Diya, first of all, a bigggg huggg to u for such a brilliant post. I completely agree with you that it is the MOST emotional track of MJHT till date. No, i'm no way saying that Gunjan's heartbreak post the V-nite ball, was any less...still, for me, this one is of muchhhhh greater intensity.
Also, you are very right, that the rapid increase in RTA's are one of the major causes of youth's death in today's time n age. But, we never learn from our mistakes, so, why learn from other's. And by the time, we learn, either we are seriously injured, crippled for life, or lose life. In each of these cases, not only we, but our entire families suffer.
Coming to thes how now, you know very well, wat and how I feel about this whole thing. I'll try n elaborate it here, to put forth my POV, and I'm sorry, if I go off-track, coz like u all, SaJan and this track has literally drained me.
About Mayank…I agree with you. He's living in grief, a grief of a lifetime. He looks backs and cherishes the beautiful memories he had with his wife. For me, Mayank himself defined his approach and his outlook towards life now, i.e. after Nupur. He said that in every situation, he thinks, how Nupur would've reacted and this gives him the direction and the strength. So, for him, Nupur is and will always remain his strength.
Moving on to Gunjan…she lost her mother, when she was very young, may be a kid. Though, no one can take the place of a mother, but Nupur didn't leave any stone unturned and gave Gunjan a sisterly, and more importantly, motherly love. She put herself in her mom's shoes for Gunjan, and tried her best never to let her feel the loss, which they both shared.
This accident, not only took her sister away, but she again lost her mother, and this time, may be the pain was much more than previously (plz, don't misunderstand me, I'm just saying MAY BE)…In other, and simple words, this accident took away everything from her. Now, we had a loooong discussion session after the epi., and u know, how I relate this whole incident to Gunjan being back in her shell. What I would like to add here, is that we know, Gunjan, by nature, was a strong girl, a mature person. But in everyone's lives, there comes a time, an incident, that shatters the most strongest and mature person. Logics take back seat and emotions, rule the heart and mind. Same happened with Gunjan. After she gained conscious, she asked the nurse about her Di, Jiju and SAMRAT. The reply she got, made her fall from the sky, to the ground, and she broke into pieces. She calmed down her jiju…but…for Samrat, she closed that hole of her shell, from where she could see him, hear him, reach onto him, and also ensured that he doesn't see, hear and reach her.
Like I said yesterday also, there are two ways, to deal with pain. One is to accept it, face it and try to move on. Gunjan, for me, has followed this path. She has made a mission in life, and that is to help others. And she may b successful in it…she's changed her dressing…she's become more confident…and she's changed…and as I say, change is inevitable, and more so, after such accidents. But, for her own self, she's not moved on. If she had, she wudn't have come to the place, where she has had amazing memories of her Samrat…if she had moved on for her own self, her heart beat wudn't have raced when Samrat called her Chashmish for the first time, and she felt his presence…if she had moved on for herself, she wudn't have avoided his eyes last night. No matter how harsh words she used, she didn't say that she hates Samrat. She said, that those Samrat and Gunjan have died. And I tell u, that if we believe someone has died, we feel for them with much more intensity…and we cherish, each and every second of the memories we have with those persons. If for her, Samrat and Gunjan have died…then that means that she's buried them in her heart and no matter how hard she tries, those memories can naver fad away…coz its no hatred…its still LOVE.
Now, as u said, there are two ways, she can come out of this. Either, take out her anger..or experience the pain of losing HIM (I wudn't say, him dying, but the fear of him being dead will have the equal impact for her). Both ways, Samrat will b the one bearing it…and for him, this will be his punishment that he's longing to have. In both the cases, the end result will be the same…Gunjan has piled up her emotions within herself and she need to take them out. If she takes them out in the form of anger, she will ease, not only herself, but also him, of the guilt that he has been living with. Second option – if Samrat tries to harm himself, she will blame herself for it and will do everything to stop him. In both the cases, the heart that is frozen like a block of ice, for the past 3years, will start melting…and when it will start melting, the hole of her shell, will automatically start opening and widening.
Coming to Samrat…I've never felt soooo bad for anyone, like I am feeling for this boy. If she lost her sister and mother…he also lost everything, his whole family, his life…and the worst part was that, in addition to losing everything, he was left alone, with a companion that one dreads to have and that is a guilt. A guilt of killing his dear friend, his best friend's wife and most importantly, killing the most important person in the life of Gunjan, his soulmate. How can one possibly survive after sooo much grief, pain and guilt. I always feel, that one can live with grief, but its impossible to live with guilt…and Samrat is living this impossible life…why…coz the day she left him, she had a hope. A hope that one day, he will find her..he knows, that she might never forgive him, still, he wanted to be with her..to console her…to lend her a shoulder to cry on.
For Gunjan I said, that she accepted the pain and tryied to move on. Sam followed the other option, and that is to remain standing there where he was three years ago. And the main reason for this, according to me, is the guilt that he has. He may now be the trustee of Excel…but for his own self…he lost his identity at that very point. Every night, he wanted to end his life…he drowned in the sea of regret, loneliness, self-blame and guilt and this never let him move on in life. Is this even called a life what he is living…I seriously don't have an answer to it. So, his irony…he cudn't live..he cudn't die…still, he's alive!!!
So, if Gunjan went in her shell after Nupur's death, Samrat found himself in a tunnel. A tunnel, which was completely dark and black, still, at the farthest corner, he could see a light. This light was the HOPE he had…this light, stopped him from dying every night…this light gave him the courage to stand up whenever he fell…and this light made him pass three years of his life in complete darkness and loneliness.
In yesterday's epi..that hope died…the light at the end of the tunnel disappeared and darkness prevailed everywhere.
There's a line from one of my favorite song and it suits Sam..I know I haven't made sense above, so maybe, this helps is explaining wat I wanted to say:
Hazaar rahein mudh ke dekhein, kahein se koi sadda na ayi…………
Jahan se tum modh mudh gaye the, ye mudh ab bhi wahein khadey hein
And for Gunjan:
Hum apney peron mein janney kitney bhanwar lapetey huey khadey hein
From here, I don't know where he will head, how he will react…coz I know that everything dies, when hope dies..and him, his hope has died now.. And she…she still hasn't allowed herself to open the hole of her shell. They both are alive, but are not living. They have breaths coming, but they are not breathing…and I don't know how long this suffocation will last…coz its not only them who r suffering, we all also are living their pain..
Diya, I'm extremely sorry…I've got carried away while replying and have written a long reply. I'm sure I haven't made even the "s" of sense here. But I've written wat I feel for SaJan..and ur post gave me the platform to express myself. So, "kaan pakkad"
And to the rest, plzzz, this is purely my POV, and I know most of u will not agree with it. Also, I have no intentions of bashing anyone here…still, if u feel that I've done so (though unknowingly), I apologoze for that beforehand.
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