Love and Sairat

I have been wanting to put this up for a while but haven’t really managed to do it.

Sairat in context with love have transformed, evolved, as individual halves and as one. We have discussed it a zillion times and shared our own perspectives. Here is mine (once again 😉) that I’m opening up for discussion

I wrote this in one of my ffs, “love in its purest form is unadulterated, selfless”. Unfortunately, it rarely exists anymore, with even the most strongest and seemingly “selfless” bonds, consciously or unconsciously driven by some form of selfishness. Corrupted by the ways of the world, contaminated by how we as humans have evolved. We all have our individual understanding of love yet when we have to define it, it becomes dynamic in nature changing terms based on external and internal factors. Same holds true whenever I have discussed whether Sai and Virat love each other. To say the truth, I have had contrasting opinions of my own from time to time. He does, he doesn’t, she does, she doesn’t.But when I actually sit down to think holistically I feel that there is no clear definition. Because humans react and change based on situations. Connecting ones stand alone, temporary or situational actions/reactions cannot determine the overall feeling. Because it is momentary and a reflex reaction of some situation or action. And that depends on how we are built, built so differently that all behave adversely to similar situation. Sai and Virat as characters are in complete contrast. Hence, their reactions are different. Have their individual flaws. So its not whether they love each other. It is how much it matters to them individually and how they make mistakes or behave disappointingly when we expect them to act in a certain way…. “Selflessly”. Complete compatibility, 100 understanding and trust are abused words in today’s world. So I’ll move on to more relative, real words that matter in today’s age. And why it bothers me what bothers me here. No it’s not love, but how one behaves or treats the other in the name of love.

1. Abuse/harassment - Whether physical or mental, abuse/harassment is not acceptable. So while we condemn physical one we mostly neglect mental aspect. Not realising it is equally detrimental if not more, a violation, a felony. Sai is stubborn, outspoken and hasty in character. But that does not mean that she should be mentally tortured for it. She can be counselled while having a mature discussion. If one is considered immature and it is being attributed to her age, how can the expectation and treatment be that of an adult/experienced person? Insensitivity at its peak, disregarding the fact the young girl is orphan losing her only family recently. Most importantly when we condemn physical abuse why is emotional abuse normalised and ignored?

2. Insensitive to each other’s feelings - This holds true for both and it has fluctuated and dwindled heavily on either of the sides in various occasions. Anniversary track was Sai, and Virat in SH track. The latter has been debatable but I still feel its Virat. Sai may have lost on trust aspect but she was never insensitive. She was definitely rude and hurtful in her words. She was very considerate and thoughtful with her minimal knowledge of the situation. Though she misread the reason for Virat’s misery and pain, she still saw and felt his pain. And she did her best to help him in her own way. It was Virat who never really understood how hurt she was. Did nothing to help relieve her of it. Well that would have been possible only if he felt her pain. He only saw the lack of trust and held it against her. He ignored that she too suffered in this. It was not just him who did.

3. Me being priority - Nope. I’m not talking about the sacrificial actions. I’m talking about the feelings. Giving ones personal feeling importance is fine, but one needs to be mindful and considerate about others too. Again Virat may have sacrificed by means of his actions but when it comes to feelings he has been selfish unlike Sai. He isolates and his understanding is too internalised that he fails to see others POV.

Now when I have put these points, will summarise what I meant to put across. They may be in love, irrespective of whatever reasons (family, same roof, staying together, only partner, no experience, etc) may have driven them towards that feeling. But how many of us will support or accept the love or relationship which functions on abusive peripherals and works in the toxic vicinity of mental harassment? That is my bone of contention!

Originally posted by: sherry_24

I have been wanting to put this up for a while but haven’t really managed to do it.

Sairat in context with love have transformed, evolved, as individual halves and as one. We have discussed it a zillion times and shared our own perspectives. Here is mine (once again 😉) that I’m opening up for discussion

I wrote this in one of my ffs, “love in its purest form is unadulterated, selfless”. Unfortunately, it rarely exists anymore, with even the most strongest and seemingly “selfless” bonds, consciously or unconsciously driven by some form of selfishness. Corrupted by the ways of the world, contaminated by how we as humans have evolved. We all have our individual understanding of love yet when we have to define it, it becomes dynamic in nature changing terms based on external and internal factors. Same holds true whenever I have discussed whether Sai and Virat love each other. To say the truth, I have had contrasting opinions of my own from time to time. He does, he doesn’t, she does, she doesn’t.But when I actually sit down to think holistically I feel that there is no clear definition. Because humans react and change based on situations. Connecting ones stand alone, temporary or situational actions/reactions cannot determine the overall feeling. Because it is momentary and a reflex reaction of some situation or action. And that depends on how we are built, built so differently that all behave adversely to similar situation. Sai and Virat as characters are in complete contrast. Hence, their reactions are different. Have their individual flaws. So its not whether they love each other. It is how much it matters to them individually and how they make mistakes or behave disappointingly when we expect them to act in a certain way…. “Selflessly”. Complete compatibility, 100 understanding and trust are abused words in today’s world. So I’ll move on to more relative, real words that matter in today’s age. And why it bothers me what bothers me here. No it’s not love, but how one behaves or treats the other in the name of love.

1. Abuse/harassment - Whether physical or mental, abuse/harassment is not acceptable. So while we condemn physical one we mostly neglect mental aspect. Not realising it is equally detrimental if not more, a violation, a felony. Sai is stubborn, outspoken and hasty in character. But that does not mean that she should be mentally tortured for it. She can be counselled while having a mature discussion. If one is considered immature and it is being attributed to her age, how can the expectation and treatment be that of an adult/experienced person? Insensitivity at its peak, disregarding the fact the young girl is orphan losing her only family recently. Most importantly when we condemn physical abuse why is emotional abuse normalised and ignored?

2. Insensitive to each other’s feelings - This holds true for both and it has fluctuated and dwindled heavily on either of the sides in various occasions. Anniversary track was Sai, and Virat in SH track. The latter has been debatable but I still feel its Virat. Sai may have lost on trust aspect but she was never insensitive. She was definitely rude and hurtful in her words. She was very considerate and thoughtful with her minimal knowledge of the situation. Though she misread the reason for Virat’s misery and pain, she still saw and felt his pain. And she did her best to help him in her own way. It was Virat who never really understood how hurt she was. Did nothing to help relieve her of it. Well that would have been possible only if he felt her pain. He only saw the lack of trust and held it against her. He ignored that she too suffered in this. It was not just him who did.

3. Me being priority - Nope. I’m not talking about the sacrificial actions. I’m talking about the feelings. Giving ones personal feeling importance is fine, but one needs to be mindful and considerate about others too. Again Virat may have sacrificed by means of his actions but when it comes to feelings he has been selfish unlike Sai. He isolates and his understanding is too internalised that he fails to see others POV.

Now when I have put these points, will summarise what I meant to put across. They may be in love, irrespective of whatever reasons (family, same roof, staying together, only partner, no experience, etc) may have driven them towards that feeling. But how many of us will support or accept the love or relationship which functions on abusive peripherals and works in the toxic vicinity of mental harassment? That is my bone of contention!

@bold

wow do you listen to osho?! :)

Yes true love with whatever definition exits only in books and serials like ghum :) love changes definitions as you said in real life. Sometimes the circumstances become so unfavorable that you question your love towards someone who you thought you loved all your life. Especially in marriages and close knit settings, love changes form every now and then. What remains absolute is your own dependence on that other person. So you need him/her next to you for your own quality of life :) it is all selfish in the end.

@bold italics

So if you think the marriage is not worth the mental abuse, you leave even though you love the person. Otherwise you change your ways to make the other person still relevant in your life and expect them to behave well with you. How much you can tolerate or willing to change depends on your temperament , societal values and obligations. Not the love per say.

good one! Felt like counseled 😀

Very well put. Well Virat never really understood Sai's insecurities or pain let alone addressing or feeling it.

I feel slightly different.

I think before you define love, you need to define the relationship as well.

From what i see it and understand,

The 'selfless' love is what a mother feels for a child. Note how i said mother and not parents. It's a different bond altogether. Yes, father's are loving too and I am not in anyway discounting the loving caring father's, single father's etc. Just that, usually a mothers love is of higher grade. There are always exceptions to this.

This is also visible in exactly what you mention in the end. In abusive relationships, a woman endures a lot more pain simply because there is a child involved. In some cases, the father is loving to the child but not for the mother. In which case, she suffers more because then she cannot even bear to think of depriving the child of that love.

And not everyone is capable of walking out of a marriage... Either financially, educationally etc. Social acceptability is an altogether different topic because even if a woman is financially capable, she might not move out of fear of social stigma. This merges with what Sadhika is saying.

As for the romantic love, i feel it is definitely selfish. Because the idea of romantic love in itself is two parts of whole. So if there's no complimentary part how is it romantic love. Then it is self love.

Therefore for it to be a romantic love, it needs to be selfish. You need to feel strongly for the partner, should not giving up easily and fight for it. The person tries hard to either mould themselves for the other person or change the other one. That's my understanding. I may be wrong.

And then there is love which comes through companionship in a marriage.. especially an arranged marriage setup.

My husband made a beautiful point about this once.

We were talking about adjustment in marriages and how it works. He said that he looks at it as a train journey, there's a start and end, with destinations in between but the adjustment comes when the train changes tracks. If the connection is tight, you won't even feel the change but if it isn't it makes noise. All we should strive for is that when the train changes tracks, it's smooth and noiseless. 😳

To me what Sai and V are feeling is somewhere in between all this. They have waited too long to express it to each other for a variety of reasons, let's not get into that.

All that is visible is frustration on V's part and acceptance yet hesitation on Sai's part. But they will get there. And once they do, i feel the rest won't matter. That's how I read them.

For the purpose of running the show, misunderstandings will keep on coming. How they withstand that remains to be seen... And since it invariably involves a comparison with KD, the future looks bleak yet SaiRat will come out of winning. On what cost cannot be described.

See this too...

https://www.facebook.com/comedycentraluk/videos/499409815182523/

Originally posted by: Moor278

I feel slightly different.

I think before you define love, you need to define the relationship as well.

From what i see it and understand,

The 'selfless' love is what a mother feels for a child. Note how i said mother and not parents. It's a different bond altogether. Yes, father's are loving too and I am not in anyway discounting the loving caring father's, single father's etc. Just that, usually a mothers love is of higher grade. There are always exceptions to this.

This is also visible in exactly what you mention in the end. In abusive relationships, a woman endures a lot more pain simply because there is a child involved. In some cases, the father is loving to the child but not for the mother. In which case, she suffers more because then she cannot even bear to think of depriving the child of that love.

And not everyone is capable of walking out of a marriage... Either financially, educationally etc. Social acceptability is an altogether different topic because even if a woman is financially capable, she might not move out of fear of social stigma. This merges with what Sadhika is saying.

As for the romantic love, i feel it is definitely selfish. Because the idea of romantic love in itself is two parts of whole. So if there's no complimentary part how is it romantic love. Then it is self love.

Therefore for it to be a romantic love, it needs to be selfish. You need to feel strongly for the partner, should not giving up easily and fight for it. The person tries hard to either mould themselves for the other person or change the other one. That's my understanding. I may be wrong.

And then there is love which comes through companionship in a marriage.. especially an arranged marriage setup.

My husband made a beautiful point about this once.

We were talking about adjustment in marriages and how it works. He said that he looks at it as a train journey, there's a start and end, with destinations in between but the adjustment comes when the train changes tracks. If the connection is tight, you won't even feel the change but if it isn't it makes noise. All we should strive for is that when the train changes tracks, it's smooth and noiseless. 😳

To me what Sai and V are feeling is somewhere in between all this. They have waited too long to express it to each other for a variety of reasons, let's not get into that.

All that is visible is frustration on V's part and acceptance yet hesitation on Sai's part. But they will get there. And once they do, i feel the rest won't matter. That's how I read them.

For the purpose of running the show, misunderstandings will keep on coming. How they withstand that remains to be seen... And since it invariably involves a comparison with KD, the future looks bleak yet SaiRat will come out of winning. On what cost cannot be described.

Agree with you.. Especially mothers love.. The only purest form of above any dynamics..

Yes romantic love is one of the most selfish emotion one can possess...It consists of jealousy, insecurity and endless affection..

No relationship is perfect.. We try to make it perfect and build a life with our partners..

I think the unconditional love we are talking about people reach there when they grow old with their partners.. I have seen my grandfather in his last one month only spoke about his mother and my grand mother..I don't think any of his kids missed his wife as much he did..

Your husband is so right about train.. It's so so true

May be SaiRat is fighting with their own conflicting emotions.. Or one day they will get there.. But as of now I'm not connecting them as a couple.. 😆Especially V part.. I understand his pain and insecurities.. But it's not coming across the way he behaves.

Love is overrated in both KD and ghum.. At least I understood KD dynamics between the lead couple.. It was all about failure of marital discord.. Still they needed each other badly.. Over here it's missing..

Nope. I dont follow Osho 🤪

Just from my own understanding, some experience, reading and all that.

Oops! Counselled🤣🤣

I agree with all of you to a large extent. Though what I actually wanted to convey was something different will take a step back and talk about the aspect or myth called true/selfless love. I say so because I had been of the same opinion as you that it does exist with mother’s love as an example. So will explain where this comes from. When I say selfish, or motive driven with context to love it is not always negative. What would be selfless? You expect nothing. Thats why I used “consciously or unconsciously”. Because every relationship works on some motive. Love itself is a motive, it is a condition, it is an expectation. Yes it is different from materialistic and more worldly motive driven, yet it is an expectation and need that a parent, a mother wants in return. The other expectation of being looked after, support follow(consciously or unconsciously). But they exist. So if we stay true to the definition of the word selfless without any exception, true love is more rare than we would want to believe.

You may disagree with this. It a perspective. Frankly it took me a long time to understand this. And I was completely in denial when I started my debate on this long back.

Now what I really wanted to point out here. I’m called a feminist. I dont like that term. Because seeing myself as an equal and expecting an unbiased treatment without any reservations in the name of allowance or consideration being “weaker section” is not feminism, it is my right. I shouldn’t be asking for it, it is there as an established truth. What I wanted to say in this post was, was not about endurance. I understand people bear so much in the name situation, societal pressure, financial or emotional dependency, children etc. Thats is a different debate. But keeping aside why one suffers and continues with such treatment, my question was about the the treatment itself. Now when we hear that a female is physically tortured we retaliate, we raise our voices, there are protest against it. But when it comes to mental torture it is not considered seriously. Why? Because the wounds are not visible or because the pain is not always heard through screams and cries? Not considering that the mental scars run much more deeper with life long damage. And that is what I’m not able to digest or accept. The man handling of Sai and Pakhi by Virat saw the audience retaliating. If there was a physical abuse, there would have much more uproar. But just because Sai has only been subjected to mental harassment, the retaliation or disapproval is lukewarm to none. Thats my point. Why do we overlook such an important part and not take it as seriously. Before a person loses their mind and self worth completely?

Sorry. Forgot to tag u all on the comment 🤦‍♀️

This is so true. More like the victim is questioned, punished and tortured and indirectly declared the accused or the reason for their own state.