DOES CLASS MATTER WHEN DECIDING MARRIAGE - Page 3

Originally posted by: Deepa_iyer

These thoughts came to me while watching the episode yesterday.

Ila was hell-bent on not allowing the armaan-jassi union to take place, and it was mainly because Jassi was not of their class......She was able to accept the fact that her daughter had a marriage life gone all awry. She is able to accept the fact that her daughter-in-law-to-be has committed some serious crimes for which technically she could go to prison. But she cannot accept Jasmeet Walia as her son's bride as she was just a maamooli secretary.....

Excellent BL, Beagle, Rupal, Lash!

I am glad you brought this up, Lash. I was scandalized when Ila talked about class and thought it unfair to her son and Jassi.

But, I then put myself in the shoes of Ila's and those of Kekta's mothers-in-law who make the lives of their Bahus hell merely because they hail from a different class.

How would I feel if my son married the daughter of my maid or my brother married my Driver's Bhathiji?

Would I be able to accept them as a part of my family, even though the girls are fully qualified to be on equal footing with every daughter of my house and their men love them like crazy?

Though I talk, dream and vouch for a classless society, I am afraid the very thought was unacceptable to me.

You see, this class consciousness is impressed upon our minds, even while we are in our cradles. We grow up religiously believing this, following this and passing it on to the next generation and encourage them to do the same.

Why cannot Ila accept Jassi? I saw fear, insecurity in her very being as she pondered over having to accept the middle-class tramp as her daughter-in-law and she told her daughter that if this marriage takes place, she will lose her son.

She knows next to nothing about the girls of that class to which Jassi belongs and as she was taught that middle-class girls are notorious for husband hunting and scheming tactics, she is scared that Jassi belongs to the same genre. This idea is strengthened by the fact that Jassi was able to do the impossible and change Armaan Suri and now has him swirling to her tunes.

It doesn't mater to Ila that Jassi is the famous supermodel, Jessica Bedi or that Jassi is the legal owner of Gulmohur or that her son's face is glittering like Gold after ages because he is with the woman he truly loves or that her son was ready to kill himself for his ex-secretary's sake or that he was a living corpse without this middle-class tramp.

I don't approve of this at all but it's the truth all the same.

A thousand pities that two people who truly love each other are not allowed to get together merely because they do not meet the standards that this hypocritical society has set for a union between a man and a woman and which are supposedly more important than their love for each other.

Now obviously this is a slightly skewed version of reality

....However, the Indian society is known to have very strict ideals when it comes to marraige...i.e. that one must get married only within the chosen/allowed perimeters (caste/sub-caste) of society. In the long run, generally family ties between couples who have undergone arranged marriages may seem smoother as it has taken place sorely with the permission of the adults in the household....Indians also respect arranged marriages as they feel it is the best way to preserve their respective cultures. People married within the same class/caste lead daily lives in a similar fashion, understand each other better even before getting started, celebrate the same festivals in the same fashion, follow the same ideals i.e .........overall the number of compromises made by the bride and groom is far lesser ....

I think our Indian society has always played safe by being practical, as far as marriages are concerned. Because, no doubt that people who have grown up in a similar fashion, in a similar environment, sharing the same culture and same food habits are less likely to face marital incompatibility.

Like you said Lash, they will have less number of compromises to make and will also enjoy the unconditional support of their families which otherwise will be denied them. An arranged marriage seems to enjoy a better success rate.

But, isn't marriage an adventure? A different experience? Is it necessary to make it akin to a business proposition, where you analyze the pros and cons, validate the success rate of the marriage and then unite the bride and groom in holy wedlock? Is marriage just the means to give birth to a new generation?

I have heard Oldies say you fall in love with your husband after your marriage and since you fall in love anyway, why go through the torture of falling in love with somebody who doesn't meet your family's approval and go against your family and risk losing their trust, love and support.

I believe that a man and a woman must be given the choice to choose his or her life-partner even if their decision is wrong. It's a beautiful and unique relationship that ought to be earned.

I am not against arranged marriages but love marriages shouldn't be grudge either and must be given a chance.

on the other hand..................

Do you think love is stronger than any family ties?

As society is mordernizing, do you think love marriages between different classes/religions/castes can exist as harmoniously as people married within the same class/caste/religion?

If your parents/family were totally against the person you loved as they were from a different class/religion/caste would you forsake one for the other and which one?

And lastly in trying to preserve one's race so strictly, do you think asians have become racist?

When you do discuss the pros and cons of this discussion, please do not mention one off examples and keep the discussion general......otherwise it may tend to skew the outcome.

The love you feel for your family is different from the love you will feel for your man.

They are two different types of love. Both are important and complete you in different ways. There cannot and should not be a choice between them.

I strongly believe that love marriages have as much chance to stand the test of time as much as arranged marriages but the success of any relationship largely depends on the individuals in it.

Love or arranged, the couple must be willing to make sacrifices, compromises and understand that nothing is more precious than their love. There will be differences, bickering and several other impediments; especially in a love marriage and it is all the more difficult to sustain it as you may not exactly enjoy the complete support of your family. The couple has to tackle them all, with a cartain maturity of mind, encouraging each other, uplifting each other, while at the same time maintaining their individuality and respecting and accepting their differences and that inspite of being one, they are two different individuals.

Having been spoilt on M n Bs, I have always secretly wanted to run away and get married!

Unfortunately, my parents are very understanding and liberal and I don't think I will have to undergo the torture of having to choose between my family and my love.

As far as preserving our race is concerned, I think it is natural and justified. As Chinua Achebe said that Africans have to practice a different kind of racism called noegroism to counterattack the prevailing racism against them in the same way, we Asians tend to be fiercely protective of our race and culture as an alien culture is claiming itself upon ours. The new generation is an example of this fact.

ARMAAN AND JASSI BELONG TO EACH OTHER!

THOUSAND CURSES TO WHOEVER COMES IN BETWEEN THEIR LOVE!

Very profound and well though out...BTW...do you read Achebe? Ive read two of his books and absolutely loved them...Arrow of God and things fall apart...both were beautiful books