It's always darkest before dawn

The current Samrat Gunjan track is THE most serious track in MJHT ... for those who feel that this doesn't belong in a youth show, I'd just like to say that RTA's - Road Traffic accidents - are the leading cause of death in young people in many countries the world over.
This post is for those people who have experienced loss in their own lives ... I saw some posts in the forum which touched me deeply, and I too, have been touched by young deaths among family and friends more than once. The pain never completely goes away.

The Psychology of death - six stages of grief

Shock - a feeling of numbness, disbelief, unreality ... as though looking at the death through an invisible glass pane, insulated from the feelings surrounding it.

Denial - not accepting that the death has taken place, hoping it is just a bad dream and when you wake up, everything will be 'normal'. Until this phase is passed, and the fact of death is accepted, healing cannot start.

Anger - Why did this happen? It's not fair. Associated feelings - guilt, blame, both self-blame - if I hadn't done this, he/she would still be alive. Or blaming someone else - family, doctors, God ... Anger also against the world in general - how can the world go about their business when this has happened, how dare anyone else be happy when my world has come crumbling down ...

Mourning - the longest phase, can last for years, associated with periods of depression, crying for no apparent reason, continued feeling of guilt, loneliness.

Recovery - the final phase. Some people say this never completely happens. One never completely recovers from a death of a loved one. It brings a lasting change, and the pain never completely goes away. One never forgets a loved one. But at some point we re-establish our lives and move ahead, and the pain can be subdued and hidden. It will still surface at odd moments, but it stops taking over our lives and allows us to carry on living, even allows us to find happiness again.

MJHT

Mayank - of the three affected, he is closest to recovery. Maybe because he lost only one person, his wife. Maybe because he has the happiest memories of their time together. Maybe because his feelings are not tinged with guilt, or not as much as the other two's are. He will always mourn, but he is prepared to forgive and move on. Especially as he sees the true penitence of Samrat and the hell he is living in.

Gunjan - stuck in a place between denial and anger. She doesn't want to believe that her sister is no longer there. And she is angry ... she feels Nups' death was avoidable, had Samrat listened to her. Her anger and her grief find an outlet in blame ... it is easier to blame Samrat for what happened, to think that her sister could have survived IF ... because if she gives way to her grief, she will collapse. She knows that Nupur is gone, but she needs someone to blame still. She is most in need of her own counselling, because she hasn't allowed herself to accept the reality of Nupur's death. Or allowed herself to grieve fully. Until she forgives Samrat, she will never heal. And because she is angry, she is punishing him in the way she know will hurt him the most - by staying away from him. He killed her sister, she is killing him - slowly.

The only way I see her healing is either by letting go of her emotions completely, by breaking down which she hasn't let herself do so far and by accepting that it was Nups' time to go ... Samrat was just the medium. The Hindu philosophy of death really does help at times like this.
Or ... more dramatic ... if Samrat dies, or attempts to kill himself, and she is stricken by the same guilt that he has been living with - that she caused his death as surely as she feels he caused Nupur's. If she goes through what he went through when she was hit by the bullet and knows what it would be like to lose him forever. And suffer the guilt pangs of that on her conscience forever.
At the moment, she knows he loves her, she knows also that her feelings for him are a mixture, a confused morass of love and hate. And intertwined - her own guilt, could she have stopped it? Could she have insisted more that Samrat slow down, could she have done anything which might have saved Nupur?

But what if it had been the other way around? What if Samrat had died in that accident? Who would she have blamed? Her sister and Mayank - for making him take that drive to the airport? For urging him to drive fast? Blame and guilt won't bring Nupur back ... they will only make the lives of the rest a living death. And until Gunjan realises this, she and Samrat can never get back together, she can never get back to living.

Samrat - his feelings have been shown - nothing more to add. He is in mourning, in a self-created hell of guilt and self-blame, a hell which just deepened with the realisation of Gunjan's hate. At one stroke he lost his love, his best friend, and a girl who was both friend and family. Triple loss, no support. He can't heal till both Mayank and Gunjan forgive him - Mayank has started, but when will Gunjan?

Tough track, no easy answers. I can see how Mayank and Samrat can heal ... but Gunjan?

excellent post .........hope all of them recover soon......i understand what you are trying to say that this is by far the most serious track....and yes it is but we in our lifes have many other things to take tension about and we watch this serial to forget all of our tensions.....but this track is not making us happy but giving us more tension as what will happen....when will they be together...when will they forgive and most importantly when will nupur comeback...so that is the reason why most of us don't like season 2 that much...although it is very realistic and i agree with each every point of yours 😊

Thanks for agreeing ... true, this track is very tense and serious ... hope the CV's don't drag it for too long, because it's too emotionally draining to watch for a long time. Even though I wanted them to show it in a realistic way, I agree that it should not carry on for too long. We need at least one love story to have a happy ending before the new ones start.

edit: Awesome and such a thought-provoking post Diya....

I haven't really been able to decide whose loss is greatest... In terms of relationships, probably Gunjan's lost the most... She lost her sister, her best friend, someone who had taken care of her since childhood and she lost Samrat -someone she was going to spend the rest of her life with.

And I think for Gunjan the hardest fact is, that Samrat was on the wheel when the accident happened.... And that's why she chooses to blame him. Because she's never really come to terms with the fact that Nupur died. For the first time, I feel Gunjan is running away. She left three years ago without saying anything because everything, specially Samrat reminds her of her sister. Which is why she also chose to settle down in a different city altogether. She's the one whose actually the most in need of a shoulder to cry on because she's kept all the grief locked up inside her. She needs to get it out desperately, it's killing her everyday.

What she doesn't realise is that destiny makes things happen. If Nupur had to die, she would die no matter what. She has to face the problem, she has to come to terms with the fact that Nupur's gone and it's not Sam's fault. Breaking all ties, or isolating herself from everyone will only aggravate her pain and suffering. She needs to share it with someone and that has to be Samrat.

For Samrat, you're so right.... He's not only under the depression of Nupur's death but the added burden of guilt, the feeling that he's hurt Gunjan again, and this time taken away someone so precious to her, the guilt of not being there with her when she was at her worst.....

They both need to realise that it was no one's fault. What they need to do is move on. And that's the hardest part.

BEAUTIFUL post diya ..

wit nupur gone..an entire era of their life is over..and entire part of "THEM" is gone..its dead wit nupur..they are alive..but not completely .. but they have to LIVE .. and to live, they have to accept that things will not be the same anymore ..

like I said before, for me, sam's pain and grief is much higher than mayank's or gunjan's even tho their loss is greater than his .. this is because, they have been there for each other thru all these three yrs of hell that they spent .. and they atleast had a shoulder to cry on ..

sam had none .. not only did he lose out on his chashmish, he made her lose out on sister, her mom .. but he himself also lost one of his closest friends .. his other close frined tunred into a widower ..and worst of all, he is responsible, whether in whatever tiny amounts from bringing this hell onto all of them .. he is living in the worst kind of survivor's guilt EVER ..he cant die-because he cannot hav it too easy..he cant live-because his guilt is killing him slowly ..

its VERY difficult to get him out of this living hell .. and he's had NO ONE uptil now to support him ..

and like I said after our long discussion yest .. I think the main thing that all three of them are trying to do here .. mayank, sam and gunjan .. is to "try and make things right" .. whereas, they all need to accept the fact that things are never going to be right again .. they jus wont be the same anymore ...they all need to accept this .. because thats life .. life goes on..and u go on wit it ..

and again..gunjan is living in a totally different kind of hell ..

she has faced her pain..her grief..she is facing it everyday..cuz how can u jus NOT face the fact that a part of u isnt ther anymore? that u hav to live jus like this now .. wit a part of u gone..that part of u, that in a way, made u? she is a counsellar so that via her own grief, she can probably understand other ppl's grief more .. she can made them live again..make them move on in their life ..

while she knows its wrong to blame sam for whatever she has done..she cant not blame him! because in all such cases our heart rules our mind .. and her heart beats stronger for nupur than sam at the moment .. naturally so! nupur has been a part of her much before sam entered her life .. and wit her gone..she sumhow has no reason left to live ..but she has to..because that was wht her sister wud hav wanted her to do too .. yest's mayank-gunjan convo was sooo touching ..

and I believ her when she said yest, that "woh samrat aur woh gunjan jo samrat se pyaar karti thi..unhone bhi usi wqat dam tod diya tha..jab di ne akhri saas li.." because a part of them is dead..and it wont return .. their lives hav changed completely .. and I think she has faced this change..but not accepted it ..

like u said, diya, Mayank is the closest to recovery .. and its true .. because, its not like he has a NEED to blame sam, like gunjan has .. he accepted for the first time yest, that himself did tell sam to drive the car a bit fast .. so it wasnt entirely sam's fault .. but then again, blaming sumbody is easy than living and facing ur own pain and grief ..

soo, mayank is probably the closest to recovery and its gonna be easy for him..because he has happy memories of nupur..and she has been a gulding light in his life uptil now .. her soul guiding him whenever he thought he was going wrong..her soul guided him to excel too and her soul will now guide him to his own recovery too .. so everytime M is imagining nupur as her soul, its actually his own conscience I feel .. where he is questioning himself..am I doing the right thing? shud I forgive sam for what he did? and this war of his wont last fr long .. because he has realised the hell that sam's been living thru too ..

once he forgives sam .. his recovery process is almost done .. because there really is nothing left in him that hasnt recovered..he has channelised his anger/grief of nups' death into his academics .. and thanks to nupur's happy memories..he is alive .. and he wud start living once he forgives sam ..

Originally posted by: shruti.nil

awesum post...amnd hats off to you!!....and i agree....for gunjan it will be the most difficlut she is stuck between denail and anger......thats why shes venting of her anger on samrat..beacuse on the basis of IF!!.....i strongly belive in destiny,karma....and there are SOMETHINGS in life that are completly unavoidable-they are just meant to happen.....i have seer blood in my mothers family and they can see such stuff....sometimes somethings arent in our control....so rather than accepting that whay happened was meant to be,we balme someone....
id like to see how they show gunjan getting out it....cos for her its the most difficult....
i hope the cvs handel this track well!!!

thanks, shruti ... true, for gunjan, it's the most difficult to move on ... how CAN she move on when someone who was almost a part of her is gone, someone who was the closest to her in every way, sister, friend, mother-figure ... her anger is a way for her to vent, to stop herself from giving way completely ...
I've also seen incidents like this from very close up, and it's very difficult to get over the loss ... in fact, one can never get over it completely, but one does move on ... one has to, because life goes on and at some point you have to rejoin the living. Talk about forgive and forget - Gunjan will never forget, but she has to forgive ... and sometimes forgiving is the most difficult thing to do.

Diya!! awesome post!! after reading this...i really don't know what to say...i'm too choked up at the moment!! all i can say is...beautiful post...well said...and i agree with everything u said!! hope the CVs handle and end this track with as much beauty as they did during the SaJan- Neil track....and i hope its soon!! i won't be able to take too many of such scenes like y'day...they're too emotional...and moreover MoNaya act a bit too well in these kind of scenes!!