It's always darkest before dawn - Page 2

Originally posted by: DiyaS

thanks, shruti ... true, for gunjan, it's the most difficult to move on ... how CAN she move on when someone who was almost a part of her is gone, someone who was the closest to her in every way, sister, friend, mother-figure ... her anger is a way for her to vent, to stop herself from giving way completely ...
I've also seen incidents like this from very close up, and it's very difficult to get over the loss ... in fact, one can never get over it completely, but one does move on ... one has to, because life goes on and at some point you have to rejoin the living. Talk about forgive and forget - Gunjan will never forget, but she has to forgive ... and sometimes forgiving is the most difficult thing to do.

@ bold : and especially when she has to choose between forgiving sam for killing nupur? thats the worst kind of choice EVER! like I said, in the song kitni baatein .. "saanson mein jaise ghulta hain dhuaan.." its like wit every breath she takes, she is feeling suffocated..everyday, thinking of what she is gonna do..how she is gonna live .. she has managed to survive uptil now .. and that was because she managed to stay away from one of the two reasons for her grief..

but whenever she faces sam, she faces that day of her life .. for her, forgiving sam is equaivalent to forgetting that nupur is a part of her..and she cant do that EVER!

u kno..I heard abt this music video ( thank god I never saw it and wud never intend to see it ) I dunno why the hell ppl make such depressing music videos .. but anyways, in that case .. ther was this couple that was walking down the road on a footpath..doing their usual fights and masti .. and masti-masti mein .. this girl pushes the guy playfully .. and the guy actually lands in the middle of the road and gets killed in the road accident ..

shit! I mean..I cant even imagine the kind of HELL ( even thats like an understatement ) that the girl wud hav gone thru later on .. who wud hav thought a playful push of hers wud actually take away his life? but then again, such music videos are an inspiration of the real life .. and RTAs are the worst kinds of accidents EVER! because ur life jus changes in a fraction of a second .. ek sec pehle u are happy .. ek sec baad..ur entire world is turned upside down .. u dont kno whats happening .. u jus wish u had the time turner from the HP series so that u cud go back in time and reverse things..but even JK says, death cannot be avoided .. if its meant to happen .. it will happen .. and that u cant stop is when it comes ..

Originally posted by: mads

BEAUTIFUL post diya ..

wit nupur gone..an entire era of their life is over..and entire part of "THEM" is gone..its dead wit nupur..they are alive..but not completely .. but they have to LIVE .. and to live, they have to accept that things will not be the same anymore ..

like I said before, for me, sam's pain and grief is much higher than mayank's or gunjan's even tho their loss is greater than his .. this is because, they have been there for each other thru all these three yrs of hell that they spent .. and they atleast had a shoulder to cry on ..

sam had none .. not only did he lose out on his chashmish, he made her lose out on sister, her mom .. but he himself also lost one of his closest friends .. his other close frined tunred into a widower ..and worst of all, he is responsible, whether in whatever tiny amounts from bringing this hell onto all of them .. he is living in the worst kind of survivor's guilt EVER ..he cant die-because he cannot hav it too easy..he cant live-because his guilt is killing him slowly ..

its VERY difficult to get him out of this living hell .. and he's had NO ONE uptil now to support him ..

and like I said after our long discussion yest .. I think the main thing that all three of them are trying to do here .. mayank, sam and gunjan .. is to "try and make things right" .. whereas, they all need to accept the fact that things are never going to be right again .. they jus wont be the same anymore ...they all need to accept this .. because thats life .. life goes on..and u go on wit it ..

thanks, mads ... after our long discussion yesterday, all this was churning in my mind 😕

@red ... i keep shifting between who is worse off ... samrat or gunjan ... while Samrat is definitely in his own personal hell, created from both his feelings of guilt and self-blame, and his loneliness, Gunjan is caught in a hellish situation too ... and although she did have Mayank, I get the feeling that she froze herself off ... her first reaction was to comfort Mayank, not to break down herself, and I think that is where she has been living for the last three years. TRYING to be strong, to hold herself together ... the field that she chose to go into shows the same thing ... that she's trying to help others, which you can only do if you're sorted out yourself, right? But she's not sorted out, not fully ... hasn't even started. She's always been the type to hide her deepest emotions, here again she's tucked away her grief and only allows it to come forward as anger ... she's trying to be strong, but is she really?

@blue - yes, that's the thing ... they all have to accept that things will never be the same again, they can never go back to those carefree happy days ... life moves on, the river only flows forward, never backwards ... and you have to move with it if you want to go on living. Or you choose the easy way out ... jump off a cliff and end it all ...

Diya deeply moving post ... so true Diya the loss of a loved one kills a part of you and you are stuck inside it forever especially if you feel you have apart to play in it

this is an experience - a reality i would like to share here publicly on this forum - guys dont take this as a fictional thing i came up with it's real

when someone u love so much dies ... a part of u dies with them but what kills u is the guilt ...which you may have if u feel that loss was caused by you or as i said u played a part in it

the story i am abt to share is of 2 brothers - the elder was 26 and married - his wife expecting their first child 3 months pregnant - the younger 22 - both brothers worked together and owned a traveling business
the elder brother was to leave on a tour - for business - however the younger insisted he'd go - he wanted to see the new place besides he didnt want bhabhi to be without his elder bro esp as the first 3 months are said to be more crucial - the elder tried explained ; the bhabhi to said she was fine however the younger one was adamant finally he won
he left for the tour 3 days later only to die in a freak road accident - electrocuted due to a wire from an electric pole struck by lightning in heavy rainfall hitting the bus he traveled in killing him in an instant the next day itself

the elder one was grieved depressed and shattered his bro's death made him blame himself so much so he'd isolate himself from even his wife thou she was pregnant - depression and tension developed high BP problems for him at such a young age too for the next 6 months their lives were lost in a dark hole

later the wife delivered a baby girl - whose presence - whose coming in their lives changed the things and their happiness slowly returned .. the bro could get over his grief as in the face of his daughter he found a new reason for living ... a new hope - which is sometimes all u need

Originally posted by: -Drishti-

Diya!! awesome post!! after reading this...i really don't know what to say...i'm too choked up at the moment!! all i can say is...beautiful post...well said...and i agree with everything u said!! hope the CVs handle and end this track with as much beauty as they did during the SaJan- Neil track....and i hope its soon!! i won't be able to take too many of such scenes like y'day...they're too emotional...and moreover MoNaya act a bit too well in these kind of scenes!!

@bold - VERY true, drishti ... Monaya act far toooo well in these scenes ... can't handle it!!! It's actually emotionally draining to watch this track ... I NEED some happy Sajan scenes ... and SOON!!!!!! I just hope the CV's give this track an awesome ending ... the way they're carrying it forward deserves nothing less!

Originally posted by: DiyaS

thanks, mads ... after our long discussion yesterday, all this was churning in my mind 😕

@red ... i keep shifting between who is worse off ... samrat or gunjan ... while Samrat is definitely in his own personal hell, created from both his feelings of guilt and self-blame, and his loneliness, Gunjan is caught in a hellish situation too ... and although she did have Mayank, I get the feeling that she froze herself off ... her first reaction was to comfort Mayank, not to break down herself, and I think that is where she has been living for the last three years. TRYING to be strong, to hold herself together ... the field that she chose to go into shows the same thing ... that she's trying to help others, which you can only do if you're sorted out yourself, right? But she's not sorted out, not fully ... hasn't even started. She's always been the type to hide her deepest emotions, here again she's tucked away her grief and only allows it to come forward as anger ... she's trying to be strong, but is she really?

@blue - yes, that's the thing ... they all have to accept that things will never be the same again, they can never go back to those carefree happy days ... life moves on, the river only flows forward, never backwards ... and you have to move with it if you want to go on living. Or you choose the easy way out ... jump off a cliff and end it all ...

oh I think gunjan is very strong .. lol, like I said my perspective differs here, mayb based on what I hav wanted to see .. 😳 so yaa, I think she has faced her pain..completely .. or like ashu put in yest..almost all of the holes hav healed..except one which she has kept closed .. and unless, she opens that hole, it wont even begin healing .. as far as her sister's loss is concerned .. she has accepted it ..she is trying to deal wit it in her own way .. but wher sam is concerned ..she doesnt wanna even venture into that area, because its HELL for her .. its like, going back to sam means she creates her dreamland by stepping on her sister's grave ..and she ofcourse cannot tolerate that .. thats why she has kept that hole closed ..and u kno what, she might have survived like that too .. albeit, not too happily, but she might have survived like that..had she not met sam at all in her life too ..

whereas sam has been living wit jus this hope that he can relive atleast sum of his chashmish's pain and grief..that he himself had given her .. because thats the reason he was alive..everytime he was close to dying..she came and stopped him..because he wasnt meant to die, in order to console her grief? or because he cudnt have it so easy?

yes..they all are trying to make things right -

Sam, by hoping that he gets a chance to console both M and G .. by turning rohan-a guy who reminds him of his carefree days into a disciplined young fellow .. and by trying/attempting to take himself away from this earth so that the earth might be a happy place then on, for atleast M and G ..

Mayank, by engineering cars that can avoid brake failures..by trying to make things go back to normal .. by hoping ki the next time something like this happens..he wud b atleast one of the reasons to avoid it .. and make sure nobody else has to go thru the same kind of hell tht he had to ..

Gunjan, by staying away from sam and her dreams .. thinking that, if that cannot get her sister back..atleast she cud get "justice" for her sister's death ..by staying away from the reason because of which her sister isnt ther in this world anymore .. and by reliving others' pain and grief .. because via that, she can deal wit hers too .. and try moving on .. like she said "maine haar nahin maani..koshish abhi bhi jaari hain.."

Originally posted by: mads

u kno..I heard abt this music video ( thank god I never saw it and wud never intend to see it ) I dunno why the hell ppl make such depressing music videos .. but anyways, in that case .. ther was this couple that was walking down the road on a footpath..doing their usual fights and masti .. and masti-masti mein .. this girl pushes the guy playfully .. and the guy actually lands in the middle of the road and gets killed in the road accident ..

shit! I mean..I cant even imagine the kind of HELL ( even thats like an understatement ) that the girl wud hav gone thru later on .. who wud hav thought a playful push of hers wud actually take away his life? but then again, such music videos are an inspiration of the real life .. and RTAs are the worst kinds of accidents EVER! because ur life jus changes in a fraction of a second .. ek sec pehle u are happy .. ek sec baad..ur entire world is turned upside down .. u dont kno whats happening .. u jus wish u had the time turner from the HP series so that u cud go back in time and reverse things..but even JK says, death cannot be avoided .. if its meant to happen .. it will happen .. and that u cant stop is when it comes ..

Shoot ... why would anybody make such a video??!!!!! 😕

@bold - You bet - when i read about the time turner, I felt it was the most brilliant of ALL of JK Rowling's inventions 😆 but that's the thing, right ... death is inevitable, and so is the timing ... when it's your time, you will go ... and nothing can change that ... and when it's a tragic, untimely death like Nups, or any other young death, that's all you can tell yourself for comfort ... because you can't go back and change things, so you just have to move forward.

edited my post on Pg. 1....

I hate to write here cos for me season 2 doesnt exist and MN are over at the end of season 1. Not just denial, its a way to live..to think Nupur is no more is next to impossible for me..so I dont really think that..

I'd like to add a few points on what Mayank is going through though..

Originally posted by: myownarea

I hate to write here cos for me season 2 doesnt exist and MN are over at the end of season 1. Not just denial, its a way to live..to think Nupur is no more is next to impossible for me..so I dont really think that..

I'd like to add a few points on what Mayank is going through though..

Assuming Nupur has disappeared into thin air..

For Mayank, who was once focussed on only his studies, life was pretty dull and straight forward, he was emotionally stable, loved his mother, dint face too many issues in life, except he never thought of living life like a normal collegep- goer..this is ofcourse until Nupur came into his life.

They supposedly hated each other on the surface, but there was an undeniable attraction. As much as he hated to admit it he was always intrigued by her, his complete opposite, she filled his life with extreme emotions, she brought vibrancy and joy, pain and unhappiness in equal measure..

they say u cant really feel the happiness unless you feel pain. She brought emotional turmoil into his life as he fell in love and tried to ignore it and then tried to live without love. Touched by love it was not long before he felt the extreme happiness of being in love and being loved and the other extreme of the pain of separation. After nearly losing her to someone else in marriage when he actually got married to her, he felt such extreme relief that he was extremely tolerant to the extreme emotions she was going through..the way the marriage happened to their life together as a married couple actually brought a different dimension to their bond. I always thought marriage gives that added touch in a relationship because actually living with a person 24 /7 changes a lot of things and yeah, it also smoothens out a relationship many a times.. as they lived together, fought, loved , misunderstood each other and finally understood each other, they did reach a stage were living without each other becomes something unthinkable...

The very problem with Mayank is that ..that very part of his life that made it worth living is no more..no matter what happens , he cant be normal ever again..its like being touched by the brightest star and then the star just disappears ,,just like that leaving you in darkness...

your life changes from bright, colourful and unpredictable to dull drab abd lifeless...

There is no real recovery for MAyank Sharma, for he has been touched by love of the unique Nupur Bhushan at a young impressionable age ...Life will move on and so will he, but somewhere in his heart, there will be a lifelong ache that can never go away...ever...

Just my thoughts Diya!!

--Divya

@ bold : yup divya .. like they said in the recovery phase .. ther IS no real recovery .. because life jus wont be the same anymore for him .. a part of him has been chopped off in an instant leaving him incomplete for life .. its this life long ache, like u said..thats gonna stay wit him..that has no solution..no recovery ..

but recovery, in this situation, didnt mean going back to normalcy..I think it meant accepting the change .. rather, facing it and living it .. and mayank has been doing that everyday .. and he is alive .. but isnt living .. if I cud put it that way .. and like u said, life jus wont be the same anymore .. but sumwhere sumtime, he wud need to accept this change .. he wud need to take in the ligh fom that bright star that changed his life completely..because that star has provided light to him .. and that light will stay wit him forever, even tho the star is gone .. ofcourse all this is a later process.. right now, he is undergoing the worst kind of hell ..