer to inspect me. Poking me shoulder, I was really frightened then. "So...are you?" I nodded me head in negative, "Well shake my hand and introduce yourself. It's rude, to ignore a girl you know"
I was far too afraid to disobey the girl, so I brought my had towards her "I'm...I...I am...Vi..Vvv..-"
"Geet! Oye, girl! Where have you disappeared?!" An elderly voice interrupted us, I saw her mother walking up to us. Before giving a disapproving look to the both of us she dragged the girl named Geet away, "How many times have I told you to stay away from these filthy children, Geet? You don't listen to me." Her mother scolded Geet, because of me. I felt guilt stirring up in my stomach, and I drew my limbs close to me, shuffling back until my back hit the tree. "But Ma-", "No Geet, enough is enough. You're no longer going to talk to these street kids. If you disobey me, I'll be compelled to tell your grandfather" "No mom, I'm sorry I promise not to"
And they disappeared off.
I didn't see her until a week later; she was sitting on the steps of her school talking and laughing with the other young girls. She was so jovial and fresh, her eyes sparkling with youth. I sat outside the gates watching her. A dog walked up to her, hungry and filthy. She bent down, and petted the stray. Getting out something from her bag, far too large for her small form, she fed the dog. She was compassionate and kind, unlike any other child. They were selfish and cruel; they would mock me for no fault of my own. I was just a lost boy with unfortunate luck. As she walked out the school gates with a younger boy, maybe a few years younger than us, barely four, she saw me. I watched wide eyed, waiting for her reaction. Was she going to ignore me or acknowledge my presence? She just turned around and walked away in the opposite direction. But not before bestowing me with a smile.
This carried on for the next six months. I would wait for her to come out, she would smile and leave. I didn't know why this simple action warmed the pit of my stomach, leaving a fuzzy feeling. An indescribable feeling. The feeling was far greater than words. Sometimes I would smile back. Sometimes. When she was alone and there was no one there scrutinising her or me. Sometimes she would wave too. Sometimes.
Six months and three days later I was kicked out. A mother complained to the head teacher about the 'grubby orphans' being a bad influence on her children. We were thrown out like dirt, were warned to stay away from the school premise or they'd call the cops. I realised I had no worth, especially not enough worth to be friends with her. She was beautiful, wealthy, and influential. I still waited for her though, hiding under the bushes.
For the first few days she looked out for me, sat outside waiting for me. The feeling returned my insides were once again warm.
Though, after a couple of days she gave up. She no longer waited for me; I had once again faded back to nothing. For I, seeing her was satisfaction enough, I didn't need her acknowledgement because I knew I was in her thoughts. Once every now and then I would see her eyes wondering, I could sense the restlessness. It was I she was looking for I was sure of it.
Watching her everyday was not just a hobby anymore, it was a need. She had become a drug which I couldn't get enough of, I was addicted. I saw her aging, from a jovial young girl to becoming a mature yet childish young woman. Her beauty intensified with each passing year. She had utmost grace and poise; she was as swift as the wind. I would watch her walk away with the sway of her hips, swinging side to side. My life was owned by Geet, she was all I wanted, all I needed. She soon became my necessity and each moment with her became torment. I could no longer stay away from her, and so I followed her wherever she went.
On starless murky nights, I would sit outside the Handa Haveli*, directly under her window, behind the rose bushes. I would watch her absently stare out the window, feeling the wind blow across her complexion, teasing her dark terraces. If fortunate, she would sing. Not very often. Her voice was a rare jewel, it was exceptional. Yet what attracted me wasn't her voice it was the air of melancholy she carried. She was no longer the young free girl; she was a caged bird waiting to be set free. A princess locked up in her tower waiting for her prince, which was I. The time was just not ready yet. Her voice was a salve to my anguished mind. Occasionally, I would sing with her, the enchantment of her voice would compel me too. I'd close my eyes and set my soul free. And at that very moment I knew she was my Eurydice.
***
The damp tracks on my cheeks had brought me out of my reverie. "You shouldn't feel, you know? It's what is holding you back" It was that same old man, the one named Mentor. He stepped away from the crowd and sat in front of me. Reaching out, he wiped my tears of grief. "It's these tears that are keeping you here, boy. You have to move on"
"How can I move on? How can Orpheus go without his Eurydice, I'll perish without her. I'd be nothing. Once Aristaeus had stolen my beloved, death can't part us."
He scrutinized me for a few moments before continuing. No longer interested in our talks, the crowd had moved away by then. "Boy, this isn't love, its foolishness. You're a fool, a mad fool" Unshed tears filled my eyes, "You wouldn't understand, no one can understand. I've given my heart away, and there is no way to retrieve it."
He patted my cheeks before getting up and walking a way, throwing a pitiful glance towards me he left me alone.
***
Days or hours or minutes had passed when the sun was high up in the air. The ball of fire illuminated the grounds of the dead, who said the perished didn't need light? But I could feel it. I could feel the darkness lurking behind the trees, stealthy waiting to creep up on us and devour the light in its darkness.
It was just another day; I was sitting under the same oak tree I had the day before, seeking its shade and staring out into the labyrinth of green waiting for her. Seeking those same pairs of eyes and this time I found them.
Staring back at me, they were unmistakeably those eyes; I could never forget them, except the face did not belong to my Eurydice. It was pale and ugly, as ugly as the emotions I saw glinting in those eyes of hers.
Edited by Boogleton.Schiz - 13 years ago
Anupamaa
