FF: Flowers of Despair Last part 13-pg17 - Page 12

3 ppl fighting with their feelings

hey dhani,

Well, I know you people hate Lolita, but I think she is a very normal and regular character; any nineteen year old girl would be a confused little klutz (I was not, thankfully and I certainly didn't have things like her). She is just not able to chose between her best friend who loves her, and her fiance who she fears that he would turn out to be like her father… …I don't think she is bad, she is selfish, but who is not…to some extent everyone is selfish, it is surely not a virtue but I don't see it as a vice… …

I know I said two, but I have finished it… …!!! I hope you all will like it!!! I had great time writing it… …
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Part-13

"Then finish the last song

Then finish the last song and let us leave.

Forget this night when the night is no more.

Whom do I try to clasp in my arms? Dreams can never be made captive.

My eager hands press emptiness to my heart and it bruises my breast."

Jai frantically searched for the one face which interloped him day and night… Where was she…?? Suddenly out of nowhere he spotted her, running around the house, helping…bani tied the streamers of flowers around the pillar…from the corner of her eyes she could see jai approaching her, she turned to the other side, hiding behind the pillar pretending to put the garland…

"Bani…" he called out softly…but she didn't reply…

"Bani please…" jai asked her once again…bani swiftly left the place… …jai stood clueless…What had he done that she was not even talking to him since a whole day??? He fumed with anger…fine…if she wasn't willing to talk to him, he wasn't either… …a minute later he was climbing the stairs to find bani… …
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"Bani…wait…let me just explain…" jai pleaded running after her, as bani glided form one corner to another at the pretext of putting flowers which were already put up neatly… …

"Bani…just once…listen to me…"

"Let me explain…" he said it again…

Bani stopped and stood before him…glaring at him…jai was for a second taken aback…

"What would you explain to me jai…why would you explain to me…and moreover who am I to be explained to… am I your friend, best friend or… …" bani trailed off… …gulping down, growing nervous at what she was about to utter… …

Jai stared at her dumbfounded…and a bit amused at her outburst… …

"I don't want to talk to you jai… …" bani stomped away… …biting her nails…she felt bad for doing it, his dejected face didn't leave her eyes, but she couldn't help it…there were two reasons precisely…one the fear of seeing him think lowly of her when she unwarily comforted him and the second one was that she didn't want him to even remotely sense the feelings she held for him…it would breach their unnamed bond and she didn't want that, it was the only thing left in her life… …a few plucked flowers of despair… …
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Lolita dressed in a red sari sat staring at her reflection…bani was putting alternate red and white dots above her arched brows…

"He loves you… …" she spoke up all of a sudden, bani's hand stilled for a second but soon resumed its work…

"Who…" bani whispered slowly… …

"Jai…" came the prompt reply…

"You are seeing too much Lolita…its nothing like that…" bani said moving to the other side… …

"No…I mean it…"

"Just because he made you wait doesn't mean that he loves me, he was saving somebody's life…" bani stated…

"I am not telling this because of that incident…he…I have never seen him so agitated and restless…for the last two days he is following you like a shadow…"

"Oh…that is nothing… …he is not agitated…"

"No, he is…even when I refused him; he was calm and left without speaking… he never ever was so desperate…"

"Really, then why did he agree to marry you just before your marriage…?"

"Because I wanted it… …not him…"

"What he has for me is nothing more than pity or sympathy…he just helped me, like he helps so many others, it is his nature, remember you only told me…its nothing else… there it is done…you look so pretty Lolita…I am sure Girish Babu will have a hard time to pass the Kal Ratri…" bani humored…but she couldn't bring herself to smile… …

Lolita blushed… watching her intently…
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The wedding ceremony (Bengali: bibaho/bie) had commenced… …The groom, along with his friends and family, traditionally arrived. As they arrived, kajol and her cousins barricaded the entrance to the venue, demanding money from the groom in return for allowing him to enter. After much bargaining form the two sides Girish was allowed to enter.

Girish was lead to the main mandap and priest asked him to follow the rituals… soon Lolita was carried, her face covered by two paan patta (I forgot the English name, sorry)… …

Jai stood in a corner waiting… …but she was nowhere…he quietly slipped away from the hullaballoo...
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"Do not go, my love

Do not go, my love, without asking my leave.

I have watched all night, and now my eyes are heavy with sleep.

I fear lest I lose you when I am sleeping.

Do not go, my love, without asking my leave.

I start up and stretch my hands to touch you. I ask myself, "Is it a dream?"

Could I but entangle your feet with my heart and hold them fast to my breast!

Do not go, my love, without asking my leave.

He whispered, my love

He whispered, "My love, raise your eyes."

I sharply chided him, and said "Go!" but he did not stir.

He stood before me and held both my hands. I said, "Leave me!" but he did not go.

He brought his face near my ear. I glanced at him and said,

"What a shame!" but he did not move.

His lips touched my cheek. I trembled and said, "You dare too much"; but he had no shame.

He put a flower in my hair. I said, "It is useless!" but he stood unmoved.

He took the garland from my neck and went away. I weep and ask my heart, "Why does he not come back?"

There in the dim light of the candlestick…bani was rolling her meager belongings and tying them into a bundle…Was she leaving… …?

The thought of losing her panicked Jai…Leaping to his feet he reached blindly towards the sound of her sniffing voice… Almost as soon as he raised his hand, his fingers brushed against her arm…

"I am going…thank you for everything… …" was all she could manage to say without lifting her head…she tried to move past him...but he held her…

His palm wouldn't move, instead his thumb pushed back the fabric of her dress, bringing her to himself. She was close enough that he could hear her breathing; he could even feel the warmth of her frenzied exhalations misting on his face. His hand went along her shoulder, to the back of her neck, pausing at her nape, exploring the path of the bare skin that had been exposed by her upswept hair. He kept staring at her…his mouth was suddenly fastened on hers and her quivering lips were pressed against his…even though they could see nothing in the darkness of the unlit room, their absorption was such that they both slowly closed their eyes…lost…

Suddenly…bani opened her eyes, shell-shocked…this was wrong…this was not meant to happen, she pushed him hard… …the sudden force was such that jai fell back, stumbling over his dhoti…before he could manage himself she was gone… …
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Bani stood on the shore…with clouded eyes…looking at the ship which changed her life one last time… it stood at a distance, anchored, tall and unworried… …tears fell from her eyes freely… …a small nauka (boat) was approaching…she climbed it… …she knew where to go… …

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3 months later… …
Calcutta… …

Jai sat on the swing, twiddling something between his fingers…alongside thakuma…Lolita had arrived a day before and left, Girish was taking her to London where he had some work, they would be sailing in a day's time, she looked happy, and he was happy for her…but somewhere it was his own misery that made him jealous of her happiness…it was human to feel such he concluded…

Today he had got his first case, a case to defend a young Swadeshi revolutionary whose passion and patriotism had moved him when he had went to meet him in the jail… …but the happiness seemed empty…and he somewhere knew why it was so…he was surprised, happy, nervous, to confess to himself that he had fallen in love with bani…and this love was not merely out of liking or as in case of Lolita, but it was something deep, profound, something which stemmed out of purity of what they meant for each other… …

That kiss…that one little brief kiss still lingered on his lips…touching him every day, every night… …he was so lost and hopeless, not even with Lolita, in fact he was so much driven by his principles that sacrificing Lolita for them didn't seem to be a poor negotiation…but bani…she was much more…someone who understood him, who understood his ideals, and who would never step back when he needed her the most… …

He looked at the dried coconut leaves in his hand, a girl and a boy, he had taught her to make these…he had found them in her room…under her pillow…probably she had made them… …

He knew he had to bring her back…into his life… …to fill her life with happiness…to just smile with her again…to sing with her again…to live with her again…

"You know where to find her shona…" thakuma gave him a knowing look…of course he knew…he gave her a smile… …
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"There are numerous strings in your lute

There are numerous strings in your lute, let me add my own among them.

Then when you smite your chords, my heart will break its silence, and my life will be one with your song.

Amidst your numberless stars let me place my own little lamp.

In the dance of your festival lights my heart will throb and my life will be one with your smile."

Jai made his way through the narrow muddy lane, it was rainy season and the paths would be murky…and being a marshy land, it was clumsier…finally he reached his destination…Shantiniketan …

He made some enquiries with the respected people…he was given the direction…

He stood for a moment, trying to believe his eyes… …she was there…watering the shrubs which displayed bright crimson hibiscus… …

He took a deep breath walking towards her… …

"How are you bani?" he asked standing beside her…the earthen pot from bani's hand slipped, it would have reached the ground and shattered into pieces if not for him who held it just in time… …bani blinked her eyes… …a tear drop silently trickled down her cheek… …

"This time I won't let you go… …" he said… …she struggled with her words, not knowing what to say… …

"I promise…I won't make you wait for our wedding…" he said with a sheepish grin…

"But you already made me wait for three months…" she pouted… …

"I am sorry…look I hold my ears…" he said and held his ears… …

"You should have drowned in the river…" she smiled; hitting him on his chest…he pulled her to himself hugging her… …
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The End… …

God bless
Dhani

P.S.: I don't know what I will write next, and moreover whether I will write any longer or not…I am completely in a depressed mood right now…no worries, nothing happened, it's just I slip into these bad moods some days…may be I will post on RPR if I decide to write… …Bye!!!

You can check the farewell letter posted… …

The ending was beautiful.


I will miss you and all the wonderful writers who made this forum a pleasure to visit through out the day,

every single day.


I do hope and pray, the decision to close this forum is re-think, because the creative talent of a lot of

people will be lost. This forum is your home.



Thank you for the joy, you have given to me and all your readers.

P.S Don't give up writing, you are too good. Forum or no forum.

great ending but i want a epilogue😊 i think i am allowed to be a little greedy.😛

Hey Dhani !
another great story ...I may not have applauded you as many times as i should have but you are amongst my most fav writers here !..what is this abt not writing any more ...moods do change yaar ...keep up the good work you do with words ....forum was a great place ..met so many talented ppl here sad they are closing ..Ranjana ,Tiny and your FFs Im gonna miss the most ...Do continue writing want to read more from you ....maybe at RPR 😃

awwwwwwww, the ending was just beautiful Dhani. Absolutely perfect. I'm glad that Lolita did one good thing by reasoning with Bani. I'm glad that they are together. Loved this story to bits Dhani. But then again, i always love your stories.

Love,
Dil

p.s. please, even though KS forum is closing, do not stop writing your beautiful stories. there is still RPR. am not asking for a story right away, take your time, just hope you decide to continue soon.

Hey dhani,

hey dhani

hey dhani loved this story! yes i hve seen godavari! liked the movie! ... interesting chagnes you have made but very good! cant wait for you to write more! please do post more stories soon! =D