Originally posted by: nethraa_99
I read a few posts where people said that at the core, Virat is a nice man. That both Sai & Virat lose their boundaries when it comes to each other - she with her words and him with his actions. But I am not able to look at it like that.
I understand that we cannot view things from our PoV since everyone's expectations, reactions in a relationship might be different. For example, my friend and her husband had a heated argument, he slapped her out of frustration. She slapped him back again and he started crying out of hurt 😆. A few hours later, they were fine. Also, SaiRat marriage is very unusual - there is no anchor to steady the ship when the sea is rocky. Many couple's relationship goes through a toxic phase - where they say mean things to each other, deliberately try to hurt the other person (verbally) and take pleasure when the other person sheds tears. But everything happens within the confines of their bedroom. There is never public humiliation, no crushing of self-respect involved. And definitely no ex or emotional connection with an ex. Sometimes, when a spouse is too emotionally attached to a friend of opposite gender, it can cause problems. They then learn to maintain boundaries.
For most part, Virat's self-absorption doesn't surprise me. I've seen a few emotionally disturbed people who are very very self-absorbed in a relationship. Nightmare for the partners but they stick around (for more than decades even) because the other person is essentially good at heart - the core is good. I'm beginning to even disbelieve that about Virat - that his core is good. I used to believe that he is in essence a good person (despite his huge flaws), he is not inherently selfish or egoistic (although he does gets bouts of both at times) or dishonest or shallow. But now I can no longer vouch for his character - his core. My mind is seeing all his previous behaviour in a negative light - I see him variously as a dishonest, shallow, selfish, patriarchal, manipulating person.
Tagging a few. Don't have to answer. I'm just venting. And no, I'm not analysing. 😆
Hmm, will get back to you on this.
I still don’t see him as a selfish person. He acts selfish with Sai though and I think sometimes partners take the liberty if they want to be loved. His ego has also been coming out with Sai and I am noticing it in the recent track. He is like a wounded animal and depending on how a person touches him, he reacts I guess. If a person acts nice, advices him with the right things, will help but if a person pokes him, provokes him or instigates him then it bruises his ego. I am talking about how Pakhi or his family instigates him against Sai. Sangath is very important.
Do you remember the post where I spoke about his hurt and how it all comes out? He wants to be a very important person to Sai. He wants to be valued by her. Wants fo be loved by her. Sadly, he doesn’t think or keep a check on his own actions to see if his actions are in contrary to his own expectations from Sai. He fails to realise that Sai also would want it. Also, just like how he thinks he is not being wrong and doesn’t have any illicit relationship with Pakhi, he also doesn’t think that he also fails or upsets Sai. Even if he does, he probably thinks that his other acts are much bigger and it in a way compensates his negative acts. What I feel is that he is being praised too much and is hardly reprimanded and hence he is under the impression that he is a good person and has all the nice qualities because of which his family is highly impressed of him and love him. When a person is hardly made aware of their mistakes throughout their life, I wonder how will they ever learn that they are wrong and they have been wrong. The way the family looks at him, it is as if he is the best beta and they are all lucky to have him in their life. When he doesn’t get the same kind of reaction from Sai, he is puzzled. He fails to see his mistakes because he looks at him as a person who has hardly ever made mistakes.
In real life, there are families who can hardly see any negative traits in their sons. Even if they find something wrong, they don’t correct them and pamper them. They boost their ego and praise them way too much. They keep them on a pedestal. It is like, there can’t be anyone else like their son. He is the best son and a girl will be lucky to have him as her husband. If people are given such impression, they think too high of themselves. Virat has acted immature so many times and he would never be aware of it since he would have never ever heard anything about him from anyone. And hence if Sai is unhappy about him or calls him out or fights back, blames him for anything, he is not able to tolerate it. Pakhi is also there who boosts his ego and who makes him think that a girl is so highly impressed of him just like how his family thinks. Sai not giving him bhaav made it look all attractive but when he couldn’t see her impression about him changing, he lost it. He tried being nice as he always does at home which has fetched him good marks but not with Sai. He has got frustrated, angry and had given up many a times when she failed to give him the kind of recognition that he wanted. It all kept building up as failure within him and he had lost it after the mahabaleshwar incident I think. He was always upset that she fails to understand him. He wanted her too to think high of him as others do. Ok the Valentine’s Day, he was happy when she applauded when he was giving speech to the students.
I feel one is that he is used to pampering and appreciation that he failed to get from Sai.
Secondly he wanted Sai to love him, he was always yearning for her love.
I feel when parents or family pamper their sons, they can develop such traits. He was scolded abs criticised a lot probably only after he got married to Sai. That’s why, he even cried to Sunny that he didn’t expect that his Dad wouldn’t understand him on the day he moved to CN. Sunny told him that he is after all his Dad and not his friend. The family is in a way responsible for him to have high expectations or him to act so emotionally demanding. The same family is responsible for him to not be able to introspect, look at relationship as a two way street, to think about how others would feel (talking about his hypocrisy where he fails to see how Sai would be feeling about his abs Pakhi’s relationship).
They make him feel too nice and feel proud of him and that’s why he expects from Sai. His mom doesn’t expect much from him and so he doesn’t think he also has some obligations to fulfill from his side towards Sai. He doesn’t think from Sai’s perspective due to this reason I feel. That’s why upbringing is very important. His habit of abusing would have probably something that he has got from his family, but at the same time he thinks too high of himself and has turned into this self absorbed person only because of their laad pyaar I think. Mohit has faced hardships in his own way since he wasn’t good at studies and he used to be always taunted. Samrat would have also been loved but he would have always had in mind that these people are doing a favour to him and his mom, so his actions and his thoughts about himself would have been in check. Them being dependent on Chavans would be a reason why he is different from Virat in many ways. There would always be a sense of insecurity, some drive to work hard, to achieve something that he would have hardly let all the love or affection to get to him for him to turn too self absorbed. He too acted selfish and didn’t want to return even for his mom and that again shows how he knew that his mom will forgive him. People do take love and people for granted sadly.
Sai forgiving Virat, not having a family or anyone else in the world, her being under his custody, dependent on him and all gave him too much of liberty and he took her for granted many a times.
So, I feel that pampering has what has made Virat who he is today.
Edited by laksh - 4 years ago
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